Somali Pirates in Discussions to Acquire Citigroup

[xiinfaniin]

Pirate humour rules Wall Street

Argggg, Maties! Here's what shell-shocked financiers are laughing at on Wall Street Friday morning in a phony Bloomberg story:

 

Somali Pirates in Discussions to Acquire Citigroup

 

 

By Andreas Hippin

Friday, November 21, 2008

 

November 20 (Bloomberg) -- The Somali pirates, renegade Somalis known for hijacking ships for ransom in the Gulf of Aden, are negotiating a purchase of Citigroup.

 

The pirates would buy Citigroup with new debt and their existing cash stockpiles, earned most recently from hijacking numerous ships, including most recently a $200 million Saudi Arabian oil tanker. The Somali pirates are offering up to $0.10 per share for Citigroup, pirate spokesman Sugule Ali said earlier today. The negotiations have entered the final stage, Ali said.

 

"You may not like our price, but we are not in the business of paying for things. Be happy we are in the mood to

offer the shareholders anything," said Ali.

 

The pirates will finance part of the purchase by selling new Pirate Ransom Backed Securities. The PRBS's are backed by the cash flows from future ransom payments from hijackings in the Gulf of Aden. Moody's and S&P have already issued their top investment grade ratings for the PRBS's.

 

Head pirate, Ubu Kalid Shandu, said: "We need a bank so that we have a place to keep all of our ransom money. Thankfully, the dislocations in the capital markets has allowed us to purchase Citigroup

at an attractive valuation and to take advantage of TARP capital to grow the business even faster."Shandu added, "We don't call ourselves pirates. We are coastguards and this will just allow us to guard our coasts better."

 

 

*CITI IN TALKS WITH SOMALI PIRATES FOR POSSIBLE CAPITAL INFUSION

 

*WILL REQUIRE ALL CITI EMPLOYEES TO WEAR PATCH OVER ONE EYE

 

*SOMALIAN PIRATES APPLY TO BECOME BANK TO ACCESS TARP

 

*PAULSON: TARP PIRATE EQUITY IS AN `INVESTMENT,' WILL PAY OFF

 

*KASHKARI SAYS `SOMALI PIRATES ARE 'FUNDAMENTALLY SOUND' '

 

*Moody's upgrade Somali Pirates to AAA

 

*HUD SAYS SOMALI DHOW FORECLOSURE PROGRAM HAD `VERY LOW' PARTICPATION

 

*SOMALI PIRATES IN DISCUSSION TO ACQUIRE CITIBANK

 

*FED OFFICIALS: AGGRESSIVE EASING WOULD CUT SOMALI PIRATE RISK

 

* FED AGREED OCT. 29 TO TAKE `WHATEVER STEPS' NEEDED FOR SOMALI PIRATES

[Paragon]

"You may not like our price, but we are not in the business of paying for things. Be happy we are in the mood to offer the shareholders anything," said Ali.

Loool. They've got jokes, Walle .

 

Thanks for the chuckle, Xiin.

[xiinfaniin]

^^That was great humor, was it not, and a one the depressing market badly needed .

[Paragon]

^Indeed sxb indeed.

[Suldaanka]

"pirate spokesman Sugule Ali said earlier today"

 

Is this a real person's name or did they just made it up?

[Paragon]

^I can nominate you for the post, you know? As you can imagine, I have connections .

[Suldaanka]

^^

You didn't get it. I am talking about the "Sugule" name. The name is as Somali as it comes, I just can't believe that a Westerner would come up with that name.

 

Btw, what does the job involve?

[Paragon]

^He's the real (self-appointed by muruq) spokesman sxb.

 

PS: The job, we can talk about it since we need a base in Berbera .

[Emperor]

^Cirdey meeshaas lacag kaaga sokeeyso, ee meesha ma isgaynaa

 

Suldaanka, Sugule is a real person, a spokesman for the pirate community , have you not heard of him speak on different channels of national and internaional media.

[Suldaanka]

^ I am very busy with work and family commitments these days so I am not as news-savvy as I once was.

 

I rely on JacaylBaro and Duke to keep me posted on these forums.

 

Anyways, what is this world coming to? The pirates have spokesman LOOOL walaahi dacad ayaan u qoslay.

 

 

Cirday

I remembered Cabdi Gahayr's gabay Halkan ayay ka dhawdee, tolkay waa i hagranayaa .