Is Dad the New Mom? The Rise of Stay-At-Home Fathers

[Juxa]

KK, we are singing same tune! waan ku gartay...it is indeed wonderful if he can take a break to spend with the kids.

 

ps: aaliyah, me too macaanto me too....loved my aabe to bits, but when i was a kid, he was at home by 2pm and had plenty of time to be amazing aabe to us!

 

i come from a family where both parents worked, so to me that is natural

[SayidSomal]

Actually, i am quite lucky in the sense that my wife actually could earn more than me in her profession - it is just that her profession is unappealling - so she reasoned it was better to look after our children than to look after grown up people

 

But i don't mind trading places with her now that our children are grown up a bit and can pretty much look after themselves

[Aaliyyah]

Mashallah juxa good to hear that abayasho dhan alle saa haka dhigo.

Coming back to the topic, it is okey if both parents work so long they take turns staying home and taking care of the kids ( whether it is them workin different shifts different days and what not.)

It is good to know that you came from hard working family. Qofna ciyaarciyaar kuma noqdo wuxu yahay, your family plays a major role

 

Lol@sayid. Now you want the easier job huh.

[Abu-Salman]

Nurturing your children is the most vital job, teaching them etc;

would it makes senses to pay very high amounts (top tutors earn more than surgeons) for another one to stimulate or homeschool them so they are ready for Harvard or medical school even before 16?

 

I know this father who kept at home his children and his son is Sheikh at his teens years, so well behaved, yet he also taught them English etc; nothing beats that...

[Blessed]

With the current economic climate, most are probably pushed into the role rather than it being a gesture of greater love or whatnot..

I really like the family policies they have over in Sweden, Norway etc.. where parents are both given parental leave in the first two/three years (mother have more), after which they have access to high quality government run child care with highly qualified staff but also .. parents can arrange their working hours- so that one parents can drop the child off before work and the other after with the child not spending more than 7 hours in ECE and primary school... that has got to be the best system I came across, would be great if other nations replicated it. Then, there's ayeeyo, habaryaro, eedo day care, Illahay ha barakeeyo.

 

That's a nice setup KK.

[Bluelicious]

Kool Kat is an good example of what I was talking about.

 

More and more people realise that dropping their child at a day care isn't good and the risks that come with that. You don't know what happens to your child, the way it gets treated or the things they learn not only that but you're gonna miss out the highlights of their first achievements like speech, walking etc other then that it's also not good for their health as their immune system is not strong yet to protect them making them more susceptible to viruses, bacteria and from illnesses from other kids or their environment.

 

A child needs tender, love, care, attention and affection from their own parents and that's not something they will get from a day care infact in a day care they are gonna be sharing their attention with other children, the people who work there may not always be patient with your child as they also have few other children to take care of. Experiencing all of that is not good for that child's self esteem and development. A young child needs to bond with their parents it's really important for them. Between 0-4 years is the most important period of a child's life and you want to give them a solid foundation. You can start working around your working schedule when they reach 4 years and make plans who drops them off and picks them up from school.

 

When they get older they gonna remember who raised them was it you or the day care and what memories they will have of their childhood. I believe in raising your child and not letting other people raise them for you. You need to be the one who's there for them whenever they need you not others. You need to be the one teaching your young children about religion and culture and not that the day care teaches them things that are not relevant to you. As the discipline of children starts as soon as they are born and not when they get older and are teenagers. You don't start building the foundation of a house on the top do you? No, you start at the ground.

 

What better option is there for a father to take a break from his career to take care of his child. It's a rewarding job for the father other then bonding with his child and seeing his childs development and highlights, he's gonna get alot more back in return when that child gets older.

 

Juxa;843462 wrote:

he can love his kids after work and at weekends?

 

what you people trying to say? huh

Juxa the topic and the article was never about dads becoming a permanent stay-at-home father you took a wrong turn. It was about dads taking the initiative to take care of their kids who are between babies and just before reaching school age because they don't want to drop their child in a day care and want their child to be in safe hands. Also that their are more and more women who have a much higher paying salary then their husband so the man needs to give up his job temporary to take care of his child. Some men do it voluntarily because they want to and others because they earn less then their wifes and have to do it.

 

Aaliyyah - I'm against day care too and would never do it. Some day care places are bad. It's hard to decide which one is trustworthy and good for your child. Few years ago I saw a documentary about day cares and nannies in America on the tv and the things I saw was pretty shocking. It was basically your worst nightmare coming true.

[Aaliyyah]

^ I believe not too long ago i read a story where a kid broke his hand at a daycare centre .The mother wasn't told about it. But, the kid kept crying through the night and when she took him to the emergency department she found out that her kid had a hand broken?.. It is sad huh? and who knows how many stories out there are just as messed up..

 

Personally, I never liked daycare. There was a public daycare centre close to my house. And, im not kidding i would see the ladies just conversing while the kids are eating whatever they can pick up from the ground where those ladies supervising are oblivious - but at the end of the day those kids for them is a job. Those kids are not their kids. They get paid for standing there 8 hrs or whatever, they careless about the well being of those kids. Hoyadii u dhibatay ayaa ka daran - lemme add that there are ladies out there who don't work and still send their kids to daycare. Taas baaba waxkasta iga daran.As for those who are working then they should find an alternative to a daycare whether it is the father, or siblings or any other family member to help out. Those of you this does not work out for, then by all means send your child to day cares if you are okey with that. But, take that extra mile to make sure that you are sending your child to a good day care where your kid will be taken care of - inkasto as we all know no one and i mean no one can replace your parents at that young age.

 

salaam

 

p.s Blue loved reading your post mashallah

[raula]

Granted everyone has opinions on life-but let's not be convinced w/our generalizations especially if you don’t have kids.

 

Surely, there are daycares that are awful, but would it make a difference if you took them to a Somali-daycare centers/muslim owned-just because we share culture & religion similarities? There are shades of generosities from all walks of life & so are many deviants out there (gaal ama qaraabo ha noqdaan). You can’t have KODAK moments Blue, about every milestone in life..what is considered milestones in life by the way..is it only when your child is growing up from their nascent years or at time recovering from terminal disease miraculously. Besides there are skills acquired by a child whether its in a daycare setting or they stay w/qaraabo/maid or parents. As its mentioned-our fate has been determined by Allah s.w. even before they open their eyes-doesn’t mean you don’t work hard in life either way-Allah s.w. Knows.

 

Nonetheless, both partners at times have careers/school/work restrictions et cetera that they can’t negotiate about or otherwise would jeopardize their lifestyles (which at times is depended on by other family members-for instance if you support relatives/humanitarian work), unless the life of the kid(s) are in danger. If they are able to negotiate schedules so as to avoid paying daycare dues-well & good, otherwise at their own discretion.

 

Bottom line-there is more to life & many roads to success

[Chimera]

I don't think I could ever do that, I would feel domesticated,and eventually would deteriorate as a person, like a Lion kept in a cage. I realised this while babysitting my nieces and nephews, because they drained more energy from me than a full-body workout at the gym, and those are brutal. I literally have to bribe them with gifts to maintain law & order.

 

I think deep down I really hate kids, or at least watching over them, regardless of the "favorite uncle" reputation I have build for myself.

[Aaliyyah]

^ lol@ lion kept in a cage..

 

I am sure it is not the same when you have your own kids or when you are just filling in one day for your niece and nephews. With your kids you will know that responsibility is yours and you will tackle it in a different way. Plus, im sure you dont hate kids you just dont know them yet. intsead of filling in few days here and there..try to babysit them some more lol...you will get used to it. As for bribing kids? that's not a good way to discipline them

[Juxa]

Blue lovely comments indeed and everyone wants best outcome for their children

 

Are day care centres good for kids? Most likely no, kids will benefit from being with their own parents but reality is many people can't afford to

 

I actually skimmed through the article and it discusses stay at home fathers. I did not err in my understanding. I don't agree a man should be stay at home father, unless he was unable to work

 

I do not object to taking a career break whilst maybe the mother works but a man must go back and provide for his family regardless of the family's income and social standing.

 

Once a child reaches school age, I think the woman should return to work even if it is voluntary work

 

My personal opinion is that I object to people not having gainful employment. Period. Love alone will not feed and educate a child. A child needs a role model. Hard working parent/parents in one of them.

 

I am sure none of us wants for their child to remain in cyle of poverty. We don't want our children's best achievement to be a council house.

[Juxa]

Sorry double post! Hard to rant whilst using the phone

[Jacaylbaro]

Alla maxaan iskaga rayn lahaa inaan guriga iska joogo ,,,

[Bluelicious]

raula;843597 wrote:

Granted everyone has opinions on life-but let's not be convinced w/our generalizations especially if you don’t have kids.

 

Surely, there are daycares that are awful, but would it make a difference if you took them to a Somali-daycare centers/muslim owned-just because we share culture & religion similarities? There are shades of generosities from all walks of life & so are many deviants out there (gaal ama qaraabo ha noqdaan). You can’t have KODAK moments Blue, about every milestone in life..what is considered milestones in life by the way..is it only when your child is growing up from their nascent years or at time recovering from terminal disease miraculously. Besides there are skills acquired by a child whether its in a daycare setting or they stay w/qaraabo/maid or parents. As its mentioned-our fate has been determined by Allah s.w. even before they open their eyes-doesn’t mean you don’t work hard in life either way-Allah s.w. Knows.

 

Nonetheless, both partners at times have careers/school/work restrictions et cetera that they can’t negotiate about or otherwise would jeopardize their lifestyles (which at times is depended on by other family members-for instance if you support relatives/humanitarian work), unless the life of the kid(s) are in danger. If they are able to negotiate schedules so as to avoid paying daycare dues-well & good, otherwise at their own discretion.

 

Bottom line-there is more to life & many roads to success

Raula the things I said are well known facts in the real world but you on the other hand are generalising that I must not know anything about children because I don't have children. I don't need to have children to understand their needs and rights that's common sense. Besides I have family relatives friends who have children, you have the tv news documentaries articles etc. Eventually you know what to do and what not to do because of the experience you gained from other peoples faults and their experiences.

 

I never talked about a Somali or Islamic day care center being bettter then the regular day care center I was against all day care centers. It doesn't matter whether a day care center is owned by Somalis or Islamic people or by the government it's not about the day care center itself but about the people who work there. You have good and bad people in every religion and culture so it wouldn't be wise to judge our opinion based on religion and culture as most day care centers are babysit places that will only kill the time you are gone and don't learn your child anything. You have top day care centers who are in the very minority who actually learn your child something valuable instead of only babysitting but those are very expensive and most average wage earner can't afford those.

 

There is a reason why people don't want to bring their child to day care centers even if they are a CEO because it's not safe, not good for the childs health and well being, the care of your child is not good and last but not least your child is more frequently sick because they pick up illnesses from other children and infected toys. Being so young and vulnerable most not even being able to speak yet making them more vulnerable. As I said before between 0-4 is the most important stage of their life because that's the time they will be learning everything that they will be using when they reach 4 and above. That's the only stage in their life they can absorb the most information into their brains so it's important to set the right discipline and educate that young child properly instead of letting your child do nothing in day care. This is the time their emotional intelligence and their cognitive skills develop at a fast rate.

 

I never said one needs to have a Kodak moment for literally every lil thing your child does, no. What I said was it's important not to miss out your child's imortant milestones for them such as speech walking bicycling etc. those are the most precious moments that build memories. Every age group has their own milestones according to their age and I find it hypocritical and selfish of you to probably acknowledge your milestones (assuming you do) such as driving license graduation work etc. for your age group and dissmiss that of a baby a toddler and a pre-schooler. Their achievements are just as important as yours.

 

We were talking about if the woman has a high flying career and earns a high amount of salary that is twice the salary of her husband or even more for example. I don't see what kind of loss they will have in their income since the wife earns enough money to take care for the whole family with the added bonus that their child is safe at home with the father. Eventually when the child grows up and reaches pre-school age (3-4 yrs) and starts part time going to school the father can then go back to work.

 

I think it's selfish if a parent dumps his child at a day care center knowing the risks that come with that without considering and talking about it with their partner and close family on how to handle the situation. At the end of the day you are able to speak defend yourself and know your rights, the day care center also know how to defend themselfs and know their rights but who's gonna defend and come up for the rights of the vulnerable innocent child that can't speak if both parties don't care about it and are neglectant. Your child needs to be your first priority and you can't be selfish when it comes to that. Everything else is second you can't tell me otherwise and say there is more to life then securing the safety and security of your child first. Your child needs to be the center of your world.

 

Aaliyyah - That's very true that those day care workers do see it as a job. They will only do the very basic things they will never go the extra mile for your child or care about it the way you do and are not always as attentive. Of course there are also good day care centers but the truth be told there are no problem free day care centers. There is always the possibility of them taking advantage of your child being it so young and vulnerable plus most can't even talk yet. You will never know what happened and that's terrible. Who's gonna come up for the rights of that child?

 

Juxa - I agree with you. If a child grows with both or one parent working that child is most likely to take over its parents work ethic when they get older as they set the example for their child. Nothing comes easy you have to work hard for everything. As Somalis it's important for us to succeed and have good careers and not only be known for taking government money (nothing wrong with it though if someone really needs it hard). I want to be a career woman but at the same time I wouldn't want to be neglectant of the health and well being of my child.

[raula]

Hard for me to respond to everything above. Nonetheless, I didn't say you can't state your opinions because you don't have kids. You can be an expert w/out having the experience but i only meant to let know that its hard to generalize & blanket all daycares as being bad experience for your children?

 

Known facts? yes there are daycare centers that are bad, but again you are generalizing all daycares (given whether they are centers, in-home, outdoor/adventure...maid as in shaqaale back home for well to do families where a maid takes care of the kids & maybe some other chores at home-its a form of unstructured daycare). N'ways there are differences even in how a mother nurtures her child compared to the father. Because you entrust you child to relatives or a mother or a father at home doesn't mean that that child is safe from maltreatment nor immune to some disease. Again i think you overshoot on this issues.

 

All in all-don't take my response as a mere characterization of who you are & what you believe i was merely stating an opinion as you did. However we can beg to differ & stand by our analysis if you like. I hope you understand that its not personal I was just responding to your analysis walaalo.