Want to Marry 2 Wives

[Alle-ubaahne]

War shiiq Nuur, maandhoow igaarta u tartiibi, u maleyn-maayo inay wax diidan tahay, ee waxaa jira ninyahow cudur la yiraahdo 'sidee aniga naag kale la iila qabi karaa?' Cudurkaas waa iska dabiici, waana loo baahan yahay, inkastoo ay gabdhaha guur la'aanta ku nagaaday kasoo sheegteen 'side-effects' kiisa. Marka waxaan kugula talin lahaa adoo shiiqii cidda ah in aadan igaarshoodhinka ku dhihin waad is badali doontaa, iyadoo ay iska cadahay isbadalkooda inuu yahay sida oraahdii aheyd, 'meyd maxaa ugu danbeeyay? kii hadda lasii siday'. Yacni, isbadalka igaarshoodhinka waa marqaati madoonto.

 

Xitaa waxaan maqlay in hadeey xaajiyadu maseerto lagu aamusin karo been cidlo ah. Sida adoo naag kale qaba oo ay banaanka kasoo xan maqasho, inaad ku tiraahdid, "walaaleey dadkaan waa iska hadal badan yihiin oo jaceelka aan kuu qabo markeey ka yaabeen ayay naga maseereen, oo adba waa ogtahay intaad nooshahay iyo hadaadba iga hormartid inaanan naag aan adiga aheyn saas u fiirin karin".

 

Wallee beentaas waa xoog badan tahay, oo xitaa hadii Rahiima oo maseersan loo sheegi lahaa laga yaabo inay ku qanci lahayd, iyadoo leh "odayga hadalkiisa daacadnimo ayuu salka ku hayaa, ee ka leexo". Balse, beenu raad maleh horaa loo yiri, nin naago luqunta la galo, midhaa marmarsiiyo kama dhamaadaan. U maleyn maayo inaan been aqaano, laakiin sidaan hada ku talo jiro oo ah naago badan guurso, waxaan ka baqayaa in beenta sida loo sheego ay i ciisho!

[Nephissa]

Originally posted by Shams-ud-Din:

Sister Kashafa, did you see it too?

[Rahima]

Ninka Cadaan,

 

Brother it’s all good . Like I said I don’t believe in being deceptive, every party should be honest from the get-go. Also everything is not about jealousy, why must it be brought down to such a thing? Is it not possible that an individual may have other reasons?

 

As for the khula all one has to say is that she no longer wants to be married to this man, that she does not like him and be willing to return his mehr, then it is done. We don’t need a billion reasons, that is good enough. I don’t know of any learned man who would reject that reason from a wife-it is in the Sunnah after all.

 

 

Nur,

 

Respectfully my brother, this is not about my lack of patience or lack of wisdom rather what I have a right to. Why is everyone finding it so hard to understand that horta? Why must a negative twist be given to it? You acknowledge that it is my right and therefore when I exercise it all of a sudden I have all these negatives thrown in my face.

 

Only Allah knows as I've said, but I have trust in my Rubb. I trust that He will not put me in such a situation and if it ever happened my husband would be in the wrong for breaking the contract. You see Nur, I try my best to think first, have all my bases covered so that in the sight of Allah it will be him who lead to the marriage break-up not I. Like I said I have trust and hope in my Rubb.

 

I also pray that I never become hypnotized by another human being to the point that my faculties are effected. That is unhealthy.

 

'sidee aniga naag kale la iila qabi karaa?'

Mock as you wish (offensive would be an understatement), but it doesn’t change a thing.

 

Anyway Boys, May Allah give you all (and for those of you married make your wife) a righteous God-fearing patient full of wisdom Muslimah who doesn't mind such a marriage. I am done!

[Maxamed Caday]

Reasons other than jealousy? I have never heard any yet..

 

I am interested in hearing them if you would please elucidate. I would like to hear a novel perspective.

 

As for the khula, you make it sound so simple. I think it is more complicated than that.. I was just reading about this masjid in the UK that suspended taking khula applications because it can get so complicated..

[Maxamed Caday]

WHY THE ISLAMIC CENTRE BIRMINGHAM HAS SUSPENDED PROCESSING KHULA’ APPLICATIONS?

 

(In answer to the numerous questions asked regarding this issue)

 

 

 

** BACKGROUND **

 

 

1. We decided initially to process khula’ applications for sisters because:

 

a. Many of the UK based organizations are blind-bigoted followers of the sects of misguidance utilizing false principles and issuing fatawa based upon desires.

 

b. We know of many cases where a khula’ would be issued or withheld based on sectarianism or racial grounds, not upon the merits of the application of the wife nor the response of the husband.

 

c. A husband would be unjustly separated from his wife based upon differing racial backgrounds.

 

d. Sisters from an Indo-subcontinent background would sometimes be forced into marriages without their consent, whereby they would be taken abroad, their passports taken away from them and forced into marriages.

 

e. Sisters would be forced to stay in marriages wherein a husband would not pray his prayers at all or belong to a sect that is involved in major shirk or kufr, such as the rawaafidh or grave-worshippers.

 

f. Many sisters have embraced Islaam newly from other religions. In most cases they would not have any relatives who are Muslim, whether that be from their mahrams or in terms of guardianship. We found that some of them would be in marital relationships that were violent and abusive. They would have no recourse to seek help and aid except by way of the likes of ourselves.

 

2. So in light of this we decided to establish a procedure whereby we would utilize the established fatawa of the Major Scholars of this Ummah, such as Shaykhs Ibn Baaz, Ibn Uthaymeen, Al-Fawzaan and the Lajnah Daa’imah in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia. Also that the scholars would be contacted to resolve any conflict of stories between the various parties.

 

3. We had a standard form which was given to applicants. On the final page of this application form it clearly states:

 

 

quote:

“We will send a copy of this form to your husband for review and response. If he disputes any of the points you have brought, and they are a valid obstacle to the khula', they will be considered and put under review. If however, the reasons are invalid from a Sharee'ah perspective, we will notify you of our decision. You must realise that you are still married to your husband up until you receive a khula' certificate from us that clearly states that your marriage has been dissolved. Our rulings are taken from the fatawaa of the Major Scholars from their famous well-known rulings. The likes of Ash-Shaykh Ibn Baaz, Ash-Shaykh Ibn al-Uthaymeen, Ash-Shaykh Abdul-’Azeez Aalush-Shaykh and Ash-Shaykh Saaleh al-Fawzaan and the Permanent Committee Of Major Scholars Of The Kingdom Of Saudi Arabia. If the issue at hand requires a specific judgement not clearly found in the fatawaa books, then a specific scholar is contacted for a verdict.

 

The effect of a khula' is similar to that of a divorce in that the marriage is terminated. Once the khula' is issued, there is no taking back (i.e. The wife cannot take her husband back and the husband cannot return to his wife) in the iddah [the waiting period].

 

The waiting period [ iddah ] is one menstrual cycle or if the woman is pregnant, then the iddah is up until the child is born. During the iddah, the couple cannot co-habit.

 

If the husband wishes to remarry the woman, he must re-apply to her guardian for marriage and the woman has the right to accept or refuse.

 

An alternative method of khula' is that the wife asks her husband for a khula'. If the husband agrees, he can release her. He should wait till she is pure after her menses and should not have had a relationship with her, then he can release her. Further he must have the khula' witnessed.

 

The Islamic Centre has the right to refuse any application for khula' at its own discretion.

 

The cost of dealing with the application is set at £50 (Fifty pounds). This is non-refundable, even if you change your mind. So please be sure as to whether you wish to proceed, seek advice and make istikhaarah (the prayer for guidance) first. If we, The Islamic Centre, decide not to proceed with the application, the full amount will be returned to you. If we proceed with the application and you do not attain the khula', then your fee will not be returned.

 

I have read all the above and answered truthfully all the questions. I realise that if I have been untruthful in answering the questions, this may nullify my application for khula' and I will lose the payment made for this application.

 

Name of Applicant:

Signed:

Dated:

Witnessed - Name:

Signed:

Dated:

 

 

 

4. A letter was then sent to the husband. This letter was of three types:

 

Type 1

 

 

quote:

 

Ref:

Date:

Copy to:

 

Dear Mr

 

Asslaamu alaykum wa rahmatullaah,

 

We pray you are well.

 

We are writing this letter to inform that your wife has asked to have your marriage dissolved and nullified (khula').

 

We have enclosed a copy of your wife's application for khula'. We hope to have the khula' concluded within 28 days of this letter.

 

If there is a sharee'ah Islamic reason as to why this marriage should not be dissolved, please notify - in writing - us as soon as possible within the next 14 days.

 

Wassallaam alaykum wa rahmatullaah.

 

Your brother,

On Behalf of The Islamic Centre.

 

 

 

 

Type 2

 

 

quote:

 

Ref:

Date:

 

Dear,

 

Asslaamu alaykum wa rahmatullaah,

 

We pray you are well.

 

We are writing this letter to inform that your wife has asked to have your marriage dissolved and nullified (khula').

 

We have enclosed a copy of your wife's application for khula'. We hope to have this issue resolved within a month of this letter.

 

If there is a sharee'ah Islamic reason as to why this marriage should not be dissolved, please notify us - IN WRITING - as soon as possible within the next 14 days. It is important that the response is sent in writing so that we can forward this response firstly to the wife, and secondly for our own records.

 

We cannot accept a withdrawal of application by other than the wife.

 

It is apparent from the application form that your wife states that you do not pray the five daily prayers, that you do not provide any financial support for her and beating her. The most severe of these is abandonment of the prayer, as this is regarded as unbelief (kufr) that exits a person from Islaam as has been stated by the Prophet, salallaahu alaihi wassallam, many of his Companions and the Imaams of this Religion such as Imaam Ahmad Ibn Hanbal, Shaykhul-Islaam Ibn Taymiyyah, Imaam Ibn Baaz and Allaamah Ibn Uthaymeen as well as the Standing Committee Of Major Scholars of the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia.

 

If we do not hear any response from you, we may consider issuing a khula' assuming that you have no objections. We will to do this after seeking the rulings of the Muslim Scholars.

 

Wassallaam alaykum wa rahmatullaah.

 

Your brother,

On Behalf of The Islamic Centre.

 

 

5. After the response of the husband, we would look into the affair and do as we stated:

 

 

quote:

“If he disputes any of the points you have brought, and they are a valid obstacle to the khula', they will be considered and put under review. If however, the reasons are invalid from a Sharee'ah perspective, we will notify you of our decision. You must realise that you are still married to your husband up until you receive a khula' certificate from us that clearly states that your marriage has been dissolved. Our rulings are taken from the fatawaa of the Major Scholars from their famous well-known rulings. The likes of Ash-Shaykh Ibn Baaz, Ash-Shaykh Ibn al-Uthaymeen, Ash-Shaykh Abdul-’Azeez Aalush-Shaykh and Ash-Shaykh Saaleh al-Fawzaan and the Permanent Committee Of Major Scholars Of The Kingdom Of Saudi Arabia. If the issue at hand requires a specific judgement not clearly found in the fatawaa books, then a specific scholar is contacted for a verdict.“

 

 

If the husband did not respond within 14 days – we would show further patience.

IMPORTANT NOTE – WE HAVE NEVER ISSUED A KHULA’ AFTER 14 DAYS EVER!

 

 

** WHY WE SUSPENED DEALING WITH KHULA’ APPLICATIONS **

CLARIFIED

 

 

The following are some of the reasons we have suspended receiving Khula’ applications:

 

1. Due to the great amount of time and effort it takes to deal with these cases.

2. Due to the false rumours and misconceptions that are spread by some of the brothers which harms the reputation of the da’wah.

3. Due to the complicated nature of some of the applications and the detailed investigations that are required which require sitting with a Judge. And this beyond our capacity at present.

[Rahima]

I am interested in hearing them if you would please elucidate. I would like to hear a novel perspective.

It doesn’t matter what the reason is, even if it is jealousy. My point at that was, why must most of the men jest in such a manner to belittle what is rightfully ours? Even if it was jealousy, it is my damn right and so shall it remain.

 

As for me, I’d rather keep it to myself. And I learn from the past, even if of others.

 

As for the khula, you make it sound so simple. I think it is more complicated than that.. I was just reading about this masjid in the UK that suspended taking khula applications because it can get so complicated..

Everything is as hard as you make it to be. If I was to state that I no longer wished to be married to this particular Farax because for example I no longer had feelings for him or I was not attracted to him (both things he or I can do nothing about) and was willing to return his mehr, I have the right and no one can refuse that.

 

It’s all about the person’s reasons and whether or not they stick to their guns (most sisters are not aware of their rights and that is why they are forced to return to men who beat them and destroy their person). Hypothetically speaking (hopefully not), if my husband was to hit me in an argument say I’d leave him and get a divorce. No one, no shaykh or any other human being can force me to go back to him if I say that I cannot share a life with such a person.

 

As for the sister who puts it in her contract it is even much much easier. The clause is already that if he ever wishes to or ever does take on a second she has a right to a divorce. By signing that contract he has already agreed . All I need to do is take my contract and I’m sure in a minute the marriage will be over.

 

Anyway like I said, May Allah give you all (and for those of you married make your wife) a righteous God-fearing patient full of wisdom Muslimah who doesn't mind such a marriage. I am done!

 

[Maxamed Caday]

Tayib

[Maxamed Caday]

Originally posted by Alle-ubaahne:

War shiiq Nuur, maandhoow igaarta u tartiibi...

^^^ That is pure Somali idealogy to the hilt. It even agrees with the Shaafici madhhab view (so favored by Somalis) that one may marry additional wives in secret!!

[Nephissa]

^^ Somali ideology? Do you even understand what you quoted? :confused:

[Maxamed Caday]

Originally posted by Naku Penda Piya:

^^ Somali ideology? Do you even understand what you quoted? :confused:

My family translated it for me

[S.O.S]

Sister Rahima , if you are refusing to be part of a polygamous marriage for reasons the simple reason of jealousy, then we accept your objections, and there is no harm done, because a healthy doses of jealousy is not a bad thing as long as it doesn’t blind you to the extent that personal emotions become a priority over the Divine commandments. Just like you said, you have your rights granted by Allah and you can always ask for a divorce, so I don’t oppose you directly on that matter.

 

However, if the problem is not jealousy as you’ve suggested above and totally something else, which I assume to be related with your principled mentality, then I absolutely oppose your view. You are capable woman and I think you can guess why you are not allowed to hold such a view (I hope you don’t hold that view).

 

There are few things that we need to remember here:

 

1) Allah gave women the right to have a husband

2) Allah gave women the right to have children

3) and yes, Allah gave women the right to demand divorce

 

If Allah had created or allowed a situation to exist in where the ratio of men and women in world population was 1:1, then polygamous marriages wouldn’t have necessary. But the fact of the matter is that due to wars (in the last century, I don’t think there was a single year where there wasn’t an armed conflict going on somewhere in world), difference in the average age expectancy between the sexes and the lesser natural likelihood ratio of the creation of XY chromosomes in a given time period, we have everywhere you go in the world one or a combination of these factors causing population imbalances. For example it is said that there are between 8 and 10 million more females than males in the USA!

 

Therefore Islam is an open-minded religion which recognises these social problems, and allows men to marry more than one wife instead of facing the dangerous epidemics of secret and illegal extramarital affairs with the subsequent right-less women and children, immoral same-sex relationships and other no less dangerous psychological side-effects associated with the depression of going trough life in a singledom fashion despite all the biological clocks.

 

Therefore, in Islam, we accept that the right of women to have husband and children overrides the right of women to demand monogamous marriages. If you agree with me there, we can even go further and say that if there were three other women with no prospects of finding a husband within a foreseeable future, and you refused for your husband to marry the other three women with you, then, for the good of the society he should divorce you and marry the other three. It shouldn’t actually be the case if you were less selfish and egocentric, and accepted Allah commandments and showed patience and faith. Why faith? Because it was our Prophet (peace be upon him) who said: “none of you truly believed if don’t love for your brother/sister what you love for yourself†(if I remember it correctly). However you don’t need to worry much, because if an event took place and it happened other way around, just as it happened when the Muhaajiruun arrived in Madinah and they created a disequilibrium in the population ration in favour the males, it became the Sunnah for those Ansaar who were married to more than one wife, to divorce one or more wives for them. This is because in Islam, the collective interest outweighs the personal emotions involved in such cases.

 

Opposition on the basis of mere principled mentality is a dangerous one, and can be overcome with strong faith in Allah and understanding. I went to Catholic primary and secondary schools in Holland and suffered from mentality stoppages caused by false doctrines which conditioned me and confused me, but I got rid of it over time. My advice would be give not your feelings free reign to control and bias your thinking pattern, and make sure you always know what and why you are doing what you’re doing.

 

Brother Muhammad Howell - Niinka Cadaan,

First of all jazaakal-Laahu khayran for your efforts, but two things I wish to share with you:

 

1) when you add “Niinka Cadaan†behind your name, I presume that you mean to say “nin(ka) cad†which means (white guy) or “nin(ka) cadaanka ahâ€/ “ninkii cadaa†(the white guy). Thus either way, your spelling is wrong or your spelling and grammar both are wrong, so please double-check.

 

2) Please reconsider your stances on the use of unnecessary pictures, so you may not become as one of “us†negligent muslims who have compromised such important and serious issues, like the use of lifeless images (without duruuriyaat) which are so strongly condemned in Islam. It serves no real purpose to have your picture on the forum, if the point is to be recognised as non-Somali “nin cadaan ahâ€, then by all means just show us a picture of your hands. Set an example so that others may feel ashamed (if such thing still exist) and follow your lead.

 

3) about Shaafici and what you call Somali ideology, it’s not that simple!!!

 

Again jazaakal-Laahu khayran.

[Johnny B]

Dear Rahima ! Please before you throw the towel due to the massive pressure and go

aight.. bring on the other chick and subside to beeing the 2nd 3rd or 4th choice!!

 

think again .. and ask yourself WHY?

[Baluug]

Originally posted by Shams-ud-Din:

If Allah had created or allowed a situation to exist in where the ratio of men and women in world population was 1:1, then polygamous marriages wouldn’t have necessary. But the fact of the matter is that due to wars (in the last century, I don’t think there was a single year where there wasn’t an armed conflict going on somewhere in world), difference in the average age expectancy between the sexes and the lesser natural likelihood ratio of the creation of XY chromosomes in a given time period, we have everywhere you go in the world one or a combination of these factors causing population imbalances. For example it is said that there are between 8 and 10 million more females than males in the USA!

Not to mention all the qaniises in North America and Europe.

[Rahima]

Shamsu-diin, thanks for the post walaal, but you may of have missed it but I have already stated:

 

Brother I fully understand that there are positives to polygyny. Allah would not of have made it permissible if there weren’t, but at the same time (as was my point all the way through) I do not have to like it for myself.

I know the positives and I don’t really need you to tell me. That said I also don’t need anyone to accept my reasons. My reason of just because I don’t want it is good enough in the sight of Islam, so for me that is enough. I don't look for acceptance of my religion from other mere mortals. You are as equal as I, so in all fairness why should i care what any of you think of my piety (or supposed lack of it)?

 

The other thing is, please don’t play the there aren’t enough men out there card. There are plenty of men, they harass us everywhere we go and on the phone every living moment, the problem though might be that they don’t match up to the standards the sisters are looking for. Perhaps you enlightened brothers should stop busying yourselves with convincing me or judging whether or not my reasons are good enough and do dacwa to the men who sit around at the mukhaayado doing nothing but be seen as useless men by the sisters.

 

We don’t need to go into a hypothetical here. This is reality. Men are everywhere, we are yet to reach the 50:1 ratio so please lets cut this reasoning, it doesn’t hold much water yet. Also, almost every man who wants more than wife is thinking with anatomy besides his brain. They are not thinking about the good of the ummah or those poor husbandless sisters :rolleyes: . Please, who are we kidding. Just look at the Somali men if you want an example. Perhaps you enlightened brothers should stop busying yourselves with convincing me or judging whether or not my reasons are good enough and do dacwa to the men about the need for proper intention.

 

If you agree with me there, we can even go further and say that if there were three other women with no prospects of finding a husband within a foreseeable future, and you refused for your husband to marry the other three women with you, then, for the good of the society he should divorce you and marry the other three.

Dude I never said that I would refuse for my husband to marry all four (obviously you have not read properly). Don’t twist my words ina adeer. He can marry four if he wants, but he sure as hell will not be married to me at the same time. It is his choice.

 

It shouldn’t actually be the case if you were less selfish and egocentric, and accepted Allah commandments and showed patience and faith. Why faith? Because it was our Prophet (peace be upon him) who said: “none of you truly believed if don’t love for your brother/sister what you love for yourself†(if I remember it correctly).

So I’m selfish and egocentric because I want to exercise my God-given right :rolleyes: . You see this is the exact reason why I get irritated by some men. But for the sake of my diin I’ll refrain from participating in an insulting match. Think as you may, but at the very least practice what you preach. You love that others do not stand in the way of you exercising your God-given right, therefore perhaps you should give others (namely I) the same courtesy, that is of course if you believe .

 

Opposition on the basis of mere principled mentality is a dangerous one, and can be overcome with strong faith in Allah and understanding. I went to Catholic primary and secondary schools in Holland and suffered from mentality stoppages caused by false doctrines which conditioned me and confused me, but I got rid of it over time. My advice would be give not your feelings free reign to control and bias your thinking pattern, and make sure you always know what and why you are doing what you’re doing.

Oh Thank-you (I would never use JZK in a jest). I mean of course I’m going to take advice from someone who in one post referred to me as:

 

Selfish,

Egocentric,

Lacking in strong Faith and

Lacking in understanding.

 

:rolleyes:

 

Opposition for any reason is good enough. I don't like the colour orange (don't gasp girls) and i don't like to be in a polygenous marriage.

 

To sum it up my dear dear brother- This is my right and I don’t need to please any person or give any of you legitimate reasons for my disapproval for me. Just because is my reason.

 

Dear Rahima ! Please before you throw the towel due to the massive pressure and go

aight.. bring on the other chick and subside to beeing the 2nd 3rd or 4th choice!!

I’m confused JB, I don’t know what you mean by the chick (which mind you is degrading when used by a man), subside thing. But I was trying to leave this thread because you male nomads are just not getting it.

 

Yes Rahima it is your right but….

 

What But, it’s none of your business, it is my right. Simple, end of story.

 

I also wanted to leave thanks to posts like that above yours. Yes the brothers are all high and mighty, perfectly pious mashallah and we women, oh we are trials, we are wicked, may Allah save our brothers from the wicked Xalima :rolleyes: .

[Fanisha]

Originally posted by Rahima:

^ That is why women should always have a backup plan. Always have your own account of savings I say, save your meher I say (be sure to get it first) and be sure to get a suitable education which you can fall back on in the event that you do not want to be in such a marriage.

 

I think for us in the west it is wrong to be married to a man because you feel that you cannot support yourself otherwise.

 

I feel and understand the plight of such sisters in countries like Somalia for they really are between a rock and a hard place. But for those of us in the west and who have the opportunity to gain an education, I don’t need financial security from a man, therefore inshallah I will not stay for food and shelter.

Exactly. afkaaga caano lagu qabey . Hadeyna hooyo iyo aabo kuu joogin you must always have plan B (some savings) , specialy if you have children. I wouldn't advise anyone I know to stay in an unhappy marriage for the sake of the kids