My childhood spirituality

[sheherazade]

Creation

I love the night sky. All those stars, planets, galaxies, the Universe. I'm obsessed with infinity. Am I part of someone's dream and is that person part of another man's dream and on and on. I'm awake so I reject the notion. It doesn't go away. When I watch TV, I imagine being watched by someone who is being watched...I think of creation. All those millions of people and God is watching over all of them. Wow. All are being monitored. How does God do that! Amazing. I think of me, my family, Earth, the Milky Way, the Universe, God.... what then after God? Oh,oh, I've come to that place again. I know I shouldn't be here and can't confess it to anyone. I'll get admonished. But is it my fault that I think this? Hooyo, says think of something else. Perfect. There is no end to my imagination. I jump on a carpet and it whisks us off to the Pyramids.

 

Prayer

Once I've learned the words, the number of rakahs, the technique, there is no stopping me. I pray each Salat 4/5 times. There is much work to do- school work and chores but I can't stop praying. My parents try and intervene. Not so much. Do what is expected and don't change the rules. But I like praying! It takes me some time to let go of my innovation. Will God love me less now that I'm doing less? Would punishment follow soon?

 

Quran

I need help. How can I deal with my tribulations? I'm in my early teens. I seek the advice of an uncle. Adeer, you've said the Quran has powerful, hidden meanings and that u know some of them. I want you to tell me so I can use them. I won't. Please. It's not something to be taken lightly! I dabbled in it once and tried to use it for the wrong reasons and I'll never do it agian. What happened??? I won't tell u. Adeeeeer! Please tell me something. Ina macal cusri usra. What!! Even I know the Surah that comes from. I need help and he's telling me about a verse I already know, from a teeny-weeny Surah! What!! I know it, I say. What does it mean? With difficulty comes ease. That's it. Things will get better. Cusr, yusr, yusr, cusr they rhyme and yet they mean completely opposite things. I like it. I like it. I use it over and over.

 

Death

I fear that death will visit me in my sleep. Why do I hear adults wishing for death to come while they're asleep? I want to see it coming. I want to ask God to forgive me one last time. Please God, don't make it painful. I try to think of what would be the most painful way to go- drowning, perishing in a fire, suffocating. Oh, the possibilites are endless. I don't want to sleep. This could be it. My eyes close. Noo, I'm not ready..not tonight. I fall asleep but my subconcious has no peace and I jump out of sleep. Did I nearly die? I don't want to see Malakul Maut. No, please, don't make me see him. Will he take me to Hell? Eternity? That's like infinity. Infinity in Hell. Gulp. No. Not that, God. Hooyo, I couldn't sleep. I'm afraid of dying and going to hell. She sees my distress. Don't worry, you're still a child. If u die, u'll go to heaven. Oh thank God, thank God. But when u're older, the Angels on your right and your left will record all your movements. If your bad deeds outweigh your good, you will go to Hell. Allah, maya, I don't want to grow up!!

 

 

Just Ask

I look forward to Laylatul Qadr. The Angels descend. I want to meet them. Hooyo, will I see the Angels? She tells me the Angels have been known to take the form of man and to be good to strangers- u never know- it could be an Angel. Be kind to strangers. On the nights when it might be Laylatul Qadr, I lie awake, waiting for the Angels. Come out, come out wherever you are! Nothing. I peer through the darkness. I imagine seeing a shadowy figure. I feel no fear, there is nothing to fear from Angels. I recite the surah that talks about The night. Nothing happens, sleep is near. Angels, where are you? I'm... I'm falling asleep zzz...

 

The morning after I search the house surreptitiously. I can't find what I'm looking for. Hooyo, u said I could have anything I prayed for. I can't find it! What did you ask for? Treasure! Treasure? You must ask for Jannah. OK. But is it bad to ask for treasure? No, but u must ask for forgiveness and paradise. Do u think the Angels will bring my Treasure next Laylatul Qadr? Keep asking, God listens to those who ask. Hope returns. I don't let go of my dream of treasure. I imagine myself waking up in the morning and finding a big treasure chest in the middle of the room. I kneel down before it and push back the heavy lid. Inside I find jewels of every description- diamonds, rubies, gold, sapphires. I dig elbow-deep into the tangled glittreng chains. I'm beaming. I don't know what I'll do with the jewels, I'm not even a girly girl but it's what I want and God gives.

 

----------------------

 

A thirteen year old girl has taken a liking to me. At the Taraweeh, she prays by my side. She doesn't say much but she makes sure she gets my attention and smiles. This girl is beautiful. I think this every time I see her and yet I forget to tell her. Two nights ago, she calls me pretty and puts both her hands to my face. I'm embarrassed that she has told me what I've been thinking of her and say, 'No, you are beautiful'. Last night she gave me chewing gum Another girl sitting by us says the thirteen year old girl and I look alike. I don't know but she's beautiful so hey, why not? She asked for my photograph. Eid, I promised.

 

The girl has reminded me of the strength of my childhood faith- the innocence, the conviction and need to do right. This one's for her and my mother. Bless you both, gorgeous women. I pray that we hang out in Paradise, inshallah. Ameen.

[Senora]

I hope I dont embarrass you sister, or that you take this lightly, but if you were to ever write a novel of some sort, I would read it over and over again. I can't even explain how much I loved reading this story ( and the story about the Jewish lady). You have a way with words, that makes me feel like I was a part of that story. Like I was in the prayer line behind you when the young girl touched your face. Anyways, thanks for that wonderful feeling

[Pacifist]

I really enjoyed your piece of heart. It really touched my heart..... Remembering Waayo Waayo

[Wiilo]

Hasna Waayeel, Waayo Waayo kulahaa, waraa adiga qarniyahii hore aa kahartay miyaa?.....Lol

 

Waa iga kaftan walaashay ee ha iga xumaan, allright :rolleyes:

 

Go figure

[Pacifist]

Wiilo sis its oky i know u joking

but am young ... Keeps telling herself that...but am old in the heart

 

Its time for me to retire new Chaqitas in the block.....Ciyaal Khatar ahhh are walking the streets

 

I really enjoy your qaftan

[Wiilo]

Hasma walaal waan filaayay inaad ka xumaaneyn intaa, balse, i had to make sure b4 i say somethi about u, aniga nafteyta "Waayeel" aan ahay. I have retired long time, "Senior-Citizen" just chatting with young Sol guys.

 

 

Go figure

[NGONGE]

Heh. Finally the Sultan’s wife tells her tale. Where is the cliff-hanger by the way?

 

I enjoyed reading this. The thoughts that go through children’s minds are priceless.

[raula]

She-absolutely beautiful entails-thx. I enjoyed your reading. Mansha-allah.

[LuCkY]

As-salaamu Alaikum,

 

Thnx GirL for that was beautifuL!

 

PEace !

[sheherazade]

I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thanks one and all.

 

I did what every self-respecting big sis should and brought the girl junk food! There are other kids there too so I ended up taking a plastic bag of crisps. When the prayers were complete, I dug in the bag and started giving the crisps out. There was momentary confusion. For us? I put a bag in one girl's hand and she stood there looking at the crisps. I gave her one more and asked her to give it to a boy who was too far away from me. She woke up from her trance and ran toward him with the crisps.

 

From my right I hear a stampede of small bare feet heading my way. They have seen the crisps! 3 children come to an abrupt halt next to me, heels on fire. I laugh. I dig in and give more crisps out but two boys remain 'uncrisped'. Oh. No. I hadn't realised there were that many kids around. The two look at me with long faces. I don't like giving children money so I don't. Next time, I say, next time. But kids don't want to hear next time, they want to hear crisps crunching in their mouths here and now. Eid. Another promise.

.....

 

Today I was looking at some knick-knacks at a stall and a ring caught my eye(not treasure-like). It's deep green, has flecks of gold and alternating crescents and stars. It's cheap, it's kitsch. I want it! I try it on but it doesn't fit on my ring finger. I move it to my little finger and it looks pathetic there. My little finger can't carry it off. It would suit someone with smaller hands I think. The little girl comes to mind- it would be a perfect Eid present for her. Then I think of the other girls, what about them and the boys? Now that I have the thought, I can't let it go. I will have to find something cheap and cheerful for the regulars at the Taraweeh and give it to them maybe on the 28th night. I can't wait until Eid day- too many kids, mashaAllah.

.....

 

She follows me out of the Mosque, away from the eyes of the others and in the darkness hands me what looks like a book. A book? A book! A book. For me? Thank you. A book I tell you; the kind that has squares and squares and squares with Mickey and Mini Mouse rollerblading on the cover, all primary colours and big eyes. I stop by a neighbour's. Their 9 year old girl spots the book. She finds a pen and starts to write my name on the cover. U gotta love girls.

 

I must fill the book with stories.

[Blessed]

Sweetest post in SOL. Reminds me of my neices; they've been making this Ramadan that much more special for this year

 

Carry on...

[- Femme -]

That was a wonderful read sheherazad. Mashallah..Keep it up

[-Serenity-]

Nice one Sheherazade. Makes me wanna sit next to you in Tarawiix, just to see if you'd treat me too.

[Rahima]

What a heart softener.

 

JZK sister.

[sheherazade]

7 of 9, just sitting next to me would be a treat, whadyatalkinabout? Thanks all. More..

 

The 13 year old girl shakes her hand in pain and a ring flashes . A hang-nail, I wonder. A light-bulb appears above my head. Let me see. I can't really see what's causing her pain but that's not the point. She's wearing 2 rings; a ring kind of girl, it seems. I try and slip one off but it's too tight. No matter. The other one slips off easily enough. I try it on my little finger, it fits but no ring ever looks good there. I move it to my ring finger and it stops two-thirds of the way down. I know what to aim for now. Thank you, I say and slip it back on a finger different to the one I removed it from. It fits there too. I have all I need to know. She reminds me of the photo, says she likes what I'm wearing. I promise again. We pray.

 

In other news..

 

There is another little girl at the Mosque whom I can't get through to. She's about 8, delicate, shy and fairy-like. She says hello shyly sometimes and runs off before I can squeeze her. Clever kid.

 

Today I'm walking into the Mosque when I hear, 'Asalaaaaaamu Aleeeeeyykuuuumm' sail past me. I look behind me and to the right but it's too late, the voice is flying past me and is to my left. I look that way and it's the delicate girl! A man passing by stops and laughs with me. I greet her too. She's smiling widely, has a finger in her mouth and she twirls once. The crisps have had an effect.

 

And that ladies and gentlemen is how u get a fairy to talk to you.