Why I am not married?

[samjamaa]

Why am not married? That’s a question I get asked a lot. All my friends were convinced that I am too picky and looking for that perfection because I am considered to be beautiful, educated with two degrees and Alhamdulillah came from religious family.

After finished pharmacy collage people have often told me I have the complete package, but being a Somali female, who grew up in Arab culture, make some confusion between two cultures (Somali & Arab). Most of educated “Somali men” whose I met want to start the relation first with friend ship and dating (which taken from west/Somali culture)for while then we may end it with marriage or as strangers which is not acceptable to my moral ( I am religious)

I loved to marry Somali man and my family has instilled in me that feeling, but in same time I like to make my relationships “halaal” or Islamically approved. When I meet a guy, I will not be afraid to tell him what I want, and ask him if he wants the same. If he doesn’t, there is no need for me to waste my precious time.

At the end I have come to the conclusion that perhaps I am not attracting the right person into my life right now or perhaps I have closed mind as a friend once told me. I believed that I will meet that special person, it’s just a matter of time.

Dear Blessed I hope I satisfied you curiosity of Why am not married?

[Maaddeey]

Yakoon Khayr Insha Allah.

[Che -Guevara]

Never understood what 'special perspn' mean?

 

Good luck Sam.

[samonia]

i understand the cultural confusion .. i live it !

[Blessed]

Xabiibti!! I was just teasing you in the other thread, I honestly wasn't expecting a reply. I don't agree with that there is a rise in Somali singles, there are several weddings every weekend here in London. As for those who choose to be single, I'm of the opinion that everyone has their own valid reason for not being married. Our society needs to stop putting pressure on people to get married. I completely understand the cultural differences that you've mentioned, it's definitely an issue for our people these days.

 

Inshaallah, Allah will reward you for your obedience to him. Xx

 

LOL Che. Perhaps, it's because you're not a ... special person.. ehem,

[somalee]

You can't tell us that you couldn't find a good Somali man anywhere. In your case you may find your parents' intervention useful. Just to let you know that there's a certain age when a Somali woman reaches she's more likely to be hit by a meteor than to get married. If you get there my friend, the number of degrees you may have in your possession will have no use in attracting men.

[samjamaa]

Che -Guevara;781613 wrote:

Never understood what 'special perspn' mean?

 

Good luck Sam.

In Islam if Allah has meant marriage for you, there will be someone( yours special person) for you.

i hope now you understand the meaning.

 

thanks walaalo

[samjamaa]

*Blessed;781655 wrote:

Xabiibti!! I was just teasing you in the other thread, I honestly wasn't expecting a reply. I don't agree with that there is a rise in Somali singles, there are several weddings every weekend here in London. As for those who choose to be single, I'm of the opinion that everyone has their own

valid

reason for not being married. Our society needs to stop putting pressure on people to get married. I completely understand the cultural differences that you've mentioned, it's definitely an issue for our people these days.

 

Inshaallah, Allah will reward you for your obedience to him. Xx

 

LOL Che. Perhaps, it's because you're not a ... special person.. ehem,

thanks dear

[samjamaa]

somalee;781671 wrote:

You can't tell us that you couldn't find a good Somali man anywhere. In your case you may find your parents' intervention useful. Just to let you know that there's a certain age when a Somali woman reaches she's more likely to be hit by a meteor than to get married. If you get there my friend, the number of degrees you may have in your possession will have no use in attracting men.

no i did not find in my local area, and is useless to find someone out side my local area, first my father died 10yrs ago and this issues need man to intervention, by the way my degrees scare them not attract them.

[Taleexi]

Waa su'aal meesha ku jirta.

[Miriam1]

Hello Sam;

 

I would like to give you some practical advise - beyond what's being said above like everyone single has a "valid" reason for not being married.

 

1. You mentioned that grew up in an Arab culture - so I guess you speak Arabic. Check out this musalsal from last Ramadan - and hopefully it will put a smile on your face and realize that the marriage dilemma is not unique to you but a world-wide issue.

 

 

2. If your family/friends/co-workers/complete strangers introduce you to someone that you realize within seconds is the COMPLETE opposite

of what you want from a partner - DO NOT DECLINE IMMEDIATELY. My advise is to open your heart to the idea of marrying this person - so what if he works at a convenience store and only has a highschool diploma compared to your two degrees. With hard work and saving, maybe one day he will own his own store!

 

3. But what if your family/friends/co-workers/random strangers on the street do not introduce to anyone and you simply do not meet anyone on your own. What's to be done!? BE PROACTIVE. Go to the local masjid - become a fixture there. Go online - chat, paltalk etc. Check out

muslim single sites - perhaps there are Somalis there too, who knows!

 

4. All of the above does not work - If you are still in your mid 20's - have heart and continue on your journey. If you are in your late 20's i.e 28 and above. I suggest you start preparing for your 30's. The barrage of questions, stares and 'maskinas' from a family/friends/co-workers/strangers will only INTENSIFY. Consider hijrah - leave the country you are in now and start anew somewhere else. Focus like a mad person on your career- without a family support system to take care of you - you need a large income and lots of saving, and honestly something to focus on. Once you hit your 40's consider adoption or foster care - so you can give back to the world.

 

And above all ofcourse - continuing praying for what you desire and inshallah you will be awarded

[Aaliyyah]

Miriam good answer...mashallah..

 

Samjama good luck hun. And, dont worry too much of it..cidna calafkooda ma seegayaan. And, I understand that u dont want to waste your time there are guy out there who just wanna date and islamically thats not even halaal. If you meet those typa ppl drop them but if someone wants to marry u and wants to get to know u..inshallah then u should be open to that...cuz nowadays no one just wants to marry u without knowing u..and it wouldnt even be sound on yur part either..who knows u might realize something u dnt like abt him that period ur getting to know or vice versa really realize he is the one..and then alhamdulilah proceed with the nikkah.

 

tthats my two cents...

 

salaam

[Aaliyyah]

and oh I forgat to say ilaahay ha unaxaristo abaha sabir iyo iman. ilaahay janada haka waraabiyo.

[Taleexi]

Calafkooda way seegayaan hadaanay ila soo xiriirin... Aaliyyah dadka ha ka waalin.

[Aaliyyah]

^markay kula xidhiidho maxaad ku kordhin? lol...wa suaale..?

 

salaam