Sharing Scarce Resources ( Somali Husbands)

[Nur]

Nomads

 

 

I am reposting this old topic to gage responses a year later, may be last years commentators had a change of mind, may be someone had an experience, a negative or a positive one.

 

The letter is fictitious, and so are the names and the organization, but the message is intended to bring to light the bitter options of a changing times, when religion, politics and econmocs collide scattering Nomads around the globe, for some, the internet being their only advisor and mentor. Slight editing is done on the original.

 

 

A Letter To A Married Somali Lady

 

 

Dear Somali Housewife.

 

We are the members of the Somali Women for Meaningful Marriages ( SWMM) an organization that was created to confront and find a solution to a growing social problem, deeply rooted on conflicts between modern day and living our faith, a problem that needs an urgent solution.

 

The Problem

 

An Imbalance of Desirable Somali Bachelors and Bachelorettes

 

 

Who We Are?:

 

We are an organization of Single Somali Women living abroad, to give you a glimpse of the profile of our members, our members have:

 

1. Very High IQ ( based on our accademic accomplishment)

 

2. High Moral Character ( Never to consider other alternatives)

 

3. Highly Educated ( To Keep Us Busy)

 

4. High Income ( Compared To avaerage Faarax)

 

5. Highly Committed to Our Faith (Active In Community Centers).

 

On top of the above, some of our members can scare away potential suitors for their exceptional good looks, If they were not committing to their faith, these ladies could hypnotize any man including your husband, but they wouldn't for Allah's sake

 

Analyses:

 

As a result of the Civil war, many of our members have immigrated to distant lands, like Australia and Canada, and since many men lost their lives in the civil war, the net result was an imbalance of eligible bachelors, more eligible Somali women than men, add to that another problem , the quality of the remaining Somali men is dwindling to the lowest levels as many of them do not practice Islam. This led them to take advantage of the imbalance, and as a result the remaining handful live on as parasites on the hard work of some of the professionally fulfilled Somali women like you.

 

The bottom line is a situation of very few and talented Somali men on the bachelor pool who are immediately picked by non Somali Muslim sisters as well as Somali sisters, leaving many sisters like us to choose between difficult choices ( Like acepting marryiage offers from Non Somali men ) .

 

In a recent Somaliaonline.com / Islam pages Social Survey, respondents have aired their frustrations and opinions, here are the results and the choices, including the e-Nuri Social Research Center's Formula; the choices were:

 

1. Choosing to live single for ever ( Sophist Theory Of Celibacy) but we are no Catholic nuns.

 

2. Compromising on our Deen and accepting any Faarax , hoping we can change him. ( taking the risk that he will change us)

 

3. Doing Haraam, ..............................................................................XaashaaLillah.

 

4. Sharing you with your hubby ( who was identified by our group to be desirable mate) ( The Nurtel Social Engineering Formula)

 

 

 

Dear Sister

 

Before you tear this letter apart out of anger and curse us by calling us exotic names such as " %$#@*&^&$%* " " Balaayooy kaalay, Ma haddaa ninkeygana la iiga daba yimid "

 

Before yelling, Think, if you were in our situation, which option would you want for yourself now, after knowing and enjoying the natural FITRAH of being a mom and holding a baby in your arms saying " Hurdooy , hurdooy kaalay " Think sis, we want the same for ourselves.? are we asking too much?

 

 

What we suggest :

 

Our research department shows that the income bracket of your husband can support three wives, so we are nominating two highly educated sisters in our organization who will add a lot of value to your husband and yourself in every sphere of your lives, we will make sure that he treats all equal and that in economical terms we can mutually better our quality of lives in this world and prepare for a better life to come in Jannah.

 

 

The Two Candidates are :

 

Sister Habiba : Masters of Science degree in early education, she will make sure to provide the best home schooling for all of your kids as she enjoys working with kids, her research topic was " Somali Kids abroad, Maintaining the Moral Fabric While Providing State Of the Art education At Home" . Can you imagine how well she will raise your kids, a head start indeed, if you dont loose your head fighting it!

 

Sister Halima : MBA in Mergers and Acquisitions, Advanced training in Finance and Due diligence. Sister Halima currently manages portfolios for several investors. She will be able to consolidate the financial achievements of your husbands business, so he no longer has to work with associates he does not trust without an other eye overlooking the deals.

 

Sister, Imagine for once seeing your hubby happy, getting help at work while at the same time coming home to his hearts content when he sees the progress of his kids in education and good manners, which leaves some time for him to treat you better and for you to take care of yourself, personally for him, you know what I mean! and some time for your ibaadah which since you got married, kids and all, you've neglected.

 

 

In Conclusion :

 

We are very happy for you being a house wife, a great achievement indeed. We further wish to add to your happiness, never to take anything away from you, knowing that if you choose to accept our proposal that we can all win, and according to the hadeeth, we will not be true believers if we do not wish for others what we wish for ourselves. If we do not follow that hadeeth, there will be a fitnah and an imbalance, and imbalance that in the longer run may create a worse situation for all of us women, since this husband sharing is an Allah given solution that enriches women although it may be a hardship on a responsible man, but again, he gets lotta of ajar raising good Muslim Families.

 

 

Highest Respect

 

 

 

Walaashaa

 

Khadiijo Wanaagdoon.

Chairperson.

 

 

2003 Somali Women For A Meaningful Marriage

Injustice Anywhere, Is A Threat To Justice Everywhere . ( Malcolm X)

 

 

2003 Nurtel Social Engineering Labs

Best Solutions Are Simlple.

[Baashi]

Nur

 

Could you please post the profiles of these qualified and desirable husbands they are after. By the way, this post of yours won't help the singles a bit. And last time I checked the SOL crowd the single males outnumber the married folks

 

Sister Habiba is very tempting and I dare say her organization will recieve tons of anonymous applications and the bulk of that will come from single males instead of husbands . "

 

 

On a serious question though can a polygamy be a viable option for husbands in qurbolands given the legal aspect of the system which is antithesis of this kind of lifestyle?

 

[ December 30, 2004, 11:54 AM: Message edited by: Nur ]

[Blessed]

I didn't participate in the first discussion because the letter didn't apply to me then.

 

and now that it does; my immediate response would be 'iinyo, waan diidey! Am not sharing my husband.

 

Alhamdulilah, he doesn’t meet the criteria for polygamy- thank God for Britain’s meager salary range.

 

Kaftan aside; As the brother before me said; there are plenty of single, eligible brothers who are ready to wed these sisters.

 

So, why not put some effort in finding suitable matches for these brothers; instead of creating fitnah in a happy household? You'de get double ajer for helping two people find a partner.

 

 

Wassalaam

[raula]

Bro. Nur-Your posts really amuse me- here is my prediction. The single ladies here will be pleased with the offer-not of “sharing†another woman’s man/husband (as many perceive the circumstance, to many who are too westernized think that POLYGAMY is just outright NAUSEATING) but to perhaps finding a mate who is “successful/intelligent†etc or just a mere partner who will be there for them. Whereas, the married ones are wishing to dangle you from a cliff and make you scream for your life. The latter category is even more unsympathetic to the idea than any other group. Yes, they will come up with all excuses to nullify the Hadith, Siratul Anbiyaa, scientific logics, statistics, legal conditions, and all other lurking variables-that its best if family were nuclear (a mother, 1 husband and children)-and that polygamy is just plain wrong :confused: .

 

Need I say that I once asked the same line of question to ladies (mine was blunt –as in “has it ever crossed you mind that you would become a 2nd/3rd / etc wife?) –and Allah S.W. knows Bro. Nur, some of the comments I got were biting :eek: -kidding!

 

Bottom line-Polygamy is a long gone tradition and religious fulfillment that many of us living in the Diaspora have learned to devoid of due to legal restrictions and PALPABLE “BRAIN WASH/STAIN†by the western ideologies that are ‘free’ of any religious guiding principles. So try to convince them-and hopefully some will start accepting the truth sooner -much luck. I wait the responses to this thread excitedly.

 

Ma'salaama.

[wind.talker]

God - what I wouldn't do to qualify as a Scarce Resource! Right now, I'ma common product. You can find me at the following places:

 

*Coffee shops

*Donut shops

*Anywhere the BBC is on

*In front of Somali-owned restaurants

*Anywhere you hear loud talking!

[Strawberry_Xu]

A lot of muslim men are just as fanatic in promoting polygamy as an obligation or natural institution as women who are promoting it as some deviant arrangement.

 

First of all, God made it halaal. There is no point denying that, the Holy Quran is very clear on that, and the ladies need to understand that discouraging other women from becoming a second wife based purely on your own feelings is very intolerant.

 

However, you men need to understand had Allah (SWT) wanted to encourage men to marry multiple wives, the Quran would have been more clear about it.

 

Polygamy was offered as an alternative to monogamous marriage. It is more natural for a man to marry one women, why else do you think this is more prevalent amongst muslim men who otherwise could afford more wives?

 

Muslim men need to stop questioning a woman's imaan when she refuses to share her husband. People are not automatically charity currency.

 

If you have 8 children and your neighbour has none because she can't have any, would you question the imaan of the woman who doesn't want to give up a child?

 

For the woman who doesn't mind sharing her husband, that's graet for her. May Allah reward her for her character and generosity.

 

However, women have a choice for a reason. Remember that.

 

Another solution to the imbalance of compatible somali partners, is to educate the other faraaxs. I don't see the point of keeping the best marriage candidates restricted to each other. Why not spread them out a little? It's more likely that a good partner will have a good influence on a lesser partner, than the other way around.

 

Permit me to quote from www.Islamonline.net:

First of all, you should know that the general norm in Islam is monogamy and not polygamy. Also, the position of Islam towards polygamy is that it is neither mandatory nor encouraged, but merely permitted. More importantly, the permission to practice polygamy is associated with compassion towards widows and orphans, and is not associated with mere sexual satisfaction. Allah says:

 

If ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, Marry women of your choice, Two or three or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one, or (a captive) that your right hands possess, that will be more suitable, to prevent you from doing injustice.

 

Surah 4 Verse 3

You also make the mistake of referring to husbands as resources. A husband is not just a means to have children. I'm sure many marriages are conducted with only this purpose, but the vast majority are not. You forget about love.

 

Personally I passionately believe in love and the idea of soulmates. If I love my husband more than any other man on earth, if I dedicate myself to him and no other, don't you think it's hurtful when he doesn't feel the same way?

 

I'm not a demanding person, I only have one wish in this world and that is to love in the most intimate and passionate way and have that love returned. I don't see how it makes me a bad sister if I stick to that dream.

[Nur]

Bashi writes:

 

" Could you please post the profiles of these qualified and desirable husbands they are after. By the way, this post of yours won't help the singles a bit. And last time I checked the SOL crowd the single males outnumber the married folks "

 

 

is it my ears, or am I hearing a song from Aden?

There is an acute need for Somali Bachelors, please direct any Somali gentleman who you would trust to be a caring and fit to raise a family to e-Nuri Foundations, if what you are saying is true, it is indeed a great day!

 

 

 

 

" Sister Habiba is very tempting and I dare say her organization will recieve tons of anonymous applications and the bulk of that will come from single males instead of husbands . "

 

 

Sister Khadija is cant wait!

 

Bashi asks:

 

" On a serious question though can a polygamy be a viable option for husbands in qurbolands given the legal aspect of the system which is antithesis of this kind of lifestyle?

 

 

Gay marriages are legalized, polygamy is not, unless married sisters demonstrate down 1600 Pensylvania Ave, Washington DC.. to ask lawmakers to legalize polygamy to share their husbands with sister Habiba and others, Till then, there is a solution for time being, you flip a coin and declare the winner, a girlfrind ( so she gets more attention thana wife, at least that is how women feel thatthe most of the fun was chatting about marriage )

 

 

Nur

[Nur]

Amina sis

 

Congratulations.

 

Sister Khadija thinks that you are not the target audience, you need few years with your hubby before you will receive a letter from her organization, for now, no one will come between the two of you, but watch out! inyow wont do the trick later, competition is looming and its is going to keep you on your feet.

 

 

Raula sis

 

Great comment. The way I see it, there is a problem, and most sisters wish it is not there, but it is, so if it becomes " Nin walboo naftaa, nabiyoow umadda " these reluctant sisters will intercept many passes during get to gether family gatherings and no telling what their husbands would do, so if the imbalance problem is not recognized let alone find a solution, what is feared can hit home with vengeance like a Tsunami, some men may even hide the new wife until there is a baby to show that there is no returning back.

 

 

Windtalker

 

If you are avialble at the following locations

 

*Coffee shops

*Donut shops

*Anywhere the BBC is on

*In front of Somali-owned restaurants

*Anywhere you hear loud talking

 

 

Sisters in Khadija's organization are looking men at the wrong places like:

 

* Community Centers

* Mosques-Masjids

* Business Centers

* Research Centers

* Activists in Islamic Organizations

* Volunteers For Aiding The Poor.

 

Please report to one of these locations, Khadija would likely find you candidates who will stun you.

 

 

XU sis

 

you write:

 

 

" A lot of muslim men are just as fanatic in promoting polygamy as an obligation or natural institution as women who are promoting it as some deviant arrangement ."

 

I promise, I am not one of them men!

 

 

XU Writes

 

" First of all, God made it halaal. There is no point denying that, the Holy Quran is very clear on that, and the ladies need to understand that discouraging other women from becoming a second wife based purely on your own feelings is very intolerant ."

 

 

A Big But is coming, I know it, I know it!

 

 

Xu Writes:

 

However, you men need to understand had Allah (SWT) wanted to encourage men to marry multiple wives, the Quran would have been more clear about it .

 

 

No hard feelings but this statment seems as total contradiction with the first one. The audience are my witnesses .

 

 

XU Writes

 

 

" Polygamy was offered as an alternative to monogamous marriage. It is more natural for a man to marry one women, why else do you think this is more prevalent amongst muslim men who otherwise could afford more wives ?"

 

 

I agree, that when we have a balanced society, not in civil strife, wars, druga and qaat infested society, the one wife one hisband is natural, however when as in present situation there is a lack of proper correspondence of desirable couples, polygamy is more natural, other alternatives are to deny other women achance to have a family if we lock every man to a single woman.

 

 

XU writes

 

" Muslim men need to stop questioning a woman's imaan when she refuses to share her husband. People are not automatically charity currency, If you have 8 children and your neighbour has none because she can't have any, would you question the imaan of the woman who doesn't want to give up a child?

 

 

No one questions jealousy, any action regardless of how serious it is is never held against a womans iimaan, Aisha, once under the influence of jealousy said to the prophet SAWS " ...And you claim to be the Messenger of Allah?" , a statement if a non jealous person says would be tantamount to Kufr, however, the Prophet used to say to the companions " .. This is your mother, in jealousy"

 

The analogy of a woman with 8 children and a woman with no children is not right, you cant share chidren, but you can share husbands, at least that what you wrote in the first paragraph if I am correct.

 

XU writes:

 

For the woman who doesn't mind sharing her husband, that's graet for her. May Allah reward her for her character and generosity.

 

 

Alhamdulillah, this is a relief that you admire generosity and goodwill to less fortunate sisters, may Allah reward you for your good felings.

 

 

XU writes:

 

 

" However, women have a choice for a reason. Remember that."

 

That is why Kkahdija's organization is picking good married men only, not single men who are not fit for raising a family, loosers shouldnt breed, besides this should not be a lottery!

 

XU writes:

 

"Another solution to the imbalance of compatible somali partners, is to educate the other faraaxs. I don't see the point of keeping the best marriage candidates restricted to each other. Why not spread them out a little? It's more likely that a good partner will have a good influence on a lesser partner, than the other way around ."

 

 

This solution is a long term solution, meantime, sisters need a practical solution here and now. As for spreading good women to marry less desirable men, would you go first to marry and educate a Qat chewer, who uses abusive language and who had a rough street life?

 

XU Writes:

 

 

" You also make the mistake of referring to husbands as resources. A husband is not just a means to have children. I'm sure many marriages are conducted with only this purpose, but the vast majority are not. You forget about love ."

 

 

Allah wants earth to populated by good people, it takes good people to breed other good people, so as a bribe, marriage was built on Mawddah and Raxmah, Love and affection, for a purpose beyound that love. Love is just a mean, not an end on its own, its like a bait for a fish, how many people yoy know would put up with marriage if there was no love in it?

 

 

XU Writes:

 

" Personally I passionately believe in love and the idea of soulmates. If I love my husband more than any other man on earth, if I dedicate myself to him and no other, don't you think it's hurtful when he doesn't feel the same way ?

 

 

I second you that feeling, but I train all of my love to Allah, that way, Allah makes others love me , like he said in Quraan " Inna ladiina aamanuu wa camiluu as saalixaati sayajcalu lashumu Arraxmaanu WUDDA (LOVE )" If you love a mortal or worldly goods you will suffer pain when you loose them which is a sure thing, but of you confine your love to Allah SWT alone

 

 

XU writes

 

" I'm not a demanding person, I only have one wish in this world and that is to love in the most intimate and passionate way and have that love returned. I don't see how it makes me a bad sister if I stick to that dream. "

 

 

You sound like my past robotics professor " I am not a demanding professor, " all I expect from you Nur is that you understand the whole book, end to end"

 

Lower your expectations in this world, and I wil guarantee you happiness, expect less of people, give them, and do not take from them, honor them and do not expect them to honor you. It is better to be surprised with occassional good news, then to be let down when you hold people higher than a mortal, Only Allah SWT will stand with you, not a human, find peace with him, and share what you got, with those less fortunate, if its yours, it will remain with you, if not, it wasnt meant for you to begin with.

 

Peace and Love

 

Nur

[Valenteenah.]

Khadiijo Wanaagdoon should stop salivating after other women's husbands and find her own.

[Saalixa]

Nur

i wish to help these sisters of mine but me don't have a kusband yet, subhanalah i remeber what i wrote in the last time you posted this thread, very childish and selfish reasoning walaahi.In one year i have changed so much not just in this matter but many religious matters aswell. And for those sisters apply and condemn.....if your husbands does not marry another lady in this world his hur cayns are waiting for him in the next so ladies surrender to the laws of Allah.

insha alaah i know women that are willing to help for the sake of Allah. Religious wise women that know the reward and love they will recieve from Allah. But me problem is they all based in Australasia...and they aren't somelis some are half castes but mansha allah they are sincere sisters that are only like SAMIcNAA WA ADACNAA..it's very hard to find somli ladies like this i don't know why. They have much pride and arrogance and leads me to ponder are they any different and special in terms of treatment from the oppisite sex and closeness to Alaah?? why do they have a tantrum finding their Husband wants to share her...it does not mean he is sated it is just he is doning the Sunaah of the porphet calayhi salaam. So i would sincerely advise to check for reverts and practisingg non somali sisters.

but if you need more help i can give you some email addresses in a note of privacy.

[rudy-Diiriye]

hey brotha nur! do u know what i just read!! i got an snail mail from a company that wants to clone me!!

 

well, may be i can make a business cloning myself to xaliimos!!! ever think of that!! according to this post my clone can reproduce in 3 yrs!!

 

xaliimos keep hope alive!! :confused:

[Beard]

Bismillah,

Although a husband has to consult his first wife when he desires to marry a second one, the chances of getting a positive answer is so small, there is no need bothering.

If I was married to any of the negative sisters above I would simply over rule them and go ahead.

 

Regarding jealousy,

 

When the prophet(salalahu caleyhi wa salam) approached Umm salama for marriage:

 

"O Messenger of Allah, I have three characteristics. I am a woman who is extremely jealous and I am afraid that you will see in me something that will anger you and cause Allah to punish me. I am a woman who is already advanced in age and I am a woman wh o has a young family."

 

The Prophet replied:

 

"Regarding the jealousy you mentioned, I pray to Allah the Almighty to let it go away from you. Regarding the question of age you have mentioned. I am afflicted with the same problem as you. Regarding the dependent family you have mentioned, your family is my family."

 

A woman has no right to outlaw what Allah(subhana wa ta'ala) has permitted. If she is prone to jealousy, just pray for her as the prophet(salalahu caleyhi wa salam) did.

No proposed marriage of the prophet(salalahu caleyhi wa salam) was vetoed by any of his wives.

Jealousy or economic woes never had a place.

All those sisters are single because we have become metrosexuals boys and deviated from the way of Allah(subhana wa tacala) and his prophet(salalahu caleyhi wa salam).

Arab news recently reported a whole small town in saudi Arabia with all ladies married(no single lady).

Do you think women went round accepting second wives?

[- Femme -]

I dont think that a lot of women who object to polygamy do so becuase of jealousy but because most somali men who go and have a second wife do it without their wife's knowledge and behind her back. Their cowardice and lies are disgusting.

 

How many times have I heard of men going back to somalia because of a "vacation" or to build a home for his family.....and then two months later marrying another woman there? Thats disrespectful and I would understand why a woman would divorce his sorry **** in a second.

 

Also, men who should not have mutliple wives do---they abuse the right that Allah has given them...therefore a women is of course going to first think about herself and the welfare of her family if her husband brings in another woman and potential children to support. And thats why she may be relunctant with the idea of being anything other than #1.

 

I dont blame them for being selfish---afterall its not mandatory and there are no reprecussions for refusing to accept it personally.

 

I understand polgamy and its importance---but honeslty lets think about it. The reason was to support widows and divorcees with children who would have a hard time supporting themselves---all the women that the Prophet (scw) married where not virgins and most had children except Aishah. But the somali man <-----does he do it? NO!! A forty year old will run to somali a to marry a 15 year old. Now is it because he wants to help or for Allah's sake? Absolutely not....its all for sexual reasons.

 

Assalamu Alaikum

[Wiilo]

Assalaama Calaykum Warahma dhammaan:....

 

 

Call me what u want, but I don't think there is nothing wrong with having multiple wives, look on the bright side, the extended family, the creation of family social network etc. what we (Women) get to lose as long as we being treated well and fair.

 

By the way my dad had four wives I guess that explains perfectly well huh Personally, I do not have a problem with it

 

 

Go figure:............

[Nur]

Quick responses

 

Rudy bro.

 

b4 u clone yourself, make sure the original is in synch with Islam so the clones ecpected degradation is not as bad, clones are very weak, so if you have three clones i do not know how they would would fare with your responsibilities at home and at work.

 

 

Femme Fatale sis

 

A question: Given the following assumptions:

 

1. There are More single women than men in Somali Community( Forget widows for now)

 

2. Your Somali husband is very fair and considerate, he has always been honest, and never done you any harm.

 

3. One day he came home and said " Honey, I want you to know that I love you, and that I am also taking another wifey, in Somalia, she is 18 year old girl, one of eight sisters, and a qaraabo of mine, she is of great character and faith, I need your blessing "

 

 

Femme sis, what would be your response?

 

 

Nur