Ladies, would you still get married someone if you are inlove with someone else?

[Che -Guevara]

^You are getting too old-dust yourself off oldman.

[Ms MoOns]

I really don't think it's fair against the person you're marrying. Resolve your issues first and focus on other things than finding a significant other, and then get married when time is right.

Imagine you get married while you're still in love with someone's else, and you keep thinking about that other person while you're with your husband/wife. I think that's completely unfair against the other person.

[AYOUB]

Aaliyyah;849761 wrote:

I believe neither men nor women should claim to have their hearts broken prior to marriage. Real love happens after marriage, if things didn't work out with someone then move on. There is no need for drama. Maxaad qofka u dhibatay to have your heart broken? few cashos here and there?..It is different story if someone got divorced then maybe they can claim to have their hearts broken...one invested in their marriage in every way so it is understandable.

Mise reer qardho are made of a better stuff even in marriage they don't get their heart broken

Maybe you're right. The kind of "tranquil love" The Almighty puts in people's hearts is called Muwadda in the Qur'aan. We may translate it as Kalgacal. Where as the minister's wife desire for Prophet Yusuf (AS) is called Ham or Hami. The jealous women of the city called minister's wife feelings for Yusuf (AS) "shaghafaha xubban" or "violent love". I think this violent love is called Jacaybaro in Somali lingo. I think the emotional meltdown happens when Hami fails to morph in to Muwadda.

[Aaliyyah]

^ Althou like you said the ladies who lived in the city call it "love" or "violent love". I personally would call that infatuation. She was into him because he was really good looking, even when those ladies saw him they said "this is not a man, is he an angel" or something along those lines. Hence, I think that wouldn't serve as a good example. However, I did like your theory that whatever the person feels before the marriage if it doesn't change into a real love (mawadda) then there is that certain meltdown. That makes sense. Hence, why islam is against dating, it opens a door to emotional break down. Something that can be avoided if one tries to avoid dating and rather gets to know someone following the islamic guidelines not the western type of dating that people get really close and there is no boundaries. Where if you are following the islamic guidelines, then that person is no more than a prospective spouse and you are there to see if they are the type of person you want to share your life with and raise a family. So if it doesn't work out you didn't open your heart 100%, you have nothing to lose you are just going to turn the page. Islam is a way of life, and it is only there to protect us.

 

salaam

[Blessed]

Love does exist before marriage, our Messenger (saw) infact, has said that 'there is nothing better than two who love each other than marriage', this was in an authentic hadith. Loving someone does not necessarily translate to dating / xaraam. Love that is blessed by the AlMighty within marriage is obviously on another level and needs to be naurtured spiritually as well as all other aspects..

 

As for poster.. no I wouldn't! Mend your heart. Work on the ever lasting love for Allah and yourself and then think about involving another in the mix. Marriage is about a union of 2, it's best not to start it with selfish intentions.

[Che -Guevara]

Oh dear Lord

[Blessed]

^Maxaa ku daaray?

[Aaliyyah]

I am not denying some kind of feeling to exist before marriage, simply that it is not real love. The one that comes after marriage when you two go through so much together the ups and the downs and you are still there for each other. That is true love.

 

I think Abdurahman Murphy gives a good analysis of this topic,

 

 

[Bluelicious]

Some men and women wear their hearts on their sleeves and give their hearts away way too easy and fast for the first person that comes around i'm really against that.

 

Love is a factor in marriage but not a dominating factor because marriage without love can last if there is compatibility between the two partners and some attraction to some extent. But if there is no love no compatibility and no attraction it's never gonna work out it's one big fail.

 

Some people move quickly from attraction stage to being in love where as for others it takes a long time it's different for everybody. If you were gonna marry someone who your not in love with I would say go for the one who you are attracted to because with that one you have a higher chance of developing love for that person over time then if you would have picked someone your not attracted to.

 

Ps there is a reason why your ex is your ex. I'm sorry to say this but your ex has probably moved on with his life I think why shouldn't you. It's unfair to yourself to be holding him in your life when your probably no longer part of his life and forgotten about you. Your only wasting your time and missing out on all the other great guys out their who could probably have much more to offer to you. There is a reason for everything in life so just take the good things you learned and make the best out of it.

[Bluelicious]

Sayid*Somal;849715 wrote:

adigu sow nin ma ahayn? where did you get the heart to break? - mise you are another Bluelicouse (sp)?

 

 

Malika - you have to remember the Xalaal even when you talking about the Xaraam - eh?

I see you're another slave of that feminine NGONGE. Get a mind of your own you slave instead of copying things you hear from your master. His whole clique seems to be messed up. Birds of the same feather flock together.

 

AYOUB;849738 wrote:

^ So learned to love from goats? Allow sahal Amores!

AYOUB;849749 wrote:

Warya Qardhawi, check this funny (romantic to you) thread.

 

http://www.somaliaonline.com/community/showthread.php/66180-Dameeraha-ayagaa-is-yaqaan

!

Lmaooo! :D I can't believe he didn't get it he's slow. You killed him.

[finestsista2005]

Thank you all who replied. It was quite intersting reading all your posts. Some were interesting and some were funy. I dont think there is a way to mend a heart, once it is broken it cant ever be the same, same as something that breaks taht cant be put back together. The scar will always be there. I believe Allah knows what is best and Allah is the best of planners. I like to say to anyone who is going through this to pray Istaqara, keep asking Allah for guidence, stay focused and do not despair. Allah knows who you will be and when you will get married.

 

The idea of being inlove with someone and getting married to someone else is quite scary...I dont necessary agree with it. Then again, who on this earth wants to be alone too long. We women tend to hold on to burned out old feelings too long. It is breakout time. The best medicine is to just let things be,forgive and seek guidence and Touwbeh from Allah.

 

 

I guess the answer to my question is 50/50 some people would do it to get over old flame and some people wouldnt. As for myself, I am on the fence. May Allah help us all.

 

 

P.S Thanks for the poetry and posting the video.

[AYOUB]

*Blessed;850052 wrote:

Love does exist before marriage

, our Messenger (saw) infact, has said that 'there is nothing better than two who love each other than marriage', this was in an authentic hadith. Loving someone does not necessarily translate to dating / xaraam. Love that is blessed by the AlMighty within marriage is obviously on another level and needs to be naurtured spiritually as well as all other aspects..

I think we're all saying the same thing.

 

 

Blue, don't get offended by the boys' silly jokes. It's our way of showing affection.

[Kool_Kat]

Waryaara hee! Bal "love" iyo "broken heart" iyo nacnacda kale meel ii dhigi...Ma anigaa mise now a days "MARRIAGE" is being taken very lightly? Getting married to get over a broken heart? WTH! When you have a broken heart, you eat Häagen-Dazs, shukulaato and watch romantic comedies and cry your eyes out; you give yourself time, time for your heart to heal; you surround yourself with good people (family/friends); if you still have time to sit around and can not take the feeling of your heart being broken - GO GET A JOB OR TWO and work your behind off like a Mehican! Wah!!!

 

Btw, if I amy ask, is this "broken heart" from another marriage or dating? Cuz if it is from another marriage, I am a true believer of "silac ku nool sodon guursataa dhaanto"! BUT FOR THE RIGHT REASONS! lol

[raula]

Lol@hoading on food craze..well i hope they don't end up w/a case of low self esteem due to bulging out of their waist-line afterwards....but true Kat @ what you said.

[somalee]

Aaliyyah;849666 wrote:

marry someone because you find them compatible or you see them as a father material for your future kids and that obviously you have some sort of attraction. Definitely, don't marry someone because you think it will heal you of whatever pain you think you feel by yur breakup with that other guy

(although you must note there is no love before marriage it is all an illusion)

With that beings said, get to know this new guy and inshallah you will marry him if he is meant to be. Just don't rush it for the wrong reasons.

Utter garbage