Just another day in the war OF terror aka, democracy in the Horn of Africa

Kashafa · October 1, 2008

Ishmael, a 37-year-old shepherd from the ****** region in Ethiopia, looked at me with tears in his eyes. Ethiopian forces -- who had already killed his mother, father, brothers and sisters -- murdered his wife days after they were married. They then slaughtered his goats, beat him unconscious, and slashed his shoulder to the bone, he said.

In December 2006, Ishmael crossed through Somalia into Kenya, heading for the nearest refugee camp in search of medical care. But when he didn't have enough money to pay a 1,000 shilling ($15) bribe, the Kenyan police bundled him into a car and took him to Nairobi. Less than a month later, he was herded onto an airplane with some 30 others, flown to Somalia and handed over to the Ethiopian military -- the same forces that he previously fled.

Recently I spoke by telephone to several of the still-detained Kenyans. They described water-soaked mattresses, insufficient food and inadequate healthcare. Two said they have trouble walking, following beatings by Ethiopian officials, and a third said he can no longer use his left hand

The questions his Ethiopian interrogators asked were nonstop, and always the same: "Are you al-Qaida? Are you an ******i rebel? Are you part of the Somali insurgency?" Each time he said no, he was beaten, sometimes to the point of unconsciousness. When he resisted answering, they targeted his testicles

Now Ishmael is back in the refugee camp, limping and urinating blood. He is still waiting for the healthcare he came searching for nearly two years ago

Salon

Responding to this article, Spokeswoman Ismahaan 'Layzie-Girl' Jaamac of the 'newly ilbax' Flight 13 Qaxootis, said:

"Ladies and gentleman, this istoori is coombleet bool-shiidh(balees, soori my horrendous accent, I am still laarning how to speak like a real Ameerikaan, ESL messed up my barnounshiyaashun, ).

You see, when i farst came off the boat, my assigned sooshaal warkar taught me someting called 'evedince' and 'burden of baroof', along with the mechanics of operating a toothbrush(in the Afrika, we used sticks, oh how far we've come!). Eneway, this article is coombleet bool-shidh bikaws there is no evidence, no baroof. It is all hearsay, what we call Waxaa-la-Yiri. For exaanbal, the name Ishmael, is not even Somali name!!! It's a hebrew name!

But let us say there reeli is a guy cawled Ishamel, he simbli has no baroof! It's his word against the word of the brave and honourable Ethiopian security services. Who would you believe ? This terrorist wanna-be scum, who got his just deserts or the brave men of the CIA rendition unit ? It's no brains!!, er, no-brainer.

This Ishamale guy is most likely a terrorist and I, as the shameless spokeswomen for the 'newly ilbax' Flight 13 Qaxooti organisation, would like to salute and thank the hardworking security beebol who captured Ishamel, killed his father and mother, raped his sister, murdered his wife, and electrocuted his testicles(hahaha, no more argagaxiso juniors for you!!!, terrorist wanna-be). All these noble efforts are being done to protect the rest of us, so Bravo, bravo, job well done.

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Not to be outdone, the founding member of Xabashi-Slaves-R-Us and star of the musical Tigray Dancing Boy , Dhuli-Dayoos-Qarnayn(DDQ) also spoke to Salon in a frank and suprisingly self-revealing chat:

"Ayy, Salon, whus crackin' lackin', mayn ? I'm straight chillin', schmell me ? Ramadan be over so I's getting my crunk on, shaking my moneymaker at the Ethiopian 40-40 club over on Crenshaw. I made 2 large in 3 hours. Shit, nigga, money is money, you hear me ? So what if i gosta prance and dance on a pole, at the end of the night, I be makin' benjamins hand over fist. Benjamins that's headed straight back to my Tol-town, so that my peoples don't have to drink caano-boore. Nah, nigga, thanks to me they be drinking milk straight outa sewer rat's tits. Braap, Braap. Yeah, so the Ethiopians make fun of me...throw money at me and say "dance, boy, dance". It's all good, it's all part of the game. This is how my ancestors used to play the colonial powers: Take their money, follow their orders....live a long life..and best of all....no dying !!! cheaaayaaaaaaaah.

Nwayz, just wanted holla atcha real quick about this bootleg article. Mayyyyyyynnn, that nigga Ishameal ain't nuttin but a caano-boore drinkin' playa-hata. He tryna create trouble for my uncle by casting false aspersions(yeah, nigga, I am educated, whatchu think ?) on our beloved Ethiopian cousins. I mean, why nigga can't stand up and fight on his own ? Why he gotta go cryin like a lil b!tch to the white man ? Huh ? Lemme tell you what's what: All he's after is more caano-boore. That's it. It's all a bunch of lies

Ayy, mayn, we unerstan the way of the world. As dhbodhlifs, we got no problem being b!tches for the Ethiopians, or anybody else for that matter, as long as they can PAY US.(preferably in something other than caano-boore, been driking that vile concoction since I was kid, never again, I swear on my moneymaker, will never drink it, now that my career as a Tigray dancing boy is in full bloom(hehe). Money makes the world go 'round and 'round, feel me ? And we dhbodlifs are prepared to sell out anything for the whiff of that green. That's how they raise us where I come from. Puntland in the Hizzouse, biaaatchess!!!"

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dhulQarnayn · October 1, 2008

To Kashafa:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

I'MLAUGHINGSOHARDHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH