Conspiracy Posted November 21, 2008 Okay I know supposed to be in the jokes section but they not so deal with it Q: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? A: None. It's a hardware problem. ----- An engineer is walking down the street, and sees another guy from his lab walking along with a new bright red motorcycle. He's impressed, especially since his friend doesn't know how to ride a motorcycle, so he goes up and asks, "Wow, where'd you get that?" His friend explains, "Well, I walk walking along, and this gorgeous blond drives up on the motorcycle, stops in front of me, strips her clothes off and tells me, 'Take what you want!'" The engineer nods in understanding. "Good choice. Her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you." ---- A Mathematician, a Biologist and a Physicist are sitting in a street cafe watching people going in and coming out of the house on the other side of the street. First they see two people going into the house. Time passes. After a while they notice three persons coming out of the house. The Physicist: "The measurement wasn't accurate.". The Biologist: "They have reproduced". The Mathematician: "If now exactly one person enters the house then it will be empty again." ---- How about a math lymric? (12 + 144 + 20 + 3 * 4 ^ .5) / 7 + 5 * 11 == 9 ^ 2 + 0 Translated: A dozen, a gross, and a score, plus three times the square root of four, divided by 7, plus 5 times 11, is nine squared, and not a bit more. ---- Did you hear about the Coder that got stuck in his shower for a week? The instructions on his shampoo said: Lather, rinse, repeat. ---- A helicopter with a pilot and a single passenger was flying around above Seattle when a malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's navigation and communications equipment. Due to the darkness and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to get back to the airport. The pilot saw a tall building with lights on and flew toward it, the pilot had the passenger draw a handwritten sign reading "WHERE AM I?" and hold it up for the building's occupants to see. People in the building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER." The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the passenger asked the pilot how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position. The pilot responded "I knew that had to be the Microsoft support building, they gave me a technically correct but entirely useless answer." ---- How do you recognize a field service engineer on the side of the road with a flat tire? ... He's changing each tire to see which one is flat. And the related problem: How do you recognize a field service engineer on the side of the road who has run out of gas? ... He's changing each tire to see which one is flat. ---- A computer programmer was driving his Porsche down the road. He stops for a stop sign and notices a frog in the middle of the road. The frog says to the programmer 'Hey you in the car. I'm not really a frog. I used to be a beautiful princess. If you kiss me, I will turn back into a princess and in return I will give you the best night of sex you've ever had.' The computer programmer mumbles, 'sure, yeah.' He picks up the frog and then continues down the road. The frog then says, 'OK look. If you kiss me, I'll give you a whole week of incredible sex.' The programmer mumbles, 'sure, yeah.' The frog says more forcably this time, 'Look maybe you don't understand. I'm tired of being a frog. If you kiss me I'll give you the best sex you've ever had for the rest of your entire life.' Once again the programmer mumbles 'sure, yeah.' Finally the frog says, 'Well can you at least tell me why you won't kiss me?' The computer programmer says 'Well you see I'm a computer programmer and don't have much time for sex. But a talking frog is really neat.' ---- Four men rode in a car: a mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer, and a computer engineer. The car stalled out. The mechanical engineer said, "It must be the pistons; let's repair them and be on our way." The electrical engineer said, "It has to be the spark plugs; we'll replace them and be ready to roll in no time at all." The chemical engineer said. "No, it's got to be bad gas; we'll flush the system and be on our way." They turned to the computer engineer. "What do you think we should do?" they asked. The computer engineer shrugged and said, "Let's get out of the car, close the doors, then get back in and try restarting it." --- A group of 4 MS programmers and a group of 4 Apple programmers are going on a train to an expo. The MS programmers buy a ticket each, and then watch the Apple programmers proceed to buy one ticket between them. The MS programmers are intrigued and when they get on the train, they watch the Apple programmers to see what they do when the guard comes to check the tickets. It turns out that, before the guard comes, they all cram into the toilet. The guard knocks on the door, and asks for the ticket. The guard takes it from under the door, and slides it back. The MS programmers are all impressed, so on the way back, they buy only one ticket. Only to watch the Apple folks get on the train without buying a ticket at all. When they get on the train, the MS people cram into the toilet, as they saw the Apple folks on the earlier journey. The Apple programmers then knock on the door, and say "Ticket please". The MS programmers slide the ticket under the door, as they saw the Apple programmers do earlier. "Thank you", they say. "You steal our methods, but you don't understand them." ---- Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cawaale Posted November 21, 2008 Originally posted by Conspiracy: A group of 4 MS programmers and a group of 4 Apple programmers are going on a train to an expo. The MS programmers buy a ticket each, and then watch the Apple programmers proceed to buy one ticket between them. The MS programmers are intrigued and when they get on the train, they watch the Apple programmers to see what they do when the guard comes to check the tickets. It turns out that, before the guard comes, they all cram into the toilet. The guard knocks on the door, and asks for the ticket. The guard takes it from under the door, and slides it back. The MS programmers are all impressed, so on the way back, they buy only one ticket. Only to watch the Apple folks get on the train without buying a ticket at all. When they get on the train, the MS people cram into the toilet, as they saw the Apple folks on the earlier journey. The Apple programmers then knock on the door, and say "Ticket please". The MS programmers slide the ticket under the door, as they saw the Apple programmers do earlier. "Thank you", they say. "You steal our methods, but you don't understand them." ---- Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
