Head Scarf Forgotten On Stairway Railings.

[Nur]

eNuri Service for Somalis In The West

 

 

A new series addressing the reality of Somalis in the west! ( True story, fictional names and places)

 

 

The pain of enduring conflicting social and spiritual requirements!

 

Eleven year old Halima yareey, gets up early in the morning to go to Navajo Hills elementary school, her mother Muxubbo makes sure that her daughter is well fed and dressed, wearing her Head scarf to show her pals her Muslima identity at school so she can act like one, Halima Yareey has a lil secret her mother does not know, once she is out of the door, walking down the apparment strairway, she takes off her scarf placing it in her school bag, then like any other kid, she jumps in the waiting school bus where her happy friends are cheerfully waiting her, in the next eight hours Halima feels relieved from the burden of being different at school, she is innocent , playful and happy, as she comes back home, she makes sure she puts her scarf back on, and kisses her mom with delight, now, her mother is happy with her, and at school , her classmates accept her whole heartedly as one of the gang, a tactful way of compromising conflicting social and spiritual requirements.

 

One day, Halima Yareey forgot to put her scarf in her bag as usual, and forgetfully left it hanging on the railings along the stairway , her mother found the scarf on her way to work, what a heart breaker? can you imagine how that mother felt? Muxubbo a devout Muslima always wanted to raise a perfect girl, now she is worried about her daughters personality, is Muxibbo responsible for that? did she fail to strengthen her daughters convictions with reason rather than threats and punishment?

 

Are parents realizing the new realities in raising kids in the non Muslim west?

 

Are they raising kids with principles or kids conforming to Somali culture instead of Islamic faith?

 

What is the proper way in instilling Islam in our kids, is it by way of love and acceptance, or punishment and fear?

 

How many Nomad sisters have gone through a similar agony as that of Halima Yareey?

 

Please share with us your feelings, your good opinion can save a soul.

 

Together, lets find a solution.

 

 

Nur

 

2004 e-Nuri Social Architects

We attack problems, not People

[OG_Girl]

Thanks brother Nur, This story could happen and is common. Let me start one of stories and is true story too.

This teen boy from very religious family, uses to listen songs even thou is kind of crime in his parents' eyes but he used to listen when his parents go to their bed. One of these nights teen boy was listening the songs with his headset in his room, he fell sleep while all cassettes where on his bed, the father as usually came to wake him up for "Fajer" time to go Masjid to pray Fajer prayers. Guess how that father shocked from what he saw. More than 100 cassettes were there ...! . He couldn't believe, what went wrong, he never listened music in his life, and he was good example for him!.

 

In my opinion, yes agree father never allowed his house any one listen music and he never did and same as case Halima’s mom BUT I think they share responsibility because they did not tell their kids the meanings it brought.., why the lil girl should wear hijab or head scarf and not other kids around her Also why music is not Allowed?

To practice Islam, we need first to understand the meanings it brought to us.So I would say parents responsibily to make kids understand the reasons behind act they should do and why?

that is my 2 cents.

One more thing to add: wantting to be good is there in deep inside every one BUT few can explore that good inside us and change our life.

 

salam

[Salafi_Online]

Innalhamdulillah....Wa Salamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi...

 

The irony of this Story is that this Little girls mother a devout Muslima who always wanted to raise her perfect girl in islam..YEt she sends her Baby Girl to the Kafir School...not being a stranger to Kafir public school...I have learn that if u want to destroy your kids...Send them there...Its a place where Shirk is promoted...critical thinking(Ahlul Kaalam)... Free mixing with Man...Wallahi i can go on forever...A child's environment is an incredible influence on them...But Hey is its Education right...

 

Home Schooling...or muslim Schools...Is the solution..If both of them are unavailable would u Sacrafice Allah's commandments for Secular Education? the key word is Secular...So when u die It may even harm u!

[Arwa]

Its definitly the mothers fault. She should'nt have made her daughter wear the scarf without understanding why she putted it on from the start.

 

Its the role of every muslim parents since they took the responsibility of bringing up there kids in the west to teach them their religion, make them understand why they dress the way they dress or act the way they do.

 

Its hard enough for an adult not but to compromise to the fitnahs in the west (ilaa man raxima rabi), what do we expect from an 11 years old?

 

Salaam

 

[-Serenity-]

Its very difficult for an 11yr old to understand the meaning and the importance of hijaab. I think the mother should concentrate on instilling the more important aspects of the religion i.e tawheed which do not alienate the child physically from other children yet give them a strong sense of being different and belonging to something special. Its difficult for a little girl to look different from her peers. Kids get mocked for all sorts of things - clothes, looks, ability... the little girl obviously felt uncomfortable and unable to blend in with the hijaab.

[Changed]

Are parents realizing the new realities in raising kids in the non Muslim west?

They are realising it i think.

Are they raising kids with principles or kids conforming to Somali culture instead of Islamic faith?

i dont think they are conforming to somali culture because most of their friends and classmates are none somalis

What is the proper way in instilling Islam in our kids, is it by way of love and acceptance, or punishment and fear?

love $ acceptance

How many Nomad sisters have gone through a similar agony as that of Halima Yareey? i have never been through it, but i had friends that wore jilbaab and used to take it off before school. i blamed their mom because she forced them to wear it, and there were consiquences they had to face if they didnt wear it, they felt like didnt have a say about their life.

 

Everyone wants to be incontrol of what goes on in their life;the power to control their life is taken away from them by being forced to wear hijaab, i think it should be an individual choice because they are the ones that will be question by allah not their mothers

[Raxmah]

Parents have to pay a enormous price to living in the west – and they don’t have total autonomy in what their kids do. Most parents really do fail to teach their kids – and expect them to know what is expected of them. We can’t tell a kid to pray but not teach them how or why they are praying. Forcing hijab is not going to accomplish what you would like to instill on your girls—teaching them why and the ajar they are going to get for it. I’m fortunate to say that I had not felt I had to take my hijab off to fit in—and I was never forced to wear it. My mother never forced any of her 8 girls to wear hijab – but always thought us the importance of dressing modestly – what scared me most of course was the way she explained the punishment of eternal hell fire – that would get us to do anything. I have 12 year old sister who wouldn't be caught out without hijab -- absolutely her choice -- and is proud to wear it.

 

The problem is the parents -- they expect kids to do everything they are told with a question -- it doesn't work that way-they deserve explanation just like any of asking for a reasons - they are not exempted because they are kids.

[Mutakalim]

Originally posted by Salafi_Online:

your kids...Send them there...Its a place where Shirk is promoted...critical thinking(Ahlul Kaalam)...

Brother Salafi critical thinking is not synonymous with Ahlul Kalam or Islamic theology. I do not think that you are implying that those sciences promote polytheism and Shirk. Having studied Islamic theology and/or dialectics, I am intimately acquainted with the subject.

If you have any questions regarding the 'ilm al-kalam please send me a private message.

With Salaams

 

PK

[7_steps_2_Heaven]

salamu caleykum ww

 

Shiiquna Nur, first we have to undersand that these children are facing identity crisis, they try so hard to be accepted in the society. walaalo if these children spend 8hrs a day (when they are most active) with the kufaars, surely they will have some sort of affect on that poor child. Can we blame the mother for her daughters behaviour? absolutely NO, because she made sure that her child was wearing the hijab when she left. So who can we blame? the child? nop- because she does not understand the importance of hijab, mentally she is not ready yet. what is important for that child is FRIENDS and we have to respect that.

for this scenario I would blame the father because he is the head of the house hold. it is his responsability to raise his children within muslim community. Somalia not being safe is not excuse, theres always dubai, saudi etc.

These fathers are so lazy, they are not facing up to their responsabilites all they want to do is sit on maqaayad all day and let the KUFAAR GOVERNMENT TAKE CARE HIS FAMILY FOR HIM! IM TALKING ABOUT THE CEYRTA.

if this is the case, how can we ever expect these children to become strong muslim individuals? :confused:

[La Fidele]

Assalaam alaikum,

 

Firstly I'd like to say jazakallahu khairan to brother Nur for posting this up. Living in Canada and seeing how the Somali community here is progressing, I think discussion on this topic is LONG overdue.

 

Raxmah, Athena, and Kynda, I wholeheartedly agree with you. Probably the sole responsibility for the role of parenting is to raise your children properly and to the best of your abilities, and for Muslim parents it is instilling proper adhab and deen.

 

However, I really advise against laying blame on anyone, the mother or the father. From my reading of the story, I didn't see anywhere that the mother ennforces the hijab on her daughter. For all we know, allahu allam, the mother has taught her daughter properly and yet she is still not aware.

 

And I'm a bit surprised that the father has been mentioned, because I myself did not take note of the absence of the father in the story. But I think it's unfair that only he is given blame. He may be the head of the household but that surely does not mean the mother is stripped of any duties. To my understanding, father and mothers are equals and each will be held responsible for the upbringing of their child---so one cannot be to blame without the other's help (except obviously for extreme circumstances such as death).

 

I think we have to realize that when parents do coerce their children into behaving in a certain manner, it may just be poor parenting skills, but hardly is anything done without the assumption that it's socially acceptable. For example, a truly knowledgeable parent won't just enforce the hijab on their daughter. Most likely, these habits were forced upon them also, and they're just repeating it mindlessly. What we have to see here is that there's a greater dilemma in our communities. Realize these same problems existed in Somalia, and being in the West only intensifies things more, they just aren't appearing all of a sudden. I believe we have to realize that we may be Muslims, but we have to decide whether we want to follow Somali culture or Islam as the guidelines of our lives. There's really not much compromising the two. And I would argue enforcing a certain dress-code (which technically the hijab is) for the sake of just controlling the girl and not giving her any understanding why is a cultural renovation of Islam. Subhanallah, we see this all over the Muslim world too, so obviously it's not just a Somali problem. There is no justifying things by miscontruing Islamic edict. It will only result in greater fitnah, and subanallah I truly fear the punishment for those who attribute false words to Allah (swt).

 

This may have gone on a tangent, but in this case I would argue that education is required on both sides of the relationship: the parents and the child. It may be that the parents need greater knowledge on their deen, the situation of peer-pressure at schools (parents so forget they once were kids!, or both. And for the child, realizing that Islamic duties don't all of a sudden become mandatory after a certain age, say when she's "an adult," and that Allah (swt) is All-Forgiving and All-Merciful. The path to knowledge never stops, and one should never be satisfied with what they know so far.

[LuCkY]

I BeLIeve that its PartiaLLy the "Parents" fauLt as weLL as the LittLe girL.The parents shouLd have expLained to this girL the importance of the hijab-to fuLLy understand why she must wear it aLthough others around may not be wearing it.As im sure YaLL know SomaLi(majority)hardLy discuss the reasons of many things they ask their kids not to do.As You YaLL know kids are rebeLLious and some wiLL do the exact opposite of what you toLd to do or not to do.

 

But aLL in aLL I think if the parents took the time to sit down with their daughter and expLain to her then she might not have taken her hijab off.

 

No I beLieve that punishment and fear are good ways of instiLLing IsLam in a person but Im aware some situations caLL for drastic measures.

 

------------

 

I have a two girLfriends that wear their hijab and skirt when they Leave the house and change into their pants(take off their hijab)when they get to schooL either in the car or in the bathroom.

[Medley of extemporanea]

Seven of Nine, I think you hit the rat right on the head and now it’s brains are all over the floor. it would help if the focus was on the fundamental things (not to say all things aren’t important), there is no point pressuring someone to dress right if they're not praying the 5 salat or are praying just to make your parents happy.

 

If this story is true, then first of all, if the kid is only seven or eleven you can’t really expect them to reason through anything. But that’s beside the point. Religion is useless if it’s not from the heart and the intellect is not satisfied with it. If I were a parent I would let my kid “run free” sort to speak. I mean, I would let them know of my expectations and expose them to what is useful, but I wouldn’t want them to do or not do anything religious because of me. That way one develops character and does religious actions with conviction, not just to conform.

[Intuition]

Asalaamu'Calaykum,

 

La Fidele- Masha'Allah you pretty much covered it. Blaming will not help solve anything and the only way things are going to improve is with education.

I do agree with salifii so a degree. Sending your child to an Islamic school does help a lot. For one thing she won’t have to worry about not fitting in. Although there are dangers with sending your children to Islamic schools as well. Most parents send their children thinking that’s enough. You need to first start instilling Islamic values on your child from with in the home. Whether your kid's are in an Islamic school or not, most teenagers (living in the west) tend to go through the same fazes of life like most other teenagers. In Islamic school you can't control everything. Some how they seem to find away to get in to things such as boys. The good thing is that when you send your child to a public school you can raise telling them they are kafirs and not one of us. But imagine when they are at an Islamic school with friends that are Muslim telling them "oh he soo likes you" "its only coffee" what than? The child gets confused and thinks hell why not. They’re friends doing it and they are Muslim. One of us. Where as if you teach them the realities of life and how to implement Islam in to there live and why they should, you have given them the tools they need to face the world outside. You've done your job. We also need to understand and accept the issues that will face your children in the western world than educate you and your children on how to tackle them. Then place all your trust in Allah. I've noticed that so many Muslims close their eyes to such issues as drugs and alcohol. These are real issues that face us everyday can we afford to turn a blind eye to it?

I personally can relate to the girl mentioned in the story. I've been in this country before most Somali's even knew where it was located, so I went to school with pretty much blond hair freckle faced white folks with me being the only black one. I know what it’s like to stick out like a sore thumb. But Alhamdulilah I think I turned out ok. My mother raised us well. Alhamdulilah.

 

Wasalaam.

[Viking]

...I have learn that if u want to destroy your kids...Send them there...Its a place where Shirk is promoted...critical thinking(Ahlul Kaalam)... Free mixing with Man...Wallahi i can go on forever...A child's environment is an incredible influence on them...But Hey is its Education right...

Salafi online,

I disagree with you bro. Public or secular schools don't necessarily destroy children. It is naturally ideal to have an Islamic school where everything is taught according to the Qura'n and the Sunnah but if that kind of education system isn't available, then one opts for the 'next best' thing. I attended a Catholic School my whole life and know of no one who attended an Islamic School (because there weren't any).

 

If a family resides in a non-Muslim country, it is very important that they see to it that the kids attend 'madrasa' where Islam is taught as a complementary to the secular education. I was taught about the evolution theory in the morning and in the evening (malcaamad) the macalin taught us about Adam and Hawa (PBUT). So it is upto the parents to see to it that the children learn about the deen.

 

Nur,

Once upon a time, there were four Somali boys born to a rather wealthy business family. The four brothers were all in their late teens and their parents were well known in the neighbourhood for their piety, humility and reverity towards Islam. Another Somali family lived down the street, they were also known for their piety. That family had girls who were also in their late teens.

 

What the families didn't know is that the four boys and girls got together and went clubbingalmost every weekend. The boys would steal their father's vehicle and pick up the girls on their way to one of the most popular clubs in the city. The parents knew nothing of their children's nocturnal activities and thought them to be God-fearing individuals.

 

One early morning, the youngsters drove fast as they tried to get home before the parents awoke to the adan of the Fajr prayers. The car they were driving suddenly lost control and crashed, killing ALL of them in the car. Four boys and four girls, who were born to two Somali, Muslim families well known for their piety. A bottle of whisky was recovered in the car (they hadn't got rid of it) and eventually 'driving under the influence of alcohol' was recorded to be the cause of the crash. Feuds started between the two families, each blaming the others offsprings for the tragedy.

 

That was a true story sxb, sad but true.

 

Parents should do their best, but they can never predict what will be of their children.

[Intuition]

Subxan'Allah