Situation Vacant!

[NGONGE]

With the defeat of the ICU, there is an opening for a suitable new faction to take over the baton as the new opposition to Mr Yusuf’s TFG.

 

Job requirements:

 

Must be ignorant of world politics and the arts of war.

 

Must have genuine and demonstrable hatred for all bordering countries.

 

Must aim to subdue the clannish ambitions of the president or at least soak them up by displaying similar or sharper clannish tendencies.

 

Must be a nationalist movement that aims to reunite the whole of Somalia but for pragmatic and realpolitic reasons is willing to turn a blind eye to the Somaliland issue.

 

Must introduce new heroes, leaders and national symbols to the Somali political scene. In addition, these must be accompanied by a couple of well-known old foxes to offset the Yusuf-Geedi double act.

 

Must have outside support, preferably from the Arab League or the South American Cooperative Union of countries that never appear in any maps but are always involved with revolutionary and nationalist movements.

 

Must promote a certain ideology. Unfortunately here, we shall not be accepting applications from any Islamic movements. The previous occupiers of this post had this ideology and for the purposes of equal opportunities we, sadly, cannot offer the job to Muslim groups again. Communists are hardly ever represented in Somali politics though and their applications (should any apply) will be viewed most favourably.

 

 

Skills

 

An ability to fully utilise all available propaganda

 

An ability to catch the eye, hoodwink and attract the populace and draw international attention/or support.

 

Must be masters in camouflage, rumour mongering and outrageous statements.

 

Must show proof of being touched by greatness and accompanied by constant fortune.

 

Furthermore, must show the ability and the good fortune to catch two birds with one stone, in a dark moonless night.

 

Must speak several languages fluently and have working knowledge of Somali.

 

The lack of any foresight and discretion is advantageous.

 

The lack of any forward planning and the obsession of style over substance is a must.

 

 

Candidates should forward their applications, not later than Monday, 15 January 2007, to Somaliaonline.com/Politics/Situation Vacant.

[Sophist]

Your continual pasquinade against ICU is indicative of your dislike towards them--- I find it terribly difficult to digest you are doing this out of satirical parody sake. It is incongruous matey to continually desecrate the good name of the defeated brothers

 

Shame on you!!!!

[NGONGE]

^^ I neither liked nor disliked the ICU, saaxib. It’s been years since I last had any hope for any Somali movement or government, and the emergence of the ICU didn’t change that. I wished them to do well but in my heart of hearts I had a strong feeling that they will not. Their defeat brought me no joy and these threads are not celebration posts.

 

Still, from experience, we all know that this is not the end and that the TFG are going to get new opposition sooner or later. They might be like the ICU, they might be better or they might be worse. One thing is for sure; this vicious circle is not likely to end anytime soon. Not unless the Somali mentality changes. Till then, we’re left with two options, lament or ridicule.

[Sophist]

[N.O.R.F]

Lets just hope a real leader is born out of this mess IA.

[NASSIR]

Ngonge, I laughed hard , not one tinged with contempt. You have a way with parody that is quite creative

[Sophist]

Caamir! you must be easily amused huh?

[NASSIR]

Sophist, this is something that has been missing from the Politics section and I am glad Ngonge is doing it. His parady relies on what is on the News and personal observation.

[Abwaan]

Originally posted by Sophist:

Your continual pasquinade against ICU is indicative of your dislike towards them--- I find it terribly difficult to digest you are doing this out of satirical parody sake. It is incongruous matey to continually desecrate the good name of the defeated brothers

 

Shame on you!!!!

well said@!

[Valenteenah.]

NG, that sounds like a worthy job. What's the pay like?

[NGONGE]

^^^ Remuneration is very attractive. We have studied the market and are attempting to match the basic start-up salaries most African revolutionary movements receive. With eventual control of airports, ports and a few vital trades we believe that the successful candidates will make enough to retire on in about, err, six months!

 

Care you throw your movement’s name in the hat. The Araweelo Collective is quintessentially Somali and would probably receive the support of at least half the population. If you make castrating the president your main and only aim, I daresay two thirds of the population will be on your side.

[Valenteenah.]

^ Please. I don't believe in single-gender political movements. It's so, urm, unbalanced, you know? Any group I am part of will have to be inclusive and diverse.

[Qandalawi]

^^Lier you are tyring to woo us, what a good polician you would make!!

[NGONGE]

Val,

 

Inclusive and diverse? But where is the catch? Where is the gimmick that will get people’s heads turning in support? You can’t win support on the strength of the empty slogans of inclusive and diverse. Not in Somalia at any rate.

You have failed this informal interview for the job but you still have a chance to redeem yourself. Go away, think up a new publicity stunt and return before the 15th of the month.

 

Ps

I still think the women’s movement is your best option. It’s new, fresh and original.

[Valenteenah.]

^ Like I said, such a narrow movement won't make a sustainable governing body. I stand by my inclusive and diverse ideals.

 

In any case, I would give it a good 20-30 years before attempting to engage in Somali politics. The current shufto should be long buried or at least senile by then.

 

LoL @ Tukaale. Is it working?