Do You Have This Problem? or Know of a Victim Who Does?

[Malika]

Salaam Nur,

 

Gossiping isnt my thing,but being human one has days of weakness,and today was one of them. I was talking on the phone with a friend,the conversation had been about a going on's of some sisters in the community..I actually had a outer body experience,I could see myself yapping away all these negative things,although conscious of what I was doing I didnt stop. So this evening while standing on the prayer mat during Maghrib,I tend to close my eyes while praying[helps me focus] I could see image of me as I was standing in prayers but I was getting smaller and smaller as I read surati Fatha,tears started rolling down my cheeks.My heart knew of my crimes,me growing increasingly smaller while praying in front of Allah,I interpreted that as a sign..Of how insigificant I was,and how I have belittled myself in front of my Creator, by backstabbing,gossiping and being malicious against folks that I had no business discussing their affairs..Subhannallah!

 

After prayers, I called my friends and asked them that we should be reminding each other to stop if one of us starts to gossip.

 

I have learned,I hope I continue being among those when they do wrong they repeant and when they do good they rejoice!

 

Backstabbing,gossiping is damaging not only to the one that people are gossiping about but more so to those doing the deeds..

 

ps..Tonight browzing through SOL,here is a topic about gossiping..A sign or what? Allahu Akbar!!

[Ameen]

Assalam alaikum Br. Nur

 

SubhanAllah, here I am dealing with a character assassination of my own.

 

Its been six or seven months since the day some individuals in the community started spreading unbelievable rumors about me. At first, I was like, this is not how men act. As time went on, I was like, Muhammad (saw) dealt with a bigger trail then the one I find myself in so why shouldn’t I be patient? So as time went on, I faded into my own little world and about seven months after the rumors hit the streets, I started receiving emails and telephone calls from individuals I had never actually spoken to in the past. I was kind of caught off guard by the whole situation because while I was in my own little world, little did I know, my enemies had taken their words and lies about me to the level of slander. Obviously, I was shocked and truthfully, I was hurt. And although, By Allah, I wanted to mention the names of those individuals that I had certain knowledge about who started and allowed those slanders about my character to flow like a never ending river, I was shy to mention their names to Allah. I knew with certainty that He knew best as to who to hold accountable for the pain I had found myself overtaken by, but I couldn’t mention their names to Allah because, I needed Allah to somehow forgive them, for I knew with certainty, I needed Allah to forgive the sins I have committed and are listed in my book of deeds. I looked at the moment where I was overtaken by a strong pain to be the door where I can walk through and raise my hands towards the heavens and say, "Ya Rabb, it is within my right that I seek justice from You and it is within my right that I mention to You so and so did this to me but my Lord, forgive them because I need You to forgive me.."

 

By Allah, I know there will come a Day when I'll have my justice and honestly, I very much look forward to that day. However as for today, I tried to clear my name but the damage has been done. With that being said, my only option is to be patient but from my experience (and on-going experience) regarding the entire matter, all I can say is, my pain did not form when those who were spreading lies about me went out into the community at full force but the pain increased when I reached out to those who I thought knew me but my efforts went for little when I tried to remind them of who I was. It was like, they didnt even know me. I was stunned and I said to myself, subhanAllah, is this how our Messenger Muhammad (saw) felt when he went out to his people and tried to deliver the message of tawheed to them? How did he (saw) feel when his people called him a liar and a magician? On the bright side, as I struggled within myself to limit my complaining to Allah, I received an email from an individual I very much respect and it stated, "I dont care what so and so and said about you because I will never believe them". May Allah have mercy on the individual who took the time to write such words that brought comfort and ease to my soul.

 

Alhamdulilah, In the end, I'm SO thankful to Allah on so many levels for the situation I find myself in. For one, the experience of my own slander has taught me a lot about myself and has improved my overall relationship with Allah. I finally understand that it is not befitting of me to run to Allah and complain about matters that bring me pain but I need to submit to Him during those times of ease. I've also noticed how all those hours studying the religion of Allah came to my aid; for when moments became too tough on me, Allah reminded me of a piece of knowledge which had been stored in my subconscious and that served as relief. And finally, am I in doubt about Allah's promise that He will resurrect us together? That He will judge between us in those matters we disputed about while we were in the world? Am I in doubt about receving my justice from Allah? No, I'm not. So I'll be patient inshAllah and the end will always be for the pious.

 

P.S. Thanks Br. Nur for your words of wisdom and may Allah have mercy on you

[Abu-Salman]

I have learned that the best way to minimize harm is to simply avoid people well-known for rumors or other vain malayacni (who neither profit others in any way nor refrain from time-wasting for their own sake).

 

Of course, we shouldn't keep rancors and always forgive as good muslim, so to perfect our Ihsan and so that all trials continue to act only for our best interests.

 

 

PS: the fact that people may seem close to us hardly matters as only Muslims with Ikhlaas and ethical coherence could be entirely trusted...

[Abyan]

I was actually a victim of xan about seven years ago. The memory is still fresh.

 

I had just gotten contact with some distant relatives of mine ( two sisters), and we started seeing each other. I started visiting them but the meetings were very wierd, I felt that they weren´t speaking much.

After a few weeks of getting to know each other, by this time i became close to one of them. That is when she dropped the bomb. Telling me that her sister´s husband heard something from the suuqa, and that she didnt beleive it since she got to know me on a personal level. (She probably said that to make me feel better)

 

Walaahi I remeber like it was yesterday, i was standing by the kitchen table when she told me what she heard, and tears started rolling down my face before i even blinked. My knees became weak and my world started spinning. I was shocked and couldn´t beleive people would say something that ugly and evil. These were some serious stuff.

 

The ironi was, i was the type of person that always said, " timir laf ayaa ku jirto" or "there is no smoke without fire" when I heard a rumour. And this was actually happening to me, and there wasn´t Any truth in it.

 

I had mixed emotions, mostly anger. That I was walking around my relative´s house, anoo daacad ah oo wax uurka ku haaynin, and there they were sitting with this false information that they had heard. God knows what they were talking about when I left their house after our first visit.

 

I was also very hurt, that they had actally let weeks go by without telling me anything, and that they actually kind of beleived it, because thinking back now, i noticed that their dabeecad was very wierd when i started seeing them. The older one was actually haruufing me. Walaahi it is very sad that you are being judged before being given the chance of in lagu barto.

 

Walaahi somalideena don´t know what character assissination can actually do to a person´s well being. I didnt know a lot of people and yet they "knew" me well. I became paranoid and started avoiding somalis and became qof xer xeran. Because at that time the wound was still fresh, and i felt very alone.

 

After some time, runtaa soo baxday and the rumours were put to death. But imisaa ee rumours daba socotaa to their graves. And people, im not talking about light rumours that you can just brush off.

 

Walaahi my view has drastically changed now when it comes to xanta, because i have actually been a victim.

 

 

Soomalideena dabeecad waxaan u qabnaa in aan ku fikirno " There is no smoke without fire."

 

We say that to claim there's always some truth in a rumour, since they supposedly don't start for no reason. I dont´t think so, because gossip can take the weirdest forms without any need for true sources.

[Nur]

Malika, Abu Salman, Ameen and Sulekha

 

Jazakumullahu kheiran for your informative and educational quality experiences. Many nomads will surely benefit from these stories.

 

I just want you to read Surah Mariam - Mary (Aleyhaa al Salaam) and put yourself in her place, can you imagine how bad she felt about the prospect of slander, and in hands is the irrefutable evidence, a baby boy?

 

Mary wished not only to die, but to have not exisited in the first place ( Nasyan mansiyan), so she is not even remembered.

 

InshAllah, in light of Quraan and Sunnah, let us suggest ways to:

 

1. Control this evil from happening.

 

2. After it takes off, how to deal with it.

 

 

Nur

[Abu-Salman]

First, one should dissipate calmly any misunderstanding as the prophet did when one of the companions found him next to his wife and then run away embarrassed, by calling him back so that he see her for himself.

 

Then, if you can do little, you should put your trust in Allah and behave as usual, without resentment, for the truth can not be hidden eternally and there are always decent people to witness it if you remain in good company (there is no such thing as "friendship", only sincere muslims who love each other for Allah's sake!)...

[Buuxo]

Jazakallah Khayr Nur and other contributors for reminding us about backbiting, it can be such an easy sin to commit without even noticing , just like not lowering out gaze ,it has become the norm just like having sugar with our shaah but can have grave consequences and can destroy our good deeds. May Allah protect us from falling into both.