Polygamy: why the abuse of a highly restricted practice in Islam?

[Nur]

Salaams Khadir and Haseena

 

I tried to stay in the sidelines on this issues as I have participated on the Womens page and preferred to let others express their opinions on this issues. What is drawing me to this discussion is Sister Haseena's remarks on the authenticity of the Hadeeths of Sheikh Al Bukhaari and her reference that the Hadeeth science must be read before agreeing to its authenticity, a valid point indeed, she is just asking a system of settling disputes on trhe Hadeeths, at the end, it is a personal issue to be convinced or not, for which a person can either go wrong or right.

 

 

May I take this opportunity to post a piece that i have written years ago for someone who questioned the authenticity of the Sahih Hadeeths category, just to show how much work went into the Bukhari collection:

 

 

The Hadeeth Science

 

 

1. Definitions for starters

 

Linguistically, the meaning of (Hadeeth) is from the Arabic word HADATHA, or news, incident, event etc.

Hadeeth ( News) linguistically is antonym with (Qadeem) past, old, history,

Also, in the Arabic, the young kids are known as (Axdaath) new age ( not to be confused with new age religion).

 

The word Hadeeth in the religious context is reserved to all the news that were reported from the Prophet Mohammed SAWS. So the news needs verification. And the verifications of the story is the science of the Hadeeth. If the same rigorous method of cross, contextual, integrity, background, environment, etc verification is applied to Newsweek and Time Magazines, ( The contemporary Hadeeths), for example, they would not stand a chance in publishing a single issue, why you may ask, and the answer to that question leads to the next Chapter.

 

Types of Hadeeths

 

1. Category one : Saheeh (Correct)

A Hadeeth of this category enjoys the highest credibility, it is used in the Sharia as an augmentation of the explanation of the Quraan. Denial of a Hadeeth in this category is a grave sin and it can lead to Kufr.

 

This Category has many variations of Correctness, and ahadeeth to be ranked Sahih, or Correct must meet all of the criteria's of correctness, ( Political Correctness, is not considered in Islam). As an introductory survey, we will mention three of the elements of correctness for an example.

 

1. Correct in terms of the line of narration (ISNAAD)

 

2. Correct in terms of the anthology ( Method of collection) Similar to police evidence collection methods ( Remember the Simpson Case?)

 

3. Correct in terms of the text itself (MATN).

 

So as you can deduce, a hadeeth can be correct in terms of line of narration and compilation, but still may fail the textual integrity, in this case we call this hadeeth a defective Hadeeth ( maa' lool), failing to reach Sahih level, but still may qualify for other category as we will visit.

 

If on the other hand the hadeeth is textually correct, but the line of narration has a gab in the linkage of narrators, we call this hadeeth Broken chain hadeeth ( Munqadie).

 

If the hadeeth is compiled in a way different than the standard methods employed by the scolars ( Jumhur), then, that hadeeth does not enjoy the Saheeh category and we will visit the terminologies in the days to come in ShaAllah.

 

A hadeeth can further be Correct (Saheeh) for its own contents self support, ( This is like a travel document for a refugee, not a passport for a citizen) we call this category ( Saheeh li thaatih).

 

A Hadeeth can further be correct for the support of another Hadeeth only ( Saheeh li gheirih), or the Hadeeth can serve both roles.

 

In another category, the hadeeth can be saheeh on the conditions set by the compilers ( saheeh alaa shardeyhimaa), the compilers are Bukhaari and Muslim.

 

And the last category of this quick survey is the (Correct-but-Odd) category, (saheeh ghareeb), meaning the hadeeth has qualified for the saheeh category but was reported by only one narrator with top credibility clearance.

 

Criteria For the Classification of The Hadeeth

 

 

The following Five Criteria are used to classify a hadeeth to be a Saheeh

 

 

1. Al Sanad ( Chain of narrators ), The chain is continuous, no missing links.

 

2.Adaalah, (Narrators Character, must be flawlessly perfect, in terms of piety, credibility, courage, generosity, wisdom and good judgment) If this stringent condition is applied in politics, no US president or any other world leader today can fulfill such requirement.

 

3. Al Dhabd, ( meaning that the narrator have memorized the hadeeth beyond question, or recorded it in a tablet, and is able to recollect it with consistency whenever requested. This condition implies that he is mentally sharp, serious in delivering responsibilities. ( President Ronald Reagan would not have made it to the Whitehouse with his famous "I Do Not Recall" )

 

4. Cadam Al Shuduud, (A Hadeeth must not be an odd hadeeth) , Shuduud means that a narrator who is sufficiently credible provides a hadeeth that contradicts another hadeeth narrated by a more credible narrator, in terms of degree of their respective memorization competencies, lingusitic compprehension abilities ( Not failing their SAT) etc. ( This is analogous to two officers with different levels of security clearance presenting testimony to a judge to support a point of view. The testimony of the officer with the higher level of clearance supercedes the testimony of the lower clearance level officer)

 

5. Cadam Al E' laal. (Free of any defective characteristic that compromises the hadeeth's credibility ( for example there is a mismatch in the names of the narrators, like saying, Ronald Kennedy reported this hadeeth from John Reagan), so although this hadeeth may have met other stringent requirements, it clearly has a defect (E'llah) although when closely viewed may not present serious infringement of the rules, if we patiently reconstruct the sequence, like ( Ronald Reagan reported form John Kennedy).

 

 

So Any Hadeeth that passes those criteria with flying colors is called Saheeh in general terms, because, there is more to calling a hadeeth saheeh than this survey of ours can cover.

 

 

Category Two. The Hassan hadeeth

 

 

Hassan Hadeeth is not as flawless as the Correct ( Saheeh) hadeeth we have discussed above, but is nevertheless a reliable hadeeth that passed key Non-Fatal error criteria to qualify for applicability with caution, this is like the yellow light when driving, you have to proceed with caution, relying on Quraan as a check, but still leveraging its value on areas were other more reliable hadeeths are not available. ( This is like physicists relying on a theory until they find a better explanation) This Category though, is much more reliable than the next category of the Daciif, weak hadeeth.

 

Al Tirmidhi , One of the major compilers of the Hadeeths has defined the Hassan Category as follows : Any hadeeth , whose narrators:

 

1. Character is not a Questionable issue , while some of the narrators in the chain may be known to be forgetful in some past narrations , but have never lied knowingly at any point in their lives ever.

 

2. The Stature of this narrator do not rise to the level of the reporters of the Saheeh category in the above five scoring criteria ( Meaning, they have lower level clearance ), yet, the narrators meets some minimum acceptability standard (beyond scope of this brief survey) to be considered a reliable hadeeth.

 

 

Final Category is the (Daeef ) category ( Weak hadeeth) any hadeeth who fails in the above two categories is Weak, A weak hadeeth is not advised to be followed or applied in any legal issue nor settle an ambiguity in faith matters nor business law dsiputes. Unfortunately, Many of the Hadeeths floating and causing confusion in the Muslim world belong to this last category, which promts the attack on the Sunnah and Hadeeth and. This type of hadeeth, is the kind of evidence a Judge will not hesitate to throw out of his court.

 

 

Nur

 

2002 e-Nuri Sunnah Service

Modern explanation of Legacy Traditions

[Nur]

Kadir

 

Its the first time that I have read that Polygamy was a highly restricted practice. The problem as I see is that there is an inherent ignorance of the history of arabia prior to islam, The story of teh revelations, the tafseer of the verses in light of the society in which it was revealed, the Seerah, the lifestyle of the companions who were the closest to understand the context as they were the first addtessed group, and lastly to see if polygamy was a norm in prior Monotheist faiths, practiced by many prophets and followers.

 

Allah SWT says, " In case you differ on an issue, alwasy refer to Allah and the Messenger" meaning Quraan and the hadeeth which I have posted above the method of collection and authenticity.

 

Questions that will be addressed from the Asbaabul Nuzuul ( Reason behind the revelation) are:

 

1. Was polygamy limited by the verses, regulated or highly restricted?

 

2. Was the Muslim community a sedentary community like today, or they were dynamic, in which they were in constant struggle to establish the deen of allah on earth, or were they like us today 9-5ers?

 

3. Has Christianity influenced latter day restrictive interpretations after we have assimiliated with the western values in more that one area? are we comparing oranges to apples?

 

4. The taabiciin, the second generation, how did they practice it? was it restricted, or an issue that has not received the attention it receives today due to our assimilation with Non Muslim societies to allign our lifestyle with theirs?

 

 

Again sister Haseena has made valid points as Khadir has.

 

My take on this issue is that polygamy is a part of wholesome systm that works together fine, but when part of the sytsem is idle and not functioning all other parts look ugly, its not only the practice of polygamy that is ugly, its the failure of an entire islamic system atht is wiped out of being, leaving behind fragments of practises that when practiced in the backdrop of the absence of a wholesome Islamic system. shows more damage that cure to our social ailments.

 

Again, thanks Khadir and Haseena, the discussion is indeed stimulating intellectually, and inshAllah in teh coming days, we shall adress the above questions in depth to settle this issue, and learn.

 

 

Nur

[Nur]

Brother

 

Before we address the issue of polygamy we have to examine the forces that are opposing it, Historically, any Islamic ordained lifestyle found oppnents in the nonbeliever camp, and polygamy was not different, so it would be wise to survey the social condition when Islam was sent down as a complete way of life: Inna Diina cindallahi al Islaam. The only acceptable way of life in Allah's is SUURRENDER to Allah's commandments:

 

Aisha Radiyallahu canhaa narrated accounts of pre-Islamic sexuality arrangements, from grroup sex where ten men or so would share single woman and the when the woman delivers a baby, she points at her favored man as the father which was then accepted traditionally. There was prostitution, regular monogamy marriage, polygamy, a plethora of arrangements similar to present day Jaahilyah, except fo course, there was no pervertion of Qowm Lut.

 

In that back drop of history, Allah sent a Messneger to upgrade morals, so gradually, verses came down addressing initially the Tawheed principle first, to instill in the nascent community acceptance of Allahs rulings and not anybodys whims or Ahwaa, slowly, prostitution was banned, and unlimited number of wives were limited to four, in teh context of a benevolent society that had a mission for caring for the weak and oppressed, widows, orphans and also allowing consenting parties to marry if they believe that they can establish Allah's limits in such relationships. Companions were well known to have had multiple wives, some were known to be serial divorcees, who would marry and divorce, all with consent and agreement of women, and I cant recall any instruction by Allah to set limitation for numebr of divorces, nor a strict ruling that was adhered to during the time of the Messenger that regulated polygamy practices so that it was the exception, not the norm.

 

As a matter of the fact, according to the verses, polygamy was the norm, and it was sustained, limited to four, and in case a man feels that he cant adminsiter justice, he was instructed to stay with one wife as an exception to a rule. Allah SWt further more clarified that no man can be just, so again Allah clariefied that one should be moderate not totally ignoring one of his wives, why you may ask, because, in this case, the man would prefer divorce for the unfavored wife that will free him from responsibilitgy, however Allah forces him to stay married while doing his best to be just struggling with his feelings, Allah SWT even tells that a man may not love a woman that Alllah has put a Lot of kheir, so here the intervention and the polygamous situation is not for the man to have fun, actually is to burden him with keeping his responsibilities to the first woman that he may not be fond of, so that a change of heart in her favor can take place.

 

 

Its well known fact that societies that limit polygamy have some form of sexual pervertions, any failure to account for a human need will in turn cause some sort of social perversion, for example, Catholics suffer the highest sexual abuses by their priests as the priests are not allowed to marry which created another social problem of molestation of minors in churches, and the the strict monogamy ( Till Death Part Us) caused countless confessions of infidelity, and desertion of church teachings.

 

Today, we as Muslims are living with non Muslims in their lands, attending theior schools, reading their thoughts while at the same time we lack basic understanding of our own faith and history, which created a new movement to make Islam comaptible with the wetern lifetyles, according to the Hadeeth in which the Messenger SAWS predicted that Mulims will imitate the people of the Book' lifestyle, to the point that if they get in an aligator hole, Muslims will follow, of course by alternig their faith to align it with people of the Book.

 

Islamic fiqh was revealed for a sovereign Muslim society, in which Islam brings a complete solution, not for pockets of communities that have abandoned their right to exist as a viable nation and faith with complete lifetsyle that has a common goal of pleasing Allah SWT. Even the Amish in Pensylvania have achieved that goal, and for many years, they have realized their way of life peaceful.

 

Adapting Islamic Fiqh to current situations without considering its holistic approach and validity, is like administering a medicine to patients whose lifestyle beats the purpose for which the medicine was prescribed.

 

 

Nur

[makalajabti]

Polygamy is one of the most humuliating experience a woman can go through in her life.

No one can share his/her spouse, it is degrading.

I am sure the hadeths on polygamy was all about survival of the human specie in times of war and death but it shouldn't be a permanent practice. In some muslim countries polygamy is banned (Turkey, Tunisia) and in other countries women can get easily a divorce if their husbands take anothe wife. If a wife is financially independent, it's more likely she seeks a divorce because her feelings are hurt or she may ask her husband to "dump" the other woman.

I think things have changed, polygamy has no place in peaceful society that respects women and their rights.

[Nur]

Makalajabatay? sis

 

I met an amzaing man who happened to have married over 7 (seven) women, not polygamous, serial marriages that end in divorce before he takes on another. For him, and many men like him, divorce is a way out of boredom of marriage, next, he is courting another woman, and he marries again, I asked him why he took divorce and remarriage so easily like that, he said that different women were good at different things, from homemaking to pleasant personality. Is that more dignified in your eyes than polygamy?

 

We are all conditioned to think the way we do at an early age, and depending on where we grow, we borrow our values, if some women where not consenting to be second wife in a marriage, there would never have been polygamy, why would a woman accept to marry a married man if that was so humiliating?

 

Finally, like you have noted, polygamy is a solution to a problem, if there is no problem, you dont have to worry about it, but as long as a problem that polygamy can solve exists, ( and more likely will create new ones) , some men will attempt it and some women will accept the offer, It is easier to live a monogamous life, or even stay single, we see it happening, then why would a person try polygamy if they dont see a unique value in it?

 

Nur

[makalajabti]

Everyone speaks from their own experience, right?

Every woman I have met in a polygameous marriage was financially dependent on their husband's income: If she divorces who is going to take care of her 6/7 children, she must be crazy to kick her husband out. Added to that, tradition which recquires a woman stays with her husband and Islam which legitimatises polygamy, no wonder somali women in the past stay in these kind of marriage. I am sure all these women would have enjoyed to have their husband's attention and love solely dedicated to them and not sharing with others. Now things have changed and I don't know any Xalimos in western countries in a polygamous marriage.

Do you know any polygamous marriage in the city you live in Nur and involving young people? because I have never heard of it.

My point is polygamous marriage is all about money and power: men do it because they can and women are trapped because they can't afford to leave their husbands and raise their children but everything has changed now, Xalimos can live off welfare and benefit and are more likely to leave their husbands if they start talking about taking another wife. This is surely something our grandmothers couldn't afford, right?.

I think people tend to downplay the money side of polygamy and like to believe that any woman wouldn't mind sharing her husband. Which is not True.

I also believe that Polygamy was decided by God to find a solution to widowed women not because men have needs and like to be married to different women.

Everyone has needs Nur, women might like to "try" different men too if they like it and legitimate this whole business by marrying them.

Which sounds weird and amoral but well some matriarchal societies function this way and there is no more dilema in those societies than in ours.

[Nur]

Makalajabtay sis

 

You write:

 

 

Everyone speaks from their own experience, right?

 

Answer: Yes, more precisely though form their perspective where they stand when viewing a problem, which shoe they are wearing, a famous Somali proverb sums it up : LA JIIFIYAANA BANNAAN.

 

You write:

 

Every woman I have met in a polygameous marriage was financially dependent on their husband's income: If she divorces who is going to take care of her 6/7 children, she must be crazy to kick her husband out. Added to that, tradition which recquires a woman stays with her husband and Islam which legitimatises polygamy, no wonder somali women in the past stay in these kind of marriage.

 

 

Answer:

 

Isnt it a selfless and a great sacrifice from both sides? Husband not running away with a younger Halimo leaving in the cold 6 kids and their mom, and Minweyn ( First Lady, Clinton Explained why US Presidents wife is called First Lady, because he had three other unofficial wives running in the background) Who sacrificed and stays with her husband for the sake of the kids since she is upset.

 

You write:

 

I am sure all these women would have enjoyed to have their husband's attention and love solely dedicated to them and not sharing with others. Now things have changed and I don't know any Xalimos in western countries in a polygamous marriage.

Do you know any polygamous marriage in the city you live in Nur and involving young people? because I have never heard of it.

 

Answer:

 

I recall many, but most noteworthy was when an American born and bred woman of a higher social status reverted to Islam:

In a Major Uni. Gretchen's "Muslim" boyfriend makes repentence, begins to pray and tells her, he has changed, now he can only see her as a wife, the fun is over. Bewildered, Gretchen talks to his best friend, Mr. Mohamed who is married to another reverted woman, Gretchen wants to learn Islam further to consider reverting to Islam but is not sure if that what she wants, to convince her, Mohamed, her boyfriends buddy takes her to his place to meet his wife, when they got there, Mohammeds very religious wife opens the door to find her husband with this good looking non Muslim woman! Mohamed, without preparing his wife for a prank says " Honey, surprise, my second wife just found her" His wife, out of joy hugs the new lady, takes her hand and drags her inside the apartment, showing her the guestroom as her new place. At that point Mohammed laughs and tells his wife it was a prank, "honey she is my Friends girlfriend who wants to know more about Islam, can you help her. It didnt take much, she accepted the faith mainly due to the character of Mohamads wife, she said any faith that can change the value system of a western individualist woman to share her husband is indeed agood faith.

 

 

You Write:

 

My point is polygamous marriage is all about money and power: men do it because they can and women are trapped because they can't afford to leave their husbands and raise their children but everything has changed now, Xalimos can live off welfare and benefit and are more likely to leave their husbands if they start talking about taking another wife. This is surely something our grandmothers couldn't afford, right?.

 

 

Answer:

 

Happiness is not always what we have, sometimes, its what we dont have, mOney can be our misery, as we collect it fiercely killing others for it, then spending it in the wrong cause. To an extent, I agree with you that more men with money dare think of taking on another Xalimo, from purely risk/reward point of view, money is a factor in the correction phase after the bad news of Xalimos marriage stock crashing due to a MINYAR's arrival.

 

Its called MA$EYRTIR, Some men pay a huge sum of that money and jewellery to appeace the First Lady, Why? Because they dont want her to go, the residual love she earned in the relationship is so high that in a very special case I was an advisor, the man confided in me that if she allows him, he is willing to transfer deeds of all of their two suburban homes plus Townhouse to First lady to show

 

1. That she is valued highly,

2. That its not all about money always that drives women to eaither accept joining an instant couple, or decide to stay with a man who married another Xaimo.

3. That money is not always important, otherwise they would also stay monogomous for its sake.

 

If a Xalimo decides to leave her husband out of Jealosy, at some point in her life she may regret after she finds out that the lawn is not always greener at monogomous Warsames side, many monogomous marrriages have as much problems as polygomous households, its about players, the rules of the game ( Faith) and the social setting that determines success of any mariage, poly or mono. In the USA, 54.8% of marriages end up in divorce. Sweden the most civilized western nation, is the highest, a point higher at 54.9%, UK 42.6%, Canada 37%. most cited reasons being:

 

Xtra-marital affair - 27% ( Bill Clinton Syndrome)

 

Family strains - 18% ( They Dont Make Dhiker against Satan)

 

Abuse - 17% ( How can you hit your wife and then ask for love?)

 

Mid-life crisis - 13% ( 45 year old exec. Runs away with an 18 year old)

 

Addictions - 6% ( Qat, Mira or plain hard Camel Milk)

 

Workaholism - 6% ( And No tellin, with who at work he is chillin)

 

Source: Grant Thornton ( Remarks between parenthesis by eNuri Associates)

 

You write:

 

I think people tend to downplay the money side of polygamy and like to believe that any woman wouldn't mind sharing her husband. Which is not True.

 

 

Makalajabtay sis, please be very honest and to the point. Lets say you married your sweetheart, first five years completed, couple of kids and other preoccupations and all, your husband's business picked up so well in Garasbaalley, he soberly prepared you for the eventually:

 

Faarax: Look honey, something has changed in my heart, and I need to clear it up with you.

 

Makalajabtay: What is it?

 

Faarax: I met anothet Xalimo that I want to marry, but I still love you, and you dont have to believe me, only time will tell, but for starters here is a check for your security, I calculated your expenses for the next 5 years, then I doubled and deposited it in that account, you know, I am going to start from zero to have sacrificed that much money, its not about a strong desire for the new Xalimo, I dont know her enough, but more about a lifetime loyalty for you, short of kicking me me out or not marrying that Xalimo, I would accept any arrangement that benefits you and the kids:

 

 

.......What would be your response short of falling in pieces (KALAJABIN)?

 

 

 

 

You write:

 

I also believe that Polygamy was decided by God to find a solution to widowed women not because men have needs and like to be married to different women.

Everyone has needs women might like to "try" different men too if they like it and legitimate this whole business by marrying them. Which sounds weird and amoral but well some matriarchal societies function this way and there is no more dilema in those societies than in ours.

 

 

Answer: You are coprrect on all counts, nothing immoral about fantasies ( as long as you dont do it) but in case of a woman, if her husband is not satisfying her, the Judge might, he will give her her certificate of Divorce to seek another, no limit of number of men she can try, but the Somali social stigma is unfavorably unjust on women who remarry often, but not the men, so if that man is willing to keep both wife, what is wrong with that? he can keep marrying and divorcing till D-Day with no stigma.

 

Again, how many Xalimos you know to be so sympathetic for their Widowed kind as to offer them to share their husbands?

 

 

Nur

[makalajabti]

Faarax: I met anothet Xalimo that I want to marry, but I still love you, and you dont have to believe me, only time will tell, but for starters here is a check for your security, I calculated your expenses for the next 5 years, then I doubled and deposited it in that account, you know, I am going to start from zero to have sacrificed that much money, its not about a strong desire for the new Xalimo, I dont know her enough, but more about a lifetime loyalty for you, short of kicking me me out or not marrying that Xalimo, I would accept any arrangement that benefits you and the kids:

.......What would be your response short of falling in pieces (KALAJABIN)?

I ain't sharing my skinny Faarax! I'd get a divorce and get on with my life.

[Jamilah]

Revised

[Khadir]

Salam Brother Nur,

 

This was the first i got a chance to see your response to my polygamy thread. Thanks for the all the feedback, i understand your position regarding the state of polygamy in Islam. However, i disagree with you on numerous points:

 

 

1) polygamy IS restricted in Islam, Allah allows polygamy on condition. Yes while polygamy was not restriced before islam came, but It became resticted by these verses of the Quran:

 

[4.3] And if you fear that you cannot act equitably towards orphans, then marry such women as seem good to you, two and three and four; but if you fear that you will not do justice (between them), then (marry) only one or what your right hands possess; this is more proper, that you may not deviate from the right course.

 

 

with all due respect brother Nur, the Quranic verses above on polygamy are in context to dealing justly with orphans of war, and other such societal misfortunes. And even as Such Allah is clear that monogamy is the more proper "then (marry) only one or what your right hands possess; this is more proper, that you may not deviate from the right course". Thus, polygamy is restricted in islam.

 

2) NO Woman can happly share her husband! thats just the truth. I will personally say, coming from a polygamous family, that polygamy is difficult not just for the wife, but for the children as well. In this day and age, polygamy has no place in islam, and in any society.

 

A certain sheikh of the mosque in my community married a second wife, he did not tell his first wife, and when she found out in an insulting matter, she was ill for months. Being such a house ridden wife of four kids, she was forced to remain in this unhappy state, she never consented to this polyagmous marriage, and even if she tried to refute it, these extreme muslim fanatics around her would accuse her of denying islamic ways of life. A polygamous marriage is an awful thing, i wish it on no women. Many of these men who embrace their right topolygamy often forget the basic foundations of being a muslim such being honest, and not hurting others. Allah put a restriction on polyamy and those who practice it out of abuse will certainly suffer for their actions.

 

 

Allah has allowed polygamy only where it is necessary, and when that time comes none shall question the purpose of this divine law, it is only when we subject polygamy on societies that cannot support such ideologies that we see it as primitive, cruel and outdated.

 

 

May Allah guide us ALL.

[Khayr]

Originally posted by Khadir:

Salam Brother Nur,

 

This was the first i got a chance to see your response to my polygamy thread. Thanks for the all the feedback, i understand your position regarding the state of polygamy in Islam. However, i disagree with you on numerous points:

 

 

1) polygamy IS restricted in Islam, Allah allows polygamy on condition. Yes while polygamy was not restriced before islam came, but It became resticted by these verses of the Quran:

 

[4.3] And if you fear that you cannot act equitably towards orphans, then marry such women as seem good to you, two and three and four; but if you fear that you will not do justice (between them), then (marry) only one or what your right hands possess; this is more proper, that you may not deviate from the right course.

 

 

with all due respect brother Nur, the Quranic verses above on polygamy are in context to dealing justly with orphans of war, and other such societal misfortunes. And even as Such Allah is clear that monogamy is the more proper "then (marry) only one or what your right hands possess; this is more proper, that you may not deviate from the right course". Thus, polygamy is restricted in islam.

 

2) NO Woman can happly share her husband! thats just the truth. I will personally say, coming from a polygamous family, that polygamy is difficult not just for the wife, but for the children as well.

In this day and age, polygamy has no place in islam, and in any society.

:eek:

 

A certain sheikh of the mosque in my community married a second wife, he did not tell his first wife, and when she found out in an insulting matter, she was ill for months. Being such a house ridden wife of four kids, she was forced to remain in this unhappy state, she never consented to this polyagmous marriage, and even if she tried to refute it, these extreme muslim fanatics around her would accuse her of denying islamic ways of life. A polygamous marriage is an awful thing, i wish it on no women. Many of these men who embrace their right topolygamy often forget the basic foundations of being a muslim such being honest, and not hurting others. Allah put a restriction on polyamy and those who practice it out of abuse will certainly suffer for their actions.

 

 

Allah has allowed polygamy only where it is necessary, and when that time comes none shall question the purpose of this divine law, it is only when we subject polygamy on societies that cannot support such ideologies that we see it as primitive, cruel and outdated.

 

 

May Allah guide us ALL. [/QB]

Saxib,

 

Can you give you give us references from the Islamic Scholars (1400+ worth) maybe 2 or 3 that support your view and your Taweel/Interpretation of the intended Meaning of the ayat.

 

What Tafsirs did you refer?

 

 

Amelia,

 

Whether is Pologymany or Monogamy or Selfogomy, pick one and Stand by it. Don't critique the rest when you haven't tried them.

[Jacpher]

Originally posted by Khadir:

In this day and age, polygamy has no place in islam, and in any society.

Subxaanalaah. You argue some parts of the Qur’an are awful, and can’t coexist with modern day society lifestyle? Such utterance of word of kufr.

 

Let me see if this analogy would help. We know Allah has permitted older women to discard their outer garments so long they’re too old to bear children and have no hopes of getting married. This is in the Qur’an by the way but I’m paraphrasing it. Would it be correct & wise for a Muslim to preach against this verse in fear of other women who are not in this age group abusing the verse and possibly falling short of Jilbaab? You would agree it’s Allah’s given right and no one has the right to take that option away from older women no matter the abuse if any. Anyone can argue this day & age of fitnah, Muslim women should keep their outer clothing but that would mean overruling of a verse in the Qur’an and imposing a misguided interpretation.

[Haseena]

Bismillah

 

Salamu Calaykum Wa Raxmatullah

 

May Allah Subxanahu wa tacaala make us steadfast on this deen of ours/aamiin

 

It's interesting to follow this debate, but as I have mentioned before we as muslims should always refer back to the Quran and the Sunnah when speaking and acting. Many have personal views concerning some matters in the religion, but this religion is not open for personal views/personal interpretations, it is rather " Samicna wa Adacna"

We hear and we Obey, we must keep that in mind.

 

I would like for those stating that polygamy is only to support and protect widows and orphans to present their proofs. How did the sahaba practice this deen of ours? It's not difficult to do some reading on that. Wallahi it hurts me that there are some people in here saying things like polygamy has no place in islam or in any other society. Surely the Lord who revealed the laws to his beloved prophet (sallahi alehi wa salam) must have known about what has place in Islam and what’s not.

 

I would like to ask: who are some of you to talk for all women? How can anyone say there’s nothing good in polygamy? And by just reading some of what the sister wrote, it seems to me she makes a link between those who accept polygamy with those women who have no other choice who are dependant economically on their husbands, I believe that is an insult for any sister who practices polygamy and who does not deny her husband his God given right (of course it should be practiced according to the Quran and sunnah). We sometimes tend to forget the most important of things, and in this case, polygamy is something Allah has allowed for his male servants and it is a sunnah practiced by our noble prophet (sallahu alehi wa salam) the khulaphas, sahaba, tabieen, tabitabiceen and our rightly guided culamas from the past and from the present.

 

This world is not for play and living happily ever after, rather there are trials and tribulations for the believers and the best of them are those who have sabr, and trust in Allah.

 

For some women or should I say most women Polygamy is a trial, I personally would find it difficult with polygamy due to the fact I am like most women: jealous, but I would never go out my way to deny something the Lord of the 7 heavens have made Halal for his cabd. Rather we should learn from the mothers of the believers and see how they lived their lives and coped with polygamy, indeed it’s not something easy on the heart for some sisters but we should if we can, have sabr, surely the rewards with Allah are much greater than anything endured in this world.

[Nur]

Haseenah sis

 

I pray Allah reward you dearly for showing no resisitance to his rule and decrees, Allah SWT say: It was not befitting a believer man or a believer woman ( after Allah has decreed a ruling) to have a choice or options of thier own.

 

What this verse is telling is :

 

If Allah makes something halal, its halaal, but you have option not to take it as a personal preference

Do Not preach that this isse is wrong, or restricted without a clear verese of Quraan and a adeeth from Prophet MUhammaed SAWS.

 

Haseena , you hit the nail in the head when you stressed that the following issue at hand is a form of worship ( Cibaadah) and we all knwo that cibaadah is no fun,

 

As for men this does not mean to abuse a devine ruling, many abuse it anyway, they dont need polygamy to do it, but those who claim to observe Allah deen, they should know that Allah is watching, so make sure that you make the right judgement and do not expose your family to unreasonable danger before coming on the same page in iman and ikhlas, otherwise, a sense of khiyaanah will hover over the head of the household.

 

 

Nur

[Honesita]

Salaamu Aleeykum

 

Sister Haseena....i could not have agreed with you more abaayo....jazaki Allah for clearing things up for us...we definitely needed it...!!

 

What really throws me off the wall is to see people argue with ignorance.....but who am i to get so angry and worked up about something that existed for a long time and is part of our human nature...!!

 

However, allow me to rub one point in your faces....it is a common sense one:

 

Islam is a religion that is perfect and divinely revealed and protected.

 

Muslims are the followers of this great religion. Keep in mind they are humans and therefore they have mannnnnnnny flaws (disobedience to Quran and Sunnah).

 

The actions of Muslims can not be used to condemn an Islamic ruling or praising it. It simply aint right.

 

You can't say Physics should not be taught because all the freshmen in college failed the class....and you can’t say vinegar tastes so nasty it should be haram when Allah already made it halaal...!! You have no right to do so, because again common sense says dont judge the actions judge the rulings.....!!

 

What also works me up is how we speak against things that the non-Muslims raise questions about...and instead of us getting on the offensive side, we get on the defensive side and we just end up losing because we criticize Islam not attempt to educate married people...!! There are so many social, political, economical and personal violations of the Quran and Sunnah every where you look, but we focus on polygamy and say 'those controlling men'...how come we dont say 'those women that dont know their rights'...!! We are becoming obsessed with Man and Woman relations that we can’t move forward in our lives....Billah aleekum WAKE THE HECK UP AND LEARN AND ISLAM not rubbish...!!

 

Allah Yahdeena...!!

 

Fii Amaani'Laah