The Dangerous Game Called Dating

[Bluelicious]

May Allah bless Shaykh who has with his advices saved many young men and women from committing fornication before marriage, by pointing out the whole truth in such a manner that the youth of today find it palatable and adhere to his advices. Once Shaykh very candidly called out to the youth of the community:

 

“When young men and women date with each other (before marriage), they think that by doing this I am going to get to know the person well and then I can then decide whether we will be compatible or not. Remember that this is a deceit. When a young man and young woman go out together they usually only show a front and their best side, and most faults are concealed. Therefore after a ‘love marriage’ people face problem immediately [because ‘they don’t seem to know that person anymore’].

 

One can also make a assumption that perhaps these types of marriages face furthermore problems than other marriages [without pre-marital relations] because one has an already fixed an expectation that this person was such before and should be so now. Where as a couple whom have not had pre-martial relations will be open-minded and become willing to face any problem that come their way”.

 

Another time Shaykh said “A young man came to me and said ‘Shaykh I don’t find my wife attractive any more, and neither does she find me attractive. I don’t understand’, he said ‘before marriage we were extremely attracted to each other’. I replied [said Shaykh] to this young chap. ‘It’s quite simple. The love that you had was actually an infatuation, and Shaytaan deliberately put that attraction in the both of you so that you went on committing sin before marriage. It was favourable for him to do so because you were both in grave loss. However, after you got married, your interaction became Halal and lawful, so in fact, instead of sin you were now gaining reward, so Shaytaan removed that attraction, because you were evidently in gain!”

 

However, love can turn into an illness if it becomes obsessive, if it goes beyond its proper bounds, or if the object of love is not worthy. When such a situation develops, love indeed becomes a sickness requiring a remedy. A heart that is full of concern for others will be a heart that is full of love but not a slave to love. It is an empty heart that falls stricken for any visitor who graces its doorstep. So spare yourself for unneccesary heartache and don't do the dangerous dating game.

[Ibtisam]

How did the Shikh find his wife asagaa? Each to their own.

[Knight of Wisdom]

Wait, are you saying we can't date? lol

[Bluelicious]

Shaykh is discussing the facts of western dating and it's harmful effects which is haram in islam and not the halal dating which islam promotes. Ibtisam I wouldn't know how that man met his wife but all I can say is he probably did it on the halal way e.g halal dating or through family or through community or through mosque etc. Knight if it's western dating no.

[Ibtisam]

Qofku haadu guursaado, wuuxu guursaado iyo siidu uu guursaado asaga ayaa yaqaan, laakin I always find people who use to stand on street corners, endless phone calls and strange Somali dating style afterwards lecturing others about how to get married with impossible requirements or creating this fear as if people are out of control savages or sex maniacs who jump each other on the road at day light. :rolleyes:

 

P.s. Nothing about this shikh's- general comment- so now when ever I see someone lecturing about how to get married or even interactions with the other gender- I aks them 1) How did you get married 2) Do you work 3) How do you treat your cousin? depending on their responses i might be open to dacwa..

[Yunis]

^^interaction with the other gender - no way. Most Somali girls get into dating not knowing what they want out of it, and end up being miserable.

[sharma-arke451]

*Ibtisam;754740 wrote:

Qofku haadu guursaado, wuuxu guursaado iyo siidu uu guursaado asaga ayaa yaqaan, laakin I always find people who use to stand on street corners, endless phone calls and strange Somali dating style afterwards lecturing others about how to get married with impossible requirements or creating this fear as if people are out of control savages or sex maniacs who jump each other on the road at day light. :rolleyes:

 

P.s. Nothing about this shikh's- general comment- so now when ever I see someone lecturing about how to get married or even interactions with the other gender- I aks them 1) How did you get married 2) Do you work 3) How do you treat your cousin? depending on their responses i might be open to dacwa..

Militant emotions.

[Miskiin-Macruuf-Aqiyaar]

No to so-called 'dating,' yes to Soomaali-kind shukaansi. Meeshaas ugu baxay.

[Bluelicious]

Yunis you will fail and feel miserable in life if you don't know what you want it doesn't only apply to dating. It's like walking around without having a goal you will get lost.

[Aaliyyah]

the prophet csw said where theres a man and a woman alone the third is sheydan, so its best to take your siblings or friends with you and make it like a group outing..more fun probably. it is nt good to be either extreme where u go out with a guy alone or qof in aa iska xareesatid..adoo taxadaraya qofka baro..definitely avoid being alone!..

 

salaam

[Aaliyyah]

Ibti, one shiekh told us he met his wife at the msa(muslim student association he was lebanese and she was turkish)., and he didnt even say anything to her other than he is interested to marry her, and then he calls her brother..and takes her brother out couple of times lol (her brother im not kidding! and he was complimenting how the brother ended up paying for the dinners and how the labanese culture he would have paid it loool)..and then he was invited to her family's home along with his parents and that was that!..thats what he told us kolaaay! LOL and yeah forgat to mention they are happily married with three kids..happy ending..bt kinda risky to marry someone without really getting to know tem (bt then i guess she trusted her brother's judgement !)..

 

salaam

[Abdul]

Arranged marriages is the way to go.If you have doubts,just compare the divorce rate in the west and those who practice this kind of marriages and go figure.

[burahadeer]

skip

[burahadeer]

Ibti, one shiekh told us he met his wife at the msa(muslim student association he was lebanese and she was turkish)., and he didnt even say anything to her other than he is interested to marry her, and then he calls her brother..and takes her brother out couple of times lol (her brother im not kidding! and he was complimenting how the brother ended up paying for the dinners and how the labanese culture he would have paid it loool)..and then he was invited to her family's home along with his parents and that was that!..thats what he told us kolaaay! LOL and yeah forgat to mention they are happily married with three kids..happy ending..bt kinda risky to marry someone without really getting to know tem (bt then i guess she trusted her brother's judgement !)..

 

 

 

It's just a matter of luck marrying at first sight.It could be heavenly or turn into nightmare..I seen both(people I know).

Don't do it specially if from otha nationality.Atleast it's easier to get out & keep ur children(when ur woman), if the "otha" is somali

[Bluelicious]

Abdul arrange marriages only work out if both parties agree to be with each other and not if your forced into by your family like some parents do. Burahadeer what Aaliyyah was trying to say indirectly is that there was already a chemistry between the sheikh and the turkish woman at the start when he met her at the islamic society and that was enough for him to pursuit her further and approach the brother and eventually marry her. Chemistry is what makes marriage successful it's well known without it your marriage will break. In islam the importance of chemistry is also talked about so that shows you that it is very important.