Supafly Posted October 11, 2003 Aight some shit i wrote!! have you ever loved a girl and thought that she loved you just as much?????? have you ever kissed a girl that could take away ya pain with just a touch?????? have you ever thought that you would stay with her forever if you were givin' the chance?????? and then one night found out...that she was ****in' kissin' ya man!!!!!! I'm not a jealous man...so instead of being pissed I'm wishin' him luck... but I have a feeling that love will turn to violence when this relationship turns from a kiss to a **** ... I'm about to be givin' it up...because I'm gettin' tired of life... tired of strife...sometimez I feel like pluckin' out my eye with a knife... I got a dead end job...bussin' tablez while the other employeez are pissin' on me... I go to work like I ain't got enough problemz at home when my own fam is dissin' on me... "Ilyas...you're just a deadbeat High school drop out with no class"... I wanna go back to sellin' weed cause bussing tablez for 5 months has got me no cash... I remember back in the day...I used to have respect in Toronto...now... I'm in San Diego...as a busboy while the other employeez talk to me while lookin' down... sometimez I feel as if I'm shit outta luck like cancer patients... I can't get a girl...how I look as a 19 year old nigga usin' a buspass as transportation... if you ask me how I been...I'ma say "chillin'' although shit isn't good... all these little rich white kidz I work with just look at me as some ****** kid from the hood... I got myself a job...with a girl that's goin' be ****in' my friend... every time I try to do somethin' good I end up gettin' ****ed in the end... Critism Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Smokey_18 Posted October 11, 2003 ya sad...ya sad.. thats just lame.. get up..see the light nigga. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Supafly Posted October 12, 2003 Just cuz i dissed you in Rap or Reap....u mad? Man this is a story i wrote....an open mic give props when its due...or critize it....but anywayz I need some critism...so i could improve my writings Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
- diamond princess - Posted October 13, 2003 You want criticism? I suggest you finish your story, I was enjoying the pain you were going through...J/K But seriously, you left me hanging. Continue. I'm a give you a little something of mines. Why Me? Such a fool was I to be trapped in his game, Fell inlove with a black man without a name, Believed I could change him, but instead I changed, After his caresses and whispers nothing stayed the same, Love? A funny word, I thought I was deep in it, Took me to his crib, thought that I could win him, Phucked a couple of times, never thought I was sinning, His so called hopes for us got my head and heart spinning, So one night as I was talking to my girl I felt sick, Ran to the washroom ended up vomiting in the sink, I felt so tired, so weak, so confused, Went to my doctor and ended up with bad news, I'm 3 weeks pregnant can anything get worse? What am I to do, I got no place to go, I can't kill this seed inside me, so I ran to the only one I know, Only ended up him telling me to phucking leave him alone, Three months passed by, I'm working a nine to five, Tryna keep it low, even moved out to the country side, Mom and dad to ashamed to even look me in the eyes, Haven't got a call from my sister or the man that lied, How nieve I was, how blind can I be, All he wanted was to use and abuse me, Now I'm a mother to a ******* and I got no place I phucked up my future, phucked up my family name, Messed up my deen and now I only grieve in shame, Night after night I wonder why me? Why did I have to take his number that night at the party, Why did I dial the number and why did I meet him up, Why did I believe in his tale, his story of his endless love... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Supafly Posted October 15, 2003 IMPRESSIVE DIAMOND PRINCESS......WOW WE SHOULD DO A COLLABO...NO DOUBT Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
J.Lee Posted October 15, 2003 War balaayo! mansha'allah cuz aboowe you got a way with words..You are a male version of me looool don't I sound like such a narcisus. Okay you did this in a story format and it's open mic which means you come how ever you want it which is hard to criticize but couple of times I felt you put in words cuz they rhymed with the last word of the line other than that sh*t is dope. P.s Smokey don't Overdose on the Haterade. :rolleyes: Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Supafly Posted October 15, 2003 LOL^^^Gurl..we should do a collabo 2 get at me JIGGAMAN912@hotmail.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hukri Posted November 8, 2003 Ama go with sunshyne Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Changed Posted November 9, 2003 dang.....diamon princess that was touching walaalo.......i swear it got me thinking ....masha allah...RAMADAN KAREEN TO YA SUPA .......BIG UPS Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Muse Bari Posted March 2, 2004 Hey yow i think u never kiss or she never loved i dont think so gentelman can answer this shit negga i cant answer this coz in my idea is privetly loooooooooooooooooooooooooooool Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
