Somali Anarchists Declaration SAD

[Nur]

The Somali Anarchist League

El Doret, Kenya.

 

 

Letter to President Bush.

 

 

Dear President Bush

 

 

We the Somali Anarchists are closely following the war in Iraq, as anarchists, we understand you better than all those people in London and Mideast who demonstrate against your policies. We see you the future leader of the anarchist world, a world in which no one trusts United Nation and in which might makes right. What are weapons good for if not tested every ten years?

 

Of special importance to our Anarchist organization is your result oriented character, you have given a new dimension to your name, you are Mr. Bush, and you sure do not beat around the bush to get what you want, you want oil, and we believe after seeing the fireworks in Bagdaad, that you will get the oil flowing to USA in no time.

 

We are in the information age, the electronic and molecular genetic age, the world under your supremacy became a small village, with an archaic organization ruled by an African guy whose name sounds like starbucks coffee, ( Is it a coincidence that when an African guy ruled the UN the World became chaotic and anarchic World, I am sure that Europeans will say, " Ilmo Xaaji Dhagax baa aduunka xukuma, bal eega sidey aduunkii u galeen?").

 

As Somali anarchists, we like our African UN leader who makes sure that anarchy in the world spreads and prevails, our anarchist organization believe that Mr. Kofi Anan should focus on Malaria and Mosquitoes in Africa ( his true size) and to leave political issues to the superpower warlords like you and regional warlords like us.

 

 

In Contrast, in our regional village of Somalia, we believe in liberation of all weak people who live near rich resources, like Jubbaland and Kismayo, that is why all of our tribes are now fighting over these rich resources just like cats, all the American and European companies will be fighting over the lucrative contracts in Iraq.

 

We also understand that unless something is destroyed it can not be rebuilt, we understand destruction very well, come visit Mogadishu. At the US Embassy in Mogadishu there is a guy who lives nearby the abandoned American Embassy, his name " JAJABIYE" ( Means The Demolisher), this is true, we are not joking and he is still there to this day. As you recall we destroyed Somalia, but unlike you, we are broke, can you come and rebuild Somalia for us ?, we would agree to a 50/50 deal and we are ready to sign a 1000 year contract, we want to be liberated like Iraqis so we can taste the freedom by carrying our guns in our pick up trucks just like you guys do it in Texas.

 

For the first time, all anarchists feel that we have a friend in a high place, here are some of the lessons you have taught us, because of brevity I will only discuss three of them today.

 

1. Democracy ( DEM) in Arabic means blood, Cracy means rule, anarchists rule by blood, and we fully agree with that strategy, Bagdaad reminds us Hargeisa being bombarded by the Southafrican contracted Air force by Siad Barre, and Basra reminds us the Mogadishu looting and Bililiqo, that is how we destroyed our country. Are you going to do that to the entire global village?

 

2. Freedom of speech : Say all you can if you do not mind but stay out of the way of our tanks artillery range if you happen to be an independent reporter for non patriotic channels.

 

3. Freedom to bear arms: Only the mightiest warlord is allowed to bear arms,nuclear arms not irresponsible warlords who can misfire and hurt innocent bystanders across the Atlantic ocean and Mediterranean seas.

 

As we have previously requested, removing Nuclear weapons from Iraq is a good idea, but make sure you also take it from Russians, Israel, and Reer Qansax, otherwise, we the Somali Anarchists will develop our secret Banana Bomb, our scientists have for the first time isolated a gene in banana that will cause a disease known as smilitus, in the initial trials, volunteers reported non ending episodes of laughter and smiling which is contagious and capable in neutralizing the entire US Army in minutes. After reading this article if you have smiled, it is possible that you may already be infected, seek medical treatment, which we also help cure with a derivative of the Papaya seed.

 

 

Nur

 

2003 Nurtel Syndicates

[Nur]

The Somali Anarchist Declaration Against The Iraq War.

 

 

We, the association of Anarchists, representing all Somali Factions for unregulated world without a government, condemn the Iraq invasion. In the Meantime, we are against the proliferation, sale, production, and usage of Bananas as a Weapon of MOSS destruction, we will never be the first to use a banana , but will not hesitate to use our bananas for a deterrent.

 

We the anarchists union envision an unregulated world without any WMD, no nuclear, Banana, or botanical, biological, insects, camel dung, or any forms for terrorizing the masses.

 

We propose that the USA stop the war, and in return we will work together to disarm the rest of the world. All weapons shall be banned except for swords, that way there will be zero civilian casualty, and only the brave soldiers will fight and the cowards will stay home.

 

The problem as we the anarchists see is that smart bombs equipped with advanced gudiance systems capable of exact GPS location of an enemy, or the ability to ask his neighbors of the enemy whereabouts, is threatening the future of anarchy. Sir, we are afraid of a controlled world like the Nazi Fuhrer regime in Germany, but this time with sophisticated technology, We do not like Technology to do the fighting, we want men to fight like men, one on one, so we demand to go back to the old days, when two armies clashed led by their leaders and later, the survivors were declared as winners.

 

We feel that America with 11000 warheads needs to destroy all these nuclear warheads , in return we offer that we freely dispose them and to sell them as scrap, in case America is worried about their dsiposal, ( we do not mind the radiation).

 

Our dream is wars with only swords and sticks, sizes of which shall not be regulated by the UN. Anyone who wants to see the future of wars shall visit our official site:

 

WWW.ISTUNKA.AFGOI.ORG

 

The official site of the Istunka Afgoi.

 

 

Smali Anarchist Declaration ( SAD)

Eldoret, Kenya

 

" The Best Government, is the least Government"

 

HARRY S. TRUMAN.

 

 

2003 e Nuri Political Satire

[Nur]

Banana Terrorism

 

Nurtel News Analyses

 

 

Not Quite The News

 

 

The US Administration is weighing the possibility of declaring war on Somalia after reports that Somali refugees have thrown bananas on Park Avenue in New York, causing many American pedestrians to slip and fall, some with injuries. The banana samples used in these attacks were traced to a small town in Somalia called Afgoi which presents a fresh evidence of complicity of Somalis to commit Banana terrorism to hurt innocent pedestrians along Park Avenue and in affect creating a new weapon of MOSS destruction ( Moss is Somali means Banana) which among other things can cause loss of balance and a lot of laughter for the onlookers, which in turn can endanger their intelligence, the Administration has equated this threat to that of Iraq, and the threat is being taken too seriously by the white House staff as the president ordered bananas for lunch today.

 

 

The administration is taking the case to the UN to get an approval to declare war on Somalia and rid the country of the war lords who have caused a lot of destruction the past 12 years. The administration is looking for the funniest guy in Somalia to lead this nation to happiness after years of pain and sorrow. The White House report shows clear evidence that all the Somali leaders went bananas, and if they are not stopped, the whole world can follow suit. The USA is sharing this report with many countries and specially China the most populous nation in the world, which is worried that if the banana threat comes to china, it will be the most important historical event since the construction of the Great Wall of China.

 

The administration will appoint a commission of advisors for the Somali American banana wars led by the CEO of Dole fruit company who will oversee the dibananaization of Somalis so that Somalia will never be used as launching pad for banana terror aimed at making fun at American citizens walking down American streets. The Banana war will be led by Dole and other fruit companies in Florida citrus belt, California Fruit growers, McDonalds Restaurants and Red Lobster Restaurants. Red Lobster Restaurants have shown interest in the giant Somali Lobsters that are threatening the Dubai markets and destabilizing the Lobster prices which can cause Lobster wars for the unknown kind.

 

As a response to the American possible invasion, the spokesman for the 15 Banana Warlord Governments in Somalia is threatening to use a secret banana formula that will make Americans laugh too much and loose control of their guns during landing, which will make them ineffective to control the Banana farms in Afgoi, The white House meanwhile, is taking this news as a new threat which is sending shockwaves across the Banana complex in Guatamala and Equador.

 

 

NURTEL NETWORK NEWS

No Noose, is A Good News

[Nur]

BILILIQO of Iraq

 

 

( ANA) Anarchist News Agency

 

 

The looting and anarchy taking place in Iraq after the power vacuum is similar to that of Somalia circa 1991, Most of us Somalis can relate to Iraq, the only difference is that in only 3 days Iraq will have lost almost 90 percent of its heritage the remnants after Hulako, Jenkhis Khan, Mongols and Tartars, and now, the Americans are there to loot, not gold, but oil.

 

In contrast, Somalia only lost the " Saciid Barqash Museum", Xaawo Taako taallo, Sayyid and Dhagaxtuur Maxamed Madoobe, statues

 

The crowds in Baghdad seem jubilant for the departure of the Butcher of Baghdad, the man who suddenly appeared to power as soon as the Shah of Iran was overthrown by a popular revolution. The Shah was the USA man in the region and he lost his power to angry students who demonstrated in all over the world. Now that Saddam is gone in a mysterious way, we can recall that he coincidentally waged a war against Iran which lasted for ten years in a war he was supported by the Arab countries and the USA who sold him Chemical weapons to kill the Kurds which America is now coming to "liberate". ( During the Iraq-Iran War, Israel was selling weapons to Iran, while USA was selling Satellite pictures of the Iranian positions to the Iraqis so both USA and Israel made good money while these rascals annihilated each other. The funny thing is that Saddam could not continue this last war for more than three weeks against Americans! that really beats me)

 

Saddam ( read backwords as, MAD AAS ) went on rampage again taking over a corporation known as Q8, a little oil colony of Britain, declaring it as his 19th region after he got assurances from the US Ambassador Mrs Gillespie of Q8 , who told him that US`will not interfere in Arab-Arab affairs.

 

Saddam goes to war, and is again defeated and thousands of his retreating army are buried alive by US Rambo forces (Which is one reason among many why US and Israel does not want the establishment of International war crime tribunals)

 

After the Q8 adventure, Saddam survives 10 year of embargo, My African friend African Coffee Anan, ( Better than Starbuks) provides Saddam with a McDonald's Hamburger for oil deal, which made all his Iraqi soldiers overweight and unable to fight, (you know what big macs can do), While American Soldiers were put on Oprah Winfrey Diet of Broccoli and Beans.

 

Now after a show of bravery, Saddam, suddenly disappears in thin air, ( Bootin libaaxle, kuftin sagaarle) along with all of his 19 ministers, leaving his soldiers for target practice by new marine conscripts who are learning their first mock war to prepare for the eventual confrontation with formidable China red army.

 

The Somali anarchist News agency believes that the USA never had a friend better than Saddam, and Noriega, But after their job was finished they have to be retired, or sedated. And for the coming years, Saddam will be a mythical peronality like Elvis Presley, people will argue if he is alive or dead.

 

Thirty years form now, say 2033, some politician will write his memoirs to entertain yet another generation with the deception and lies that created the gulf war episodes 1 - 5.( I am just predicting that Syria is also playing the game, USA has to unearth human genocide remains committed by Hafez Asad killing and 30 thousands Syrians in Hama in the eighties uprising) Then the Syrian people too can be "liberated", then, the GIs will come to Somalia to settle score with our Somali warlords who will shiver and tremble, knowing the Marines and Rangers are coming to Mogadishu with revenge in their minds, this time Black Hawk will take revenge, taking few warlords to jail in USA with Noiriega. The future is interesting.

 

 

eNuri NEWS NETWORK

No Noose is Good News

[Nur]

Somali Anarchists Letter to George Bush

 

 

Dear Prseident Bush

 

 

On behalf of the Anarchist Association of Somalia I congratulate you for the quick win in Iraq that you badly needed to justify for your upcoming reelection. This letter is coming to you as an inspiration from your friends in the area, friends who believe that the world should be united under a new world government that will establish a new world order ( or disorder) as predicted by your Dad a decade ago.

 

The idea of uniting diverse people, with diverse backgrounds under one world government has eluded the Somali Anarchist Association for the past decade. But, watching the fireworks in Iraq and Afghanistan has reassured your Anarchist Allies in Somalia and the world over that might is indeed right and since you represent the mightiest nation on earth, Somali Anarchists have unanimously decided to be loyal to your world government in order to further the common ideals we share of power brokering. We also support your decision to ignore the UN and all those silly French and German politicians who have no idea of the enormous job that is awaiting you of establishing some sort of a new world order.

 

As I am not capable of writing, this letter was prepared by my secretary his name is Carrabey , meaning he mispronounces and misspells words frequently, so in case some words do make a different sense, you can decide what it means for yourself, just like how you deal with the world bodies such as Human Rights and International War criminals court.

 

The Anarchist, association is commending you for acting locally and sinking globally , sorry ( Carrabey misspelled this one, I meant Thinking Globally). The question that forces itself in light of current world affairs is how can America sink globally when it is acting so well locally.? The answer according to the Somali Anarchist Sinkers and the Somali Chaotic Sink Tank, is that great empires sink big when they spread themselves too sin (thin) and after a while implode after all the resources they have stole all those years are used up in adventures far from home and when their moral high ground of " Justice for All" becomes meaningless at home and overseas, which affects the productivity mindset of the citizenry and even increases contempt for the Emperor's power, triggering an avalanche of mishaps that brings the empire down, just like it did to Empires of old, which in effect gives a new meaning to the negative of Descartes famous argument " I Sink, therefore I do NOT Exist"

 

As an anarchist, I share with you the notion that there is no need for the United Nations, I believe that Coffee Anan Salary can feed 200,000 Somalis per day, so, by disbanding these gangs who live on poor peoples misery cycle, we believe that your highness as the new Emperor of the New World Order, that you can reach the end users of the US aid directly, cutting off the middle man, and you do not have to pay your hard cash, you can literally pay peanuts, (Peter Pan Brand is my favorite). Somalis would be grateful to consume the overproduced American wheat cereals and Florida Citrus ( frozen Concentrates before they expire) which in economic terms can create the dependence of the Somali economy on American aid, thus making them obedient while at the same time stabilizing commodity prices in the USA ( Do not worry, in case Somalis get sick, you can send expired medicines, and you are the Judge and the Policeman)

 

The UN is a waste of resources, and as the Thief executive officer of the World, ( I mean Chief Executive, Carrabey, my secretary misspells frequently) you should invade the UN building, since the UN office is in New York, a US property, and then disband them. If anyone disagrees with you, remind them that there should be only one world Power, and one United Nations. How can they forget that there are more Germans in Wyoming than Bavaria's Black Forest and more Gadabursi in Ohio than in Borama. So, the new United Nations should be declared as The United States of America, a nation of nations in a melting pot not a salad bowl like Soviet union.

 

I know that you like to compensate Chairman Coffe Anan once you disband the UN. The ( EDCO) Entrepreneurial Development Cooperative Office of The Somali Anarchist Association will closely work with Coffee Anan to trade mark his name in all Somali tribal Jurisdictions as a Café for the Armchair Veteran Generals of The Somali Civil War ( Fadhi Ku Dirir), We would even consider to nominate him the Honorary Visiting Anarchist of the year, to thank him for all the anarchy that his organization helped create and maintain in Somalia and the world.

 

 

Mr. Carrabey, signing

 

for Mr. Cag Biciid of Nurtel

 

Nairobi, Kenya

 

2003 Nurtel Network News

No Noose is Good News

[Nur]

Nurtel Network News

 

Special Report

 

The Nairobi Convention

 

 

A group of politcians comprised of Somalis, Americans and Somali Americans are on their way to Nairobi to asecrtain a fair election for the delegates who are representing Somlai tribes and religions and sexual preferences minorities.

 

The American Professinal Liars Association, the sponsor of the Niarobi Convention and the Somali Anarchists Union are working very closely to create a governorship ( reporting daily to the US Amabassador in Hargeisa) to reperesnt American interests in the region.

 

Cag Biciid, the flamboyant candidate and favored choice of the American Professional Liars Association will be presenting his visionary policies very soon exclusively on this thread.

 

Mr. Cag Biciid, an avowed pragmatist, does not beat around the " BUSH", he will not settle for cafeinated promises by "KOFI " Anan when his people are hungry for Condi " Rice" Brand and concrete deliveries of badly needed infrastructure stolen from Iraq, specially the power and telecom equipment and Islamic books that were difficult to burn, our Somali Sheikhs would appreciate to salvage the old books in any CONDI-tion.

 

PLease visist this page again for Mr. Cag Biciid's daring proposal for his country and people.

 

Cag Biciid For President campaign

 

 

Nurtel Network News

No Noose, is a Good news

[Nur]

Nurtel Network News

 

 

Presents:

 

 

State of the Somali Union Report

 

Prepared By:

 

Somali Anarchist News Agency

 

Doofarrey, Kenya

 

 

Now that Iraq is being governed by the USA, to be inducted to the modern developed world, and the fact that the US has appointed retired general Gartner as the Imperial Administrator, the Somali Anarchist News Agency is conducting a survey here in Doofaarrey to see if Somalis are ready for a similar American Imperialist care taker government. The last care taker government, the Italians, built roads, schools, cinemas, civil service in the south, Somalis paid for these services with the delicious Somalita bananas.

 

Since the literacy rate at that time was only about 2 percent, anyone who ran for an office was assured to be elected, as a famous politician told his clan, exhorting them to participate in the political process and to become sophisticated.

 

"You must be modernized, smoke cigarettes, wear western trousers, drink red drinks (alcohol), walk the streets like civilized people". Another politician who lost a government post as a Minister, was immediately compensated with the job of the Head of Mogadishu Municipality. In his inauguration, a poet sang for him, " Mukhtaaroow, Minister waa ka weynaatay, ee minishiibiyaad tahay" meaning, " O mukhtaar, you are too good to be a cabinet Minister, you are the head of municipality"

 

Now, after some half a century since the last Imperialist Italian care taker government left Somali soil, Somalis have evacuated the country side, overpopulating cities and towns looking for handouts, dressing trousers and smoking cigarettes to be civilized as their leaders taught them, neglecting their farms, and their rich nomadic lifestyle, burning their forestry to export charcoal to Arabia, selling out their marine resources to Japanese and European trawlers vacuuming up the marine- life- rich Somali coasts, destroying the remaining marine treasures and the crustacean habitat by selling the giant Somali Japanicus lobsters for peanuts in the Dubai auction market, and in the process, these samrt traders are undercutting each other's prices along tribal affiliations and as a result enriching the Indian traders who play Somali Exporters one on the other. These Somali traders are over shipping their livestock to the middle east for peanuts.

 

The picture is not quite complete without the Nuclear waste hosting service our warlords offered Italian and European governments to use Somali coasts for a dumping ground of Medical and Nuclear waste, in a wasted land inhabited by a wasted people.

 

Meanwhile, women and kids are dying of malnutrition, young boys and girls are missing education. And since there is no waste management system in place, people are digging holes in front of their houses to bury their waste, passing the problem for later generations to worry about and as a result, toxicity is seeping down to the water table to circulate the poison and diseases to many other regions and generations to come.

 

Automatic weapons are being traded in the open markets, in the absence of a law enforcement authority, disputes are being settled the old fashioned Western trigger happy way, money is being funneled from overseas refugee clan members to feed the phony peace initiative at Doofaarrey, ( Peace in Somalia is defined as a period of cheating between two periods of fighting, how can you ever trust reer Qansax?)

 

Amidst that gloomy scenario, Somalis are tuning to the BBC world Service News Service for spiritual guidance, they learn that Iraq is liberated and is being governed by the Americans who will treat Iraqis like Alaskans, sending a check of $1,546, to every Iraqi Citizen as her share of the Iraqi Oil revenues. Can you believe that these are the same Americans, Somalis fought so ferociously in 1993 when they came to liberate the country from the warlords grip. The Americans owe their success in Iraq to their experience in Somalia a decade ago, those damn reporters footage of a dead American Ranger being dragged naked on the ground by kids brought the most powerful nation on earth to its knees. This incident triggered a moral dilemma that forced the USA to pull its troops in haste to appease angry citizens, but only to sharpen its claws for yet another national interest adventure ( detail of the lesson will be posted in another thread inshAllah)

 

In light of the above analyses, and monumental problems ahead, a question that forces itself is:

 

"can Somalis afford to loose out on both worlds? they have ruined this life as they have known it, and apparently, have no better chance than Americans in the next, as they are at present intoxicated with evil clan politics, hate culture, and decadent lifestyle. At least Americans know one life to live, and for its sake, they are vigorously pursuing it to adjust it to their interest. As an example if America finds that Uranium deposits in Mijiyahan, Bosaso region, to be of vital US national interest, America will come with its ships, planes and Fox News, on any meager pretext, ( Please read the Anarchist News article of Banana Terrorism), may be to liberate the reer Bari people from their leaders, enticing them with schools, hospitals, golf courses, and of course to teach them principles of Basic Democracy for Dummies, ( King George Bush Version).

 

All the while, the warlords and politicians are busy conducting conferences, in five star hotels, enjoying hot meals and sanitary facilities not available in their home districts. The afternoon in Doofaarrey, is the tea party time, little Mira chewing and womanizing sessions, delegates are busy filling their big mouths with the narcotic weed, their lungs with toxic fumes, and their minds with hate for their fellow countrymen of the other clans, what a healthy conference for a promising bright future for the Somali species?

 

 

Miss Piggy,

Reporting from Doofaarrey.

 

For:

 

Nurtel Network News

 

Where a spade is called a spade

[OG_Girl]

Nur

 

I really like what you write but is too long some one lazy like me to read... but guess what I do read first few lines and last few lines . I am sure a lot of people can read all what tour writing BUT Could you please put in your mind when ever you write important topics about people like me (lazy people) and write some times short and mofeed

 

Salam

[Liqaye]

Bismilahi rahmani rahim.

 

^^^^Sister not to razz you or anything, but this is perhaps the twentieth post that I have seen you posting soley on the length of another persons post.

Alright maybe some articles are long but better they be long and fully explained than terse and contradictory.

 

Brother Nur, the men at eldoret are glorified to a level that does not become them by calling them anarchists.

It is an oxymoron but anarchism is still a creed and an ideology.

These men are just plain rapacious.

[Nur]

Somali Anarchists and

 

Export Quality Freedoms

 

The Abu Ghureib Brand

 

 

Dear President Bush

 

As your allies in Anarchy, we the Somali anarchists are following your efforts to provide freedom to the Iraqi people who are resisting these freedoms so viciously that they opted to be taken to the abu Ghureib Jail where they were physically abused, raped, and tortured, because, as you have eloquently explained, those who do not want freedom, shall, rot in jail.

 

As an anarchist I question orderly things, like if indeed what happened at the Abu Ghureib prison was not representative of the American people and morals standards, then could you explain to me how are those alleged 911 terrorists are representative of all of Afghanistan and Iraq to be bombed and thousands killed as a result?

 

You see Mr. President, in America, Freedom has its privilege, like the freedom AFTER SPEECH, In the Soviet era, there was no freedom after speech, but there was freedom OF speech, and freedom from arbitrary arrest, right to a lawyer, innocence until proven guilty, impartial jury and judge, and so on.

 

So, does the American system grant rights to Americans only, or putting in a different way, are these constitutional rights for domestic use or are they exportable to Iraq and Afghanistan?

 

I am also bit confused about the sovereignty thing, if my political science lectures help me, I recall that sovereignty belongs to the people, even if an army invades America, that army will never OWN that sovereignty of America, because each American owns a little slice of the Sovereignty cake, so what baffles my mind as an anarchist, is how in the world can you transfer sovereignty you don't own back to the Iraqi government you have appointed, who don't deserve it, a classic case of someone who does not own, giving Sovereignty to someone who does not deserve by being duly elected to office by a popular vote, the Iraqis are really screwed up badly, since they were a people suffering from the torture of Saddamn and now under occupation of an army who wants to feed them freedom by force, If you force feed me my favorite veggie Pizza with mozzarella, olives, green pepper, I would also resist viciously, by throwing up on your face, so these questions bother me, how can you let your Somali Anarchists down?

 

I am also suspicious about your motives in Iraq, in 1993, America pulled out from Somalia very quickly as one black Hawk was downed and the Rangers were attacked by a ragtag army, In Iraq, you are digging in, despite the most organized resistance against the GIs the since the Vietnam war, I wonder, does Petroleum has to do with your resolve in Iraq? because in Somalia we are living in Anarchy for the past 13 years and counting, so why does Iraq get this attention, we are very jealous, and yet, more NATO troops are pledged to Iraq! ? If it is civil war, we Somalis have demonstrated that we can kill each other better than Iraqis, if humane interference is needed, we are in a deep mess, if terrorism is the issue, Somali bananas are illegally being exported without international OPEC tariffs, please read Banana terrorism. to see how it can endanger America.

 

So, I conclude that Freedom comes in two flavors:

 

1. Domestic Freedom for Americans and Europeans.

2. Freedom For Middle East and Africa

 

Like the laws that govern export goods from America, certain banned products in America can be exported to the third world, likewise, bad quality freedoms, freedoms without accessories like , freedom that allows authorities for eavesdropping, freedom of denying access to a lawyer, freedom of being considered terrorist until proven harmless and detention without a charge, freedom without a competent court and a jury of ones peers and the only freedom we Somalis appreciate is the freedom of chewing mild narcotic Qat, which no body bother us for.

 

The brand of Freedom that you are exporting is confusing to all anarchists who enjoy anarchy.

 

I was again wondering, if you cant find any weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, then isn't the mandate of war wrong?, hence, you must pay war reparations to the Iraqis, and come to Somalia where we want you, So badly, we Somalis cant agree on anything except our dream to get an American Green card, You can declare Somalia a territory like Puerto Rico, and peace will flourish in Somalia, then you can make me the American Ally who will promise every hungry Somali a welfare check of four hundred Dollars, Somalis can pay that back by hosting all medical nuclear waste from America on our coasts, dont worry about the greens, we also do not care about them, or Coffe Anan far that matter, even when he is looking at you, his left eye is looking away, .

 

 

That was my quick thought today of the Export Quality Freedoms.

 

 

Cag Biciid

 

2004 Somali Anarchists Declaration

Nairobi, Kenya.

[Nur]

A Peace proposal

 

By The Institue of Somali Anarchist Network Establishment ( InSANE)

 

 

Dear President Bush.

 

We as The Somali Anarchists are very annoyed to see that you are indeed seeking to stabilize Iraq, by make up voting of expatriate Iraqis ( While, Somali Expats were not allowed to vote for their anarchist govt). Peace in Iraq can be dangerous for all the American companies who are subcontracting to do the Army's (undesirable jobs), if indeed peace brakes out in Iraq, a lots of jobs can be lost overnight by people who are more dangerous than the terrorists, so what are you going to do about that? what you need is to either be a friend of the Terrorists in Iraq by following our advice below, or keep the anarchy continue.

 

There is a sure way of ending violence.

 

First, you need to understand their motives, second, you have to devise the cheapest alternative to end terror, and here is the formula.

 

The reason terrorists are acting in violence is because they do not have a TV station like Fox News, I suggest the US invests in a TV station manned entirely by terrorists, such as The Basque Separatists of Spain, Baader Meinhoff of Germany, Brigitta Rossi of Italy, and the Qacidah newtork, Puerto Ricans, Tamil Tigers, Hamas and the current Somali Warlord Government.

 

For once imagine how such a TV station can grab the attention of millions of viewers who've never heard the other side of the story? The background of the station can show life size pictures of Che Guevara, Nelson Mandela, Khomeini, Bin Ladin, etc, The TV channel can be funded by advertisements of the US and Israeli war machine industry, since they are the biggest shippers of weapons of mass deception worldwide, showing all kind of lethal weapons, and a footage of their gruesome effect, such as the Appache Helicopters shooting at Hamas children, Americans launching a politically unguided missiles against the Taleban and their goats, also, the security industry can advertise the latest equipment to fight terrorists by eavesdropping on American citizens, psychologists can discuss the drivers of the suicide bombers for a better life and pursuit of happiness in next life, since their present life is messed up by the Americans and Israelis.

 

The channel can show debate programs between the establishment and the terrorists, so they do not have to send bad quality video fotage to Al Jazeerah. The programs of this TV channel can be titled like this;

 

1. Firing Line: (Literally showing live fire battle between Rambo Forces and Taleban, or the Israeli Defense Forces attacking Hamas Kids)

 

2. Confession Of A Glamorous Terrorist: Why I committed Suicide Attacks on American Public by smoking and selling Marlboro Cigarettes causing the death of millions.

 

3.Face Your Terrorist!: The US Homeland Security and Terrorists Debate For a safe America and a safe a World.

 

4.Reconditioning terrorists: by paying them a fraction of the ransom on their heads so they can start their own Pizzeria Business like the Mafia in New jersey.

 

5. Terrorists turned politicians (You can interview Abu Mazen of Fatah about Black September in Munich, and Sharon of Israel about his days in the kibutz as a terrorist against the British and Palestinians, when he killed many Palestinians to chase them away from their homes and farms) as an example that all terrorists can be repackaged as good citizens when the big boys want.

 

6.Secret Deals TV Program: Behind the scenes deals, and bargaining meeting between establishment and terrorists.

 

 

The revenues from this channel will be used to rebuild Mogadishu, Gaza strip, Falluja, Iraq , Kandahar, Afghanistan and all other hot spots where by a policy , thousands were killed. When terrorists are guaranteed the right to air their concern, little will be left for violence, after all, they will drive Ferrari and live in Hollywood mansions just like politicians passing laws to fight them.

 

 

Nur

 

2005 eNuri Institue of Somali Anarchists Network Establishment

New Dimensions In Lateral thinking

[Blessed]

Insightful, yet comical. I like..

 

[Nur]

e-Nuri Satirical Syndicates

 

Presents:

 

 

Outsourcing Anarchy

 

 

An Open Letter To President Bush

 

 

Dear President Bush

 

 

Globaization is on the swing, economics of scale and free competition of ideas and goods are driving the world to a new level of chaos and anarchy.

 

As you are well aware of, when the marines in Iraq order a humberger with cheese, the order is taken by the contractors who are outsourcing the call center in Delhi, with Indian employees who speak flawless Texas accent. More and more companies are now outsourcing all their non core business to poorer countries of the world where skilled labor are willing to work for a dollar a day, just like the USA in the turn of the 1900s.

 

Many nations are now benefiting from this outsourcing business from Europe and the USA, for example, Turkey is benefiting from Germany, Algeria is benefiting from France, Afganiztan and Iraq are benefiting from USA and Jordan is heavily dependent on Israel as a labor outsourcing destination.

 

Because the laws of the developed nations grew so irrational that they are against the interest of American large businesses and newcon politicians, I noticed that you have set up offsure sites like Guantanamo to outsource justice services with foreign flavor not in good taste with Americans who love true freedom even for their enemies. So, I read in the papers that because the USA laws safeguard the rights of ALL human beings ( and cats) in US territory, you have decided to outsource interrogation of suspects to countries that guarantee a confession in thirty minutes ( like Domino Pizza ) or your money back. These countries can make anyone confess to anything with a smile as allies and friends of the the "free World".

 

So, I reasoned, if some nations can get a contract from USA to provide express persuation services and make money doing it, then by all means we Somalis need piece of the action.

 

 

Naturally, as a Somali I am envious that we have nothing to offer the world except Anarchy, so since the USA is buying express confession services, why not offer the USA Anarchy outsourcing services ?.

 

Here is the product line we can offer the USA upon a short notice.

 

1. Anarchy For Export

 

Somalis can export their homegrown anarchy to any country the USA needs to be distablized, our young men and women can work like locusts to strip down the entire infrastructure of any country in a matter of days, after they are done, you will not recognize that country anymore, afterwords the USA can move in to build oil refineries and pipelines without any attacks to their contractors.

 

2. Anarchy a la carte

 

This service is rather a distrating tactic product, we can design a locolized Anarchy sitauation in seconds, specially to disrupt rallies against your policies, to depict the opposition as a group of uncivilized demonstrators. This product has wide applications specially when you want the media off your back, you can order it with your American Express card and we can distract the cameras for hours so you can focus on your holy mission.

 

3. Nuclear Waste Management Anarchy

 

This service is unique in that we Somalis have developed resistance to radiation against nucalear waste, the late Siad Barre adminiustration and later the worlords of Somalia and the Italian government have dumbed tons of European toxic waste on Somali shores and the East ( Bari) highway, but the Somalis developed resistance to this radiation by chewing on the Qat weed, which is believed to detoxify the brain making it violent and a Jinn possessed tribal bigot. So in case you have some nuclear waste we can host it in Somalia and we can assure you that the uranium will decay faster than Somali tribalist mentality.

 

 

Let me know how we can serve you today

 

 

Cag Bakeyle Chairman

 

Somali Anarchist Decalaration ( SAD )

 

2005 e-Nuri Satirical Syndicates @ Somaliaonline

[Baashi]

Dear President Dubya,

 

Our organization takes a great pride in showcasing our nomadic anarchic instincts in front of glaring cameras of world media. Today we have spelled any doubts onlookers might have about the randomness of our uncontrolled political emotions. As you may know an orderly conduct of political affairs is not always possible especially when stakes are high and partisan parties are determined to have their way. Not long ago, many viewers around the world have had the chance to see that sort of comradely pseudo-violence where angry and losing politicians vent some air by either yelling or occasionally throwing a fist. Japan, Russia, and even Great Britain where speaker has to yell Order! Order!, are few examples.

 

Ours is different in many ways. The difference stems from the fact that our political class is an unwanted guest in foreign land and our entire leadership is under the protection of sovereign state with which we’ve an outstanding political disputes. Even the makeshift parliaments chamber is at the mercy of Kikuyu businessman. Despite all of that, our politicians showed the world what anarchism is all about. Flying chairs, fist throwing, wrestling, and kick and bunch karate aside, they managed to pass a resolution they intend to violate. That’s unique political feat and if I may add the epitome of anarchism.

 

It shows how committed we are to the dictates of anarchism and our unmistakable detest to anything that to do with order. It should be noted that the topic of today’s debate has to do with restoring the law and order and inclusion or exclusion of the “willing†agents that can help us attain that goal. Confusing the subject, the double speak, rejecting our sole supplier of armament, behind the scene power broker, and the very state that propelled most of the attendee to the national warlord status as the great enemy is unique skill mastered by graduates of Somali school of anarchism.

 

This letter wouldn’t be complete without impeaching our chairman Mr. Cag Bakeyle! Per our anarchic procedure SAD-05-3425 Revision 6, section IV states in part, “Disagreeing with the leaders of the organization shall rank second to none when it comes to our code of conduct...†To the record, Mr. Cak Bakeyle’s front teeth are gone for he drafted letters to you without the full knowledge of Anarchists leadership. To put the trivial incident behind the organization, we are gone for chewing the precious green leafs. That will mend the broken fence at once.

 

Ina Kaadi Najaasle,

 

Somali Anarchist Declaration (SAD)

 

Ó 2005 Anarchist magazine @ Somaliaonline

[xiinfaniin]

The president responses to Cag Bakeyle’s Request

 

Though I appreciate the value of the services you provide, my experts (after long and tedious hours to find out where Somalia is on the map) find some fundamental defects that significantly compromise the quality of your service.

 

1- Lack of Cohesion.

 

As you’re well aware of any scheme of destabilization to work and have the desired effect of utter devastation, cohesive it must be. We demand a fully organized and interrelated entity to provide any service to us. We understand that you (Somalis) are segmented society that lacks the art of creative destruction: the one that could only be achieved through extreme teamwork and innovative planning. You don’t particularly do well at sabotaging modern infrastructures that require technical competence to dismantle machinery of significant size and disrupt network infrastructures. Fu’ad Ajami tells us that your type of savagery is not useful to our critical missions and it’s primitively ineffective. Your lack of commitment to any particular cause does not appeal to us. Loyalty, which we require, is not one of your traits. Perhaps your ceaseless inter-clan fighting misleadingly gives characteristics of an anarchic society. Anarchism, mind you, is a principal and a valid political theory that you understand little about! It advocates voluntary cooperation and free individual association as a substitute for government authority. That entails strong organizational skills as it aims to attain goals.

 

2- Undesirable Nomadic Tendencies

 

Our experts understand that nomads (that’s essentially what you’re) not only lack commitment for land, but they also deem alien the most basic frameworks and mechanisms of ours. No contracts, no documentation, and no accountability.

In that sense, you are frozen in time. Our terms for outsourcing spell out clear missions and set well-defined goals. It also demands full accountability, which you don’t comprehend.

 

3- Unpromising Trends

 

What happened in Nairobi did not please us. The words piece process, reconciliation, parliament, president, and prime minister does not sit well with a true anarchic society. How dare you claim to be a true advocator for anarchism in Somalia when the selected President and PM freely visits and gets hero’s welcome in five Somali provinces? Piece keeping forces, he said? I already instructed the African desk of my State Department to come up with working plans to effectively reverse these trends. We’re essentially doing the job you claimed to have mastered. Keeping Somalia chaotic and anarchic that is.

 

 

PS: you seem to have potential to maintain anarchy and lawlessness but not to create one. Somalia provides a test ground where you can proof your skills.