A letter to the tribal chief- by Nuur

[Coloow]

Assalamu calaykum,

 

I retrieved the following text from somalinet where I was a member before I came to somaliaonline.

This is the work of our genius brother Nuur and a few of the replies:

 

 

Nuur wrote:

 

The following is a piece of my creative writings, it has fragments of facts that many Somalis can relate to, but overall the story was meant to create a discussion on our tribal allegiances and affiliations, sore wound in our national dilemma.

 

Please take it with a grain of salt as you read, I meant it as a humorous treatment of a scourge that has taken a toll in our lives, so ponder and contemplate, a mind once expanded with an idea, can never be contained.

 

 

Nur

 

 

Letter to the Clan's Chief ( Fiction Category)

 

 

Dear Chief, I consider myself a customer for your services and I consider you a service provider, I need to reevaluate our relationship in light of past performance, present situation, and future expectations.

 

Because unless you show me a value for continuing in doing business with you, I may have to find a better service provider to meet my needs, I can not justify the present relationship.

 

You see Chief, in the past, when we lived in the Qurac Dheer Baadiye, your organization provided our family with security and protection services, and my dad always paid his dues on time whenever the Qaaraan colection man came over, our family even paid more than its dues when my brother Cag Bakayle died while raiding reer Qansax, because we learned early in our childhood that our Reer Qurac were the best, others were animals and ****** , so as we grew up, we developed this macho attitude of getting infuriated if anyone talked about Reer Qurac in unbefitting way, those Reer Qansax rascals got more than what they bargained for when they raided our vilage and robbed our 25 camels, not only did we take 100 camels back as a revenge, but we also took 5 virgin girls and killed twenty of their men, we only lost my brother and two young boys.

 

When we moved to the city, I became confused, I could not understand the logic behind tiny pieces of squre plots of land being sold, I hated living next door to reer Qansax, but city dwellers were too friendly to each other, because they did not have camels and land to defend like our land.

 

In Qurac Dheer, our land was as far as our eyes can see and our guns can defend, even more surprising was the fact that some city people were selling in the shops the nuts we used to eat freely as kids for money.

 

In the big city, We lived with uncle Rooble who was working as a night guard for Ugaas Hassan's grand son who was a rich man in the city. Soon, an uncivilized war broke out and we migrated to Canada were upon arrival, I felt like I was in a dream world.

 

In Canada, we were given a house, healthcare, education and security, I could'nt believe the kindness of these white people. They were exceptionally kind and gentle, something I have never seen from our neigbors Reer Qansax. These gaalo were so kind to us, to the point that when we were in the reception houses in Buffalo N.Y. these Christian nuns would even serve us breakfast, for free, can you imagine that they were not even related to Reer Qurac, but they were very nice.

 

For the past decade, we sent a lot of the money we were supposed to spend in food to you, Dahabshiil made a fortune in the Xawaaladda, we did that so we can help our folks back home with the tough times, but, honestly, I do not see an accountability for what I am sending to you, no reports, no progress and no hope.

 

I feel that I am sending money to the void. I was even dismayed when rumors circulated that our Chief is trading with our money in Dubai for his pesonal use, If our Toronto Mayor does the same, he would be sent to jail, it even hurt me more that you are well aware of our tribesmen plight and suffering in the Qurac Dheer vilage.

 

Chief, what I want to know is how do you add value to our lives here in Canada now that the public welfare has supported our family and provides us with protection? I am also tired defending my tribe on the net when these Reer Qansax insult my tribe, at times my blood boils so much, I feel like grapping the rascals head inside the Somalinet Pages were he smears our tribes name day in and day out, but again, I feel ashamed of defending a fad.

 

Chief, I am not denying that I grew up in that village, so do not pull one of your famous ( Tolkaa miyaad ka dhantahay" line, because our Sheikhs here in Toronto taught us that Allah is the one who saved us, not the Qabiil.

 

I must admit that I do have nostalgic memories as a kid , running in the open savannah chasing baby camels, but look Xaaji, how far apart we have grown, both intellectually and in terms of distance.

 

Frankly, if I come back to our village, I would not be able to live without the amenities that I found here in Canada, the least of which is a hot brewed coffee and my maple syrup covered pancakes. I also value my life here and now more than before, I can think of hundred things I can do with my life instead of risking it fighting for the tribe to which I have lost my sense of belonging. So, do you have a new value proposition to support the current relationship? Or putting it differently, does the King still has some clothes?

 

 

Respectfully

 

 

Cag Biciid Junior.

 

 

2003 NURTEL NEETWORKS, All Rights reserved

Fiction Category.

 

 

Dear Chief

 

You are indeed the Prestroyka Chief for Reer Qurac, I am amazed, Chief you shocked me for accepting my proposal, I thought you will order my head for trivializing you role.

 

You have helped me regain my confidence in your leadership, businesses who fail to re-invent themselves are doomed to fail, re-allignig your business with the market forces is the best way to rivatelize any business, and Chief, I must admit, you are ahead of your peers, Poor Reer Qansax, their Chief does not even have an internet connection let alone know about Soccer.

 

This is a great day, we have a brave Chief, who is willing to form a soccer team for his tribe, the Reer Qurac, from now on, all Reer Qurac youth everywhere are expected to report to the nearest traing ground for soccer, they need to learn new skills and toss away old ( Lagdin) and ( weerar) games, the new world needs new skills and we need to train our youth to learn skills that will build their character in every dimension imaginable.

 

Chief I propose you write to all tribal Chiefs to prepare for the first Inter Clan Soccer games, the Pan Somali games.

 

I propose we hold these games in Qurac Dheer since we have come up with the idea first, the following games will be held in the Winning Champions home Stadiums.

 

Let us invite all tribes to exchaange their weopons for a Soccer training Kit made of :

 

1. A jersay uniform

2. A Soccer ball

3. Addidas Shoes and gears

4. Free ticket to see the games.

 

Chief.

 

If this proposal is accepted, The above costs can be paid by the advertsiements alone, can you imagine all the Somalis all over the world tuning to TV following the Pan Somali Games? wow. What a tearful feeling playing for your Qabiil, at least you are not killing someone for that feeling.

 

A line up of sponsors for the games

 

1. Dahabshiil, Al Amal and other Xawaaladlayaal ( We transfer your welfare money to your clan in hawd and beyound)

 

2. DAALLO airlies ( we transport deported Somalis for drugs and murder to their natural habitat, the wilderness)

 

3. The Governments of Somaliland, Puntland, TNG, Villa Somalia, Madina, Jasiira, Baidoa, Kismayo, and Garbahaarrey. ( we survive on hatred, the more hatred out there, the secure our business)

 

As you see Chief, Soccer should provide a relief, it channels the anger that can kill a Somali, to lifeless ball and skillful players. The interesting part is that, Somalis will learn to play by the rules for the first time, a great step forward.

 

 

Your admiring Clansman

 

Cag Biciid

===================================================

 

 

Shifta

 

Dear tribal chief(thief),

 

In reply to your letter regarding the reer qurac, It has come to my notice that the reer qurac to whom my ancestors claimed we belong to are not the offsprings of reer qansax. Furthermore, the reer garas who you said were related to us, have invaded our little village Af-barwaaqo.

 

You see Sir, the reer Garas have over the years been good neighbours to us until one day when they discorvered that you could travel to a place called xamar and acquire titles such as general jangali, doctor Dilaa and engineer Injir. The members of reer garas invaded our little village Af-Barwaaqo with what appears to be Gaalo-gaadid (Landcruiser. we accepted them as one of our own despite their gadiid, that could travel faster than our mode of transport the Qurac.

 

When these people from the reer Garas came to af barwaaqo they brought with them sophisticated writing pads (something they called Kambiyuutar), a new vocublary that included words such JAT(chat), (baalTol)and Fooram.

 

In the so called fooraam, which has become the meeting place in afbarwaaqo, the reer garas have established a presence that is marked what is called Isbaarooyin.

 

I therefore urge you on behalf of the reer qurac, who come from the reer qansax to do something against the reer Garas because with this kind of pace, the reer garas are doomed to become gaalo-madow.

 

 

Sincerly,

yours

 

Shifta- of the reer Sajui part of the reer garam-garam.

 

Dear Capo di qabiil:

 

In reply to your request to clarify a few points in my letter, we, the garamgarams are those of us who are described by your keens as the non-speakers of the somali proper. We have resisted years of assimilation by the reer qurac, qansax and garas. But in the last few years as a result of the events at af barwaaqo we have been given a new tribal name, the reer sijui (pronounced as SAJU).

 

You see Sir, the concept of General (Janan) Engineer (Injineer) and doktor and doktoresa was new to us but in recent years due to the assimilation of our folks, we are inclined to use religious and academic prefixs- which you hear everywhere. Janan Hebel, dottoreso heblaayo, injineer jinni, macalim musuqmaasiq, and sheikh shabis.

 

My people, the reer garamgaram have always suffered as a result of belonging to the shifta- but since the reer qurac and qansax had a fight over the a seat, we have been awakened by their yawn to the issue of madaxweyne mar idhaha, madaxaan idinka garacayaa.

 

One think that the reer qurac and qansax brought us was the noun Refugee (rafuji. we were told by our qansax brethens in particular that we could drive a fatuuro called LAAN-Karusa if only we could call ourselves the reer qansax or to a certain extent the reer qurac.

 

We did that and came to a far places as LOn-dhon- Taranto, Wajington etc only to be called the reer sijui.

 

sincerly yours,

Shifta of the reer garamgaram- sajui subcline

=============================================

 

 

Nuur wrote:

 

Dear Garam Garam

 

I am sorry of all the misunderstanding that the reer Qurac has casued with the Sijui and the garam Garams. Before the big misunderstanding of the Qurac , Qansax , I was sent to Nayuu Yoog, as The Chief of the Qurac, I was recieved in Hotel WAALDOOROF AASTOORIYA in Manhaataan. Quite honestly, I was the most educated in my delegation, I could read alphabets and Numbers so the entire delegation followed me everywhere I go out of curiosity.

 

In the Hotel, one of the Reer Qurac delegates needed a bathroom, but unfortumnately he could not find a smelly bath room like the one in our village, so they came to me for advice, after looking around the Hotel suite, on the 56 floor, all I could see in the suite was nice clean room with white ceramic bowls containing water, I thought they were for cooking and drinking, so I took a glass and drank some of the water, the room has nice towels hanging around and I thought we should use it for chewing some Chat.

 

My friend who needed bathroom was pressed for a solution so as the Know-It-All Capo di Qabiil I adviced him to squat on the Nayuu Yoog Taaymis, and toss the sh... out of the window, since I cared less of bolitikiska Ameerikaanka,

 

I was amazed when the Boolis showed up in our suite to question us why we toss the Sh.. to a pedestrian on BAARK Aafanuu below our Hudheel, . The Hudheel Maanajar told him that we could not sbeak engilish, so the Boolis left us alone, but the Hudheel Maanajar told us to use the clean room with the white Ceramic bowls as Bathroom next time, the problem is we do not know how to use the bowl for squating, how can you balance your body on these thin ceramics, I fell of couple of times and I gave up, later we figured out a way to do it, but that is adifferent story.

 

In the morning we were invited to sit as observers at the UN General assembly were we took a back seat behind the Somali delegation, when the journalists asked me of my opinion of the procedings of nuclear disarmament, I told them that I was rather amazed abouit the conference room itself, how they could get this large round table through that small door, No one in Qurac dheer will believe what I saw in NAYUU YOOG.

 

If you think Garam Garam people have a problem, you should make them visit NAYUU YOOG.

 

 

Deputy Chief.

Reer Qurac

[Nur]

Shifta Bro.

 

I have just came across this one today, man! that was some awsome nostalgic memory from the Somalinet days, like the Arabs say, " Sharrrul baliyati maa yudh xik" worst of misfurtunes are those that make you laugh.

 

 

Nur

[Coloow]

Assalamu calaykum,

 

Nuurow indeed sxb. Ma akhrisay socdaalkeeygii? I posted it in another thread that disappeared)

 

Assalamu calaykum,

 

On behalf of Captain X, welcome on board KLM flight 521 from Amsterdam to Johannesburg. The local departure time is 10 am and the flight time to Johannesburg is expected to be just over 11 hours.

 

" A long flight" I whispered to my two colleges. But sheer up we are going to Africa, the best continent on earth! I was shivering. I never liked flying- not because I am Cali Mardhoof but because I had earlier read about the risks long flights pose to passengers.

 

“Is this your first trip to Africa?” I asked my fellow colleges. Yes, this is our first time and from what we gather Africa is a beautiful continent; lots of exotic animals, but it is also a continent that is going through hardships.

 

“True”, but I think Africa is more than animals, dictators, Aids etc. Africa posses all the hallmarks of development. There is of course inequality, injustice, thugs, civil wars and for that matter animals but the mass media portrayal of Africa is not true. You see A and C, in the western media, we only see how Africans die and not the way they live. Hopefully, this trip would change your mind”!

 

My two colleges started nodding, while I was reciting Fatixa. Allow ceebteena astur. May we see another Africa than the one I saw three years ago in Kenya. You see I went to Kenya on a Swedish passport and the madax korankor were all over me when they discovered MOGADISHU as my place of birth. No, no, I was not born In Mogadishu laakin waa isku dhiibay. Little did they know (the madax canbuulo) that I was from garamgaram nation in that place that was stolen by the Kakuyus and their brethren. I was released on bail (oops paid bribes not to hamper my visit- my hooyo was expecting me and at any price, nothing would stop me! I came to Mandera having taken Gantaal bus from Eastleigh.

 

When I was in Mandera, I went to Beledxaawo (Buulo xaawo) several times and felt like a Somali, not the garamgaram I was. It was a booming town with some kind of governance. When I was leaving mandera on a chattered qaad plane, I was stopped at the airport and asked, “did you go to Buulo xaawo?” Yes, I did (with some pride). The immigration officer retorted: In that case, you are hereby arrested for violating visa regulations! Buulo xaawo is in another country (Somalia) and according to your visa; you should seek another extension if you visit another country.

 

I was about to explode “kuma mama yako!” Nacalatulaahi calayk! I am a bonafide shifta- this is my country. Buulo xaawo anaa iska leh, NFD-na anigaa iska leh! This is not madaxkorankor land. This is my beautiful mandera! But I hesitated. Had I said, I was born in NFD, they could extend their accusations to include Treason. I was after all wanted for treason- that is the crime shiftas are accused of!

 

Anyway, I bribed my way, came to Nairobi with a lot of blessings (the garamgaram nation are good at invoking duca on her citizens not to mention the many gashaantos who you are encouraged to marry). At Jomo Kenyatta airport, the garamgaram police found some “illegal substance” in my hand luggage (My mom made sure that I had enough ODKAC!) Hooyoy la’aanta, hooyadu waa lama huraan.

 

Waan is xariifiyey! After all I was leaving Madax korankorland to my new gaaloland, Sweden. The three police officers started conversing in the kiswahili language. I couldn’t resist- sheydhaan ayaa I maray! No sooner did I utter the words, mzee mimi apana mlendo! Sina mgendo. I found myself handcuffed and charged! At the end of wto hours of interrogation, I succeeded paying 200 dollars in bribes and declared persona non grata! I was banned from entering Kenya for 5 years!

 

Anyway, that was 4 years ago.

 

On the flight to south Africa, I was praying. Eebow ceebta afrika astur! Illaahow sida kenya hakadhigin. Ilaahow gaaladda hanoo jabinin etc.

 

At 23 000 hrs, local time, we landed at JIA! Finally, the moment of truth! My own litmus test. To my surprise, the immigration officials did not utter a word. I even tried in aan la kaftamo- nada. They won’t budge from their self-imposed silence! Three months visa for this dude! You see, things are smooth in Africa. We spent the night in city lodge- one of the best hotels that I have ever seen. The next day- Durban- kwazulu natal. Chief Munguthuzu Buthlezi’s empire. The land of the great shaka Zulu, where we booked a hotel on the beach! Very fine hotel but the owners gave us a warning “don’t go alone- don’t ever go to the hawkers market!, Don’t ever gone to the harbour area- too many Nigerians!

 

The university of Kwazulu Natal in Petermerizburg was a dazzling university! It is located on a hilltop, very picturesque! Too many students in a modern milieu. I went to the university mosque, with the hope that I would see some Somalis- Although a zulu lecturer who loves afro centrism did tell me there are a number of Somali students, I did not find them.

 

One afternoon while taking a walk on the beach (dabaal ma aqaani anigu), I heard the words “wariyaa!”. I was in SA for 10 days and this was the first time I heard the code word, wariyaa! Waan sii jeestay- a Somali looking figure was approaching me! War haye akhi, Ii waran? Ragga maxuu sheegay?,

 

Nabad walaaalkeey, he answered!

Ma intaad degantahay saaxib?

Haa saaxiboow, intuu buufiska ii kenay!

Sxb, aniga shaqo ayaan u imid laakin sweden ayaan deganayahay- ma somali badan ayaa degan?

Johannesburg iyo Cape town ayaay ku badanyihiin laakin inta xoogaa ayaa degan.

Adiga maxaad meeshaan ka qabataa?

Garaash ayaan leeyahay, naagtaasi Hindida ee meeshaas fadhisana waan aroosay oo sharci ayaan ku qaadan rabaa, si aan u aado Yurub!

 

Yurub? sxb, Yurub anaa degan, meel loo haajiro ma aha!

 

Abdi: sxb, aniga waxaan ahay reer xamar, miskiin ah adiga ma reer waqooyi ayaad tahay?

Shifta: maya sxb, waxaan ahay reer garamgaram- waxaan ka ahay sijui! laakin somaliya oo idil waan tagay ilaa zeylac, kismayo, bender qaasim , af barwaaqo, beerlula carligeedi, berberbera qabrigii cilmi boodhari!

 

Abdi, maya sxb anaga waxaan nahay reer xamar masaakiin ah, adiga laakin afkaaga lamagoodle aa lagu moodaa!

 

Shifta; sxb, aniga widaayowna waan aqaanaa, bish doonte, akamjirta iska daa, naw-dana waan gashtaa- doofaar, doofar dhalay, najis, eeebow etc iskaba daa. waxaan ahay qaxooti rasmi ah. Adigu 1990; ayaad qaxooti noqotay, anigu se qaxootinamadu waan ku dhashtay!

 

Abdi, maya widaayow, xumaan ha u qaadanin, waxaan ku moodaayey reer waqooyi- oo waxaan islahaa wadan ayaad leedahay!

 

Shifta: sxb reer garamgaram meel waliba waa laga soo dhoweeyaa: somaliland, puntland, hiiranland, naarkacyo, banaadir, jubooyinka, bay iyo bakool. Gedo iskaba daa waxbaan wadagnaa!

 

Abdi, sxb qof baasaboor gadaayo ma taqaanaa?

Shifta: bro, carli gaaleed 16 sanno ayaan deganahay , wax loo hiloobo ma aha! Ee meeshaaada rabi ku sug!

Abdi: walaalkeey adigaba waad joogtaa ee aniga maxaad iigu diidi?

Shifta: aniga haddaan rabaa inaan somaliya ku laabto (bal waan arkayaa haddii laiga qaabilaayo somaliland, puntland iyo Landerna kale ee soo baxay).

Abdi, saas miyaa?

Shifta : haa sxb

 

While talking with Abdi on Somali issues, my two colleges join us and I introduced my countryman Abdi to them. The language of discussion becomes the English language.

 

After 20 minutes, I ask Abdi whether he has access to the Internet, so that he could get an indepth view of the western world as regards the somali situation....

 

No, I don't have...

 

I wanted to hell him about the many somali websites that came out of the blue...wanted to tell him that the somali websites have replaced tribalism at baar lugabaxsi... I wanted to tell him that on somali websites, people tend to communicate like two indian cajuusos...

 

Next report from Nairobi in about a month....nabadeey

[Baashi]

Shifta; sxb, aniga widaayowna waan aqaanaa, bish doonte, akamjirta iska daa, naw-dana waan gashtaa- doofaar, doofar dhalay, najis, eeebow etc iskaba daa. waxaan ahay qaxooti rasmi ah. Adigu 1990; ayaad qaxooti noqotay, anigu se qaxootinamadu waan ku dhashtay!

akamjirte, bish doonte...

 

I'm waiting for the Eastleigh report...by the way, I was there last month.

[Nur]

Baadiyow br.

 

How are Gramgrammarians doing? I have not visited Garamgaram since being infested with you know what!

 

 

Nur

 

 

Note: More Nur articles are found on Somaliaonline Islam page.

[Jacaylbaro]

Akam jirtee ? Fayaan qabtee ??