Mulla Nasrudin - The Grand Satirist

[Chimera]

Hilarious tales of the 13th century Satirist from the East:

 

 

Nasrudin dreamt that he had Satan's beard in his hand. Tugging the hair he cried: "The pain you feel is nothing compared to that which you inflict on the mortals you lead astray." And he gave the beard such a tug that he woke up yelling in agony. Only then did he realize that the beard he held in his hand was his own.

 

 

Once Nasreddin was invited to deliver a sermon. When he got on the pulpit, he asked, "Do you know what I am going to say?" The audience replied "no", so he announced, "I have no desire to speak to people who don't even know what I will be talking about!" and left.

The people felt embarrassed and called him back again the next day. This time, when he asked the same question, the people replied "yes". So Nasreddin said, "Well, since you already know what I am going to say, I won't waste any more of your time!" and left.

Now the people were really perplexed. They decided to try one more time and once again invited the Mullah to speak the following week. Once again he asked the same question - "Do you know what I am going to say?" Now the people were prepared and so half of them answered "yes" while the other half replied "no". So Nasreddin said "Let the half who know what I am going to say, tell it to the half who don't," and left.

 

[Chimera]

A thief went into Nasrudin's house and carried

away almost all the possessions of the Mullah to

his own home. Nasrudin had been watching from

the street. After a few minutes Nasrudin took up a

blanket, followed him, went into his house,lay

down, and pretended to go to sleep. The thief

asked Mullah, "Who are you, and what are you

doing here?" Mullah replied, "Well, we were

moving house, were we not?"

 

 

'When I die', said Nasrudin, 'have me buried in an

old grave.'

'Why?' Asked his relatives.

'Because when Munkir and Nakir, recording

angels of good and bad actions, come, I'll be able

to wave them on, saying that this grave has been

counted and entered for punishment already.'

 

[Chimera]

One day Nasruddin went to a banquet. As he was dressed rather shabbily, no one let him in. So he ran home, put on his best robe and fur coat and returned. Immediately, the host came over, greeted him and ushered him to the head of an elaborate banquet table. When the food was served, Nasruddin took some soup with spoon and pushed it to the his fur coat and said,- Eat my fur coat, eat! It's obvious that you're the real guest of honor today, not me!

 

[Alpha Blondy]

OMG!!!!!!!!!!

 

This is the funniest thing I have ever heard.

[wyre]

Looooooooooool@ chimera long time back in kenya, I heard this story about mullah nasruddiin

A neighbour came to the gate of Mulla Nasreddin's yard. The Mulla went to meet him outside.

"Would you mind, Mulla," the neighbour asked, "lending me your donkey today? I have some goods to transport to the next town."

The Mulla didn't feel inclined to lend out the animal to that particular man, however. So, not to seem rude, he answered:

"I'm sorry, but I've already lent him to somebody else."

All of a sudden the donkey could be heard braying loudly behind the wall of the yard.

"But Mulla," the neighbour exclaimed. "I can hear it behind that wall!"

"Who do you believe," the Mulla replied indignantly. "The donkey or your Mulla?

[wyre]

Once a person slapped Nasruddin in the street. Later he came back and started to apologize and said that he had mistaken Nasruddin for some one else. But Nasruddin was not satisfied and took tight hold of his collar, took him to the judge and told the judge about the incident. The judge ordered, “Nasruddin must slap that person to avenge. But Nasruddin didn’t get satisfied. Thus the judge ordered the person to give Nasruddin a gold coin in lieu of the slap. The accused had to go out of the court to bring the gold coin. Nasruddin waited for sometime. The accused didn’t come back. Nasruddin stood up and slapped the judge on his face and said, “Since I have a lot of work, whenever that person Comes and brings the coin, You take the money for this slap.”

[Ibtisam]

Lol adam! That made me laugh. Looool nice to hear about a mulla with a sense of humour!! Lol.

[wyre]

One day Mullah Nasruddin went to market to buy new clothes. First he tested a pair of trousers. He didn't like the trousers and he gave back them to the shopkeeper. Then he tried a robe which had same price as the trousers. Mullah Nasruddin was pleased with the robe and he left the shop. Before he climbed on the donkey to ride home he stopped by the shopkeeper and the shop-assistant.

 

- You didn't pay for the robe, said the shopkeeper.

 

- But I gave you the trousers instead of the robe, isn't it? replied Mullah Nasruddin .

 

- Yes, but you didn't pay for the trousers, either! said the shopkeeper.

[wyre]

On a frigid and snowy winter day Mullah Nasruddin was having a chat with some of his friends in the local coffee house. Mullah Nasruddin said that cold weather did not bother him, and in fact, he could stay, if necessary, all night without any heat.

 

- We'll take you up on that, Mullah Nasruddin . they said. If you stand all night in the village square without warming yourself by any external means, each of us will treat you to a sumptuous meal. But if you fail to do so, you will treat us all to dinner.

 

- All right it's a bet, Mullah Nasruddin said.

 

That very night, Mullah Nasruddin stood in the village square till morning despite the bitter cold. In the morning, he ran triumphantly to his friends and told them that they should be ready to fulfill their promise. But as a matter of fact you lost the bet, Mullah Nasruddin , said one of them. At about midnight, just before I went to sleep, I saw a candle burning a window about three hundred yards away from where you were standing. That certainly means that you warmed yourself by it.

 

- That's ridiculous, Mullah Nasruddin argued. How can a candle behind a window warm a person three hundred yards away?

 

All his protestations were to no avail, and it was decided that Mullah Nasruddin had lost the bet. Mullah Nasruddin accepted the verdict and invited all of them to a dinner that night at his home. They all arrived on time, laughing and joking, anticipating the delicious meal Mullah Nasruddin was going to serve them. But dinner was not ready. Mullah Nasruddin told them that it would be ready in a short time, and left the room to prepare the meal. A long time passed, and still no dinner was served.

 

Finally, getting impatient and very hungry, they went into the kitchen to see if there was any food cooking at all. What they saw, they could not believe. Mullah Nasruddin was standing by a huge cauldron, suspended from the ceiling. There was a lighted candle under the cauldron.

 

- Be patient my friends, Mullah Nasruddin told them. Dinner will be ready soon. You see it is cooking.

 

- Are you out of your mind, Mullah Nasruddin? they shouted. How could you with such a tiny flame boil such a large pot?

 

- Your ignorance of such matters amuses me, Mullah Nasruddin said. If the flame of a candle behind a window three hundred yards away can warm a person, surely the same flame will boil this pot which is only three inches away.

hahahahaha Wallahi this is funny, odayaashi si xun buu yeelay:D

[Ibtisam]

LOOOOOOOL OOOOOOL!!! :D I feel like I missed out on childhood- no one told me of this man!

[Paragon]

Lol. As hilarious as when I first encounter these stories in pri. school. The friend who told me, may Allah rest his soul, knew so many stories and im now wondering how he came to learn of them! He never travelled and rarely met any storytellers, you see?

 

wyre, Khalill Gibran's Fools Humour are hilarious as well but nothing beats The Grand...

[Taleexi]

Funny stuff.

[Gheelle.T]

let's keep this alive and contribute. Here are some of his jokes I found:

 

PROMISES KEPT

a friend asked the mulla how old are you? forty replied the mullah. the friend said but you said the samething two years ago ! yes replied the mullah, i always stand by what i have said.

 

DEDUCTIVE REASONING

"how old are you, mulla? someone asked, 'three years older than my brother.'how do you know that? 'reasoning. last year, i heard my brother tell someone that i was two years older than him. a year has passed. that means that i am older by one year. i shall soon be old enough to be his grandfather.

 

OBLIGATION

nasruddin nearly fell into a pool one day. a man whom he knew slightly was nearby, and saved him. every time he met nasruddin after that he would remind him of the service which he had performed. when this had happened several times nasruddin took him to the water, jumped in, stood with his head just above water and shouted: "now i am as wet as i would have been if you had not saved me! leave me alone.