Islamic Christianity!

[Nur]

Some so-called "Muslims" raised in the west with no clue of what Islam stands for, from time to time get confused and suggest off the shelf suggestions to modernize Islam in order to make it a "NORMAL" world religion.

 

One such suggestion caught my eyes once in a discussion board. I responded impulsively, but you can only appreciate my response if you are knowledgeable in Christian history. So be careful when you read this piece, it pushes the envelope of warped imagination of confused "Muslims" to new heights.

 

A Somali forum contributor calling himself "O Jay" posted an article on a discussion boards and Suggested the establishment of an Islamic Protestant Church to modernize Muslims to teach them the benefits of Democracy American version.

 

As a response, I wrote back the following piece to help Mr. O Jay establish his dream of Islamic protestantism Church, all I did was go back in history and rebuild his version of Islam like Christianity was put together, so relax, this depiction is an imaginative lampoon of his funny suggestion.

 

 

D I S C L A I M E R

 

The following response by no means is intended to belittle ISLAM, The Prophet SAWS, or any of the personalities we hold high, the lampoon intends to magnify the possibility of how our faith can be altered by latter day " Muslims" living in the west if we are complacent, " Muslims", who have only known Christianity in their practical life, who yearn to make Islam identical to Christianity in all aspects, so they can have their cake and eat it too.

 

 

My Answer to O Jay.

 

 

" Interesting Idea O JAY

 

 

Let us see where your Vision and idea takes us.

 

First, we will have the Islamic Nicene Convention, in the Mediterranean Port of Nicaea, near Cyprus, There, we will have President Bush as the Chairman of the Religious Convention, since he is a Southern Baptist, his presence and power can intimidate delegates to adopt Islamic Protestantism. His position will be analogous to the place of Roman Emperor Caesar Flavius Constantine who presided over the First Nicene convention in the second century in which Christians delegates were forced to accept the Deity of Jesus Christ and the concept of Trinity ( the mathematical miracle that says 1+1+1=1 which is analogous to the feeling of True Freedom under an American Occupation Force. Note: Trinity does not say that (1/3)+(1/3)+(1/3)=1 which is mathematically correct, neither does it say that the three godhead are the same, nor does it clarify which part of Jesus was Divine and which part of Jesus was human, nor does it explain which part of Jesus died on the cross, if he indeed died.

 

The delegates who will come from all parts of Muslim world, will be named by your organization, Islamic Protestantism Organization, and because you do not have enough members to make a big difference, The National Institute of Health will CLONE you to be five thousand people who want Islamic Protestantism. Meanwhile, Twenty "backward" clerics like Nur who will disagree with your plan will also be invited for the sake of fairness in the elections. At the end of the Convention, Genetically altered delegates, who are your clones, will declare that Allah is God , Muhammad is Son of God and Ali is the holy spirit, but these three are ONE . Welcome the Islamic Trinity.

 

 

Now we have the New Muslim TRINITY.

 

 

Next, The Clones will author some two hundred books of Quraans, each one different version, The authors will have only one name, just like MARK, LUKE and MATHEW no , nobody will bother to verify their original names, and many sects will appear who will begin to fight and cause trouble for the peace of the New World Order.

 

Due to this confusion, the New World Order Government decides to give the Islamic Catholics a small state in Morocco, which will be called Islamic Vatican, where the Muslim Pope sits. He begins to bless people , feed them pieces of PITA Bread, and Islamic wine named ZOMZOM, The Pope will sell to them pieces of Paradise for $1000 per square meter while supplies last for the next century, he will allow all the sinning you can buy for a sizable donation to the Islamic Church, and if you can describe tidbits to the priest during your confession, The Church may even offer you a lucrative Job as the youth counselor, where you have an opportunity to molest kids.

 

The New Islamic Church which you envision, will teach that all you have to do is believe that Muhammad died for your sins, so no more guilty feeling when indulging in your lusts. Islamic Catholics will be able to enjoy good things in life like wine and girl friends. In schools they will have Islamic Choirs, singing, "O my Lord Muhammad please save me". The Islamic Catholics will sell Statues of Muhammad, and Ali, and The Mowliid, Muhammad's birthday will be the Islamic Christmas, when Islamic Catholics will import Christmas trees from Norway and Sweden. The Islamic Nativity sites, In Islamic Catholics Mosques there will be a Statue of Muhammad , Khadija, Fatma etc.

 

At This point many Muslim Catholics who live in Germany will become upset by the Church in Morocco, and its commercialization of the Religion. The Islamic protestantism movement begins, led by one of the decedents of your clones, his name will be Martin Luther O JAY, and the Islamic Protestant church is established.

 

Then the Protestants differ on many issues, so new sub groups are born, Islamic Southern Baptists, Islamic Seven day Adventist, Islamic Methodists, Islamic Mennonites, Islamic Presbyterians, and Islamic Unitarians, etc...and the list goes on.

 

Finally, people become fed up with religion altogether, and become more Secular, Religion will become a big joke, and a one day Services for geriatric old couples in their 90s, while girls and boys will be going to Islamic church to chat and socialize, and plan weekend parties.

 

At the end, your Demonic Dream of Democracy will be realized when Gays and Lesbians are ordained as Islamic Protestant Shaikhs in your Islamic Protestant Church who will make everything under the sun Xalaal.

 

 

Is that what you had in mind O JAY?

 

 

Nur

 

 

2002 Nurtel Lampoons unlimited

[Warrior of Light]

Haha, hadnt seen this post before. Got to give you the credit of christinising Islam to educate Mr O jay. Wondering what did he have to answer.

I have a feeling he must have been extremely embarassed after reading your reply.

[Maymuunah]

LOL hadn't seen it either. creative and funny as well. and sure I do live near Greensboro but amazingly how did you know that.you must have been to a lot of places. Or are you....never mind..it can't be..impossible

[Ranya]

I use to think Christians with all their odd beliefs were just wack, lost souls. But when you put it in that way, it's just disgusting.

[sweet_gal]

Nice come back Nur, O Jay knows not to mess with u anymore.....I think that was just all imagination allthough..There are 72 different types of muslim. So if people can disagree with in islam when they have a book of life to follow it's not strange for others to create and make new religions.

 

What is wrong with the way muslims are now...I mean what's so good about democracy. I don't think democracy is what muslims all over the world need but rather Islam. I mean if people followed it, we wouldn't be dying because your community would be giving to each other generously, people wouldn't kill each other cause they know where they'll end up if they do. Stealing would have a punishment rather than a time of luxury for some in a cell for a time that will pass quickyly.

 

What's with e-Nur is that a company and how come I never hear about it........or are u planning to make it one one...And are u a sheik, what country do u live and do u teach quran......What made u want to learn Quran and how did u.....I mean some people want to learn it but it's kinda hard...How did u make it easy for ur self..Did u learn Arabic first then learn quran..?

 

Reply soon........

[Raxmah]

Salaams

 

This is the funniest post I've read from u Nur.

 

I was taking comparative religion... and the Professor could not get most of the students to understand what TRINITY was. So at the end he used the analogy of the Executive, Legislative and Judicial branches-how one can't work without the other- there needs to be balance between the 3. So I had to ask for the clarification if God needed to be balanced.

 

The funny thing is most of those who call themselves christians dont understand a bit about the TRINITY.. but still beleive in it.

[raula]

Wow Nur i wasn't around last summer but-I guess you CHE(christian History Education) back in Nyumbani (Elementary Educ.) did well with your research afterall . Walaahi, I can remember my teacher teaching us the Bible and such in Elementary School about all this factions of Christianity.

 

And you wonder what democracy with a splash of 'freewill and Freedom' can alter so much about religions. The trend spreads like bush-fire.

I actually, believe there are Islamic christianity in existence-not in temple structures but becoming tolerant about issues that are forbidden by ISLAM(about not condoning or refraining in acts/issues that are made HARAM CALEYKA, religously).

[Nur]

Quick Responses

 

Sundus sis

 

Never been to Greensboro, I used to have a coleague of mine work there, I also gather that since you live live in Noth Carolina and study Allied Health, it was more likely that you live around Greensboro instead of Raliegh an expensive and bustlng metropolitan area, a challenge for an environmentally friendly and mentally healthy Nomad sis like you.

 

Sweet Girl

 

you write:

What's with e-Nur is that a company and how come I never hear about it........or are u planning to make it one one...And are u a sheik, what country do u live and do u teach quran......What made u want to learn Quran and how did u.....I mean some people want to learn it but it's kinda hard...How did u make it easy for ur self..Did u learn Arabic first then learn quran..?

 

 

Answer:

 

e- Nuri is an active e-Dawa organization providing e-advice to e-Nomads and westernized Muslims who need to come in terms with their phobia and fear of practicing their faith. The Company is currently looking for a volunteer to edit its works, since the chief has little time to proof read while writing articles on the go anywhere on the globe. Afterreading some of your posts, I invite you to join e-Nuri so you can at least cover the womens page while I concentrate on other pages. If interested, you will be trained how to help Nomds find peace in their lives and peace with their maker, a great job indeed.

 

 

Yes, I learned Arabic early and it gave me a real appreciation of Quraan, Quraan is just a miracle if you know Arabic well, no human can produce its prose and wisdom in such an eloquent presentation as if you can see it in multimedia, please read my article ( A Ride aboard Surah Al Caadiyaat)

 

No, I am not a shiek, I am Brother Nur, yours in Islam.

 

 

Raula sis

 

Jazakellahu Kharan sis.

 

 

Nur

[Mutakalim]

The post by the O Jay character was repugnantly reprehinsible. I do not understand how and why a response can ever be dignified.

Equally important although less conspicous is the unjustifiability of the lampoonery, nay, the reply is one notch less disgusting. I believe the O Jay character will not see the reductio ad absurdum and will simply develop a personal animus towards the author of that post. What has the author accomplished but agitated, animated, and angered a woeful soul.

Ofcourse one reserves the right to respond in the manner he/she so chooses but you must not be decieved. You want to help this person (an islamic obligation) as opposed to belittling....

 

With Salaams

 

PK

[Nur]

MUTAKALLIM

 

There are two incident in the Holy Quraan when a Prophet made a mockery of repugnant claims by confused people, The first was when Abraham confronted his people after he demolished their false Gods and save the big one as a mind teaser, when they inquired about the culprit, he told them to ask the big statue god who has an axe hanging on his shoulder as a mockery of their stuupidity, in another incident Abraham confronted the King of his time by saying Allah gives life and death, the King objected to it and claimed that he can aslo give life and death by killing and gives life by sparing them from excution, Abraham calmly asked him to cause the sun to rise from the west instead of the east, "Fa buhita alladhee kafar".

 

When it comes to Dawa:

 

Different strokes for different folks.

 

 

Nur

[Mutakalim]

Granted, mockery and lampoonery are justifiable under certain conditions. In the examples you cited it was justified. However, the lampoonery posted by you is not parallel to the ones employed by the holy prophets.

The lampoonery employed by the prophets of God did not involve making a mockery of their religion, rather the religion of thier opponents. You have made a mockery of Islamic Christianity not christianity.

Should someone have ill conceptions of Allah will I mockingly entertain his misconceptions; clearly, in the process I would be saying things of Allah that I should not have the audacity to pronounce. I dare not to incite examples of this sort. Ta'caala allahu can daalika......

 

With Salaams

 

PK

[Nur]

Mutakallim

 

My Objective of this laampoon was to magnify a rather subtle but very distuctive suggestion addressed to an audience whose Islamic knowledge and Christianity is limited. One can not assume that it will go away by itself and an action is required.

 

To respond to a suggestion like that we have options:

 

1. Scholarly

2. Casually

3. Lamponery

 

Depending on the perceived audience and their level of grasp of the topic and its complexity, I chose lampoonery which closed that thread forever as MR. OJ could not rebut again, why: Because I magnified his suggestion to the ultimate possible way, I know it may look questionable, but, the context must not be forgotten, this lampoon was not to belittle Islam, It was a preemptive strike on a weird proposal.

 

If a person who calims to be a Muslim has the audacity to open a thread in a public Somali forum browsed by many non well-versed readers about Islam and Christianity as to suggest the creation of an Islamic Protestant Church, what is the Sharia basis for your objection to this format which I have backed up above? Please be specific. Is it the lampoon as a means of showing their falshood? Is it a confusion that it may create? which is ......? or is it any other specific imbedded message that you feel unease with?

 

Again, please pick an inference I wrote, show its fallacy and back it up with Quraan and Sunnah, and then suggest a remedy, that is the proper way of learning from each other on these boards.

 

Nur