Your Wife is crying!

[Nur]

"I love him and he loves me, but once he is out of the door to work or on the road for business, I am out of his mind, he never calls, nor returns my calls, otherwise, he is an ideal husband at home, very loving and caring but, strangely, once I am out of his sight, I am also out of his mind, Brother Nur, I am thinking of divorce, seriously after 4 years of marriage, I am worried that I may not find another husband like him, I mean when he is with me at home, but his thoutlessness is tilting our relationship, what should I do ..... cryin"

 

 

That was a phone call I received from a distressed family friend, and increasingly these days , many wives are facing new realities of the Nomadic lifestyle in which many Somali husbands are deeply involved in business or politics to the point of totalliy forgeting that they have a family back home once they leave home for work.

 

For once, dear brother, put yourself in your wife"s shoes, you may have many aspects of business life that excite you, but she may have only you in her life, specially if she has no children, can you imagine how bored she can be? , to call her and assure her that you care, can alleviate a lotta pain your wife may be going through, worse yet, in a moment of weakness, Satan may well suggest to her an idea or two.

 

Everytime your wife goes out for shopping and sees couple's hand in hand, she will think about you , while the only time you hold her hand is when you are stopping her from shopping, and if you are too busy to the point that you never spend time with her outside of the house, she may just grow frustrated and opt to never go out for her needs to avoid comparing herself and you to happy couples she sees, which further fuels her anxiety.

 

Empathy, is indeed a great virtue, to be able to feel what others are feeling, specially about what you do to them, or what you fail to do for them, what you say, or what you fail to express to them.

 

 

Nur

 

2007 eNuri Social Work

Where a kind word, wins a heart!

[Aaliyyah]

he never calls, nor returns my calls, otherwise, he is an ideal husband at home, very loving and caring

Well I think something is seriously wrong with this marraige. I would have said maybe he does not call because he is quite busy and stressed out at work. But, I do not understand why he would not return her calls? some one calls you and u just ignore it, and what makes it even worse is his wife that is calling him, taking the time to call him to know how he is doing at work, showing him that she has him in her mind at all times.

 

Honestly, I would not advice divorcing him since he is so loving at home, bt what makes me wonder is why he changes once he is outa of the door. His wife needs to have a serious talk with him, and demands an explanation.

 

by the way, I do not know how it took her four years to realize this. :confused:

 

 

wa salaamu alaikum

[YoniZ]

Sheikh Nur,

That is a typical Somali man's daily live back-home. If mobile phones never being invented this could have still being the case.

I dont see anything thing wrong not calling home for may be eight hours and keep all the assurances and passion for the other 16+ hours.

[Aaliyyah]

Yonis I understand he wasnt thoughtful enough to call home, to know how his wife is doing.

 

But, do you have any explanations for not returning calls?...

 

when I call some one, I would natuarally expect that person to return my call.

 

wa salaamu alaikum

[YoniZ]

AAliyah Sis,

 

It is a kind of strange not answer or call back when somebody calls you particularly when that person is "The Special One".

 

Having said that, we only heard one side of the story so, we cant conclude that, he has some serious issues there. He might have his justifications not to call or answer phones.

 

A good friend of mine, never had owned a mobile phone. He is living in this fast moving Western environment and doing fine in his career and as far as I know his family live.

 

An other important point is, some people are more passionate when they have longer breaks by not contacting their loved ones (call that reckless if wish). Some men also feel not to be under Radar all the time.

[Malika]

Nur, tell your family friend she needs to count her blessing, this is a minor thing compare to those abuse and neglected wives,even when the husband is in sight.

As for her getting bored around the house, she can volunteer, the local madrassas[assuming there is one near her]is crying out for volunteers.

 

I agree with Yoniz, some men feel underpressure if they constant have to report back home...as long as there isnt anything to worry tell the girl to find what fulfils her..

[Nur]

Dahia sis

 

Taking someone for granted is the first crack on the wall of a household, this Halimo's concern, compaably benign to your example, is indeed an alarming whistle to maintain an othewise existing good relationship. Pleasing an existing wife is far more cheaper than risking a divorce and the emotional and financial cost of her replacement.

 

This particulat person works full time too, she does not wait around the phone, but she does not get calls neither at work nor at home, and when she calls and leaves a message, he is forgetful always. What is more valueable than family?

 

 

Nur

[FatB]

$$$$$

[rudy-Diiriye]

Brotha nur, shes crying wolf. plz tell her following! cuz mine is crying 2 nite cuz i gave her time out after she acted not so good. (we are not married yet, we are long distance engaged so far)...khalij gals r the bugging..this my 2nd one from there...i guess i havent learn my lesson yet.. my bad!

 

1- stop shopping and stop wasting money u didnt earn...gold digger.

2- she needs to get off butt and go to school and contribute to her kids and family.

3- she needs to show respect for her husband and not complain 2 much 24/7...this a problem with current crop of xalimoos.. complaining about non issue stuff everytime.

4- if shes a good wife, she will get calls all the time. But who wants to call some one who wanna nag about non issues... mine wants to know what my father does...i told her thats non of freaking business... time is money.

 

i am gonna call my sweetie tomorrow nite and till her this is the last call! are u in or are u out!! dont like to waste time. life is 2 short.

[Malika]

Originally posted by Nur:

Dahia sis

 

Taking someone for granted is the first crack on the wall of a household, this Halimo's concern, compaably benign to your example, is indeed an alarming whistle to maintain an othewise existing good relationship. Pleasing an existing wife is far more cheaper than risking a divorce and the emotional and financial cost of her replacement.

 

This particulat person works full time too, she does not wait around the phone, but she does not get calls neither at work nor at home, and when she calls and leaves a message, he is forgetful always. What is more valueable than family?

 

 

Nur

Salaam aleykum brother Nur,

 

I hear her concern and feel her anxiety, I trully have empathy for her,but..Had she expressed these feelings to her husband? and what was his reaction?

 

If she,expresses her feelings toward his neglectful actions of not calling while at work or on business,in a constructive manner,without making him feel like he is doing something wrong.He is probably clueless on her feelings,and not know the seriousness of the situation.She needs to creat an opportunity,where she can confront him on his actions.But divorce is a huge step to take,for a reason that can be solved with open communication.

 

Inshaallah,all will be Khery!

[Nur]

Rudy bro.

 

The Prophet SAWs was reported as saying that the best among men are those who treat their wives best. A well treated wife means a good home, a good home means good kids, it all begins with hubby, your attitude toward women and your language does not befit someone who shares her life with you. Think about your own sister, how would you like that she is treated? Breakfast in bed!

 

 

Nur

 

 

Daahia sis

 

Yes she expressed her concernsto her husband many times, but, as ususal, each time he apologises ( wuu sasabaa) and all is well until he is at it again, somehow I get the feeling that he is not taking her for serious, other than that, the brother is one very fine human being, Al Kamaalu lillaah.

 

Nur

[Malika]

Brother Nur,

 

Isnt time to intervine,set a meeting with a mediator between them? I assume these services are still provided within the community[gaarta]. He needs to understand the depth of his wife's concern,before it poisons the whole relationship.Some how most men,assume when a wife complains or is concerned she is whinning,and do not take them serious.

 

Inshaallah,I have confidence in you to advice her and him well.