Marriage on Your Mind?

[Haneefah]

Bro Nur,

 

I honestly hope that you did not misunderstand me. Those were sincere questions I asked in hopes of undertanding what type of feedback you wanted for this issue. I was by no means questioning your motives or devaluing your contributions. You seem like a very honourable and knowledgeable brother who wants to share his wisdom with his bro's/sis's in Islam, may ALLah(swt) reward you for that. You continue to enlighten us here on SOL in the Islamic section, and make ppl like me all the more interested to participate because your topics are trully beneficial...I've learned so much from your posts, they tend to make me think very deeply about certain Islamic issues that I would not have stopped to think about. So, keep up the good job and consider me one of your good students.

 

Again walalo, Jazaka Allah Khayr for all your hard work. Insha'Allah, I will give my thoughts about this thread another time now that I know you're only looking for our general views on marriage. It's very true that this is a complex recurring issue that comes up in many Islamic discussions and Insha'ALlah, with the guidance of Allah, we can come to common grounds and discover a proper approach to our concerns about this delicate subject.

 

Mizz...hope you got my pm

[Saalixa]

nur

Australia is not as bad as you think,,, we are not in an isolated environment, rather enjoy diverstiy and dynamism, egage with people around the world...that including somalis

 

but what i can say is we are lacking the true, rich modest religious somali bro/sistahs in downunder,,, i must say marriage is becoming less valuable,,,and teenages rather take boyfriends/girlfriends as a partner rather thatn thinking about a respecting, trustworthy partner which is halaal...and much more.

well all i can say is may allah guide the present somali generations to the right path...ameen.

[Raxmah]

^^ ameen sis.

 

I guess the problem is everywhere. So many of us are lost, may allah guide us. The boy/girl friend thing became second nature to so many somalis around here, may allah guide them on the staight path.

[Sophist]

Salamu Alaikum

 

Ikhwaanii Fil Caqiida,

 

 

This topic of course merits a lot of reverence, with great respect I leave my two million worth (don't get up from your seat mate, this is the Shilling not £) opinion-notice it is opinion, not imperical knowledge.

 

Marriage they say is the completer of the faith-that needs qualification. The marriage life (Nur please forgive if you think I digress from the matter at hand, at least I shall not at bare minimum surpass the prephery) needs not all the things one thinks extremely consequential-excessive piety, xijaab wearing sister or a brother with special tailored trousers-the later being extremely attractive to the potential suitors for they shall have a peak what lies behind!!!!. What I am talking about here is a successful marriage. How then one can define what is successful and what it is not. That is simple-the eternal continuation of the merriment from the inception of such ceremony, this should do it. But of course this is a general thing? Okay, let us dissect the issue further, the inside flesh needs to be exposed without causing any nausea to the readers.

 

Now, people get marry for many various reasons (I do because arrogantly enough I want to pass my ideals to my offspring, thus it matters not that much love and the other paraphernelia that comes with this marriage--- Nur, I am aware the aya that says Wa jacalnaa beynakum mawadatan waraxma; but my old boy this refers to the after inception not prior to it- reasons that would be plethora to mention here. Let us then look at the scenerio which the honorouble chap Nur had presented. Here we have a lady with Islamic inclination, she meets a guy who is hot and he turns her seeds up!. Absolutely normal human trait. He likes her, she likes him. But there lies a problem, he is not practicing Islam. Uuh, such is a no go area to her. He does not perform the Salat (Alah forgive the poor soul) but after realising that he makes an effort to pray and prove to her the young man can adopt to his needs. Now what can she do?

 

My remedy would be this, if Islam is the centre of your life then darling be selfish and look for someone who is more diini than you are-perhaps it might take long time, but if you have what it takes you shall get there the time Allah proscribed for you.

 

This is my philosophy in Marriage, be SELFISH. I think it is the only time selfishness is allowed in Islam. The reason I remain single is primarily of that selfishness, the qualities I look for in my potential wife are higher in rank than those I possess. For example, she has to have better ideals, more intelligence (nothing to do with whether she had went to Al-Azhar , read Law at Camridge, or even done Maths degree at MIT). Also, similar view point of the meaning of life. Perhaps due to this selfishness I have developed self happiness-induced by excessive intelectual enrichment;; spirtiuality and intellectuality are interchangeable in this post; no self-agradissing is intended here.

 

I have a friend who was so ambtious while at College, he went to read Econ at London School of Econ and Political Sceince. While he was there he met this sister who wooed him to her world. Before embarking this rather precarious (or so it seemed at the time) he wanted to get into the city and made lots of money and that was practicably vaible for him to achieve. Now he considering with an utter seriousness moving to Chana and setting up a modest family bussiness-all the high sounding ideal went through thin air. One evening he said to me, I would be happy living in hutt somewhere in Africa with modest living standard so long as my darling conforts me after long day of labour in my farm; this was not a joke, his face turnes more serious as he envisiged such a life style. In contrast to this, there was this Somali guy, pious, always dressed in those special tailored trousers which you could see his bare ankles. He met a girl who made him worldy, now and again he sends me an email from his last holiday destiniation-you have guessed it is not Madina or Meka more of a Venice and Abiza;; moral judgements is passed here.

 

 

The above examples show that the influence can either be negative or possitive-depends how you look at it.

 

At any rate, Walahi if there was no obligation from Allah I would advocate non-marriage status-why would anyone with their right mind wants to take the risk (and don't tell me it is not risky or write this over used clitche of life being full of risks) of getting married to some complete lunatic-some lunatics are exteremly versed in the art of acting rending the victim to believe they are indeed are this desired mate.

 

But Islam encourages us to emrace fully our opposite sex with permissible actions-no complaints here. Allah knows his creatures better than they know themselves. Though most admirable men save the prophet SCW and his companions, did not get married. I have ibnu Taymiyah in mind. Great man who did great service to his faith and religion- the argument may be WHAT WOULD I PRE-OCCUPY MYSELF? Uuh, that would be telling!!!!!!.

 

Anyhow, I shall retire after saying more than I expected to write initially.

 

Brothers and Sisters, please do attempt to correct me constructively if you may, the door is open with inviting gambar and qaxwe awaiting you.

 

Sophist

[Sophist]

woow, I am laughing my laughs out! how did I miss that! NAFISA that was very good! Nur good response.

[Mowgli]

Asalaama Alaikum Wr Wb

 

 

As many of the sisters have already mentioned my ideal husband does not exist (either that, or I have yet to find him). When I turned 18 family members began asking "when will you be getting married?". In fact, I was asked the same question tonight by my uncle :rolleyes: . Right now I am not ready to take on the responsibilities of marriage, amongst many other things, I need to AT least secure a degree, as if I were to get married and my husband decided to leave, I would need to be in a position where I could financially take care of myself (or any children).

 

I have already given a lot of thought to adoption, I know it is not the same as having your own children, lakiin it comes a close second. I must admit that I do not have a lot of faith in my Somali brothers, when I was in college wallahi sometimes I used shake my head with disgust and question whether these people would be the future of Somalia? Because from where I stood, Somalia did not seem to have a future.

 

"At any rate, Wallahi if there was no obligation from Allah I would advocate non-marriage status-why would anyone with their right mind wants to take the risk"

 

My point of view exactly Sophist walaal, why should any one risk their mental, financial, emotional stability on another individual???? Personally, I have enough trouble with my own family, thank you very much; I do not need someone else adding to them. (Am not implying that by getting married, the couple completely rely on each, it is not healthy, lakiin there is a certain degree of dependency).

 

All said and done, marriage is what Allah (swt) has prescribed for us and Allah (swt) knows best; and so if I were ever to get married, my marriage would be based on compatibility, a brother who does not pray, for me personally is not acceptable, a husband should help me to increase my knowledge of Islam and help increase my imaan, if he does not add to me in any (useful) way, then there is not point in pursuing the relationship any further (of course diin is not my only requirement, but is number one on my priority list).

 

Ma'Salaama

[Nur]

Quick responses

 

To all sisters and brothers

 

The topic is picking up critical mass, I am afraid to say of where the solution is pointing to, I am having fits pronouncing it. But come back, I may have the solution in a fictitious letter addressed to an intelligent lady.

 

 

Rayaana sis

 

I love Australia , it is the single continent on the globe that I have not set foot on, I als love nature, corals and exotioc life down under, i hope that upu have read one of my articles titled " How to get high by going down under"

We need more aussies contribute to this topic, because so far you are the second card carrying aussie active on this topic, have you ever considered visiting home@kurtunwaarrey.com just kaftaming.

 

Nafisa sis

 

Well said sis, but keep the critique up, it begs well thoujght out responses that educate as well as present a balanced audience and prespectives, if you did not post your view, i would not have known how sis Miz Unique viewed the issues at hand, so in effect your piece was vvery beneficial as we are not here for self gratification but for learning our deen together.

 

 

Sofist

 

What can I say, your deep philosophical discourses are sure to tease our brains affixed on livelihood rather than ideals to live and die for. So now that you have voted for the SINGLE FOR LIFE option if the right prospect is not found, sit tight, because I am going to take everyone for an emotional roller coaster ride with my off the hook solutions, the dreaded letter, addressed to you know who?

 

 

Idil sis

 

Aren't you supposed to be in the office, what are you doing here?

 

Just kidding, I happen to ahve used your name on one of my fictitious posts, Idil was our receptionist at Nurtl Opticians post if you've had the time to go over it recently.

 

 

Now, Can everyone read the "Letter".

 

 

Nur

[Sophist]

Salamu Alaikum to you all,

 

Nur

 

Mind teazer you are my fellow, the much dreaded letter would find alot of audience in this arid forum. Though assuredly, content singleton is better than a prepertual myhem in the world of companionship-- A though one may ask, is it biologically possible to remain happy in world dominated by companionship; halal or otherwise?

 

Look forward to you letter my esteemed brother-- With little fortune, I hope it would not be the one written by..... directed to Halima.

 

 

Sophist

[Nur]

Sophist Bro.

 

I realy missed this post of yours, I am sure that infamous letter caught your eyes later, it was the most traffic generating letter on SOL I have written, for good or bad, Nomad girls, single or married have voiced their concern, and many men, quietly following that discusiion, took a note, I hope that my posts have helped close some gaps.

 

Thumbs up for your Somali Proverbs, I liked them, here is my favortite Proverm from the southern Somalia.

 

1. Nin ilaaheey heysto, iddeey diisa ma maqashid

2. Luuq luuq maroow, laamigaas ku soo dhacaa

 

The first one is used for someone who has sinned so much, and who is paying the price of his sins without realizing it

 

the second one is used someone who has a secret agenda when everyone else is transparent.

 

 

Nur

[mantra]

sadly the only time I contemplate ever getting married is when my problems seem to much to bear..

Thank God I have enough common sense to see that's a recipe for disaster, that and nobody wants to marry Mantra

except the poor abdi's.. they dont count

 

 

bro Nur your topics are amazing, really. However I resent the fact that you (and a bunch of other smart mouths in here) make me feel like a monkey being paraded around in a Mensa meeting!

You know the intellectually challenged have feelings too!

 

having said that jazakallah kheyr

[Nur]

Mantra sis

 

Xaliimos are married for four qualities:

 

1. Faith ( Intelligence, Ulul Albaab, knowledge etc)

2. Family Background ( Good Mother, Father, etc.)

3. Wealth ( She inherited half of Qansaxland wealth)

4. Beauty (natural without heavy makeup)

 

Now, family background assumes that good people beget good children, not always reliable but a good place to start.

 

Wealth, a rich Xaliimo can be a blessing if she is humble, she may hire her own hubby to run her business for her. But when things go wrong, not only does the Faarax find himself in the sthe street curb, he looses his self worth, marrying a wealthy Xaliimo is very rsiky in my opinion, money can get in the way and cloud judgement.

 

Beauty, is a good thing in a Xaliimo, its the facade and decoration of an inner realm or spirit, if the inside is as good as the outside, its ike a blooming flower, its has a limited lifetime to smell, and its in the eys of the beholder, its no common that Faaraxs agree on beauty.

 

So, that leaves Faith, Intelligence, knowledge as the most desired quality of a Xaliimo, qualities that guarantee a marriage based on reason and faith, which is the best.

 

Now Mantra, from your write-ups, you seem to be of sound reason (and humor), not an intellectually challenged, if you allow me as your online walliy, ( a letter from your dad wil do), I can look into my eNuri enthusiasts for marital compatibility.

 

 

Nur

[-Lily-]

LOL Nur, see Mantra, Help is at hand.

[Nur]

Water Lilly'

 

eNuri club members are closely following your posts. We may have a group marriage for eNuri fans this summer.

 

 

Nur

[mantra]

Originally posted by WaTerLily:

LOL Nur, see Mantra, Help is at hand.

lol

oh happy day!

 

 

thanks bro, I appreciate it but i'll have to pass up on your offer. I have now become an e-Nuri fanatic, which more or less entails stalking you around the forums and reading your insightful topics in the hope that it will increase my iman, if not that then hopefully widen my vocabulary ( sorry I just HAD to go there).

Waterlily jump on the wagon..

[-Lily-]

A group of marriages you say? I have a father who is highly interested if not desparate to fill the role of Inspector of Future Prospects or Matchmaker whatever you want to call it Nur, he asks the same Q couple of months or so and is sadly declined every time. We shall see.