Armstrong Posted May 7, 2003 Salamu 3alaykum, Alas there seems to be a new revolution that has started within hardcore Muslim youth where more and more are getting arranged marriage. The definition of arranged marriage being used for the purpose of this topic is not where parents force you to marry your cousin or similar circumstances. Rather my definition is based upon the utilisation of distribution channels such the local Masjid, family and friends networks to find a suitable marriage material person. For example, one can simply outline to a local sheikh the qualities he is looking for in a wife and bobs your uncle the details are matched with a suitable partner and the rest as they say is history. Does this mean the end of the nonsensical dating game before marriage? Whereby youth are committing haram by believing they are testing different partners to see which is more compatible before marriage. During the dating process a lot of time is wasted using trial and error methodology. Mathematically disproving these claims, consider a scenario where someone can try 100 dates = 0.01 chance of finding suitable patner or 1,000 different people in a 1,000 different dates which the events are not mutually exclusive and still the probability of finding a suitable person is 1/1000 = 0.001, the probability of finding someone suitable is actually decreasing as more dating occurs. In addition, most of these dating situations end in dire and wretched manner. Furthermore, the misconception that one has to really know 100% about who he or she is going to marry, their habits, and their mistakes and so on is rather a non-starter argument. The evidence of this statement being a non-starter is a simple one if one uses rational reasoning. Regardless of how well one might know someone this itself can never guarantee a successful marriage. How many Somali people are married to their cousins whom they knew well since they were toddlers and still the marriage ends up in a disenchantment failure? Rather a successful marriage is one that is based upon Islam. Statistics clearly show that arranged marriages are less likely to conclude in divorce. Because early on in the relationship the partners try hard to learn about each other and this adds a spark to the relationship early on. Also, as long as the criteria for marriage are based upon solid Islamic values then with the help of All-Mighty Allah one cannot go wrong. Finally, true love does not come from dating but rather true love is the love for the sake of Allah. Therefore, if someone goes into an arranged marriage contract in a Masjid looking for a good Muslim patner strictly upon Islam then he or she will be satisfied. This short paper is merely an argument for arranged marriage no one is being forced to comply with the above arguments. Why one is wasting time dating while he or she can get an arranged marriage and use that time instead to get down to real business Written by Mujahid from SoL. Mujahid over and out :cool: Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Blessed Posted May 8, 2003 ^^ Well argued my bro. However, considering the ideologies of the society we are now living, it is quite difficult to convince a lot of Somali youth. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Dhimbil Posted May 8, 2003 Muja Good argument, but this hardly qualifies as a revolution. Because since i can remember some somalis were doing this. Although is up to us to choose what ever route we want. I would not encourage arrange marriage. Because i think its extremely of importance to know what you getting your self into before marriage and whether you think its non-starter is not really the point. Also, there is no statistical data on how successful arrange marriages are in western society. I understand arrange marriages may have been successful back home because there were other factors that kept the husband and wife together. However, here in the west, the situation is very different. for example, women are not dependant on their husband. She can basicly drop him as soon as she feel like it. But back home, divorce was a taboo, and no one wanted to be in that situation. So families worked hard to keep it together. Further, some couples may end up in divorce because they weren't compatible to bagin, it has nothing to do with arrange or not. Lastly, Getting to know each other before marriage works only if both people are honest with each other and don't commit sinna. .forgive me if am not making sense, its too early for me. peace Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kool_Kat Posted May 8, 2003 Illmatic, I think you took each and every word out of my mouth...Very well said, bro... Personally, I would like to get to know the person whom I am planning to spend the rest of my life with...And I certainly don't think that it could be arranged for me by others...After all, I am the one marrying this person, not others... What good is marrying a person, just to find out we are not compatible months after we get married...It really doesn't make sense to me... Arranged marriages might work for some...But that's just a small percentage of successfull marriages... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Paragon Posted May 8, 2003 Mujahid.... Well said. What you wrote surely makes alot of sense. I kinda agree with your article. Thankx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
N.O.R.F Posted May 8, 2003 A very interesting piece Mujahid! There are always arguments for and against. I have freinds who have married through arrangement and they couldnt be happier. There are also arranged marriages that simply dont work. So it all depends on the person and how they fell at that particular time. Hence, if someone is not fully committed from the start then there is a chance the marriage could fail. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Captivating_SouL Posted May 8, 2003 I can only speak on my behave and what arrange marriage is when its brought to notice. Like it has been said, arrange marriage succeeds a small percentile in comparsion to people whom had the choice. Mujaid, i understand the facts in which you have submitted and your philoshpical behind it but have you really look them throughly? Because if you would have, you might have picked up something the rest of the nomads have concluded...whats makes you doubt that finding someone on your own is harder then hooking up w/ a stranger? I'm aware of the reasons why few might look into "arrange marriage" whether that being...their shyness (unable to holla) , afraid of rejection, feel insecure etc..the list goes on and on. But correct me if am wrong but isnt it all these traits that makes the relationship worth while...of course thats when the person is in full effect confidance wise, self-esteem etc? Often when people start mingling about arrange marriage they feel thats the best way...yaaah if you're back in the 1700's...c'mon. Were not exchanging for goats/camels now dang.. Common sense is what keeps us in grounded and that plus faith. I'm sure allah has choosen a person for you to be with and self-choosing/or not "this" person your family/masjiid/friends choose for you is questionable of them being the right one? I see nothing wrong with a rush...shout go back to school, open a business, get a hobby or whateva to keep your time fullfillful na;mean..cuz marriage can add problems just as easy as it can add happiness to your life...so if you're not at the point where you are not stable...then one must not decide one marriage, arrange or not... I dont want to drag this longer then it already has but i'm just conclude it with...Mujahid you stated something along the lines of "why waste time dating when they can arrange marriage and use that time for something else" --what is that time you are suggesting...bump & grind ? Shout my mind is telling me NO NO to A.M but my soul is reaching out ...out to someone to be down ...down w/ thru thick n thin lool. Aight enuff of this shrind...one *1 *** Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Modesty Posted May 8, 2003 Asalaamu Alaykum, I think its up to the person whether they want arranged marriage or not. For me, I don't think I can do that because i wouldn't know the person, so I'll feel kinda weird if we got married without talking about our interests. Mujahid I agree that dating more decreases your changes of finding a compatible mate, because I know these girls that are older than me and have been dating since forever, and still hadn't found Mr. Right. We all have are destiny written from Allah before we came to this life, and what ever Allah has written is the only thing that will occur. Nevertheless, arranged marriages aren't popular in my family, and I think marriage of cousins is sick, and yes when 2 people are bonded by the love of Allah, that will last forever...even in Jannah! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Saanjo Posted May 8, 2003 I think that brother Mujahid is into arranged marriaged and I am sure there are a lot of sisters in London looking forward to take similar path and I hope you get one muminah insha allah good look Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Qac Qaac Posted May 8, 2003 first it is not good that we point fingers at each other, this guy is into arrange marriage this guys is into dating come on now. anways yeah as some already said, while u like arrange or like getting ur thing ur own, it is up to the person. to me i am not into the arrange marriage thing. i am also not into the western kind of style dating, but with all that said, if the 2 ppl are just speaking, talking on phones, seeing each other and not dating like the western do, u know what i am talking about picking up the girls from her house at 8pm taking her to restaurent then to movies and bring her back home at midnight and at the door getting good night kiss, i am against that. but if u gonna go about ur buiz talking to her in a Islamic manner where no touching and no zinna will happen, or anything that is gonna lead u 2 to zinna is not gonna happen then yeah, go talk to her, in her/his job places or in school where u 2 can't do anything, and call each other at nights then that is good with me. as long as there is no haram thing involved, because i feel some of us use arrange marriage as an excuse and tell the girl why u getting arranged go and explore, so they could get a chance with the girl alone in their cars and god knows what they planning to do. but the arrange marriage the brother is talking about is fine with me. it is not just something i would do. but i wouldn't use dating as an excuse to do zinna too, so if u r gonna talk in respectful way, were no zinna abslutely could take place, then is fine Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Armstrong Posted May 9, 2003 Salamu 3laykum, Ameenah = BarakaAllahu feeke ukhti illmatic = Akhee it appears you have totally misunderstood the article. The arranged marriage you on about is not what the article suggests. What folks did was take arranged marriage, cut out cultural bits off and add some Islamic values hence the new revolution. According to the revolution, it is permissible to know the patner but via strict code of rules such as no dating without a third person being there. Also, dating intises zina and Allah said in the Quran "Wa Laa Taqrabuu Zinaa..Do not go near Zina.." We are not forcing no one do as you please but remember success is for those who seek it. Marriage based on haram is doomed to failure. Kool_Kat = Just take a good look at the western society. One English Muslim brother told us once that in the western society they date like each week once or twice and women and men free mix and do as they please, normal to have a girlfriend from young age such as 13. Yet isn't the Western Society record of successful marriage pittiful indeed? Isn't divorce and Aids ruining them? Isn't there many people who do not know who their fathers are and many who are brought up by single parents? Should we want to follow this degrading bewitched road by dating? No thanks but an Islamic arranged marriage is far better option. JamaaL-11 = BarakaAllahu Feek akhee Northerner = Man you hit the nail on its head. Ofcourse it is free will and up to the person. For me, the revolution works cause it is challenges myths and utopian rhetoric such as arguing for dating before marriage. JazakaAllah kheyr akhee Northerner Brown_Sugah = Shyness is a good quality walaal. He who lost shyness has lost many a good. I said get down to real business meaning all the things husband and wife do While you are still looking for the right patner via dating, the arranged marriage people have a house full of 5 lil cute kids Adna weli waxaad raa dinee saa guur Modesty = Sista you will have chances of selecting which candidate is good by a selection process. For example, interviewS, getting to know them via a third person, asking people about them, researching their history and this scientific process can take any time from a week to a year. So relax it is not like you are marrying a stranger from timbaktu Saanjo =Ameen inshaAllah QaQa' = Like the input true say indeed some people love to judge others. Thanks all for your opinions much appreciated JazakAllahu kheyr yaa jamaa3a. MUJAHID OVER AND OUT ! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
