Does chastity nowadays matter?

[Bambina]

Salam Alaykum

 

Dear brothers and sisters , as I was discussing with my girlfriend about how chastity was regarded in Islam and the Somali culture, I realized that we , as Muslims somewhat tend to get away from Allah's warnings.

 

Last year,I was chatting online with some Somali guys , and of course , they usually asked me what qualities I looked for in a guy. I replied that my futur husband should be first a Muslim.The guys wanted more details , so I extended the description and told them that my husband should pray , be generous and a good listener, kind to his parents and to everyone else.

 

And then I stopped before adding this other quality , but I didnt care , I just wanted to get their reactions. So , I said I wanted my husband to be chaste. Well , guess all the replies that I got back , " you live in a dreamworld " , " chastity doesnt matter anymore" , " trust me you wont find a chaste guy" and the list went on.

 

I asked them why did they believe that a virgin Muslim specially a guy , was a rare specie? They told me that guys generally lose their virginity before marriage and I would be a fool to look for a pure one.

 

I knew that they were going to say that and kept wondering if all Muslim men got laid before marriage. The answer is " NO" and I dont have to ask an expert for that matter. As a Muslim , my job is not to generalize everyone because it is wrong.That is why , I truly believe that there are guys who keep their chastity as Allah prescribed it and the same goes for girls.

 

While I notice that guys would ask for a virgin wife , if a girl does the same , she is wasting her time.

 

I dont believe that a guy who slept with a girl before marriage is evil ,because mistakes can happen , as we humans are not perfect. If the guy repents to God and sincerely regrets his actions , then having a husband who isnt chaste wont be the end of the world.

 

But, what I despise the most is that some Muslims try to normalize sexual relationships before marriage as OK.If a guy sleeps around , no reactions , a girl does the same , everyone points fingers at her and is labelled a prostitute

 

Worst ,I thought only guys viewed me as a fool , but some girls think the same too.Those girls would say that it is better to have an experienced man than a novice during their wedding's night so that they will get a maximum pleasure.Well , my jaws drop each time I hear such ********* .

 

Im pretty sure everyone is picky when it comes to finding his or her mate.And if Allah wishes us to find partners who keep their chastity , would that be a crime if I look for that too?

 

Normalizing sexual contact between men and women who are not mahram is forbidden , this includes holding hands, kissing to sexual intercourse.Some people even told me that nowadays , girls who dont kiss and touch their boyfriends are losers because guys will break up with them.

 

Well , losers are only those who take the wrong path that Allah warned us against.

My advices to you nomads is to fight such ignorance because this isnt our religion. Try to educate people both men and women about those misconceptions.

 

If you have children one day inshallah , dont forget to educate them because talking about sex or other related topics in Islam is a must.My parents never talked to me about that. I educated myself with the help of books and various websites.

 

Parents should take care of your islamic education and they shouldnt let you figure out things by yourselves because if you rely excusively on your friends they might not always give you the best advices when it comes to that matter.

 

Last but not least , I wish our culture would have been fair to both sexes. Virgin men sometimes get laughed at while women's chastity is praised.We have a beautiful religion and we shouldnt behave like we lived in Jahiliya times.

[Salma]

Yes it matters big time. Now, tomorrow and 4ever. As long as the Islam is calling for it then yes it matters.

 

I believe no matter how the Muslims people & Islamic societies are changing, chastity will always be required not because its the demand of the Males in our society or because the Society is forcing us to remain virgins. But coz its a compulsory order and its a must as we were told by Almighty ALlah and his messenger. And we are following that order with big faith and belief coz our Creator wants us clean,chaste and far away from such forbidden and destructive relationships before marriage which is destroying our societies.

 

The Muslim woman should put in her mind that when she prays her prayers, wears her hijab, and stay away from the forbidden relations, drinks or food,,,,etc she is doing all that for the sake of ALlah and not for anyone else. So whether she stayed in Somalia,moved to Asia, Europe or anywhere else her beliefs should goes with her everywhere she goes.

 

So, no matter what those westerns-wanna-be girls think or believe. Or whether they react weird by laughing at you or making fun of you, that

doesnt mean they are right and that you are wrong by searching chastity in your future husband or keeping your chastity.

 

Now for the so-called experienced guyz do you think that the guy who used to sleep with a girl will tell her what he done b4? I don't think so unless he is a big devil who wants to brag with his sins (which is another big sin much worse than having sex). And the matter of experience is not that important thing sis, I believe this is natural thing which doesnt require any experience and lessons. Who knows maybe the chaste guy has more pleasure than the one who finished his energy in Xaraam here and there.

 

"Normalizing sexual contact between men and women who are not mahram is forbidden ,

this includes holding hands, kissing to sexual intercourse.Some people even told me that

nowadays , girls who dont kiss and touch their boyfriends are losers because guys will

break up with them".

 

So thats why they are giving alot to their BFs so that they don't broke up with them???!!! I wonder how many Frogs (BFs) they gonna meet in

this life??!! How many guys they will please and how many guyz they'll try not to lose ? and at the end they scarifice everything including their chastity.

 

Basically, the whole problem started with this word called "Friendship" between a guy and agirl, what kind of friendship is this?

 

Anyway, may Allah keep the devil away from our muslims brothers/sisters and keep them chaste and clean Inshallah.

 

But one thing Iam sure of it " The pure men are for the pure women and the pure women are for the pure men". And as long as the pure & chaste ones are protecting themselves, then ALlah is generous and he will give them what they are searching

 

Salam

[sheherazade]

It matters to men who sleep around and then want to marry a chaste woman; it matters to them the most. Never fails to make me scoff.

[Saalixa]

sister i heard this before

that a man who is a virgin is a bit gay and the man who sleeps around is strong and masculine. it famishes their masculinity. but lets us pray we don't end up with ppl as such. just make sure you marry a good muslim.

And the guys on somali chatrooms of cousre would think like that what were you expecting sister you were in the wrong environment in the fisrt place. They are not the mediums through which you find a good practising muslim hub...so next time try the masjid

[x_quizit]

Chastity has and will always matter, simply because its a major component of our religion and anyone who deviates from it shall be dealt with on Judgement day. It became fashionable for the boys to lose their virginity at a young age and brag about it and some chics doing it on the sly in the hopes of not being branded a tad loose, but bottom line...chaste men deserve chaste women and chaste women deserve chaste men like the quran says. Now, remember, u may be called a stud in this world by how many cherries u may have popped, i doubt that will help u in hellfire ...beware!

[Warrior of Light]

Now, remember, u may be called a stud in this world by how many cherries u may have popped, i doubt that will help u in hellfire ...beware!

Very true.

 

Bambina it is a problem and just shows how ppl can be hypocritic of the teachings.' I can do this and leave that out with the religion'. And we all know that Who ever wants something which the Prophet Muhammed saw did not bring is not one of us.

 

Qn of chaste men existance beleive they do exist well esp when we know that there are alot of beleiving brothers around. May Allah protect them as He protect us women from falling into the abyss of Zinnah which is considered a Major Sin in Islam.

 

Im sorry to see how ppls attitudes have changed on matters of marriage and its innocence and the responsibility it partains. People these days only see it as a means to make the act of procreation Halal and enjoyable. If you asked me who an experienced man is I would define him as a divorcee as that will also apply to a divorced woman.

 

May Allah protect us from all vile.

[Wiilo]

No question about it, it matters and it's one of the main componant of our religion.

[sheherazade]

Why aren't the men responding to this post.

 

How do we know whether a perspective partner is a chaste one?

[pearl]

sheherazade:

 

u ask .....i know it might be hard..but its well worth it..now that doesn't guarantee what he says to be true...but u'll take his word for it...since there is notin to verify that

 

say if u knew him when he was a teen and the type of women he dated..u pretty much have a good idea

 

besides this is one of the times men dont have to lie about for once...since its praised in our culture

[Bess.]

there is no way to really tell if a man is chaste, unless u go to a doctor... , the rest is up to trust and integrity.....i have never given it thought....a chaste man....what an idea

[Warrior of Light]

there is no way to really tell if a man is chaste, unless u go to a doctor...

Wondering how can a doctor prove that?

 

Sheherazade I was wondering to.

 

Patience maybe some1 may answer.

[Bess.]

my bad.....i just did some research and there is no way to identify if a man is a virgin....too bad.... ..i guess we r just gonna have to trust them to tell us the truth.....but really girls does it matter to u?...is it something that is gonna factor in ur ideal future spouses?....

[Pucca]

it matters alot and says alot about the person, their sense of self-control. But like the sister above me said...there's just no way of knowing it. I was wondering, isn't zina one of those major sins?

[Warrior of Light]

Tafsir Ibn Kathiir

 

Bismillahi Rahmani Rahiim Suratul

Al-Araf 7:verse 33

Ù‚Ùلْ Ø¥Ùنَّمَا حَرَّمَ رَبّÙÙŠÙŽ الْÙÙŽÙˆÙŽØ­ÙØ´ÙŽ مَا ظَهَرَ Ù…Ùنْهَا وَمَا بَطَنَ وَالإÙثْمَ وَالْبَغْىَ بÙغَيْر٠الْحَقّ٠وَأَن تÙشْرÙÙƒÙواْ بÙاللَّه٠مَا لَمْ ÙŠÙنَزّÙلْ بÙه٠سÙلْطَـناً ÙˆÙŽØ£ÙŽÙ† تَقÙولÙواْ عَلَى اللَّه٠مَا لاَ تَعْلَمÙونَ

 

7.33. Say: "(But) the things that my Lord has indeed forbidden are the Fawahish (immoral deeds) whether committed openly or secretly, and Ithm, and transgression without right, and joining partners with Allah for which He has given no authority, and saying things about Allah of which you have no knowledge.''

 

 

Sahih Bukhari Volume 8, Book 81, Number 775:

 

 

Narrated 'Ubada bin As-Samit: We were with the Prophet in a gathering and he said, 'Swear allegiance to me that you will not worship anything besides Allah, Will not steal, and will not commit illegal sexual intercourse." And then (the Prophet) recited the whole Verse (i.e. 60:12). The Prophet added, 'And whoever among you fulfills his pledge, his reward is with Allah; and whoever commits something of such sins and receives the legal punishment for it, that will be considered as the expiation for that sin, and whoever commits something of such sins and Allah screens him, it is up to Allah whether to excuse or punish him."

 

 

Verse 60:12 related more to the rulings of women.

يأَيّÙهَا النَّبÙىّ٠إÙذَا جَآءَكَ الْمÙؤْمÙنَـت٠يÙبَايÙعْنَكَ عَلَى Ø£ÙŽÙ† لاَّ ÙŠÙشْرÙكْنَ بÙاللَّه٠شَيْئاً وَلاَ يَسْرÙقْنَ وَلاَ يَزْنÙينَ وَلاَ يَقْتÙلْنَ أَوْلْـدَهÙنَّ وَلاَ يَأْتÙينَ بÙبÙÙ‡Ùتَـن٠يَÙْتَرÙينَه٠بَيْنَ أَيْدÙيهÙنَّ وَأَرْجÙÙ„ÙÙ‡Ùنَّ وَلاَ يَعْصÙينَكَ ÙÙÙ‰ مَعْرÙÙˆÙÙ ÙَبَايÙعْهÙنَّ وَاسْتَغْÙÙرْ Ù„ÙŽÙ‡Ùنَّ اللَّهَ Ø¥Ùنَّ اللَّهَ غَÙÙورٌ رَّحÙيمٌ

 

12. O Prophet! When the believing women come to you pledging to you that they will not associate anything with Allah, and that they will not steal, and that they will not commit Zina, and that they will not kill their children, and that they will not utter slander, fabricating from between their hands and their feet, and that they will not disobey you in Ma`ruf (good), Allah said to the faithful believers

ÙˆÙŽØ¥ÙÙ† ÙَاتَكÙمْ شَىْءٌ مّÙنْ أَزْوَجÙÙƒÙمْ Ø¥ÙÙ„ÙŽÙ‰ الْكÙÙَّـر٠ÙَعَـقَبْتÙمْ ÙَآتÙواْ الَّذÙينَ ذَهَبَتْ أَزْوَجÙÙ‡Ùمْ مّÙثْلَ Ù…ÙŽØ¢ Ø£ÙŽÙ†ÙÙŽÙ‚Ùواْ وَاتَّقÙواْ اللَّهَ الَّذÙÙ‰ أَنتÙمْ بÙÙ‡Ù Ù…ÙؤْمÙÙ†Ùونَ

And if any of your wives have gone from you to the disbelievers -- then you succeeded (gained victory) over them; then pay those whose wives have gone, the equivalent of what they had spent. And have Taqwa of Allah, the One in Whom your are believers.)

[Nur]

WOL

 

Mens chastity should be very important to Somali women, reason being that in addition to the moral side of the issue which is grave, medically speaking, premiscuity has its previllages, a host of undesirable ailments, and increasingly, AIDS. So parents and family should always help the young Xalimo, when it comes to men, she should let family select for her as she can be overtaken by a fatal attraction.

 

 

Nur