YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS

[khayrqabe]

You and Your Friends

 

By Umm Malika**

 

 

 

How often do you ask yourself what kind of relationship you have with people? Relationships reflect your inner self: your positive and negative characteristics. What kind of relationship do you have with your friends?

 

Let’s talk now about problems we face in modern life and see what Islam offers us to make our relationships with people better.

 

First, we should try to realize what a beautiful and refined creature the human being (potentially) is. If we realize this, we will love the people around us and accept them as they are. This is the first step toward building a good relationship.

 

Allah the Almighty tells us in the Qur’an that He created mankind in a perfect and pure state [And by Nafs (Adam or a person or a soul etc.), and Him Who perfected him in proportion;] (AshShams, 91:7 )

 

Yes! We were created in a perfect state and we are essentially pure, so it is we who choose to do either good deeds or evil deeds. Moreover, Allah states in the Qur’an that human beings were given the honor of being Allah’s vicegerents on earth and were created with the purpose of serving Him. Islam beautifully describes human beings and gives them a high status. Now what about us? What status do we give each other?

 

Most of the time we are slaves to our emotions. We can despise people at one time and love them at another. At one moment, when we are on an emotional roller coaster ride, you may think you are better than your friend. You might think that you dress better, do better at school or work, or have more influential friends, and so on. But the Qur’an tells us not to do this. [And turn not your face away from men with pride, nor walk in insolence through the earth. Verily, Allah likes not each arrogant boaster.] (Luqman 31:18 )

 

You might be more knowledgeable in some areas, but you should be forgiving, enjoin what is right, and excuse the ignorant. Think about how short and unpredictable life is. Can you really control your life? Most of the time we can hardly control our feelings, emotions, and desires. If we fill our hearts with love and forgiveness for others, we will gain two goals: Allah’s forgiveness and a stable emotional state of mind.

 

Can you imagine forgiving your enemy? Can you imagine looking for the good in the people around you? Constant feelings of revenge and resentment will harm your health in more ways than your enemy could harm you. Feelings of revenge and resentment, depending on their intensity, may cause disturbance on your emotional level. This may lead to new problems: phobias, fears, or physical disturbance, because our body is a reflection of our inner self. Islam does not teach us anything in vain. Islam cares about our health, which is built upon spiritual and emotional stability. So why not just start forgiving? The Prophet (peace and blessing be upon him) used to forgive all those who hurt him (on a personal level), but when it came to the rights of others, he would respond appropriately.

 

The Prophet (peace and blessing be upon him) and the Companions enjoyed a wonderful relationship with each other. They loved each other for Allah’s sake. If people love each other for Allah’s sake, it is easy to forgive. Because when you do something for someone for Allah’s sake, you don’t mind if the person shows gratitude to you or not, because you did that thing for Allah.

 

 

 

Ask yourself: Do I feel uncomfortable when I’m with people who look different from me, or who come from a different social or family background than mine? Is it important that I prove I am worthy of being the elite member among my friends? At the same time, do you change when you are with people? Is it important that you satisfy them and what they think you should be like?

 

Always ask yourself such questions and keep tabs on how you think and how true you are to yourself. Always think about your life and your actions because Allah the Almighty gave us this gift: a mind that lets us be in touch with our real selves and choose either right or wrong.

 

If Muslims move from a traditional Muslim society to a place that is based on non-Muslim values and behavior, they will find a completely different atmosphere. They will find many different kinds of people from many different places. If you used to feel uncomfortable with people from outside your own kind, you will feel like a fish out of water in such a situation. If you haven’t found ways to make yourself strong (in terms of your inner strength), you will probably find yourself imitating some of these new people. In this setting, you will be very glad that you had an Islamic upbringing because it will help you keep your identity. It is your relationship with Allah that is the key to your relationship with the people in your life. If you are close to Allah you will:

 

Be positive with those around you

 

Not judge others, but advise according to the guidance of the Qur’an and Sunnah

 

Forgive others as you hope to be forgiven

 

Be warm and friendly and loving to others

 

Be generous and kind

 

Friendship can either be a kind of Paradise of a kind of Hell. If you choose to be with people who are negative and try to drag you into sinful and bad behavior, then you will be on the road to self-destruction. However, if you choose to be with people who are true to themselves and their role in life, and who say and do good things, then you will have more chances to develop yourself and to be a better person.

 

The ideal friendship is one that is built on both people in the relationship trying to serve Allah and gain His pleasure. True brothers and sisters in Islam are like one body. “When one part (of the body) feels pain, the other part shares in the pain and fever.†(Al-Bukhari).

 

So keep your aims high and try to develop solid, stable, and beneficial relationships with people who will have a good influence on you, and you on them. Make your first priority in life to please Allah the Almighty and ask Him to guide you to good friends and useful, healthy relationships.