Would you marry an ex-convict?

[STOIC]

First this is your choice and it is something you alone can assay.No one can know what type of a character this ex-convict exudes.If it is my choice though, having lived in a big city with many ex-convict converts, I wouldn't advice anyone to tie the knot with any ex-convict (be he a Somali/non Somali )especially jailhouse converts.If you live in the US you know well that this system is not so forgiving for any jail bird. Now for all the years i have prayed at the same mosque with jailhouse converts i have only seen one guy that completely changed and this was because he was tired of the system after having a wrap-sheet back in the 80's.He completely turn his life around and got his college degree and got a job with the city Parks and recreation.He has been holding this job for years and will retire from the city with a good pension.Now talking to him and understanding the AA cycle of run-in with LAWS i came to the conclusion that it is a battle to climb out of the system once you are in it.... If i could drove fast into the heart of any Somali brethren i'd have advised him/her to stay away from convicts.It takes as you can see awhile for any convitc in America to find bearing in life-after jailhouse.

[Bluelicious]

princesshafsa - True many seem to retire from their old lifes after they have seen the light and are determinate to stay on the right path and can outwin the so called good guy on the long haul.

 

Juxa - They do deserve second chance and if they are good people now who are we to judge them only on their past and be oblivious about the present. I'm not going through this situation this isn't about me I steer clear from men with a bad record.

 

Nemo - I'm all for decent good men I would'nt go for a bad boy who did some time in prison. The reason I raised that question is I have seen some whites blacks and even 1 somali who all married ex convicts and wondered what people see in them why people would make such risky life changing decision.

 

Che-Guevara - The world is getting cruel by each day. People are getting cold blooded and don't care about what happens around their surroundings. People get killed and no one even looks at them and they keep walking.

 

NGONGE - I didn't get proposed nor am I dating a ex prisoner. It's a curious genuine question. LOL because she doesn't know about his past and doesn't care he is her ticket to the west. Desperate times calls for desperate measures.

 

Xaaji Xunjuf - People can change but some people relapse back into their old ways. True love sometimes doesn't save you from making such risky dangerous situation it blinds you for seeing the real problems that maybe are there.

[Bluelicious]

STOIC;752299 wrote:

First this is your choice and it is something you alone can assay.No one can know what type of a character this ex-convict exudes.If it is my choice though, having lived in a big city with many ex-convict converts, I wouldn't advice anyone to tie the knot with any ex-convict (be he a Somali/non Somali )especially jailhouse converts.If you live in the US you know well that this system is not so forgiving for any jail bird. Now for all the years i have prayed at the same mosque with jailhouse converts i have only seen one guy that completely changed and this was because he was tired of the system after having a wrap-sheet back in the 80's.He completely turn his life around and got his college degree and got a job with the city Parks and recreation.He has been holding this job for years and will retire from the city with a good pension.Now talking to him and understanding the AA cycle of run-in with LAWS i came to the conclusion that it is a battle to climb out of the system once you are in it.... If i could drove fast into the heart of any Somali brethren i'd have advised him/her to stay away from convicts.It takes as you can see awhile for any convitc in America to find bearing in life-after jailhouse.

 

This isn't about me. I agree that most of them aren''t fully changed and some relapse in their old ways. We can only judge them by their characteristics then alone you will find out whether the intentions of this person is good or bad. The government and the system aren't so forgiving against these type of men. Their past wil always keep haunting them and prevent them from grabbing opportunities like jobs and society and people will always have no trust in them and be cautious. Life is a continue struggle for them and it's hard for them to find good women to marry because of their backgrounds and the inlaws not accepting it.

[Chocolate and Honey]

How far back is the past? Last year? Last month? I believe in second chances but only after a sufficient time passes. Love trumps reason and caution.

[nuune]

Hadey gaangiistarad tahey oo gaal-shideed ku soo dhameesatey mudo badan maxaan ku diidi, soo nafleey ma ahan, soo uma baahna qof ku neefsada, same goes for men, they deserve xaqooda ayukana

[Ibtisam]

So long as you know he wont be able to get a decent job in the system- so he either has to be very smart and able to do something legal and halal outside of the system or he will fall back into the trap of criminality.

 

P.s. I'm shocked you would put drug dealing into minor crime category- Im referring more to driving offenses, speed tickets, shop lifting as a kid and other really minor crimes. Drug dealing waaba waali.com, might as well marry a former Pimp in that case.

[nuune]

^^ lol pimp, if u do that, you completed the conviction into life imprisonment

[- Femme -]

I'm sure there are a lot of criminals amongst us running around that haven't been caught.

[Bluelicious]

Chocolate and Honey - Everything they have done between let's say today and their childhood. Love conquers all but also blinds you from reality. Are you saying you would test them with time and patience to see whether they would crack or not?

 

nuune - I agree of course all humans need some love tender and care regardless of their gender and what they have done in life. But the truth is you would always have doubts about their motives and intention because of what they did. You gotta choose if they are worthwile suffering for.

 

Ibtisam - That's the tricky part how do they handle themselfs do they look for opportunities or do they make their own opportunities. Would they look for what's available out their for them or would they feel sorry for themselfs give up on the system and do nothing. All those can determine whether that person is gonna be succesful in life or not. Compared to murder drug dealing is a minor thing there are alot of worser things out there that someone could be evicted for

 

Femme - There are people who are more of a bad person then someone who went to prison and maybe done the same things but the difference is they never got caught in their action. It's unfair if that uncaught criminal would get away with it and not punished but hey what can we do about it life is unfair. Hence why you should judge a person on their characteristics instead of only their past and background only then will you get a clear view of that person.

[Jacpher]

^Stay away from any drug dealing convict at any cost not matter how much they persuade they changed. They can change all they want but the consequences of their crimes [committed or not] is a lifelong struggle. You want to be nice, loving and choose to struggle with them for the rest of your life? That's for you to decide but what you need to know is that the system is not set up to rehabilitate them so they get out, knowing it ain't that bad, free food and shelter in the big house. Some choose not to handle challenges life throws at them, so they return in a short time. Sugarcoat it how much you want but the reality is these people don't get much of a help in there except house them.

 

Prepare yourself correcting/dealing the choice or call it mistakes they made before you met or known them. Plenty of men/women out there than being stuck with someone and paying for their mistake for the rest of your life. Be a little selfish and ask yourself, what is in it for me? It's ok to ask tough questions. Your interest comes before that of another. We make choices everyday, some good, some bad and some make really horrible ones and we all have to pay for them one way or another.

[Bluelicious]

Jacpher;752374 wrote:

^Stay away from any drug dealing convict at any cost not matter how much they persuade they changed. They can change all they want but the consequences of their crimes [committed or not] is a lifelong struggle. You want to be nice, loving and choose to struggle with them for the rest of your life? That's for you to decide but what you need to know is that the system is not set up to rehabilitate them so they get out, knowing it ain't that bad, free food and shelter in the big house. Some choose not to handle challenges life throws at them, so they return in a short time. Sugarcoat it how much you want but the reality is these people don't get much of a help in there except house them.

 

Prepare yourself correcting/dealing the choice or call it mistakes they made before you met or known them. Plenty of men/women out there than being stuck with someone and paying for their mistake for the rest of your life. Be a little selfish and ask yourself, what is in it for me? It's ok to ask tough questions. Your interest comes before that of another. We make choices everyday, some good, some bad and some make really horrible ones and we all have to pay for them one way or another.

Wow congrats that was a powerful statement and yet so true. So far your the only one who said how it is in reality without sugar coating it and that really makes one think and look at it from another perspective. That explains alot and why they fall back into their old ways It makes sense. Why would you pay for someone elses fault and struggle with them for the rest of your life when you already have freedom and can live a trouble free life.

[Jacpher]

It may come as a harsh or unforgiving but marriage is a life long partnership. No such thing as convenience or part time marriage. One needs to study carefully what they're getting into. My intent was not to judge the ex-convict but rather judging the baggage they are bringing into your life. I know it is not fair because they already paid the price and served the time but as others said, the system is unforgiving. Their struggle doesn't end the minute they step out of the gate. Sadly, that's when it starts. They face the biggest struggle outside that could alter their life for the better or worse. And that's what is wrong with the system. They don't get a chance to learn how to lead a normal life. The system is so broken they release them to society only to come back. So it ain't easy to live with someone who is reminded everyday they're convicts and living could be a challenge. They gonna share that with you everyday and sooner or later, it will effect you.

[Bluelicious]

^^ You cleared up some misunderstandings about the issue. People sometimes tend to forget they are making a life long decision because they are looking at a situation from right now and not ahead in the future to see what may possibly come around. It's always gonna stay a vicious circle of doomness until they do something about the system which I doubt they will ever do.

[Juxa]

Having worked with Somali for many years I still cant understand them. I saw a cabbie convicted of sexual assault saying Police had no evidence, i was very tempted to say adeero if they did not, you wont be convicted. Magistrates are known to scrutinise the police evidence.

 

I cont understand how he could sit with straight face and say, naag cabsan baa la igu nabay inaan taabtay, yet here i am convicted.

 

convicts do deserve second chance, but it is big sactifice to make

[Malika]

Jacpher, life is a challenge anyway - either your on the good side of the system or bad side of the system. What matters is how one rise above the challenges without drowning in self pity. I think there is hope for this ex convict, he is at least open about it - has since done what he could do to keep on moving forward. So I say cut him some slack!

 

A second chance is what rehabilitated convicts need, they dont need to be banished from society for the rest of their lives just because at one point in the past live they made a ****** decision.