On Marriage

[Nur]

Wisdom of the Month:

 

"Somali hal dhaqan umbaa mideeya si kasta ooy isku kala saaraan"

 

By Haneefa

[rudy-Diiriye]

waxaa la isku dafa, dex yarey nasibkeey...mala u ppl dont know this!! somala ka dalatee.

 

u like homie gal...go with him, whatchya gotta lose!! nothing but everything to gain... come on take a chance.

[Hayat]

^^ where were you when i made my slang topic?. you could've made my replies much more effective and effectiont.

[rudy-Diiriye]

sorry home gal...i dunno wat slang is? is it like the way xalimoos dance in somali wedding...slinging their hands from side to side!! lool.

 

i only know the mumin way!! u know how that goes down.

[Ameen]

Originally posted by Haneefah:

In a homogeneous society like ours, with one language, religion, and ethinicity, I am unable to comprehend how we all of a sudden acquired cultural differences along regional boundaries. How is the so called 'Northerner' culturally distict from the so called 'Southerner'? How are social values, cultural customs and norms different in one region from its neighbouring one? Mind you, this is not to deny the existence of an urban vs rural effect, or different life styles among the people as a result of environmental/socioeconomic factors; but I am opposed to the notion of this being attributable to clan/regional differences.

[/QB]

I agree. Again: I agree.

 

I can not see how such division between our people grew to such distance. I can not understand how we can feel content with attributing peace to one region of our land while another section of that same land, suffers in great hardship. I think we need some serious reform, from our general mindset, to mix marriages of young folks from different tribes and regions of Somalia. Mind you, I dont think thats what I would call a complete solution to our problem facing our Nation and MOS DEF not the problems that hold our Ummah hostage but its a step towards better days inshAllah. But since this thread is based upon marriage, I would conclude by saying, marriage is good. Marriage that brings tribes and different cultures closer together and in return strengthens the Ummah is better and more lasting for the generations to come.

[winnie]

so is there a formula?

i thought id ask, just in case my own fears are correct and people are actually hiding something from me.

 

nur, you wouldnt do that would you?

 

is there a formula on picking the right person? i mean, at what point does the anxiety go away?

[Haneefah]

^lol @ formula. Wouldn't it be every girl's dream if such thing existed.

 

Though I may not be the best person to have a say in these matters, if after fairly and objectively (difficult) assessing the individual whilst confiding in wise people whose views you trust, these fears still remain, then perhaps they are legitimate and they are there to direct your decision making process. I don't believe these feelings can easily be eradicated; the more cautious and risk-averse a sister generally is, especially with an analytical aptitude, the harder it is for her to supress these alerts and to question the validity of her observations and/or presumptions.

 

But, the key thing is developing a balance and understanding the substantial role of the tawakul element, which correlates with imaan. However valid/conclusive you assume your observation to be, know that Allah's knowledge always supercedes, therefore, put the effort and emphasis on seeking His guidance and wisdom. He's the only one who can relieve you of your anxiety.

[Thierry.]

JZK very beneficial topic

[Nur]

Winnie sis

 

you ask:

 

" nur, you wouldnt do that would you ?

 

Answer:

 

Wouldnt do what? Please clarify the THAT! in your question, cant figure it out sis.

 

 

Nur

[winnie]

withhold a formula that allows people to make the right decision regarding marriage potentials.

 

... is there a formula? i thought id ask, just on the off chance there is onewritten in a dusty ibn qayyim book that has eluded many lay men such as myself, whilst all the scholars get together in small huddles about so and so who has the original copy, and how so and so almost cracked it...

 

does such a formula exist?

[Nur]

Well, the only case that I would be afraid to withhold such a formula is if I am NOT the direct beneficiary of such a formula. ( Cant trust myself if I am in the gravitational field of an irresistable Xalimo !)

 

 

You ask

 

" is there a formula? i thought id ask, just on the off chance there is onewritten in a dusty ibn qayyim book that has eluded many lay men such as myself, whilst all the scholars get together in small huddles about so and so who has the original copy, and how so and so almost cracked it..."

 

 

Unfortunately there is no such formula, but there is a due diligence process. The Chinese say " Before marriage open both eyes, after Marriage, close one"

 

You see, a marriage involves two parties, each one has their own aspirations and attraction in the other person, the aspiration is in the future, no one can guarantee something in the future, the attraction on the otherhand can be on tangibles like looks that can change with time, or intangibles like the persons attitude and akhlaaq ( ethics) which is likely not to change.

 

Marriage can be like a journey in which the events that come your way will expose a lot of the Character of your spouse to you, as well as yours to your spouse. Different events will cause different reactions, thus, at the begining of the journey both parties are in a gamble. The word wedding comes from the anglo-saxon root meaning to gamble or wager.

 

 

Nur

[Warrior of Light]

Asalaam aleykum,

 

I would like to recommend listening to this lecture " Establishing a Muslim home", as it answers alot of questions regarding choosing a potential spouse and then moves onto describing how to establishing an Islamic household. Beleive it will be beneficial to everyone - single and married inorder to live better lives, attain tranquility as a family and stride for Jannat.

 

 

part 1

 

part 2

 

part 3

 

part 4

 

Fiamanillah

WOL

NB: Some of the idea of the Ustadha maybe to extreme for sisters regarding working. An interesting topic for discussion.

[Warrior of Light]

Unfortunately, the 4th link doesnt seem to be working and has a german ?? explaination which I dont understand.Im Sorry for that.