Wat is Somalis view on Divorce??

[Buubto]

Asalaamu Aleikum Wr Wb

(1)As a Muslim wat do u think about divorce??

What I was going to say muslim sis & aaminah have covered already, May Allah reward them.

 

(2) As a Somali wat do u think about divorce??

As Somali I think we neglecting the policy and creating our own. First b4 we jump to nikaah we need to understand 100% family responsibility in islam & divorce. Compromise, time & patients aren’t in our dictionary. Divorce is very easy & useless thing for us (majority). U see ladies saying “aniga sadax ayaa ikeentay sadaxna ayaa ibixisa” or men saying “naa waan kufuraa hadaa qeylada iga deyn weysid”. These non required statements show no family values & priorities, Rather than compromising they threaten one another, family interest isn’t in their dictionary. We need to develop sense of excellent judgments when it comes to divorce & to avoid over whelmed emotions & let time take its course. Only in this way high divorce rate in our society can be minimized. If u look the divorced families nowadays, is heartbreaking to learn a Muslim family is being destroyed over very simple argument / issue. We need to be educated in Islamic wise, & state our priority straight, only in this way a Muslim family will survive.

 

3) Wat are the traditional ways of goin about a divorce??

Traditional ways as Somalis I think families should not interfere the couples life’s. Somali family requires privacy; others should learn how to mind their own business. it should be their decision not what the families want. As how to divorce is should be according to our religion.

 

4) How do u think a child is affected psychologically and emotionally by a break-up in de household?

Divorce has big impact on kids, often they get lost in society though it depends how the family raise them & support them. They tend to caught up b/w their prance differences which effects their loyalty to their prance, the emotions builds up they shut down & develop hate, which leads them to drugs, & etc. Majority of them straggle some throughout their life time. That is why most lost youth are come from divorced families.

[Infatua.5an]

W.salaam.Wr.wb Buuto

Mashallah..all the sister’s here have already taken the words right out of my mouth (and maybe added a few things I didn’t know myself :cool: ) ...good topic though sis...I can proudly say a learnt a thing or two...Jazaka allaha Kheyr

[Br. Nur]

If kids can talk, the pain of Divorce.

 

 

Nurtel Social Engineering is Bringing you another imaginative rendering. This time we will explore the pain a divorce victim has to endure at the delicate age of three.

 

 

A Nurtel Story about a fictitious Somali immigrant family residing inNorth America.

 

 

When a Marriage breaks down.

 

 

A Letter to Dad.

 

 

Dear Dad,

 

It has been a while since I saw you and mommy holding hands, you may not realize but at age 3, I pretty much follow and understand what is going on between you and mom, I just can articulate myself. As you are well aware, I did not choose to come to this world and suffer because the two individuals who are responsible for my presence on this planet have parted ways.

 

It kills me to know that I will be a statistic as most social misfits happened to be the victims of a family breakup. So, what does it mean for me that you and mommy finally decided to bring an end to this relationship that nourished me and gave me hope to amount to something like a Doctor, Engineer, a Businessman etc, when I grow up.

 

Dad, last night, when you and mom where yelling at each other I was so scared, I ran for cover form flying dishes mommy threw at you when you spit on her face and pushed her against the wall, for a moment, that picture of abuse to my mommy got me so angry, If I had a gun I would not have hesitated to shoot you in the head. That picture is implanted in my subconscious forever, and I can not reconcile it with earlier rosy pictures in our family album.

 

In our family album, I see you and mommy just married, big smiles and cheering relatives, mommy looking like a queen, slim tall and beautiful, and you looking like an ideal father, complete with an innocent looking smile that speaks kindness and love, a potential father who will raise a great family, in the next page, I see mommy pregnant and see you caring for her, holding her hand coaching her for her expected child birth. I see uncle Ducaale and aunt Maan-u-Roon, niknamed Maano congratulating you and mommy for my birth, little did they knew what you were about to do to their sister. Everyone in my moms family used to talk well about you, you were an example to the rest of my mommies younger sisters, now look what you have done. In just two years in your marriage you lost focus to walk your talk for promises you made for the two individuals in this world who loved you the most, and for which you are responsible.

 

Dad, Mommy used to tell me that you were a devout Muslim, and used to tell me that she wanted me to be like you when I grow up, your community involvement was a testament to what mommy told me, you even went out of your way to help teach Islamic classes on Sundays to Somali kids in community Center for newly arrived refugees. As you got involved in the center, your absence took longer and longer, forgetting that a wife and a toddler where at home waiting to see their Papa come home to share historic and lasting family moments, and later, as you became busy with your business, you would not even show up at the center for prayers let alone giving lessons. Whenever I ask mommy about your whereabouts, she would tell me that you are busy working for yourself in some business projects. As A kid, I resented that you stopped hugging and kissing me, whenever I see you come home, you look like adrained, angry and irrespective of the dearest person in the world to me, mu mommy.

 

Yesterday, when mommy picked me up from the daycare alone for the first time, she had tears in her eyes, she was regretting her choice for a husband, she told me that she has chosen you among many successful bachelors who were after her, she selected you against her families wish after they felt uneasy about your ways, but you have calmed mommy down by saying that your love for her would overcome everything, unfortunately, that love failed to overcome your character, a Somali proverb says, " Wad qardhaaso la yaab, dhalanna, waano la yaab" gone are the happy days, when you rocked me in the carousel at Chuck- e- Cheese, the days when I would wait the doorbell to ring so I would open the door and you'd hug me and have chat with me, tickling my feet with feathers, days when, you would look at me with warmth and love taking very long stares at my face as if you could see yourself in the reflection of my tiny eyes, unfortunately, time has changed, and today, neither me nor mommy are factors for your happiness, worse yet, from the way you treat mommy, the woman who sacrificed so much to marry you, is your avowed enemy. But what was my fault? Why wouldn't you consider me as part of the stakeholders in this marriage, a third party to be considered, and for once, why wouldn't you think to remain married for my sake?

 

Dad, I plead with you for the last time, come back, we need you, you need to erase that ugly picture that you have left in my memory with love and compassion. I can not see another man with mommy, it will be very difficult for me to see another man in our house, If you choose not to come back, All I can say, is " Maa facalahul jaliil, fa huwa jamiil", may be, Allah will present a better father than you for me and a great husband for mommy, I know she deserves one.

 

 

Your son

 

 

Cag Biciid, Junior

 

 

Nurtel Social Engineering Labs

1450, Ijaara Expressway,

Somaliland

[-Serenity-]

Nur, I'm so glad you made your way 2 our friendly site. I used to visit Somnet just 2 read ur posts.

 

W.E.L.C.O.M.E

 

*** ***

* *

*** ***

 

^^ fireworks

[Nur]

Athena walaal

 

Thanks for the complements, Now, I'll take the pleasure in serving you in the first class cabin of bulletin boards, Somaliaonline. Let me know your favorite topics that I wrote so I can serve you better.

 

By the way, your tagline reads:

 

" One has to be able to count if only so that at fifty one doesn't marry a girl of twenty."

-Maxim Gorky"

 

If I am not wrong, it conntradicts with a Somali Proverb that reads:

 

" Haween waxaa dhaqi yaqaan nin Dhali kara"

 

What do you say?

 

Nur

[-Serenity-]

^^ LOL .... surely I'm looking for a partner not a father figure. My Dad has already raised me well...

 

 

Plz put up ur Halaal GF Halaal BF Topic....and the Profile of NURTEL NEETWORKS

[Nur]

Athena

 

InshaAllah I will repost my profile here so new members will get to know my light side, but let me ask you, this green smiling face icon, i think he needs to see an orthodentist, his teeth are scary, i can't help but laugh each time i look at it.

 

Nur

[-Serenity-]

Come on NUR...not only does he floss twice a month and use CREST - Extra Whitening, he has perfectly shaped teeth

 

<=== Look at that 'colgate' smile

[silent-sistah]

ATHENA & NUUR, stop the shukaansi and get back to the topic!

 

religious

aight, ok, we all know that divorce is frowned upon and that it is a last resort. it is the one halaal thing that Allah hates.

 

traditional

i sometimes think that a lot of older somali's take it out of context

 

......i mean sometimes the marriage is failing, the whole family is suffering, but for some reason, the couple stay 2gether thinking that no matter how much they argue,fight, and abuse eachother, anything is better than divorce.

 

my Aunt and her husband used to fight when i was kid. me and her kids used to feel really helpless, coss they used to beat eachother and we couldnt do nothing!

we used to sit at the bottom of the stairs crying.

 

well, my aunt will take us away from the house for a few days, then we would return, and things are back to normal, till the next time they fight.

 

(we later discovered that the rest of the family used to negotiate and get them back 4gether)

 

i really dont think that type of setting is right for any child, and i think that sometimes divorce is the best option--remember it isnt haraam!

 

 

pyschological damage

not divorcing:

 

speaking from my experience- staying in a marriage that was better ended- i learnt real early that im a helpless human, that there are alot of things that i have no control over, and that crying is good.(let it all out)

 

divorce:

i think that boys suffer more than girls, because they need that male role model and a mother cannot do that (usually when somali's get divorced, mother gets full custody) a lot of boys basically turn out to be juvenile delinquents because they really dont take dicipline from a women.

 

i would say that no atter what option the parents choose, they know their situation better than anyone else, and hey know what is best for them and thei kids.

 

somali parents should involve their kids in making major dicisions, since like the brother nuur said, the kids are the ones that suffer---divorce should be a family dicision and the kids should be consulted rather than left out.

 

i think that them being involved will limit any resentment or psychological damage-regardless of wether the parents stay a couple or depart.

 

(if u can make sence of what im tryna say- hope it helps)

[Ayaan8321]

lool @ princess sexy...

Nur..you mean ...nin kudhali karo ayaa kudhaqdo?

[Nur]

Silent sis

 

lol. I was not doin any shukansi, just trying to shake out western ( Russian) beliefs out of the forum, so we can claim back our identity and values. That does not mean that I do not highly regard our Lady of the Fibers, Athena was indeed a great city when I visted, I haed the food, Greeks can't cook.

 

After reading your piece I am posting an old post of mine in the same meaning, please enjoy it.

 

 

Nur

[Nur]

Stokholm lady

 

 

Originally posted by STHLM_Lady:

lool @ princess sexy...

Nur..you mean ...nin kudhali karo ayaa kudhaqdo?

To be honest, I am not that sure that this wsidom works these days in Sweden, but in Somali Baadiye, it still does

 

 

Nur

[Nur]

If kids can talk, the pain of Divorce.

 

 

Nurtel Social Engineering is Bringing you another imaginative rendering. This time we will explore the pain a divorce victim has to endure at tye ripe age of three.

 

 

A Nurtel Story about a fictitious Somali immigrant family Divorce in North America.

 

 

When a Marriage breaks down.

 

 

A Letter to Dad.

 

 

Dear Dad,

 

It has been a while since I saw you and mommy holding hands, you may not realize but at age 3, I follow and understand what is going on between you and mom, I just can articulate myself. As you are well aware, I did not choose to come to this world and suffer because the two individuals who are responsible for my presence on this planet have parted ways.

 

It kills me to know that I will be a statistic as most social misfits happened to be the victims of a family breakup. So, what does it mean for me that you and mommy finally decided to bring an end to this relationship that nourished me and gave me hope to amount to something like a Doctor, Engineer, a Businessman etc, when I grow up.

 

Dad, last night, when you and mom where yelling at each other I was so scared, I ran for cover form flying dishes mommy threw at you when you spit on her face and pushed her against the wall, for a moment, that picture of abuse to my mommy got me so angry, If I had a gun I would not have hesitated to shoot you in the head. That picture is implanted in my subconscious forever, and I can not reconcile it with earlier rosy pictures in our family album.

 

In our family album, I see you and mommy just married, big smiles and cheering relatives, mommy looking like a queen, slim tall and beautiful, and you looking like an ideal father, complete with an innocent looking smile that speaks kindness and love, a potential father who will raise a great family, in the next page, I see mommy pregnant and see you caring for her, holding her hand coaching her for her expected child birth. I see uncle Ducaale and aunt Maan-u-Roon, niknamed Maano congratulating you and mommy for my birth, little did they knew what you were about to do to their sister. Everyone in my moms family used to talk well about you, you were an example to the rest of my mommies younger sisters, now look what you have done. In just two years in your marriage you lost focus to walk your talk for promises you made for the two individuals in this world who loved you the most, and for which you are responsible.

 

Dad, Mommy used to tell me that you were a devout Muslim, and used to tell me that she wanted me to be like you when I grow up, your community involvement was a testament to what mommy told me, you even went out of your way to help teach Islamic classes on Sundays to Somali kids in community Center for newly arrived refugees. As you got involved in the center, your absence took longer and longer, forgetting that a wife and a toddler where at home waiting to see their Papa come home to share historic and lasting family moments, and later, as you became busy with your business, you would not even show up at the center for prayers let alone giving lessons. Whenever I ask mommy about your whereabouts, she would tell me that you are busy working for yourself in some business projects. As A kid, I resented that you stopped hugging and kissing me, whenever I see you come home, you look like adrained, angry and irrespective of the dearest person in the world to me, mu mommy.

 

Yesterday, when mommy picked me up from the daycare alone for the first time, she had tears in her eyes, she was regretting her choice for a husband, she told me that she has chosen you among many successful bachelors who were after her, she selected you against her families wish after they felt uneasy about your ways, but you have calmed mommy down by saying that your love for her would overcome everything, unfortunately, that love failed to overcome your character, a Somali proverb says, " Wad qardhaaso la yaab, dhalanna, waano la yaab" gone are the happy days, when you rocked me in the carousel at Chuck- e- Cheese, the days when I would wait the doorbell to ring so I would open the door and you'd hug me and have chat with me, tickling my feet with feathers, days when, you would look at me with warmth and love taking very long stares at my face as if you could see yourself in the reflection of my tiny eyes, unfortunately, time has changed, and today, neither me nor mommy are factors for your happiness, worse yet, from the way you treat mommy, the woman who sacrificed so much to marry you, is your avowed enemy. But what was my fault? Why wouldn't you consider me as part of the stakeholders in this marriage, a third party to be considered, and for once, why wouldn't you think to remain married for my sake?

 

Dad, I plead with you for the last time, come back, we need you, you need to erase that ugly picture that you have left in my memory with love and compassion. I can not see another man with mommy, it will be very difficult for me to see another man in our house, If you choose not to come back, All I can say, is " Maa facalahul jaliil, fa huwa jamiil", may be, Allah will present a better father than you for me and a great husband for mommy, I know she deserves one.

 

 

Your son

 

 

Cag Biciid, Junior

 

 

2003 NURTEL Communications Syndicate

 

Touching Moments

[Nefertiti]

Hope this help sis. The article is not based on "hoity toities" but on real evidence drawn from Islamic psychologists and philosophers. I thought it was really good anyway. (sorry about the length of it tho).

 

 

Islam and Divorce

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

By:

 

Sayyid Mujtaba Musavi Lari.

 

 

The first point this chapter must make is that divorce is contrary to the laws of nature. The annulling of the marriage-bond and the separation of those who should be life-partners is a denial of the true nature of man as created and as at his best. Any society in which divorces become numerous, with the consequent break-up of families, evidences its deviation from nature and her requirements.

 

Psychologists, jurists and sociologists, concerned by the effects of divorce on the moral and juridical personality of those involved, have gone deep into the subject, and given it as their considered verdict that the ejection of a man and wife, let alone the children, from the warmth of home-life into the cold unwelcome of any substitute establishment they may find, deals a mortal blow to their spirits and exposes their children to the onset of moral ailments and psychic traumas against which family life had immunised and protected them. These scientists further hold, almost to a man, that for these reasons divorce should be rendered practically impossible by severe sanctions, except in a few cases where some cause, generally from outside, like the onslaught of insanity or criminality, makes an exception to the rule.

 

But what should be done in cases of irreparable breakdown of relationships? Must the partners stay in the hell they have made? Or may a way-out be found for them? Christianity says blankly. "No divorce!" But Islam more realistically faces the consequences of irreparable breakdown as a fact, and provides a way-out. Every possible safeguard is laid down in the statute book to prevent such a way-out by divorce being abused. But it is clear that the bankruptcy of the relationship is only worsened by forcing the partners to stick together; and their misery is only increased. Hence divorce, though stigmatised as " the most loathsome of states in the eyes of the Lord" is made possible when it is the better of two bad roads. It may even be that the very separation removes the cause of the irritation between man and wife, while the lapse of time in absence softens the hearts and recalls the good points which had been lost under the pains of discord; so that the couple seek reunion, and in some cases actually start the same partnership up again in pardon and joy.

 

Since Islam's aim is the firm establishment of marriages, in the interests of this objective certain liberties are denied. The right of divorce is given to the man only, except in very exceptional cases. This is to safeguard the best interests of women and save them from falling victim to passions. Manifestly, if two people both have the right to institute divorce proceedings, the basis of confidence is made very shaky on both sides. What better safeguard can there be, therefore, than to give the right of divorce proceedings primarily to the one who has by nature more subjection to the powers of reason, and patience in the face of lack of tenderness; and who stands to lose the sum he has given as a marriage portion, as well as having to undertake the financial burdens of the children's upbringing?

 

The differences in the constitution of a man and woman are manifest. The head takes first place in the man's decisions and the heart in the woman's. Reason and emotion are the gifts given to each respectively in their creation. As Dr. Alexis Carrel puts it: "The differences between men and women are, obviously, the physical ones : and then, less obviously, the internal ones like the dispositions of the nerves, the different mental and emotional talents, both of which are of supreme importance for the future of civilisation. Partisans of Women's Liberation aim at a false conception of equality,. as if that desirable condition meant precise similarity and identity in upbringing, employment, responsibilities and duties." ("Man, the Unknown" pp. 84-87).

 

It is for these reasons that Islam's Feqh lays down: "Divorce is in the hand of the man." And it is in consideration of the woman's delicacy of spirit that the power of ending a shared life is not granted to her. Islam, in addition to the manifold measures it has taken to make it easier for people to enter the married state and start families, also makes it more difficult to break up the home. Everything possible is done to ensure happy sound home-life, for the sake of the family's members and of the society to which they belong. It is therefore that it is written in Sura IV: Nisa'a -"The Women", verse 19. "O men, live with your wives in kindness and equity. If you dislike anything in them, that may be the very point which God will use to bring about much blessing."

 

In order to take away such feelings of dislike and prevent their turning to hatred, and to remove their discomfort, Islam awakens the man's conscience to live in kindness and equity with patience, and not to cast off a wife who is temporarily in disfavour, since it may be that goodness and blessing may come through those very wives; so that it would be ****** to end the relationship hastily. As is written in the same Sura IV Nisa'a -"The Women", verse 128: "If a wife fears cruelty or desertion on her husband's part, there is no obstacle to their arranging an amicable settlement between them for which the wife must renounce some of her rights. But if they return through reconciliation and peace through such unselfishness, such a settlement is better than separation and divorce."

 

The same dislike of divorce, as the most detestable of extreme measures to be adopted only in the direst emergency, is advanced by all Islam's greatest jurist-consults and leaders, an attitude summed up in the sentence in the book "Mustadrak" (Vol. 3, p.2): "Any woman who seeks to be divorced from her husband, save in cases of extreme necessity, falls out of the grace and mercy of the Lord." Or again in Vol. 3 of the "Vassa'el" (p.144): "Enter upon matrimony. but do not divorce your wives, since divorce shakes the very throne Of God."

 

Islam fences in the man's power of divorce with many limiting safeguards. A man may not put away his wife by violence, harassment, injury or in a way which may drive her to a life of immorality and corruption. Thus Islam has for centuries surpassed anything yet achieved in Western countries, in its initiative to remove differences and restore understanding in family life. This is particularly true of the family courts, where well-meaning relatives have a large say and everything is done to bring about reconciliation. Causes of differences are deeply studied; and, as relatives, they are able to go deep into confidential matters without either of the couple feeling that their private secrets are being exposed or their feelings excoriated in too public an ambience. When the causes of the difference have been brought into the light of day the members of the family court exert all their powers of sincerity and' heart and affection to bring about reconciliation and to quench the fires of temper, exhorting both sides to unselfishness, tolerance, and an effort to understand each other's point of view. Since both man and wife respect these elders and have full confidence in their compassionate affection, they frequently accept the family court' s recommendations for adjustments they should make in their relationships and behaviour towards each other. As it is written in Sura IV. Nisa'a-"The Women" (verse 35): "Should you fear that division will arise amongst them, appoint an arbitrator on the husband's side and an arbitrator on the wife's side from amongst their relatives and send them to them. As soon as they desire peace and reconciliation the Lord will vouchsafe it to them for He is all-knowing and all-wise."

 

Should the causes and roots of the initiation of divorce proceedings prove to be too deep, so that there is an irreparable breakdown in marital relationships, and all the efforts of the relatives fail to bring about any sort of hope of reconciliation, Islam in its realism recognises that each party must take their own road. It must be plain that such a family court is far more likely to succeed than all the public courts of law or marriage guidance clinics. In fact these only too often, being strangers to the family and not privy to their inmost secrets, merely increase the rift, because of the clumsiness of their well-meaning efforts. A public court has the duty to hear the evidences produced by both sides; and then, in the cold dry heartless atmosphere in which only exact truth and not mercy or clemency reigns, decide which side has most right and give verdict accordingly. It has neither the heart nor the spiritual influence of relatives to press for reconciliation, and cure the causes of the quarrel. In the Qur'an, Sura LXV "Talaq" -"Divorce" ordains in verse 2: "Two just persons from amongst yourselves shall bear witness to the evidence before God when a divorce is settled." Without these two witnesses, there is no legal divorce. An advantage of their appointment is that they can exert every pressure of affection and wisdom to avert the final catastrophe for quite a period before reluctantly, if they have to do so, agreeing that there is no other way out. They frequently succeed in the better course.

 

It is further laid down that no divorce may be made absolute save after the woman' s period of purification after menstruation or childbirth is completed. This need to wait awhile often proves a breathing-space in which the man's feelings of tenderness once more assert themselves over his irritations, and make him decide against divorce.

 

Further when a man finds sharing his life with a particular woman wearisome and irksome and decides on divorce, this decision of his does not suffice in itself to end their living together not does it become effective until the expiry of the "Iddat", i.e. the period fixed by the Feqh during which a divorced or widowed woman may not be married to another man: and this period also gives a breathing-space which frequently results in the man's change of heart and decision to continue the married bond with the wife he planned to divorce.

 

Finally, after the execution of the formalities for a "revocable divorce" (Talaq-i-raj') a man may not expel his wife from the home until the termination of the period of the "iddat" which may last anything up to three months, nor may the wife quit their joint home except in a desperately exceptional case during that period. As the Sura LXV "Talaq" "Divorce" enacts (verse 1): "You may not expel women from their houses, nor may they themselves quit, except if they have been proven guilty of some open lewdness (during the "iddat" period). These are limits set by God. Should any man transgress these limits he does so at the peril of his own soul, and to his own harm : for you know not whether God may bring about some new situation later (than the decision to divorce)."

 

No formalities are necessary to abrogate a revocable divorce during these months. A mere indication of desire for renewal of the marriage relationship by the man suffices.

 

Should the wife feel such hatred for her husband that she repays him the statutory portion of marriage settlement he had given her, or a portion of her own property, that counts as her divorcing him; but this type of divorce is revocable within the stated period, so that if she changes her mind, and her husband agrees, he can still take her back into their home.

 

By these many means Islam safeguards the holy estate of matrimony from shipwreck on the rock of hasty decisions onto which emotional storms may drive some couples.

 

Islam had also done much to protect the wife's rights and to save her from having to continue to live in an unhappy environment. Among beneficent measures are the following:

 

1. the wife can insert a clause in the marriage contract ensuring that

 

(a) incompatibility of temperament

(b) maltreatment

© refusal of maintenance

(d) unannounced journeys

(e) the taking of another wife without consultation

 

are so provided against that if any of the above five conditions is broken she can approach a lawyer to obtain a divorce for her through the courts.

 

2. the wife can make it impossible for her husband not to divorce her by being intolerably refractory, vexatiously shrewish or deliberately incompatible in relationships, familial, sexual or social;

 

3. the wife can resort to the courts if the husband has been incapable or negligent in supplying her with maintenance or has put obstacles in the way of her obtaining it ; or if either partner deprives the other of conjugal rights or fails in marital duties; the Muslim Qadhi, if the woman' s plea is proved, can compel the husband to treat her right, to be reconciled, to disburse the proper sums, to confer her rights upon her in every form : and if the husband proves recalcitrant, or refuses to obey the judge's orders, the judge can then compel him to divorce his wife;

 

4. the wife can enter a plea in the Islamic court and obtain an injunction if the husband accuses her of lewdness, unchastity or unfaithfulness, or denies his own paternity of her child : if the husband cannot prove his case the judge will order the husband to separate himself from his wife in accordance with the relevant legislation;

 

5. the wife may, in the case of intolerable revulsion or aversion, in a simple fashion bring about a discontinuance of their union by renouncing a large part of her marriage portion, while freeing her husband from his obligation to pay her alimony during the "Iddat" breathing-space period;

 

6 the wife, if the husband absents himself so that no news of him reaches her and she falls into financial or other difficulties, can resort to the courts and request a divorce. the judge will then perform the necessary formalities to annul her marriage contract.

 

It is written in Sura II: "Baqara" -"The Heifer" (verse 229): "A divorce is only permissible twice : after that the parties should either hold together in equity or separate in kindness. It is not lawful for you men to take back from your wives any of that portion which you have given them except when both parties fear that they would be unable to keep the God-ordained limits. If you judges have reason to fear that the parties will be unable to keep the God-ordained limits, so decree, for there will be no blame on either of them if she hands over a sum in exchange for her freedom. These limits are God-ordained so do not transgress them since that is to wrong yourself as well as others."

 

In the "Exegetical Collection" it is related in Volume I on page 167 that Ibn Abbas reported that Jameelé, wife of Thabit bin Qais, sought audience of the Prophet and complained to him: "O Apostle of God! I cannot stand one moment more of life with Thabit bin Qais, nor shall my head ever rest again on the same pillow as his." After a pause she added : "I am not accusing him of a lack of faith or of moral and marital virtues: but I am afraid that I myself will fall into infidelity and blasphemy if I have to spend another minute with him. I turned up the tent-skirting and my eye fell on my husband in the middle of a crowd of other men. He looked so ugly, a black-avised, dwarfish runt, and I hated him, and I can't go on. ...!" She ran on thus, and the Prophet, after absorbing her outpouring, tried to advise and admonish her, but she paid him no heed. So he sent for Thabit bin Qais and laid the situation before him. Thabit was deeply attached to Jameelé, but self-sacrificingly and for her sake agreed to take back the marriage portion he had settled upon her - a beautiful garden - and give her a khul' divorce.

 

There are cases in which resort to the court by the wife is statutory. There are also cases in which she can divorce her husband without legal aid, as in cases of certain grave chronic diseases like leprosy or elephantiasis; or because of the onset of lunacy, or of physical defects which prevent marital intercourse, like impotence or castration of the husband. For these Feqh gives the wife haqq-i-faskh - the right to the rescinding or annulment of the marriage, which "faskh" is not the same as the khul' divorce, and does not involve the same financial renunciations by the wife as khul' does.

 

Germany and Switzerland, in Europe, also recognise lunacy as grounds for the annulment of a marriage or for separation. France does not admit either grave chronic disease or lunacy as an adequate ground, and insists that the healthy spouse must care for the leprous or lunatic partner. Undoubtedly such longsuffering and lovingkindness is highly praise worthy. while extolling it as a counsel of perfection, Islamic realism prefers to leave the partners free to choose separation or continued care, according to their own conscience.

 

The West is suffering terribly from the laxity it has allowed in the break-up of marriages and the violently increasing incidence of divorce. These disasters are really reactions to over-pressure by the churches, which prohibited and condemned divorce one hundred percent for many centuries, while the secular governments gave recognition to it. For instance, divorce was totally prohibited in France until the French Revolution of October 1789. In 1804, in response to popular demand, divorce was legalised; but in the following 12 years it increased so appallingly that the religious bodies brought renewed pressure to bear, until in 1816 the law legalising divorce was rescinded though physical separation of the parties was permitted. However, public pressure built up again so much that in 1884 divorce within certain limits was legalised once more.

 

Here follow the conditions on which in Western lands divorce for wife and husband was legal until recent times:

 

1. a criminal act committed by either party which involves the penalty of life-imprisonment, exile, loss of civil rights or temporary imprisonment with hard labour.

 

2. physical violence, mercenary prostitution, and a few other similar criminal acts of the one partner against the other.

 

3. adultery by either partner - though in such cases the wife has the right of divorce only if the man commits adultery with another woman in the house which belongs to his wife and himself.

 

The following is the road by which a wife's infidelity was proved : note it well! "The infidelity of a wife must be proved completely in the eyes of the police. The wife or the husband plan to be in different places for however a short time. They must agree about some third person to be cited as co-respondent and this person must be prepared to undertake this service. And then at the stated hour the wife must be caught in flagrante delictu with the third party', and the husband must have the police on the spot to catch her out and so prove her infidelity. Thus the police accompany the husband to the trysting-place; and when they catch the wife in flagrante delictu this is accounted adequate grounds for her husband divorcing her." (The Law of Divorce and Renewal of Marriage p.99).

 

See what a mass of further impurities the impurity which wrought the need for divorce in the first place has carried in its train. And this is the "civilised" world of the West, which allows women entry into public and political life, and with the other hand takes away her honour, her femininity and the high standards which it should be her privilege to set, and turns her chastity into a mercenary bargaining-point. It must be admitted that since I first put pen to paper on this matter, efforts have been made in many Western lands to eradicate the worst of these abominations.

 

America makes divorce easier for both parties. It is not surprising, therefore, that American divorce figures are the highest of all.

 

The wise tremble at the results : the wisdom of Islamic dispositions shines by contrast like the sun in darkness. At a conference in Strasburg, statistics of one year's divorces which could be attributed to the overwhelming desire of wives to be "in the fashion" "a la mode", "comme il faut" and to "keep up with the Joneses" in modernity of garb and guise were quoted as being:

 

1. in France, 27% of all divorces;

2. in Germany, 33%;

3. in Holland, 36%;

4. in Sweden, 17%.

 

Not every Parisienne is an excessive slave of fashion. Nonetheless it is reckoned that the costs of unnecessary purchases made by women simply to keep up with "mode" come to no less than 5,000 tomans per head (£300-£400 per head per annum). Yet all this expenditure adds nothing to the woman's natural beauty, moral stature, ease of spirit or calm mind!

 

European statesmen, and responsible thinkers everywhere, are well aware of the danger, and fear it acutely. All who possess the slightest sense of philanthropy must seek the means of stemming the sweeping tide of this flood of evil through the world.

 

Islam offers its regulations on family life, matrimony, and the respective positions of men and women, as a way which all nations might do well to follow remembering that it was a Westerner Voltaire, who said: "The Prophet Muhammad reduced the unlimited harems of unfortunate women maintained by pre-Islamic potentates to a maximum of four wives: and his legislation on marriages and divorces is the most noble and effective ever conceived, formulated and enacted by any authority at any time in the world's history, religious, political or social."

[Amiira]

I have a question, little off topic. Why in western countries DIVORCE IS SO HIGHT????

 

any one