Wat is Somalis view on Divorce??

[LadyMo]

I am tryin to put together a piece of work which looks at how Somali children are affected by loosing a parent thru divorce/separation as dis unfortunately is very commonplace amongst us all.

 

So I wud deeply appreciate if ya'll cud take a few moments out to answer these questions as a help for my research.

 

1) As a Muslim wat do u think about divorce??

 

2) As a Somali wat do u think about divorce??

 

3) Wat are the traditional ways of goin about a divorce??

 

4) How do u think a child is affected psychologically and emotionally by a break-up in de household?

 

I personally think divorce shud be a last resort for the sake of the children howeva if arguing has become a daily ritual and this often happens in front of the kids than a period of separation mite be ideal. Because marriage is an important milestone for any Muslim a successful marriage is de next milestone after havin tied the knot. Children shud hav free access 2 both parents and the couple shud not have anger or hate for one another (after de divorce/separation) as de child wud easily pick up on dis.

 

I dont kno much about traditional divorce proceedings and wud appreciate any inside info any of u guys may hav. All I kno is dat de mother often keeps de kids now a days howeva I also kno dat b4 Somalis migrated into de West it was usually de father who kept de kids as they had his name-what has brought about dis change and wat significance does it hold??

[Blessed]

Salaams, gal! Here my take on the situation.. just based on what I've observed so it ain't nothing great....

 

1) As a Muslim wat do u think about divorce??

 

As a muslim, I hold the view that divorce is hated by Allah and that it should be a last resort, depending on the reasons that it is being sought. I also think that the Islamic guidelines ith regards to divorce need to be adhered to bynour community. Such as the man being made to support his children after divorce, and fathers being part of their children's lifes ..etc!

 

2) As a Somali wat do u think about divorce?

 

Same as above, but I also feel that our people tend to rush into divorce these days, especially the sisters. Maybe, this is due to the break down of the extended family net work, where the families had to be consulted in the event of disagreement between the couple. It could also be due to them feeling more empowred by the fact that they don't have to relay on a man as much as sisters did back at home.

 

 

3) Wat are the traditional ways of goin about a divorce?

 

Family discussions. His men and her men talk about why divorce is taking place. I think this can sometimes intimidate sisters (and brothers) into staying in bad relationships as respect for the views of elders is quite paramount in the Somali Culture. There are some issues that the couple may not want to share with immmediate family members.

 

4) How do u think a child is affected psychologically and emotionally by a break-up in de household?

 

Any change in the child's daily life would have impact on them. Losing a parent has huge emotional impacts on children. They may feel that the parent that leaves doesn't love them or that are responsible for the actual break up even. As Somalis tend to keep these issues on the low, I think a lot of children grow up with emotional confusion that is never addressed because divorce is not openly discussed.

 

Also, the absence of a father figure can have a really profound impact on boys as they lack the male role model figure.

 

 

As a reccomendation, I would perhaps suggest a muslim - somali friendly confidential realtionship / divorce counselling services for Somalis. Maybe that would reduce the ever increasing divorce rate in our community.

 

Article

^^ has makes some good comments on reasons for divorce amongst Somalis in the diaspora. I don't agree with it entirley but its a good reference

 

Hope that helps sweetness, best of luck

[Libaax-Sankataabte]

Hope this helps also. I'll keep your article feature(on top) till you get the answers you need quickly.

[LadyMo]

Hey thanx a million Ameenah dat was very well written! The funny thing about Somali traditions and culture is de fact dat u cant really research it without askin de somalis themselves I mean if u wana find out about Asian traditions its quite easy to do so but we need somewhere we can refer to ourselves. Coz I dont personally kno too much about Somali traditions.

 

Ooh and Libaax-Sankataabte ur a bright star keep shinin down on us-Thanx walaal I was kinda worried dat no1 wud reply coz they cudnt access de topic due to lack of replies and dat it wud quickly fall to de bottom of de chart but walaal tell me wat do u think??

[Libaax-Sankataabte]

ExDane, people who frequent the Islamic forum are more likely to give you more serious (academic) answers than the rest. If you like it to be moved back to the general forum, I would gladly do so.

[LadyMo]

Nah dont worry its all good!

 

But u still havent told me wat u think...

[muslim sis]

Asalama alaykum wrhmtullahi wbktu

 

As we know divorce is way to live...

 

"Aroosaa Jiidan Furoow baa ka daba jiidan.. I heard that since I was a Child..."

 

1) As a Muslim wat do u think about divorce??

-If a man wants to divorce his wife, he should make sure of the appropriate time, which is after she has finished her menstruation period and before having any sexual intercourse with her. If she is in the period or in a state of of cleanliness during which an intercourse has taken place, he should wait until the appropriate time. Then he pronounces divorce, such as saying, “I am divorcing my wife --”. He says this once only. If he says it three times, he commits a sin. He informs his wife of the fact so that she starts her waiting period, which extends until she has completed either three menstruation periods or three cleanliness periods. During this time, she stays with him in their family home, they use separate bedrooms. He is responsible for her upkeep, and he has the advantage of reinstating the marriage if they both agree, without having to have a new marriage contract (Nikah). If the waiting period lapses and no reunion takes place, the divorce procedure is complete and she re-joins her family. After the waiting period is over, they may still be reunited in marriage, but this will require a new contract and a new dowry, provided that this is their first or second divorce..

 

2) As a Somali wat do u think about divorce??

-somali are Muslim..So they can treat as muslim..

 

3) Wat are the traditional ways of goin about a divorce?

-Parents frequently ask — "Is there any way I can protect my children from the aftermath of our divorce — a way to reduce the pain and loss they might feel — to help them accept the new situation and adjust"

 

4) How do u think a child is affected psychologically and emotionally by a break-up in de household?

-It depends how the perants are giving their children more Attention..

 

that's my knowladge about Divorce... take care

[Modesty]

Asalaamu Alaykum,

 

Well... Although I'm not married, I find divorce in general, not good if there are children involved. However, if the two people don't understand eachother, they can give eachother the boot to find more compatible mates.

[Yusufaddie]

Well as everyone knows i'm not somali so i can answer questions 1 & 4:

 

The islamic view is clear from a hadithi qudsi whereAllah says " From everything that is Halaal, Divorce is most hated" also in hadith Shaytan rejoiced when a jinn reported that he has caused a man to split with his wife.

Divorce is of 2 types 1: Talaaq 2: Bayn Talaaq

1:Talaaq- According to the Usuul of Imam Abu Hanifa R , this talaaq occurs when one makes a statement or a gesture that expresses seperation, not divorce eg. a man refusing sexual intercourse because he does not want to be close/next to her or by him makiing the statement "I Divorce thee" or a similar staement. in this case of talaaq the idaah would start for 3 menstural cycles where upon the divorce would be complete. the divorce period would cease if the couple has any intimate contact (Some scholars are of the opinion that even if the man lusts at the woman then the iddah is off). Rememeber however if this talaaq happens once it can only happen two more times whereupon on the third time it becomes a bayn talaaq.

3: Bayn talaaq- This is where a couple has made talaaq three times regardless of the time interval or when a statement is made which gives absolute divorce such as "you are like my mother to me" this statement implies that under any circumstance your wife is haraam hence it is a clear or bayn divorce.

 

We can see however the hikmah in the 1st talaaq. it allows us to reconcile, as islam is a life of peace and reconciliation. Frankly i believe that the only reason why a couple should divorce is if one of the party denounces islam. infidelity can be reconciled however kaffara cannot unless the person repents.

 

2: psycho effect on the kids:

This is a bit broad because kids are very differnet to each other mentally especially at young ages, however with a family where the man has mutiple wives i don't see the "family" being an issue.

Please note that the woman has rights to the kids up to when the child is somewhat independant,(roughly around 7 ) however if she has committed a gross act then the mother only has rights up until the ending of the weening.

If the mother has not commited kaffara then the child when attaining the status of balligh then he/she can decide which parent they want to stay with. other than that the father has absolute rights to the kids.

So in summary, in the proper islamic home where the man has more than one wife i don't think the psycho effect will be hard on the kids.

[Valenteenah.]

1) As a Muslim wat do u think about divorce??

2) As a Somali wat do u think about divorce??

 

Both as a Muslim and Somali, I think divorce is a heartbreaking option and shouldn't be sought easily. However, there are situations in which only a divorce would suffice, such as in an abusive marriage (especially if the children are endangered whether by the father or mother)

 

3) Wat are the traditional ways of goin about a divorce??

 

Don't really kno...probably as Ameenah said.

 

4) How do u think a child is affected psychologically and emotionally by a break-up in de household?

 

I think the loss of a parent would affect any child deeply.

 

Not much I kno, but hope that helped.

[ProudSista]

Salaam

 

I have no knowladge about Divorce & I don't believe in it!

:rolleyes:

 

Wa/salaam

[king_450]

Sister i was with you all the way untill you single handedly singled out Women to be the sole cause of Divorce in our society, i do not agree with you, because no matter weather it's the new generation or the past generation or the future generation, women will not have to be blamed about Divorce, why cz i do blv in my point of if i get married which i am looking for it, it will never happen my women to worry about the big "D" no way you have to get the limitation of life to control your anger and your Ego, the single cause of Divorce is not misunderstanding but big "EGO" my way or no way. if one can control that Ego i bet there will not be any more Divorces. hope i shed atlead an ounce of truth to ur search. Good luck

[Coloow]

Ex dane, I think you have answered most of the the questions, you posed!

 

I think the somalis or muslims in general have the same view on this issue as the rest of the world.

 

To be honest, your questions and the replies you got do not reveal anything new. Yeah, yeah divorce is bad, it is an act of last resort and children suffer! isn't that a well known fact?

 

I think a better question for you to ask in writing your paper is "what are the mechanisms that lead to the higher rate (assuming that it is high) of divorces among the somalis in the diaspora?"

 

By asking the above question, you would be able to come up with interesting findings! Explore the issue of somali marriages, the marriage dynamisms from the economic, cultural and social aspects of somalis-and focus not on the outcomes but the mechanisms!

 

Mahadsanid

Entrepreneur

[Paltalk]

Divorce is permitted

 

If two couples can't get along, divorce would cetainly serve their interest.

[Paltalk]

Divorce is permitted

 

If two couples can't get along, divorce would cetainly serve their interest.