Is Dad the New Mom? The Rise of Stay-At-Home Fathers

[Abu-Salman]

^Many of those maids and relatives are abusive too; I clearly recount and have physical marks of being marked by a hot ironing machine very early, beatings (some serious), some emotional abuse etc.

Of course, I was also the most beaten as being more active than the rest of the siblings (it is culturally accepted as if an active, exploring or bored kid is "bad").

The presence of our maternal ayeeyo later and other factors were mitigating those abuses though, and the maids were seldom lasting very long etc.

 

It is a challenge of its own to prevent it fully even in the local Somali mosque, where even adults and teachers could be bullied (a bit of progress lately with sanctions for physical violence).

 

Too many violent and insecure individuals are out there, who tune in their behavior according to the receiving end, and they even play the victim or group card if exposed (good at hypocrisy).

 

Children physical and emotional abuse, is even much harder to detect and is thus another important issue of its own, though sadly again overshadowed by the usual petty ones

[burahadeer]

man time for her to put on the pants..need a brake.

[Juxa]

^^ pants waa un-Islamic, so hand the skirt and be ready for dhirbaaxsho

[burahadeer]

^^ then confine myself to the living room, iyadoo isxoqeysaa iman aan lacagta ka furan:D

[NGONGE]

These are the dilemmas of the privileged. Nothing is wrong with stay at home dads, moms or pet dogs. GET ON WITH IT.

[-Lily-]

I agree with Juxa

 

Everyone should do what’s best for them and their family.

I have issues with home schooling. You don’t just learn how to pass exams in school, but how to be part of a society, how to handle yourself etc. I think some Somali parents overestimate the role of education in a child’s life.

 

Secondly, because we personally would not take our children to day-care does not mean we should judge all day-cares as bad. Some are decent, for example, some workplaces (eg. my sisters NHS hospital/High Schools) have enough children to have their own day-cares on site where parents can pop in for tea breaks and have lunch with their children or be on call for emergencies.

 

Children catch illnesses from school all the time, it’s what develops their immune system.

 

It's up to prents to form pressure groups and ensure workplaces have a family friendly culture, it won't just be handed to them.

[Bluelicious]

Abu-Salman;844000 wrote:

^Many of those maids and relatives are abusive too; I clearly recount and have physical marks of being marked by a hot ironing machine very early, beatings (some serious), some emotional abuse etc.

Of course, I was also the most beaten as being more active than the rest of the siblings (it is culturally accepted as if an active, exploring or bored kid is "bad").

The presence of our maternal ayeeyo later and other factors were mitigating those abuses though, and the maids were seldom lasting very long etc.

 

It is a challenge of its own to prevent it fully even in the local Somali mosque, where even adults and teachers could be bullied (a bit of progress lately with sanctions for physical violence).

 

Too many violent and insecure individuals are out there, who tune in their behavior according to the receiving end, and they even play the victim or group card if exposed (good at hypocrisy).

 

Children physical and emotional abuse, is even much harder to detect and is thus another important issue of its own, though sadly again overshadowed by the usual petty ones

Abu-Salman aww i'm sorry to hear you went through that. No one deserves that I hope everything came out fine with you. That's exactly what I was trying to prevent in my posts the physical and emotional abuse they could maybe experience and the parents not knowing about it it can be hard and traumatic for a child and it does affects their future life.

 

I agree with you not all maids nannies and families are good. Even there you have people who are abusive and harsh towards children and that's why I think you should only trust your children with people who you are close with and know very well that are trustworthy that you know will treat your children right and seen that they interact good with your children.

 

Not all maids are great either you have bad abusive ones too but I was lucky I had a good one she was also a nanny and a caring person who loved children. I have fond memories about her I even remember vaguely some of the nursery songs she learned me. I love her I considered her as my second mommy. She has done a good job in raising me together with my parents. Without her and my parents I wouldn't be the person I am today. I have respect for maids and nannies they do a tough job. I wish I could say thank you to her for all the good childhood years she gave me

 

Raula - I have never included maids and nannies because those belong in another group since they take care of a child in the comfort of the childs home and have less children to focus on. I don't think I have made generalisations and protrait them negatively as I have also mentioned that there are top day care centers with highly experienced qualified staff who are specialised in learning children valuable things instead of only babysitting them whole day but like I said those are gonna cost you since they are very expensive and are in the very minority and even with those you can't be too sure.

 

I do agree with you that there are differences how a mother and a father nurture their child but a father is able to do the same job as the mother with a lil practice and getting information from the mother. Yes I do believe that not all family are trustworthy and will treat your child good that's why I said close family I meant family that you are close with and know very well. A child at home isn't exposed to other children and infected toys thus lowering the chances tremendously of that child getting illnesses or getting sick alot which in return makes it able for that child to protect it's immune system until it becomes fully developed and strong.

 

I do understand where you're coming from I know you were only giving your opinion and so did I too so it's all cool

 

Lily - Not exactly that's a common mistake that some people make. School children are different from children under 4 the former has a fully strong developed immune system and can therefore get sick and get better to become immune to certain things but the latter does not yet have a fully developed immune system they are in the process of development that's why some illnesses and diseases are dangerous for small kids and when they get sick you need to watch out and give them extra care because they can die from it if it becomes worse. They are depended on breast milk or bottle milk to build their immune system but breast milk is better.

[-Serenity-]

I wonder how many of you so 'convincingly' dishing out parental advice are parents? Dont judge a man unless you can walk a mile in his/her shoe comes to mind .

[raula]

^^precisely put!

[Juxa]

-Serenity-;844192 wrote:

I wonder how many of you so 'convincingly' dishing out parental advice are parents? Dont judge a man unless you can walk a mile in his/her shoe comes to mind

.

what is there to judge? i just dont want to see him at home, unless it was after working hours!

 

warmaxaad noo hortagantahay comes to mind

[Malika]

^Imagine you have two little ones, in the morning you dont have to do the mad rush around the place trying to get them ready for daycare or childminder , so that you both can get to work on time. Imagine you get up in the morning, having the time to get prepared for work in a much luxury pace as the kids are still in bed, your not worried about them as their Abo, will wake up with them and sort them out. Imagine coming home after a long day, without having to drive miles to go collect the kids from either daycare or the childminder etc feeling rather guiilty - now imagine coming direct from work to your home, to find it tidy[erm] food ready and kids all excited to see you as you take over from Abo whom need a bit of time to himself at the gym[mafrish too..lol]..knowing your children have been in their home, with their Abo...In all honest, I would rather have this setting then having both of us rushing around the place making money only to loose out on our children growing up. I am for stay at home Abo's, as long as he doesnt feel inadequate - I dont mind being the bread earner at all.

[Juxa]

Malika that sounds all great but knowing our faaraxs how would he feel? granted there are few exceptions balse resentment would be natural outcome if the wife had to go to work and he had to stay at home all day, everyday. he would be subject of ridicule from other faaraxs and that would threaten stability of the marriage.

 

aabe and hooyo can be great unit and share the responsibility. they can work different days, different shifts etc.....but honey aabe has to EARN LIVING, so aabe can feel like his aabe felt, a MAN. Aabe needs to contribute to society and bring the rooti in every month.

 

ps: i accept habar fadhida lagdan la fudud:)

[Alpha Blondy]

i'm sorry but the roles have already been ordained. there is no need to reconfigure things.

[NGONGE]

Malika;845860 wrote:

^Imagine you have two little ones, in the morning you dont have to do the mad rush around the place trying to get them ready for daycare or childminder , so that you both can get to work on time. Imagine you get up in the morning, having the time to get prepared for work in a much luxury pace as the kids are still in bed, your not worried about them as their Abo, will wake up with them and sort them out. Imagine coming home after a long day, without having to drive miles to go collect the kids from either daycare or the childminder etc feeling rather guiilty - now imagine coming direct from work to your home, to find it tidy[erm] food ready and kids all excited to see you as you take over from Abo whom need a bit of time to himself at the gym[mafrish too..lol]..knowing your children have been in their home, with their Abo...In all honest, I would rather have this setting then having both of us rushing around the place making money only to loose out on our children growing up. I am for stay at home Abo's, as long as he doesnt feel inadequate - I dont mind being the bread earner at all.

Imagine him dropping the kids to school every morning. Imagine him as he waits for the kids to line up with a cluster of other single mothers (some of them pretty) every morning. Imagine him becoming friends with some of these mothers and going to get the shopping with them whilst the kids are at school. Imagine him knowing about all the neighbourhood gossip and spending his time on the phone with these new friends of his. Imagine coming home one day to find some of these women sat in your living room and having one of their many chats. Imagine your shock!

 

p.s.

I still think this is a non topic and that needs must. But I just got carried away with your 'imagine' sketch there.

[Juxa]

^^^ imagine beel

 

I can live with needs must. i still think iney qalad tahay nin guri fadhiya