Liqaye Posted May 27, 2011 The bride, 19-year-old Khatra Haret, made her way down the aisle, but there is no groom to meet her. The only people waiting by the podium are bridesmaids and a few female relatives. It's a far cry from a traditional Somali wedding, which is usually long and intricately planned, with an array of activities that stretch over a seven-day period. Marked with pomp and pageantry, the festivities are held at the bride's home, and are designed to display the host's hospitality, warmth and culinary skills - all considered pivotal in Somali culture. But Haret's is a modern-day Muslim marriage. With increasingly cheap cellular technology combined with a seemingly unending humanitarian crisis in Somali, a growing number of Somalis are how phoning their way down the aisle. All the details of Haret's wedding,including the marriage proposal, the acceptance and even the dowry payment, were done via phone, Haret said, without her knowledge. Haret said her mother, Kusa Onle, spent three days planning the ceremony with the groom's family, before Haret was even told what was going on. Over the course of just 11 days, Haret said, her dream of studying sociology at a local university was dashed. Now, she said, her biggest worry is how she will manage a marriage to a 46-year-old cleric who lives in Canada. Haret and her family settled in Nairobi in 2001 after fleeing war in Somalia. There has been a surge in "phone marriages" in Somali communities in the recent years. As more Somali men leave Africa to find work abroad, unmarried young women become financial liabilities for their parents. In most phone marriage cases, parents marry their daughters off to supplement their income, as long as their daughters remain in their homes. The men often spend three-quarters of the year overseas. Some are in constant communication with their in-laws, and send regular remittances to help pay the bills. Many men dream of building up a savings account that will one day fund a new business at home in Africa. Most phone marriages are facilitated by families - including supervision by a hawk-eyed mother of the bride - who want an economic gain. The groom follows the order of events, thousands of miles away, from the comfort of his own home. As a long-simmering humanitarian crisis continues in Somalia, suitors who live abroad are welcomed by families as a steady source of income, even by families who live in neighboring Kenya. The legality of the union is guaranteed when the families observe a set of conditions, including the presence of two witnesses and the bride's father, and the payment of a dowry, said Mohammed Swalihu, an imam at Jamia mosque in Nairobi. Swalihu, whose office issues marriage certificates, added that a representative of the groom should be present to oversee the engagement ceremony. “Should the three elements be observed, the marriage becomes legal and binding,” he said. “The contract does not have to be written. It can be verbal and will have the full force of (Islamic law)." Right now, Swalihu said, his mosque is asked to register about eight phone marriages every month. He expects that number to increase. “The procedure is cost-effective for the groom in the current economic crisis and many people are taking up this new phenomenon to escape unnecessary expenses and cost,” said Abdul Qani, who married the mother of his twin boys when he was in London two years ago. The ceremony took place via telephone. Even among the poorest Somali refugees, phone marriages are becoming more popular. About 350,000 Somali refugees live at Kenya's squalid Dadaab refugee camp, said Emmanuel Nyabera, a spokesman for the United Nations High Commission for Refugees. Mohammed Abdi-Odhowa, a 54-year-old refugee based in Dadaab, said cheap mobile phones make it easy to communicate across continents. "As an elder, I was was once called to witness (an) engagement ceremony over the phone," Odhowa said. Odhowa said he was startled at first, but then realized that phone marriages are an effective way for Somalis to work around the realities of economic hardship. Even so, Haret said, success stories are rare. Suspicions of infidelity quickly set in because of the distance. On the day of her wedding, Haret solemnly held her bouquet of flowers and gazed and the pile of gifts laid before her. She said she doesn't believe her union will prosper. “I’m literally being sold out,” she said. As she left the rented hall, an entourage of women sang about the marital bliss ahead of her. Read more: http://www.upi.com/Top_News/World-News/2011/05/27/Marriage-over-the-phone-thrives-among-Somali-community/UPIU-5651305189744/#ixzz1Ni85FTIc Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Chocolate and Honey Posted May 27, 2011 The mother's aren't greedy old-farts as the article suggests. They have to provide for their families as most of the dads are useless. Unfortunetly the only thing that's valuable in the market is little girls for old perverts. Ilaahay ha u gargaaro dadkeena. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Aaliyyah Posted May 27, 2011 Haret said her mother, Kusa Onle, spent three days planning the ceremony with the groom's family, before Haret was even told what was going on. Over the course of just 11 days, Haret said, her dream of studying sociology at a local university was dashed. Now, she said, her biggest worry is how she will manage a marriage to a 46-year-old cleric who lives in Canada. Pathetic. These old men need to be reported walahi I am serious..it is one thing for a girl to want to marry a guy from abroad as long as she chooses to...but forcing upon her? That I completely disagree with!... Chocolate yes they are ..hoyooyinkood waa greedy old farts as you put it lol..risiqooda meel kale bay ka raadsan kareen. They have no rights to sell their daughters to some old men oo dhali kara akhas. !..bottom line, it is the ultimate choice of their daughters, if that daughter chose to marry someone from abroad double her age. I careless. But, mothers to sell them and proceed with the wedding without even letting the girls know is just ridiculous and u cant make excuses for the mothers.. salaam Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Zack Posted May 27, 2011 I say its a win win situation if the marriage works out. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Aaliyyah Posted May 27, 2011 ^ I don't see what this girl is gaining by marrying an old man against her wishes...and dnt bring that excuse of oh her family will be provided! risiqooda alla haya....I am sure they have survived with her for 19 years, and they can still survive. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Zack Posted May 27, 2011 ^Duh! She is coming to the West huuno where she can walk away from him as soon as she arrives. I actually have seen that happen to a fella I know. P.s. 46 year old is not old man. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Aaliyyah Posted May 27, 2011 ^waad danbeesa baan u malaynaya..odayaashi got smarter these days. They marry them and leave them there lol..(so all those families get is monthly bill!) but does that equate to their daughter's life?? !! that is the million dollar question..bt most mothers I guess dnt care abt their daughter marrying for love and being happy...they are stuck in the 80s..Dirica iyo dahabka ee so gadanayaan uga qiimo badan.. salaam p.s 46 yrs old is old....he could be her dad! akhas!.. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RaMpAgE Posted May 27, 2011 Aaliyyah;723864 wrote: ^waad danbeesa baan u malaynaya..odayaashi got smarter these days. They marry them and leave them there lol..(so all those families get is monthly bill!) but does that equate to their daughter's life?? !! that is the million dollar question..bt most mothers I guess dnt care abt their daughter marrying for love and being happy...they are stuck in the 80s..Dirica iyo dahabka ee so gadanayaan uga qiimo badan.. salaam p.s 46 yrs old is old....he could be her dad! akhas!.. You live in Fairytailland, this is not about Bollywood wedding rather survival. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Taleexi Posted May 27, 2011 Technology does wonders. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Aaliyyah Posted May 27, 2011 lol Rampage..that is not what I meant walaal. I understand they are having hard time financially. All I was saying is that they should consult their daughters before they proceed with this whole thing. And, at least make sure the girl is ok with it. Religiously it is haraam to force a man on your daughter regardless of your financial situation. At least they could have offer her several options and then maybe she will choose..instead of just selling her like a goat!! And if she even refuses alle baa u haya risiq..risiq lagama raadsho selling ur daughter! .. salaam Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kool_Kat Posted May 27, 2011 Aaliyah, don't judge these mothers unless you're in their shoes or have experienced their hardships! (Ilaahayna kuuguma keeno) As a mother, I can only imagine what would make a mother want to marry her daughter off to a total stranger who's thousands of miles away...It is hearbreaking! Ilaahoow usahal dadkeena... In a way, she's luckier than many who have nothing and nobody...At least now her family will be provided for...How would she have studies at local university if her family does not have much? Gabadha wey riyooneysaa...She at least now has her meal ticket (as I like to say)...And if her husband brings her to Canada, like Zack said, it is a win win situation...She is only 19, even after then years she can still study! Ps, 46 year old man is NOT old! He is at his prime, maxaa ka hadloysaa gabar? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Zack Posted May 27, 2011 ^As always afkaaga caano dhay ah lagu qabay or ice cream. Though Aaliyah is an expert on a lot of things, she is naive on the issues like marriage lol. She never tried one. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Aaliyyah Posted May 27, 2011 Aaliyah, don't judge these mothers unless you're in their shoes or have experienced their hardships! (Ilaahayna kuuguma keeno) As a mother, I can only imagine what would make a mother want to marry her daughter off to a total stranger who's thousands of miles away...It is hearbreaking! Ilaahoow usahal dadkeena... In a way, she's luckier than many who have nothing and nobody...At least now her family will be provided for...How would she have studies at local university if her family does not have much? Gabadha wey riyooneysaa...She at least now has her meal ticket (as I like to say)...And if her husband brings her to Canada, like Zack said, it is a win win situation...She is only 19, even after then years she can still study! ilahay iguma keeno abaayo ameen..and am sorry if i came across as habar fadhida lagdin la fudud. My heart is just breaking knowing that this lil girl will have to put up a man double her age...tan sadexad if she was dreaming to study in sociology and actually completed her high school. Something tells me her family wasnt that bad financially..armay dabad jacayl ka tahay? ok danbi danbe ma rabo lol shekadan waan ka baxay.. lol@ he is at his prime!! more like few years away from being on a pension plan salaam Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Taleexi Posted May 27, 2011 Aaliyah waa markay Odayada intay maagto hadana Salaam oran jirtey lol..... KK--- I think you are right. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Aaliyyah Posted May 27, 2011 lool now I get it..waxaaad another post iguleheed dadkay maagta hadana salaam dhahada. Ma odayasha waxan ka dhoho meel dheer ka taabtay! xaal qaado adeer macaan ...geel baan awoowe kusoo waydiinaya LOL (oh never mind abaarti dhoweed bay geeelki dhamaaday LOL).. salaam Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
