Somalia-On-A- Lie Anarchist Political Convention

[Nur]

A Mock Convention To Be Held on these Pages

 

 

Nomads

 

As always, Brother Bashi is a catalyst in these forum to seed thoughts that are timely and needed.

 

This time his thoughts gave me an idea in launching our own Anarchist Government in Exile and call for a mock convention on these boards to elect SOL members who are hopeful to be Presidents and Ministers.

 

The Convention will be called

 

Somalia On A Lie, A Big Huge lie,

 

I believe after reading the thoughts of Nomads on these pages that they can make a better Anarchist Government than that one in Nairobi.

 

So let us organizae this mock convention on SOL, invite family and friends to support you become a Presdient at least on these pages, tell us about how you'd run a government, plans etc. audience is used to listen lies from politicians all the time, so be creative, because the maturing audience don't fall for simple lies anymore, you may need a PhD in Metaphisics in conjunction with Neuro-refugee-braino-disorderites Pathology.

 

 

Just Imagine, if this parody , like any other lie that is going on, takes a life of its own, say we collect signatures of all SOL Nomads to show that the ellected guy ( or Girl, to be open minded, just in case we need a mind ) has real constituency, just imagine, the euphoria that at last you too can send your favored politician from these boards to represent SOL crowd and we can call Coffe Annan to sent observers to SOL Politics section to see for himself , that we SOL froums Somalis are for REAL just like the guys in Nairobi

 

The late Xaaji Malcom X Al Shahbaaz, once said in one of his famous fiery speeches that black Americans will get their rights either by " The Ballot or the Bullet"

 

Well, well, the Somali Anarchists congregating in Nairobi have found a compromise, you don't need a Ballot nor a Bullet to get your rights as a Somali. Somalia will be the first country in History in which those living a normal life and thinking logically like me and you are not allowed to vote to determine the future of their country, In Nairobi, Somali Anarchists with the support of Aid Donors like the EU, USA, IGAD , Ethipia and Kenya have agreed that the Dead Somalis alone should be allowed to vote to decide who shall run ( or destroy ) the country. The Dead are finally vindicated, they can decide who will govern Somalia, and with their numbers, they shall point their dead fingers at those who took heir lives away, electing him as the President for the living as a curse to haunt us collectively for years to come.

 

But since it is not convenient for the dead Somalis to vote for their choice of candidate, because they are unable to move around their tight graves, talk or disagree with living Somalis, The delegates in Nairobi decided that the Tribal faction that killed the most Somalis will be given the previllage of leading the living Somalis, that is right, if you can't prove that you have killed a lotta Somalis, you have no power or mandate to rule the living, because, the dead citizens count in Somali politics as they run political affairs from the background , and they are quietly deciding our fate as a nation.

 

So in that above spirit and soul ( or lack of it, in the case of the dead Somalis ) Nomads at SOL shoul do a little ( Soul Searching, I mean counting dead Somalis who can vote for us, I mean has any Nomad killed many people back home ; ) ?) so we can find a way to put the Nomad of our choice in the forefront of this quest for power in Somalia from the comfort of our living rooms as armchair Generals and Commodores.

 

 

Now, please nominate your Candidate for the following positions:

 

 

President (Cerimonial l Like the Queen)

 

Prime Minister ( Most Powerful Guy/Girl in Somalia)

 

Speaker of The House ( He is not required to speak at all, Just count votes and silence the talkative MPs)

 

 

After we succeed in eleceting these three Candidates on these boards, we can give the Prime Minister to Form her/his Government

 

 

Like Our Politicians say.....To Be Continu-weed (Qat)

 

 

Nur

 

2004 e-Nuri Satirical Political Lampoons

Where Even Dead Citizens Vote

[Conscious Manipulation]

asalaamu alaykum,

 

President (Cerimonial l Like the Queen)

Nur I nominate you for this position, this is because from your posts you display organizational tendencies and as such you would be a threat to the stability of any future anarchist gov't. The best way to silence you would be to integrate you into the system and put you in a ceremonial position where you can be monitered and restricted with respect to your organizational aspirations.

[Jumatatu]

^^^ I second that nomination, but on purely different reasons. First it is as described cerimonial thus his organisation or leadership will not be required..which will spare us from his controversial ideas.

Prime Minister = DA : for her no nonsense approach and opinionated mind, and also firm to her stance. Since the position requires a strong charecter then I suugest this unwavering lady.

Speaker of The House = Ngonge not only wil he silence the talkative MP's but himself also..

[Haashim]

President: Jamaal 11

 

Prime Minster: Og Girl

 

Speaker of the House: Fish & Chips who doesn't speak Somali at all like , who always looks at his watch to give the PM's a short break after each 15 minutes :eek:

[Thinkerman]

^^^ lol What like Who?

[Baashi]

Your Excellence Dr. Nur Cag bakeyle, dear SOLers, ladies and gentlemen,

 

I’m running for the most powerful position of the whole civilized continental Africa. Ladies and gentlemen I declare my bid for presidency for all lands of Somalis. With your (SOL nomads) help, I believe together we can win the presidency of the Fragmented Anarchic Lands of Somalia.

 

I have a great plan for all of our lands: Jubaland, Arlaadiland, Midland (announced recently in Hiiraan), Somaliland, Southland, and Puntland. I will make these lands of ours an economic powerhouse in the continent. I have the packing of pm Zanawi of Ethiopia (former classmate), and other leaders of the horn of Africa. He assured me that all he wants is fragmented, decentralized, weak, and peaceful Somalia that is willing to become a partner in the war of terrorism. That’s what you all want. Surely we don’t want a repeat of the tyrannical past. We’ve sought the help of Ethiopians, Kenyans, EU, and former opposition leaders, as well as former ministers of that regime in order to understand what really went wrong in Somalia. They all reached the same conclusion: strong, united Somalia headed by a dictator.

 

I will give the lands a complete regional autonomy answerable to none except to my office. The 875 sub-sub-clan chiefs have already drawn up the Matrix of Responsibilities and forwarded to my campaign manager Dr./Engineer/Sheikh/Xaaji Mudane Libaax Sankataabte. I will decentralize the political system so that the country will have weak and ineffective authority guiding, coordinating, and implementing the long-term interests of the nation.

 

I will make sure that the new bourgeoisie have access to state-regional power. My motto is no warlord, afar-jeeble, and pseudo-businessmen are left behind. My administration will absorb all these malcontents and diffuse future confrontation.

 

I will make the clan identity the center of the Somali political system. Clanism will be encouraged and will be perfectly legal. If I become president with your help, I will nominate the important positions on the basis of your tribal affiliation and it will be permanent entitlement. Surely the most destabilizing factor of Somali political landscape is the idea of meritocracy. This man (points the finger on his chest, nodding his head) will not overlook the importance of clan-power distribution equation. No meritocracy! On my dead body! SOLers this is my promise and you can take it to the bank…read my lips!

 

I understand the importance of gender politics especially in the wake of widespread dispersion of Somalis all over the world. I will nominate Marwo Dr. Raula as my right hand to enforce women’s rights. We will make sure that great Western feminist books be part of the elementary school curriculum. Our young girls must have inspirational women figures to look up to. They will not be disappointed under my benevolent reign.

 

I am a secularists, I am educated in the West, I have 16 degrees, I speak English, and I am against the backward fundamentalist wahabbist ideology. That does not mean that I’m infidel for I’m not. I am a devout rabbici and I’m a devout Qaadiri.

 

***Due to excessive clapping from the energized and admiring SOLer nomads, the speech is suddenly interrupted…Mudane Dr/Engineer as well as Ispitoore Baashi halts the speech and leaves unexpectedly..****

[Jumatatu]

Originally posted by muraad:

Prime Minster: Og Girl

Though it is a hypothetical I thought nominees should be on Somalis from the former Somali Republic...as far as my knowledge is concerned Og-irl is not from there. OG Girl is from Zone five in Ethiopia, so how we can make our prime -minister some one known internationally as a Ethiopian citizen

[Sophist]

The third Somali Republic is for ALL SOMALIS!

[Jumatatu]

Originally posted by Sophist:

The third Somali Republic is for ALL SOMALIS!

That is a very far reaching dream...so what are you saying people of other countries such, zone 5, NFD, Djibouti and Somaliland will be included in the Somali republic..? :confused: :confused:

[Nur]

Nomads

 

 

As you have all read above, Mudane, Mr. Bashi, BS,MSE, PhD, LLP, PE, STU, SRT, BE, SeR, Ght, FFR, SceHH, ER, PPA, WQ and YUT ( 16 Degrees)

 

Has shown beyound doubt his spotless qualification in the following areas:

 

1. Edgmocation ( 16 Degrees)

 

2. Womens Rights ( Raula as Running Mate)

 

3. Extensive Experience in doing nothing

 

4. Tribal Loyalty beyound question

 

5. Support of Ethiopia, USA, Puerto Rico and Micronesia

 

6. Ferocious fighter against terrorism

 

7. Privatisation of government ( he believes that it is non of a government's busines if you decide to grow Marijuana or Qaat in your backyard, as long as his Government gets its cut, he wil also protect you with Ethiopian Police )

 

8. He believes in saving government expenditure by outsourcing Defense to contractors like Ethiopia and Burkina Faaso.

 

9. He belives that he can show the world a new Model of gevernment, the Perpetual government, which runs without any apparent interference except from weopons dealers, drug traffickers, " See we had no traditional government for 13 years, and we are still functioning " says the candidate to the highest Office.

 

10. He is a devout Qaaderi, meaning, he can immediately win Condaleeza Rice's cornfirmation and Coffe Annan's nodding, he has pictures showing them in a Sufi Dance session.

 

 

The Committe for the Election of President Bashi

 

BASHI FOR PRESIDENT

 

" Follow Me Out Of Curiosity " President Baashi

 

Nur: Secretary

 

 

Conscious Manipulation: Chairperson

 

Murad: Treasurer ( Lacagta ha la fakanin yaah?!)

 

 

I am hereby Announcing the:

 

Bashi For President Campaign Committee

 

 

Ladies and Gents,

 

The Campaign is in Full SWING

 

 

Please send your conributions to these address:

 

1. Muraad C/O. Maqaayadda Muraayad Cag Bakayle, Eastleigh, Nairobi , Kenya. ( Note: You can only Use Xawaaladda Reer Qansax )

 

 

Nur

[Axmed Mohamed]

too much anacharist talk

[Baashi]

Nur,

How am I doing in the polls so far? It doesn't look good, it seems. Find me spin doctors and political pundits. I know me being reer Garas is a problem in itself. Who should I tailor to my next speech; shoul I appeal to traditionalists, Xerta, nationalists, ciyaalka xaafada, or moryanta and jiridida.

 

I need in-depth report ASAP. I've heard rumors that there are nomads who are willing to make better concessions to the kingmakers - the neighbors you know.

[Nur]

The Bashi For President Campaign Comittee

 

Presents:

 

An Interview With Bashi

 

 

Dear Bashi

 

Please answer the folowing questions on behalf of the silent audinece who would like to know where do you stand on major issues that matters to Somalis.

 

 

First:

 

Securing Anarchy:

 

1. As the next President of Somalia, what would be your priorities to secure Anarchy which we Somalis love, in the first 100 days in power?

 

2. Do you belive in the freedom to own and carry guns? because as they say, guns dont kill people, (poor)people kill (rich) people.

 

3. How would you enforce and maintain Somalis's supremacy in Anarchy? This is the only category that we have no competition as a Nation.

 

4. What would you do with petty criminals raoming the streets? Any programs to increase their income?

 

5. What is your long term strategy in securing Anarchy in Somalia, for example, The Northern Brakeaway Republic of Somaliland is a threat to Anarchy, and Puntland is imitating that region , what are you going to do about these concerns?

 

 

Economy

 

1. What are your priorities in the liberalization of the natural resources and water supply? toxic waste dumbing, forset destruction, over fishing on Somali coasts with japanese trawlers vacuuming all our resources to make few anarchists rich etc..?

 

2. Do you believe in globalization ( in Somali it is dubbed " Ninka Roon Reerka Ha U Hadho " principle of dog-eat-dog market competition, dumbing and locking out little guys out of lucrative consessions?

 

3. How are you going to spend aid money?

 

4. How many of your clan supporters are going to be treasurers of public funds?

 

5. Who are you going to appoint to head the important position of Briggs?Cash Transport Company?

 

6. We understand that you are currently broke, financially, we accept the fact that the first 4 years is for you to get rich, my concern, is waht are your plans for the next four years to develop your clan?

 

 

Cag Bakayle from Nairobi

 

 

Sponsored by:

 

Somali Anarchist Association

 

London - Minneapolis - Melbourne - Maine - Toronto - Dubai

[Bachelor]

Though it is a hypothetical I thought nominees should be on Somalis from the former Somali Republic...as far as my knowledge is concerned Og-irl is not from there. OG Girl is from Zone five in Ethiopia, so how we can make our prime -minister some one known internationally as a Ethiopian citizen

Somaliya somalibaa'iskaleh ..so long one is capable of doing a right job, i dont see a reason why not she be a PM? Remember the great leader Maxamed Syad was born in Ethiopia. Many great scholars born out side somalia as the same time contributed to somalia fully.

[Baashi]

Securing Anarchy:

 

1. As the next President of Somalia, what would be your priorities to secure Anarchy which we Somalis love, in the first 100 days in power?

 

I will fight tooth and nail with the push-overs, doves, and other sissy softies. I believe in strength. Somalis need tuulo-joog with an attitude.

 

2. Do you belive in the freedom to own and carry guns? because as they say, guns dont kill people, (poor)people kill (rich) people.

 

Absolutely! As Somalis says, dagaal gondahaaguu ka dhashaa. You have to be armed all the time even in the Masjid. I believe in Anarchism. In Anarchism you need to have armed clan militia in order to serve as a check to those in power. The era of security by the authority (naturally reer hebel) is over.

 

3. How would you enforce and maintain Somalis's supremacy in Anarchy? This is the only category that we have no competition as a Nation.

 

Trust me!

 

4. What would you do with petty criminals raoming the streets? Any programs to increase their income?

 

This is a tribalism in its purest. What you assumed to be petty criminals are in fact disenfranchised reer hebel. They have to be given a seat in the miis rag leeyahay. Not only that, they will be given a permission to get money from the bank in the nomadic way.

 

5. What is your long term strategy in securing Anarchy in Somalia, for example, The Northern Brakeaway Republic of Somaliland is a threat to Anarchy, and Puntland is imitating that region , what are you going to do about these concerns?

 

Somaliland will be captured by force. We won’t listen their grievances and their concerns. We’ve secret dealings with Riyale and Qeybe. They owe me a sack of green. They better deliver or else. AS you know me waan ku xajiimoodaa stability and the so called an oasis of peace. You never know though as Mr. Siilaanyo promised me a cut of their pie I don’t whether I should insist on destabilizing their backyard or doing it for myself.

 

Puntland is a piece of cake. They know inna Kaadi Najaasle is their man and he is running for the highest office. Maxabada ay ii qabaan waad muraaqooneysaa. I’m from reer Garas and they know it.

 

 

Economy

 

1. What are your priorities in the liberalization of the natural resources and water supply? toxic waste dumbing, forset destruction, over fishing on Somali coasts with japanese trawlers vacuuming all our resources to make few anarchists rich etc..?

 

I don’t like the way you have phrased the question. Our shores are waste treatment plant. Sh. Cilmi-dhegood allow Janadii kaa waraabi blessed and it become tahliil. If I only knew what he knew.

 

2. Do you believe in globalization ( in Somali it is dubbed " Ninka Roon Reerka Ha U Hadho " principle of dog-eat-dog market competition, dumbing and locking out little guys out of lucrative consessions?

 

Absolutely it is the only system that do wonders in the poverty stricken backward countries. I have a name for it. It is liitaha gadhgaadha

 

3. How are you going to spend aid money?

 

It will be distributed evenly to my loyal officers. They have constituents you know. Unlike Us, I don’t call it “pork moneyâ€. Because pork is xaaraam. I call it sad-bursi

 

4. How many of your clan supporters are going to be treasurers of public funds?

 

This I have lil difficulty in deciding. The reason being I got 350 cousins and they are all loyal to my administration. They shed blood on my behave and they can be unpredictable. So I will talk to Sh. Baruurcunne to do some Khilaawo for me.

 

5. Who are you going to appoint to head the important position of Briggs?Cash Transport Company?

 

Naturally that must be Inna dhurwaa-hilbo-ku-rarte...he is the second son of the Ugaaska reer Garas

 

6. We understand that you are currently broke, financially, we accept the fact that the first 4 years is for you to get rich, my concern, is waht are your plans for the next four years to develop your clan?

 

Well I will be managing the national turf...Qeybiye ma qado

 

***Waar maxaad leedahay soo addiga shidada iila yimid...innaka daa dadku haygu barrin su'aalahe e***