New rules for all workers

[wyre]

*Dress Code*

It is advised that you come to

work

dressed according to your salary. If we

see you wearing Prada shoes and

carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and

therefore do not need a raise. If you dress

poorly, you need to learn to

manage your money better, so that

you may buy nicer clothes, and

therefore do not need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where

you need to be and therefore do not need a

raise.

 

*Sick Days*

We will no longer accept

a doctor's

statement as proof of sickness. If you

are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. *Personal Days* Each

employee will receive 104

personal days a year. They are called

Saturday and Sunday.

 

*Toilet Use*

Entirely

too much time is being spent

in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.

At the end of the three minutes, an

alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll

will retract, the stall door will open and a

picture will be taken. After your

second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board

under the "Chronic Offenders

category". Anyone caught smiling in

the picture will be sectioned under the

company's mental health policy! You

are allowed to use the rest room only thrice a day and you have to swipe in

and

out from the toilet doors also.

 

*Lunch Break*

Skinny people get 30 minutes for

lunch

as they need to eat more, so that they

can look healthy. Normal size people

get 15 minutes for lunch to get a

balanced meal to maintain their average

figure. Fat people get 5

minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a

slim fast.

 

*Mails*

Don't read junk and

forwarded mails. Thank you for your loyalty

to our

company...

We are here to provide a

positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments,

concerns, complaints, frustrations,

irritations, aggravations, insinuations,

allegations, accusations,

contemplations, consternation and

input should be directed elsewhere.

Thank you all.

The Management :D

[wyre]

Family Problems.....!!!!!!

 

Two men, one American and an Somali were sitting in a bar drinking shot after shot.

 

The Somali man said to the American, "You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven't even met once." We call this arranged marriage.

...

I don't want to marry a woman whom I don't love... I told them that openly and now have a hell lot of family problems."

 

The American said, Talking about love marriages... I'll tell you my story.

 

I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years. "After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law.

 

Legally now my daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother.

 

More problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father's brother and so he is my uncle. Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father's son i.e. my brother is my grandson.

 

Ultimately, I have become my own grand father and I am my own grandson..

 

And you say you have family problems