The Somali Elections – A behind the scenes view

[NGONGE]

20/08/2012

 

Faroole on the phone: Warya! Our deal is as it was. When the selection takes place, I want you to choose Cabiwali. Wait, wait, my other phone is ringing. Hello!

 

Sharif: Cabdiraxman, ii waran saaxiibkiis.

 

Faroole: Waa kuma?

 

Sharif: Waa sheikh Sharif. Waxba soo kordhay. I’m told that Sharif Xasan has secured a very large number of votes and we’re at the risk of having him declared president.

 

Faroole: Ma dhici karto!

 

Sharif: My spies tell me way dhici karta! What should we do?

 

Faroole: How should I know? What are your plans?

 

Sharif: I am hoping you can persuade Cabdiwali to drop out of the race and ask his supporters to back my bid.

 

Faroole: Why? What would I get out of it?

 

Sharif: What do YOU want? Money?

 

Faroole: I want Puntland to be an independent state.

 

Sharif: You know and I know that none of the presidential candidates (or the international community) will back something like that up.

 

Faroole: Forget it then.

 

Sharif: Come on saaxib. Let us find a compromise. How about if I ensure PL’s federal independence?

 

Faroole: We have that already.

 

Sharif: But you may not have it for long if Sharif Xasan becomes president.

 

Faroole: I’ll have it if Cabdiwali becomes one.

 

Sharif: Very unlikely. I have counted the number of guaranteed votes in my favour and I only lag behind Sharif Xasan by two dozen votes. There are only 275 MPs and Cabdiwali can’t muster as many votes as myself and Sharif Xasan. He has to back one of us.

 

Faroole: What if we decide to support Sharif Xasan then?

 

Sharif: Can you TRUST him? At least I promise to keep Cadiwali as PM and he can ensure that I keep my word.

 

Faroole: Hmm. Waa runta. Ok, give me time and let me get back to you later.

 

Sharif: Ok but hurry please, the voting starts in a few hours.

 

Faroole (going back to the first caller): Warya. Are you still there? Isbadal weyn ba dhacay. I want you to tell all our supporters to back Sheikh Sharif.

 

MP oo magaciisa diiday inoo sheego: SHEIKH SHARIF?

 

Faroole: Haaa. Hurry and tell all our other supporters.

 

MP oo magaciisa diiday inoo sheego: Oo Cabdiwali maxa ku dhacay?

 

Faroole: Sharif Xasan paid more money and Farmajo backed him up.

[NGONGE]

Meanwhile....

 

 

Sheikh Sharif: Hello, ma Sharif Xasan ba?

 

Sharif Xasan: Hello.

 

Sheikh Sharif: Did you hear what the Puntlanders did?

 

Sharif Xasan: NO! What did they do?

 

Sheikh Sharif: They managed to convince Farmaajo and others to switch sides. Must be all that money they received from the oil companies!

 

Sharif Xasan: Ma dhici karto. I am assured of enough votes to win the presidency outright.

 

Sheikh Sharif: My sources tell me that you have a healthy number of guaranteed voters but that many of the others you’re relying on will switch sides at the last minute. What will you do, take them to court for not fulfilling your laalush agreement?

 

Sharif Xasan: What laalush? I don’t pay laalush.

 

Sheikh Sharif: Of course you don’t. But I have it on good authority that PL and their wider clan brethren do. It’s like the 90s all over again. If we don’t act fast we will be outsmarted here.

 

Sharif Xasan: What do you suggest we do?

 

Sheikh Sharif: We do what we did in Djibouti and Kampala.

 

Sharif Xasan: You, president again?

 

Sheikh Sharif: I’ll make you PM and we’ll go back to being the best of friends.

 

Sharif Xasan: Why don’t you back me for president and I’LL make you PM?

 

Sheikh Sharif: Because my sources tell me that I have more backing than you in the media, the international community and within parliament. Not enough to beat the new PL alliance but enough to beat you.

 

Sharif Xasan: You’re bluffing.

 

Sheikh Sharif: Are you willing to take that risk?

 

Sharif Xasan: Ok. Ok. As long you keep your promise and make me PM.

 

Sheikh Sharif: PM now and in four years time we’ll do a Putin and switch.

 

Sharif Xasan: Good idea. Ok, let me see what I can do. I’ll call you later.

 

Sheikh Sharif: You must hurry the voting takes place in a few hours.

[NGONGE]

A few minutes later...

 

Sheikh Sharif: Hello! Ma Farmajo baa?

 

Farmajo: Waa kuma, ma Sheikh Sharif baa?

 

Sheikh Sharif: Haaa. Did you hear of the latest manoeuvring for the presidency?

 

Farmajo: What? What happened?

 

Sheikh Sharif: Sharif Xasan and the PL collective have conspired to rob us of the job.

 

Farmajo: I don’t believe you. Those two would make strange bedfellows.

 

Sheikh Sharif: Sharif Xasan promised to make Cabdiwali PM and give PL full freedom to choose their own path.

 

Farmajo: Hmm. They would love that, won’t they?

 

Sheikh Sharif: Of course. This is why you and I must join forces and try to stop them. I am really sorry for what happened in Kampala but my hands were tied the minute Sharif Xasan conspired with the Ugandan president. This time, it will be different.

 

Farmajo: Thanks but I would rather take my own chances.

 

Sheikh Sharif: In that case, you may as well give up now. My sources tell me it will be a runoff between me and Sharif Xasan’s new alliance whilst you have divisions within your own clan (some of which will vote for Sharif Xasan).

 

Farmajo: Even if we agree that some of what you say is true, how do I know that you will not trick me?

 

Sheikh Sharif: Because I need you as much as you need me. Circumstances have thrown us together and we must make the best of what we have. I’ll be president for two years and will then retire early to allow you to do a Gordon Brown and become president.

 

Farmajo: Hmmm. Sounds tempting. Fine, I’ll back you if you make me PM.

 

Sheikh Sharif: I will make you PM.

 

Farmajo: Ok, let me see what I can do.

 

Sharif: But hurry up please, the election takes place in a few hours.

 

 

BREAKING NEWS:

 

Somali phone companies report massive profits to the peroid ending 21/08/2012

[Che -Guevara]

You are usually on top it old man but this one fell short, can Sharif be just great manipulator?

[oba hiloowlow]

hahahaha Ngonge walahi your creative keep it up

[Che -Guevara]

Where's Abtigiis anyway?

[oba hiloowlow]

he is in Mogadishu xildhibaan waaye, word in the streets are saying he is competing for Godumiyaha barlamanka, kii xiin ahaay na gacanyaraha Gaas waaye

[Che -Guevara]

I think you ate talking Sophist. Abtigiis simply don't have the patience to be xildhibaan.

[oba hiloowlow]

well i guess your right

[NGONGE]

Che -Guevara;858382 wrote:

You are usually on top it old man but this one fell short, can Sharif be just great manipulator?

Imagine if these discussions were real, do you think the promises the others make to Sharif could be trusted?

[Che -Guevara]

I don't think Sharif trust his own advisers if there are any? You forget to add the conversation to Qowdhan folks mase they are already Sharif's corner?

[NGONGE]

^^ That lost are the most confusing. They're there despite the opposition of SL but then SL itself would appreciate a deal from Sharif (one that grants the desired independence). However, I don't think the old (SL) men in the Somali capital or the MPs they choose would approve such a deal. On the other hand, I don't think they'll vote for a PL man or Farmaajo. So it must be Sharif Xasan all the way. :D

[Che -Guevara]

Let's hope he takes care of them.

 

It would be nice if a northerner, reer Bay/Bakool and reer Shanaad ( my apology for this offensive word) fill the top three positions. Unlikely but that would be something.

[Jacaylbaro]

[Che -Guevara]

^It is Sakiin iyo Biijo.