Ms MoOns Posted May 14, 2011 A women was shopping in the city centre when she was ran over by a car while crossing the road. She was rushed to hospital and while the doctor was examining her, her husband was called in. When the doctor finished his examination, he took the husband aside and said to him, "I don't like the looks of her!" and the husband said to him, "I know, but shes good in the kitchen and great with the kids!!" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ms MoOns Posted May 14, 2011 I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I'm good at everything. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ms MoOns Posted May 14, 2011 Bob says to Lester, "You know, I reckon I'm about ready for a vacation, only this year I'm gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your advice as to where to go. Two years ago you said to go to Hawaii, I went to Hawaii, and Marie got pregnant. Then last year, you told me to go to the Bahamas, I went to the Bahamas, and Marie got pregnant again." Lester says, "So what you gonna do different this year?" Bob says, "This year, I'm takin' Marie with me..." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ms MoOns Posted May 14, 2011 I swear my girlfriend acts like a 12 year old sometimes. It totally pisses me off, why cant she just act her age... She's 6. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ms MoOns Posted May 18, 2011 A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday. "I'd love to be eight again." she replied. On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her off to the local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, every thing there was. Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. Right away, they journeyed to a McDonald's where her loving husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake. Then it was off to the movies: the latest Star Wars epic, a hot dog, popcorn, all the Coke she could drink, and her favorite M&M's. What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his precious wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, ''Well, Dear, what was it like being eight again?" Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. "I meant my dress size!!!!!!! The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he's gonna get it wrong. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ms MoOns Posted May 18, 2011 WAYS 2 TURN DOWN UNWANTED MEN!!!! HE: Can I buy u a drink? SHE: Actually I'd rather have the money. HE: How did u get to be so beautiful? SHE: I must've been given ur share. HE: ur face must turn a few heads. SHE: And ur face must turn a few stomachs. HE: I think I could make u very happy. SHE: Why? R u leaving? HE: What would u say if I asked u 2 marry me? SHE: Nothing. I cant talk and laugh at the same time. HE: Can I have ur name? SHE: Why? Dont u already have one? HE: Where have u been all my life? SHE: Hiding from u. HE: If I could see u naked, I'd die happy. SHE: If I saw u naked, I'd probably die laughing. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ms MoOns Posted May 18, 2011 Stupiid Questions "OMG, did you just fall?!" "Pssh naw, I just felt like attacking the floor with some intense ninja skills!" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ms MoOns Posted May 18, 2011 Why men shouldn't be Agony Aunts: Dear Jim, I left home for work last week and after less than a mile my car stalled and wouldn't start. I walked back to our home to find my husband in bed with our 19 year old babysitter. They announced that the affair had been going on for two years and that they were deeply in love. Can you help me? I'm desperate! Dear reader, The most common cause of vehicles breaking down in the first mile is dirt in the fuel lines, if this is not the cause its usually the Alternator. Hope my advice helps. Jim. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ms MoOns Posted May 18, 2011 A pub's closing and a totally plastered customer struggles to get to the door. Then to walk home, despite only living a few hundred yards from there, he literally crawls on the pavement all the way back home, drags himself up the stairs and eventually reaches his bed after two hours. He wakes up the next morning, and his wife tells him: "You were really drunk last night weren't you?" "Yeah, why? How do you know?" "You left your wheelchair at the pub." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ms MoOns Posted May 18, 2011 A cop stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name. 'Fred,' he replies. 'Fred what?' the officer asks. 'Just Fred,' the man responds. The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the biker a break and, write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name. The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. 'Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?' The biker replies, 'It's a long story, so stay with me.' I was born Fred Johnson. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD. After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through School, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS. Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD. Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD. Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am Just Fred..' The officer walked away in tears, laughing. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ms MoOns Posted May 18, 2011 What do you do ... If you see your ex , running around in your front yard covered in blood screaming for help? Stay calm. Reload. And try again. My favourite joke this week Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Aaliyyah Posted May 20, 2011 ^^^lol@ reload..ms moons u got some good jokes xagee ka keentay waxan oo dhan salaam Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ms MoOns Posted May 20, 2011 Thanks walaashiis P.s. I got my sources Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ms MoOns Posted May 20, 2011 Going to McDonalds and ordering a salad is like going to a strip club for a hug. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ms MoOns Posted May 20, 2011 A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started." Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger." Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger." He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then..." He sighed... "Let's put all the Frosted Flakes back in the box..." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
