Choosing A Good Husband

[samjamaa]

One of the ways in which Islam has honoured woman is by giving her the right to choose her husband. Her parents have no right to force her to marry someone she dislikes.

 

For example the report quoted by Imam Al-Bukhaari from al-Khansa' bint Khidam:

 

"My father married me to his nephew, and I did not like this match, so I complained to the Messenger of Allah . He said to me: `Accept what your father has arranged.' I said, `I do not wish to accept what my father has arranged.' He said, `Then this marriage is invalid, go and marry whomever you wish.' I said, `I have accepted what my father has arranged, but I wanted women to know that fathers have no right in their daughter's matters (i.e. they have no right to force a marriage on them).'"2

 

At first, the Prophet told al-Khansa' to obey her father, and this is as it should be, because the concern of fathers for their daughters' well-being is well-known. But when he realized that her father wanted to force her into a marriage she did not want, he gave her the freedom to choose, and saved her from the oppression of a father who wanted to force her into an unwanted marriage.

 

 

According to a report given by Al-Bukhaari from Ibn `Abbas, she said, "I do not blame Thabit for anything with regard to his religion or his behaviour, but I do not like him."

 

Islam has protected woman's pride and humanity, and has respected her wishes with regard to the choice of a husband with whom she will spend the rest of her life.

see this another example repored by Ibn `Abbas who said:

 

"Barirah's husband was a slave, who was known as Mughith. I can almost see him, running after her and crying, with tears running down onto his beard. The Prophet said to `Abbas, `O `Abbas, do you not find it strange, how much Mugith loves Barirah, and how much Barirah hates Mughith?' The Prophet said (to Barirah), `Why do you not go back to him?' She said, `O Messenger of Allah, are you commanding me to do so?' He said, `I am merely trying to intervene on his behalf.' She said, `I have no need of him.'"4

 

The Prophet was deeply moved by this display of human emotion: deep and overwhelming love on the part of the husband, and equally powerful hatred on the part of the wife in the other hand he could not help but remind the wife, and ask her why she did not go back to him, as he was her husband and the father of her child.

The Muslim woman who understands the teachings of her religion has wise and correct standards when it comes to choosing a husband. She does not concern herself just with good looks, high status, a luxurious lifestyle or any of the other things that usually attract women. She looks into his level of religious commitment and his attitude and behaviour, because these are the pillars of a successful marriage, and the best features of a husband. Islamic teaching indicates the importance of these qualities in a potential husband, as Islam obliges a woman to accept the proposal of anyone who has these qualities, lest fitnah and corruption become widespread in society:

 

"If there comes to you one with whose religion and attitude you are satisfied, then give your daughter to him in marriage, for if you do not do so, fitnah anmischief will become widespread on earth."5

 

Just as the true Muslim young man will not be attracted to the pretty girls who have grown up in a bad environment, so the Muslim young woman who is guided by her religion will not be attracted to ****** "play-boy" types, no matter how handsome they may be. Rather she will be attracted to the serious, educated, believing man who is clean-living and pure of heart, whose behaviour is good and whose understanding of religion is sound. No-one is a suitable partner for the good, believing woman except a good, believing man; and no-one is a suitable partner for the wayward, immoral woman but a wayward, immoral man, as Allah (subhaanahu wa 'ta'aalaa) has said:

 

Women impure are for men impure, and men impure for women impure, and women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity . . . (Qur'aan 24:26)

 

In order to achieve this great goal of strengthening the marriage bond, and establishing a stable family life, it is essential to choose the right partner in the first place.

[Bluelicious]

Thanks for your reminder great thread. I have one good advice.

 

For the women: Don't be a woman that needs a man be a woman that a man needs.

For the men: Don't be a man that needs a woman but be a man that a woman needs.

 

Forget about looking for the right woman/man instead focus on being the right man/woman.

 

[Axmed-InaJaad]

Bluelicious;775764 wrote:

Thanks for your reminder great thread. I have one good advice.

 

For the women: Don't be a woman that needs a man be a woman that a man needs.

For the men: Don't be a man that needs a woman but be a man that a woman needs.

 

Forget about looking for the right woman/man instead focus on being the right man/woman.

 

 

YOU'Re so smart. did you think of that all by yourself?

[Bluelicious]

Axmed-InaJaad;775770 wrote:

YOU'Re so smart. did you think of that all by yourself?

Thanks darling unfortunately those are not my words but I think we can all benefit from them since we tend to focus on the wrong things. Often we say I need a man/woman without looking at ourselfs first and making sure we are the right person first