Are we a rude people?

[N.O.R.F]

The more I observe Somalis interacting with other people the more I wonder where on earth they (Somalis) get their manners. We have a number of Somalis who believe speaking to others in a rude manner is ok. They fail to distinguish the difference between camaraderie amongst Somalis (which may have elements of a rude/lewd language/posture and tone) and the universal politeness towards people in general (Somalis and others). I have seen such behaviour wherever I happen to come across Somalis. More so recently and unfortunately I even saw this during Hajj.

 

Things came to a head yesterday. I was amongst many Somalis (a rarity for me) enjoying a cuppa in the afternoon sun in Al Ras, Dubai (where many Somalis frequent, live and do business). An old man, old enough to be my grandfather decided to order another cup of tea. The way he did it was just so sad and so rude towards the Indian shop keeper who was patient enough to let us just sit there even after we had finished our teas, fruit salads and ice creams.

 

“Oi warya, you, hindi, you, tea, now, now”

 

The Indians guy’s face just said it all. I was ashamed to be sat there when this happened. Other people looked our way. I decided to lambast him and said “war dee ninka si fiican ula hadal, waa ku side” to which I just got a blank look. I was hoping for more. I was ready for a fight (in the linguistic sense).

 

I was later told that such rudeness towards coffee shop owners in that area is more common among the Somali wayfarers. Those from the west and especially those from the UK.

 

Where does this seemingly inherent rudeness among, from my general observations alone, the older generation stem from?

[Somalia]

Somalis in the UK are generally the most self centred, holier-than-thou Somalis you'd come across.

[Abtigiis]

Norf, arintaa aad sheegtay way badan tahay. Somalida Somalia ka timaadaana ku badan tahay. Inta badana it is a sign of the person's city life. Dadka reer-baadiyaha ku waynaaday ama tuulo-jooga ah ayaa sidaa u dhaqma. I am sure the young people from Diaspora and those in Africa but who have lived with different societies are better.

 

Kenyans Somalis are relatively better in this regard. Somali region of Ethiopia waxaad raacisaa Somalia proper. People are rude there too.

 

But the WORST of all is Djibouti. Meesha iyada waa embarrassment socota. I used to live my table when Djiboutians enter where I am having fun in Addis. Too much showy, rude and disgusting manners.

[Che -Guevara]

I haven't known Somalis to be rude in the time I lived in Somalia. It seems the general sense of decorum has deteriorated with the war. It's sign of broken down society where all aberrations became the norm.

[Jacaylbaro]

 

It is sometimes not rudeness but more of language problems. I was attending a conference last month and there was this lady who was supposed to chair the meeting. As soon as we got into the hall and waiting for the greenlight to start the meeting, the lady picked up the mic and said "You All, Sit Down, Start Meeting" .... everyone was shocked as most of the people were foreigners.

 

Then the time for beak comes and she again grabbed the mic and said "We go break, come back after 30 minutes"

 

It was hilarious I'm telling u ,,,

[N.O.R.F]

Abtigiis, I understand that education plays big part here. Those miyiga jooga have ignorance to blame as they’re only interacting with close family and friends and will act according to what they see and hear (they don’t know any better). Those in the cities have no excuse even though they’re only mimicking their environments. Kenyan Somalis are very polite (at least those who I know and met). Same with reer Djibouti (apart from their airport staff). But, generally speaking, the rudeness I come across is embarrassing. I’m talking about adults here not kids or teenagers or even adolescents. Dad waaween oo wax kala garanaaya are acting like this.

 

What perplexes me is why someone who has lived in the west chooses to act in such a way here in the Gulf instead of doing what he does in the west. Is it because he knows he will get a completely different response from an Indian Café owner in West London? Ma masaakiintuu ku cawaandidooda?

 

Che, you cannot use the excuses of post war behaviour here. These people have been living in peace in qurbaha for a long time.

 

JB, good example. Couldn’t she say “could you please start the meeting”? Wamaxay buuqu?

[Som@li]

To find the answer, look closely how Somalis treat each other, and that is from young age, We call names , Madoobe, Laan gadhe, Gaab, Cawar, when one get out of home, does not change, I have also seen similar behaviors among Arabs. where it is stereotype that some ethnics,like Indians are weeker etc or it is cool to be tough, and insensitive.

 

The ethics and moral codes of the society has collapsed,and bad ethics spread ,and propagate it is nothing but shallow.

[Som@li]

I agree, Somali Kenyans are very polite and civilized, and generally they are more educated, that could be the reason.

[Che -Guevara]

[Malika]

I think it stems from the upbringing - if a man can call his mother 'eeyahee', can curse the prophet - maa laga sugeyaa to order tea in politeness?

 

One thing about growing up in other societies one learns from others - especially the other Africans. The Swahilis will not pass you by without greeting you. Children must greet their elders every morning, including strangers on the streets. Treating one other with respect and humbleness is a must. When buying stuff, they would use humbled words like 'naomba' - 'I plea can you sell me this or that' - their mannerism has nothing to do with being educated or not, its part of who they are and how they choose to be.

I have notice the opposite when it comes to how somalis behave - waxaad modeeysaa ineey dagaal kujiraan all the time, they have very little respect for others, which means they have very little respect for themselves.

 

Norf you talk of maqayaad - you should see them in mosques, subhanallah!

 

Tarbiyah is missing in our community.

[N.O.R.F]

^I don't get to see the goings on in mosques because I haven't been there for a while but I hear things can get a bit out of hand at times (I avoid going to Somali run Mosques to be honest). The last one I went to I communicated to the Imam to stop giving history lessons (we already believe) and talk about good manners and improving Iman.

 

Do some Somalis think manners isn't for them?

 

Do they even realise they're behaviour is bad?

[Jacaylbaro]

I've even once seen a Iman telling people "Waar Ilaahay ka baqda aabihiiin wasee" ..... weird people

[Archdemos]

I agree with Malika, great examples.

 

Norf we are not only rude as people but our culture is the core problem. In particular the backward and destructive elements within our culture that we actively reward is to blame. It has noting to do with ignorance or lack of education but rather the reward structures we have built support this state of mind. Culture by definition is multifaceted, and don’t get me wrong there are plenty examples of virtuous elements to our culture, however they are often overshadowed by the backward and adversarial elements.

[Abu-Salman]

Very timely, Norf;

I could not agree more that "religious" figures in the mosques too should focus on ethics/manners.

 

It's not the same tragedy when you witness the routine fights/animal behavior in restaurants and mosques;

can you believe many in my local mosque are so rude/uncivilised that even punching by staff members was not uncoomon (against a teacher or even a teen)?

Recently only and after much lobbying, fighting has finally been banned (real consequences for agressing someone).

 

Of course, it's also about the Imam backbiting the sheikh or another colleague and vice versa, ie routine envy and slander against others; I discovered long after the fact that I was myself rumored to be an "undercover agent" like others and so on and so forth (I stopped going there like many others and confronted them for not being upfront despite the long years, mutual services rendered etc).

 

Anyway, the head of trustees himself seems universally hated for rudeness precisely by totally unrelated people and talks as a royalty ordering around servants (maybe thinking his PHD or "professor" title entitles him to do so).

 

How could you teach people the appropriate behavior and ethics when those in charge seems ruthless, even against each other, and at best more focused on their bottom line (finances and relationships)?

[Juxa]

No norf dadkaa miyiga ka yimaada waxa ka daran the so called reer magaalo. Loud, rude and arrogant.

I don't know where the bad mannerism stems from tho. I mean many of us would remember the anshax & asluub lessons