Far from our families' homes, we still yearn for one of our own

[N.O.R.F]

An Arab take on being a foreigner/expat most of their lives. I'm sure many can relate.

 

Far from our families' homes, we still yearn for one of our own

 

'Home is where the heart is." The saying may be universal, but a whole generation in the Middle East, if not two, is struggling to make this a reality.

 

Regardless of gender, background and history, everyone eventually wants to settle down in their own home. And unlike past generations, a home may not necessarily be where you were born or where you have spent a majority of your life.

 

It has actually become difficult to define a home for many expatriates, particularly for Arabs who live and work across the region.

 

The other day I was tagging along with friends of mine, a Syrian-Lebanese family with young children that has just moved here as their home countries sink further towards conflict and instability. Syria's conflict is obvious and bloody, while in Lebanon a subtle uncertainty has persisted for decades. It was no surprise to hear of the building collapse in Beirut earlier this week, which killed at least 24 people and was blamed on corruption and poor maintenance.

 

These parents were house hunting, and struggling with the question of whether to buy or rent. Either way will be expensive. They are lucky since their families are well off, they both work and have savings, and so they can afford the expense.

 

For single people like myself, it is close to impossible to be able to afford to buy a home, and so we waste more money paying rent. Trust me, it is an awful feeling. While many of us have old family homes in countries in the Levant, for example, these houses are scarred by war and we can't see ourselves going back anytime soon. The Arab Spring actually made this problem worse.

 

My friends' parents grew up in the Gulf, and they both felt like they were repeating the story of their parents with the decision to move back here with their own children.

 

But expatriates always face a different experience. "I don't want them to feel homeless like we did," a friend of mine, and mother of three, recently said. "Even if we love a particular city in the Gulf with all our hearts, we can't call it home as it ends with our visas."

 

Arabs of the Levant and North Africa have struggled with stability throughout different periods of history, and migrated across the world for different reasons. An estimated 20 million people of Arab origin live in Latin America, seven million in Brazil alone. The majority are Arab Christians whose families migrated in the early 1900s to escape Ottoman rule.

 

Of those who moved to the Gulf in the 1960s and 1970s during the oil and construction boom, some are still trying to find their place. Speaking from experience, my own parents love Saudi Arabia and can't imagine leaving after so many decades spent there. I could write a book about the number of times they have tried to buy a home, but each time it fell through on a legal technicality, or they were duped, or for any number of reasons. Many others have incurred the same great financial costs and emotional pain.

 

My parents are too old to start anew, and where could they go? As far back as I go in our family tree, I see a history of loss and dislocation as family members have tried to find a home. I am sure it is the case in many old Arab families.

 

During our recent house hunting, we visited an old traditional Emirati home that was available for rent. The house needed a lot of maintenance, but the grounds were large and green, almost like a big oasis farm. Beautiful. We were standing in awe as the Emirati owner told us that he and his family were moving to a newer house.

 

As we stood on this beautiful property, each of us looked around, and for our different reasons, all three of us 30-something adults had tears in our eyes.

 

We didn't need to say anything. The owner just looked at us and understood, saying: "Sorry, sometimes we need to be reminded of how lucky we are."

 

My friends are relatively well-off, and in the end they will be able to buy or rent a home, if not necessarily the one of their dreams. But for many Arabs, a home of our own remains just a heartfelt desire.

http://www.thenational.ae/thenationalconversation/comment/far-from-our-families-homes-we-still-yearn-for-one-of-our-own

 

Do you feel at home?

[Archdemos]

It seems the older I get the more isolated and less integrated I feel with mainstream British society. Once very much an insider I now look at things differently, and a lot of it has to do with my Islamic and cultural principals. I may have felt at home in Britain for a long time, but the changing attitudes of the brits and the drift to the right in European politics is really starting to worry me. Maybe its as a result of lack of critical argument in our media, or just a dumbing down of society but people these today rely too much on abbreviated angles to news, which is excellent on rapportage and terrible on analysis. Would I want to raise children here, would I want to put all my eggs in one basket, purchase a home in the long run and be tied down with no mobility. Will there come a time when there will be a rush to get off this island we call home? Maybe I’m being paranoid, but I definitely sense a change in views in attitudes of those I have known the longest since the age of 6. When once islam was simply a religious and cultural difference its now the become your one linear identity, and there is an unspoken uneasy toleration of this in work places up and down the country.

 

Nevertheless if we look at the lives of Somali pioneers in Britain’s merchant navy, it seems they also suffered with this longing for home, in my case a home. The idea that our travels were temporary has left us in this psychological no man's land, which has harmed the community in terms of progress.

 

The truth is as backward and terrible the land of my forefathers may seem it has provided me with peace of mind. The 6 months I spent there were hard and by no means easy and a lot of adjustments and sacrifices had to be made. But for the first time I had immediate family around, cousins, uncles, aunts and extended family. Not to romanticise and view the challenges Somalia faces in a blinkered way but the country did provide me with the best time of my life, because for the first time I belonged, that alone was priceless enough.

 

So home for me is Somalia, despite the fact I wasn’t born or raised there.

[Alpha Blondy]

''So home for me is Somalia, despite the fact I wasn’t born or raised there.'' - pathetic statement.

 

a dog born in a kennel is still a dog. u were born outside of the somali terrorities, therefore your a non-somali. pure and simple.

[Dervish]

Alpha Blondy;776807 wrote:

''So home for me is Somalia, despite the fact I wasn’t born or raised there.'' - pathetic statement.

 

a dog born in a kennel is still a dog. u were born outside of the somali terrorities, therefore your a non-somali. pure and simple.

Typical Somaliland thinking smh

[Archdemos]

Alpha whats your point bro, in your definition i may not be a Somali, but all that matters surely is my state of mind and i felt like i belonged.

[ElPunto]

I think the meaning of home is hard to pinpoint - generally defined in contrast to some other - often idealized. Somalis and other Muslims may not feel at home in the west because of the dichotomy of the lifestyle with Islam which is its own way of life. And you can't feel at home in the Arab world because you can never be recognized as a citizen despite the religious commonlity. The reality is that western countries accept you as a citizen and accord you equal rights(at least in theory) and treat you as one of their own. The degree to which Somalis(or others) feel at home is a matter of how they see themselves in their adopted countries as long as these countries offer the chance of full citizenship in the broadest sense.

 

I feel at home in Canada - I would feel more at home in a Muslim country provided I was accepted as a full citizen - I would feel most at home IN Somalia given a decent functioning state.

[Abu-Salman]

Home is indeed one of those often cited, abused and misunderstood concepts (such as education, progress etc) but which requires deeper analysis, and my views rejoin those of brother Archdemos.

 

Having both my parents born and bred in Djibouti and lived there up to adulthood, we still tend however to see home as that corner of Somalia where most of our relatives still reside;

it is common for many families to own lavish houses and plots in Hargeysa, Borama etc yet still rent or live in modest dwellings in Djibouti.

Besides, our best memories tend to come from summer trips accross the border (I still remember the weekly Somali band boy parade on Thursday back in 86 at 2 and half years etc).

My mother, whose business has taken off there, is adding to her home in Hargeysa and talks of retiring there.

In a sense, one can thus say Djibouti is a more "permanent" sort of work commute area for such families, a kind of second home where one is very much at ease, while still yearning for the ancestral neighbourhood.

 

I would also fell half comfortable in places such as Oman or Sudan, even more at ease in Jigjiga, Bossaso or even Baidoa further away (particularly if more relatives moved there);

yet, the only certitude is that I would always feel alienated and on my toes in places such as Canada, let alone Europe.

Of course, the routine "small-scale" forms of prejudice or hostility and different core values are the biggest reasons as to why.

 

 

 

PS: There are naturalised Somalis, particularly in Oman or Yemen, not to mention many married to locals; it would be hypocritical to offer accross the board passports without full equality in practice as testified by the bitterness of France 's Maghrebins Arabs, packed in the Banlieues tower blocks (who tend now to emigrate to Dubai or Doha for real opportunities).

[Narniah]

Alpha Blondy;776807 wrote:

 

a dog born in a kennel is still a dog.

u were born outside of the somali terrorities, therefore your a non-somali. pure and simple.

Oh really? I understood the logic of that statement, even though it appears you couldn't understand yourself.

 

If a dog born in a kennel is still a dog, then a Somali born "outside of the somali terrorities" is still a Somali.

 

Make sure you understand what you are trying to say before you say it. That way, you can avoid humiliating yourself in the future. You were trying to be slick with the dog comment, but you failed pathetically.

[Gheelle.T]

^ :)

[Abwaan]

Archdemos;776788 wrote:

So home for me is Somalia, despite the fact I wasn’t born or raised there.

Respect

 

Narniah;776879 wrote:

Oh really?

If a dog born in a kennel is still a dog, then a Somali born "outside of the somali terrorities" is still a Somali.

 

Make sure you understand what you are trying to say before you say it. That way, you can avoid humiliating yourself in the future. You were trying to be slick with the dog comment, but you failed pathetically.

...ouch!

[Saxansaxo]

Archdemos;776788 wrote:

It seems the older I get the more isolated and less integrated I feel with mainstream British society. Once very much an insider I now look at things differently, and a lot of it has to do with my Islamic and cultural principals. I may have felt at home in Britain for a long time, but the changing attitudes of the brits and the drift to the right in European politics is really starting to worry me. Maybe its as a result of lack of critical argument in our media, or just a dumbing down of society but people these today rely too much on abbreviated angles to news, which is excellent on rapportage and terrible on analysis. Would I want to raise children here, would I want to put all my eggs in one basket, purchase a home in the long run and be tied down with no mobility. Will there come a time when there will be a rush to get off this island we call home? Maybe I’m being paranoid, but I definitely sense a change in views in attitudes of those I have known the longest since the age of 6. When once islam was simply a religious and cultural difference its now the become your one linear identity, and there is an unspoken uneasy toleration of this in work places up and down the country.

.

I'm having the same thoughts aswell walaal. Its not easy times, how things are heading is indeed worrying.

As for the somalis in the british navy. My grandfather that was a former seaman share that sentiment. Now that he's finally settled down, he is far from home, longs for it and home, well it isnt really the home he once knew. Its sad.

 

Back to the q, Do I feel at home? No, not at all. It wasnt until my early teens that i got to see home. And ever since then, I've longed for it every single day.

[OdaySomali]

Archdemos;776819 wrote:

in your definition i may not be a Somali, but all that matters surely is my state of mind and i felt like i belonged.

Well said Bro. Of-course you are Somali and you have every right to go/be there!