Marriage Issues

[Che -Guevara]

Marriage is trouble than it's worth. I have never particular advice but since you are wrapping yourself with Islam, do you think it's good idea to air your family dirty laundry in public forum. Maybe your local Imam or trained clinician could be better source.

[Chimera]

Umm Maryam;818398 wrote:

PS: My darling (yes he is a darling) husband bought me flowers!!! YAAAY!!!!!

He's probably a member on this forum, lol

 

Truth be told, if your asking a man to choose between the survival of his mother and the survival of the universe, he will pick his mother every single time, who cares about the billions of planets and creatures? We are programmed that way, instead you need to get her on your side, but don't grovel or go to far appeasing her because that's another form of weakness and you will simply be accorded Cinderella status (before she met the prince lol).

[Juxa]

You can't love a man and hate his mother. The very being that gave birth to him and carried him for 9 months.

As you are a mother yourself I am surprised at your stance

 

I never understand why some women can't have cordial, polite relationship with their in laws from a distance. You cant mix with them, cross all boundaries then get annoyed

 

As the other ladies said sheydanka Iska naar, be patient and forgive.

 

Ps: no one should have hold or ownership over you apart from your parents and Allah

[nuune]

Had my doubts in first page, qofkan waa Marx, sorry buddy, had to say that, confirmed!

[Blessed]

Juxa;818472 wrote:

You can't love a man and hate his mother. The very being that gave birth to him and carried him for 9 months.

As you are a mother yourself I am surprised at your stance

 

I never understand why some women can't have cordial, polite relationship with their in laws from a distance. You cant mix with them, cross all boundaries then get annoyed

 

As the other ladies said sheydanka Iska naar, be patient and forgive.

 

Ps: no one should have hold or ownership over you apart from your parents and Allah

Couldn't have said it better. I would find it hard to love someone that was disrespectful to my parents.

[Umm Maryam]

Whoa, hold on people. Who ever said I was disrespectful to her???? I've never wronged her and my husband even admits to that. AND I dont expect mhy husband to be disrespectful to her AT ALL. Actually its ME that reminds him to call her and to pay her bills if he finds it on the table, to buy her a few groceries etc. Because I expect my husband to treat my parents in a certain way, and how is he going to do that if Im not doing it for his parents???

 

Also I when we visit or when she has invited people over I used to cook/clean for her, help her out, but then when I realised how her nose was all up in the air, and to be quite honest reall really mean and hostile towards me (my husband even noticed, and he doesnt notice ANYTHING) I thought 'well why dont I respect myself and sit, doing nothing like everyone else? And things have been better since then.

 

If you are too nice to some people they will look down on you, so you need to stand your ground. And as for Islam, it has never taught me to be the ground people walk all over. Yes its true, I forgive her and I dont complain to my husband about all she does, but at the same time I respect my self and I know when to be generous to her and when to hold back. I dont regard that as being mean

 

As for the hate thing, I dont hate her, or my husband, I think I was just emotional at the time I wrote that.

[Axmed-InaJaad]

what is your racial background? i bet you are cadaan(white). don't bring your former cadaan/pagan/gaalo culture to a muslim marriage. you need to learn to listen to your muslim husband and his family. for all intents and purposes, when you get married, you belong to your husband and family in islam. learn diinta.

[Umm Maryam]

Your post is extremly offensive. First of all you ASSUME im a revert, in Islam my brother, people dont guess. Second of all women dont belong to anyone. Please give me a hadith/ayah that can confirm what you are saying. I dont belong to my husband or to his family or to my parents. Nobody OWNS me. True a muslim women needs to please her husband and be respectful to others but she also has rights.

 

As for my nationality, Im not somalian, but Im from another part of Africa. What you said is truly disturbing. Im learning my deen, but the question is, are you??

[Aaliyyah]

Ummu maryam, don't pay attention to ina jaad. He makes the dumbest comments. Best of luck hun with your issues inshallah.

[oba hiloowlow]

lool ina jaad u crazy comedy miiran waa waxaada

[Axmed-InaJaad]

Umm Maryam;819253 wrote:

Your post is extremly offensive. First of all you ASSUME im a revert, in Islam my brother, people dont guess. Second of all women dont belong to anyone. Please give me a hadith/ayah that can confirm what you are saying. I dont belong to my husband or to his family or to my parents. Nobody OWNS me. True a muslim women needs to please her husband and be respectful to others but she also has rights.

 

As for my nationality, Im not somalian, but Im from another part of Africa. What you said is truly disturbing. Im learning my deen, but the question is, are you??

Well, the diin says that the husband is in charge of his wife and must provide for her etc, and the wife must obey her husband. Now to me, you seem like a very disrespectful wife who doesn't listen to her husband and insults his mother. That is no way for a good muslimah to act.

 

Second, where in africa are you from? I hope not west africa.

[Chimera]

Umm Maryam, ignore Ahmed-Ina-Jaad, he's our local village I.d.i.o.t

[xiimaaya]

Ina jaad is the same man that finds married women attractive and lusts over them.. Pay him no attention lool.

[Umm Maryam]

I think this thread is over.

[Axmed-InaJaad]

Chimera

 

Hunno edeb yeelo. There is no need for insults sister.

 

Umm maryam

 

Please tell us your culture, perhaps there is a culture clash.