Marry a virgin sister or settle for someone else?

[USSR]

All I hear is BLAH BLAH BLAH.......My Question was Simple! You didn't have to bore me with what the religion says! believe me I KNOW!! But what I want to know is HOW CAN YOU MARRY HIM/HER IF YOU DIDN't Taste what they had to offer?????????????

 

and to MnKID?......... Let me ask you,you arent a virgin but your future wife has to be one?? And where did you loose your virginity??

I dont understand that guys wanna marry a virgin but they keep on having sex with girls..

So there are girls to have sex with and there are girls to marry..Is it like that?

Please explain it to me. and PLZ DONT TELL ME YOUR VIRGIN!!

 

[LadyFatima]

USSR.........What does marriage mean to you?? Plzzz Tell me?

 

 

Thx......

[Hana1]

Yo USSR STARLIGHT is trying to tell you something really educating instead of saying BLAH BLAH BLAH tell her mansha Allah for trying to educate u.

And you saying that how can you marry her if you didnt taste what they had to offer well hey she was gonna marry your ass without tasting what you have to give although i dont think it is much.lol.

But if our fore fathers and your father it did it, it shouldnt be that hard for you now is it.

Besides i think that Lady FAtima has a good point there what is Marriage to you??

Is it just good SEX???

 

 

[This message has been edited by Hana1 (edited 12-10-2001).]

[Jujubes]

Who cares if a person is a virgin when personality exceeds (instantly and eventually) far beyond anything physical. Why should anybody judge another when we're full of flaws ourselves? Why should anybody judge a non-virgin when he/she knocked (and is still knocking) enough boots? As a girl, I will not ask a guy how many girls he's been with (this is not to say that I'll not be curious to know) and I would definitely expect him to do the same thing. That's always been my philosophy in life. Let bigones be bigones. The past sexual life of someone has NO RELEVANCE in how the union of two people is shaped. For men who want to marry a virgin, that's no problem just as long as you make sure YOU REMAIN THE SAME. But it's obvious that PIG and OUT OF LOVE are not talking equality here so I can only conclude this way "A PIG IS OUT OF LOVE", that's for sure.

[2real]

jujubes.....isdagi!

[Rising Phoenix]

Hhm, interesting topic.

 

Reading through the past posts, I can see there seems to be a large amount of double standards going on. It seems most of our Somali brothers want to marry a virgin , yet these same guys are running around “deflowering” many other girls when they’re still in their “having fun” times. When these brothers are dating a girl who they do not want to marry, they expect her to sleep with them, and when she refuses, often the girl is called “frigid” or a “tease”, and is promptly got rid off. This practice often has an unsettling effect on the young lady in question, often hurting them to no end because they got attached. Comments such as “Somali girls do not comply to our needs” are often flung about, especially when these guilty Somali brothers find their “solace” in White, Black etc girls.

In this case, Peer Pressure is not an option, because Somali girls do not feel the pressure from their Peers, but from their boyfriends, who often have their own set of demands for the girlfriend to meet.

Yet when these same brothers are looking for marriage material, all of a sudden the girl has to be decent and most of all a virgin .

 

Also, the practice of hiding behind the diin seems to occur quite often. When issues such as this come up, some of our Somali brothers delight in mentioning that Muslim Law states girls to stay virgins until marriage. My question to these guilty brothers is then; if you know the Quran so well, why do you insist on “deflowering” girls when just looking for some “fun”? The Quran states quite clearly that both parties should be virgins when stepping into marriage. The Islam way of living is not a part-time phenomenon: You either live it 24/7 or stray down the Devil’s path. Multiple choices are not available here, I am afraid.

 

Staying a virgin has many benefits for every one. You only have to look at the statistics of sexually transmitted diseases within the Somali community and the figures are appalling. Now whether this down to pure ignorance or being uneducated I dont know, but young Men AND Women seem to be loosing the path Allah carved out for us, which is a great shame, really.

 

So my final comment to those guilty brothers (and you know who you are! There is nowhere to hide) is: Don’t be the pot that calls the kettle black and look a little closer to home before giving unneeded advice…

 

Of course, I am not generalising and these are only my opinions…

 

~Harmonyangel~

[BN]

What do you guys think of the BBC report posted by LadyFatima? Here's a piece from the article:

 

Sex dilemma

 

But with young Egyptians having to put off marriage as they struggle to find the money to pay for it, sex has become a major dilemma for many couples.

Some now resort to controversial, unofficial "'urfi" marriages, in which they sign documents declaring themselves man and wife without telling their families.

 

Many clerics are against a device that is essentially a cover for pre-marital sex.

 

But the phenomenon is believed to be spreading.

 

"It's young people's way of trying to legitimising what is socially illegitimate," says social researcher Sahar Tawila.

_______________________________________________________________

 

I have never heard of this in Somali culture(interesting idea though ), but please don't tell me that Somalis back home didn't have sex before marriage. That probably went on a lot in the 1970's and 80's.

 

Just my $0.02 CDN

 

http://news.bbc.co.uk/hi/english/world/middle_east/newsid_1314000/1314090.stm

[Blessed]

Bari Nomad

 

I've recently heard of something they call 'qudbo sir' practiced by somalis. You get married as you described and when ppl find out your automatically divorced. Apperently there are so called sheikhs that approve of this.

 

Why not just get married the proper way??

 

 

On the issue.. Is upto ya'll if you want to disrespect Allah and face some dire consequences. I guess, your old enough to know and decide.

 

In saying so, I note that a number of ya'll are advocating something which is xaraam. This is a major sin, please pay attention to what you write as there are minors on this site.

[BORN_BRANIAC]

How do you feel about being a virgin? In today's world, where sex sells and "everybody's doing it," not having sex feels powerful to some women but isolating to others. Whether you're waiting for the right guy, holding out for marriage or you're ready but haven't taken that big step yet.

[dhiirane]

asalamu alaykum

 

I think there is nothing wrong if u want to marry a virgin as long as u r virgin 2

but it is better to judge the sister by her standards not her past sexual life

For USSR Allah mercy on ya

[NASSRA]

WOW nice topic

WHY SOMALIAN GUYS ONLY WANNA MARRY VIRGIN GURLS....I MEAN I REALIZED EVERY GUY WANT TO BE THE FIRST MAN IN HER LIVE I MEAN SEXUALLY.... BUT US WOMEN DONT REALLY CARE ABOUT THAT....SO GUYS IS OKAY TO HAVE SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE AND WOMEN CANT.... THAT MY QUETION??????

[LayZie G.]

HarmonyAngel hit the nail on this one...

 

 

SEX SHOULD NEVER BE A BARGAIN IN A RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN COUPLES...

 

 

ON THE OTHER HAND, WOMEN SHOULDN'T GO AROUND AND GIVING OUT FALSE HOPES TO THEIR MEN UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE.( ESPECIALLY WHEN THE RELATIONSHIP IS JUST STARTING OUT)

 

IF YOU PPLE DON'T WANT TO HAVE SEX, LET YOUR INTENTIONS BE KNOWN AHEAD OF TIME...(DON't WAIT UP UNTIL U ARE IN THE "MAKE OUT FACE" TO LET YOUR MAN OR WOMAN KNOW THAT U HAVE NO INTENTIONS OF GOING FURTHER THAN THAT)

 

 

..and LADIES, THE BLAME SHOULD GO BOTH WAYS...

 

MEN DIDN'T ALL OF A SUDDEN WAKE UP ONE DAY AND DECIDED TO "MARRY A VIRGIN BUT MEANWHILE DO THE AVERAGE XALIMO".

 

SOME OF Y'ALL WOMEN DID THIS TO YOURSELVES, Y'ALL ARE THE ONES OUT THERE WHO CAN'T MAKE UP YOUR MINDS AND CONFUSING THE MEN, NOT SAYING ALL OF YOU WOMEN, BUT SOME OF YOU...

 

WOMEN ARE THE ONES WHO CAN'T BE TRUTHFUL TO THE MEN IN THEIR LIVES, INSTEAD THEY TRY TO PLEASE THEM WITH LIES AND DESPERATION AND THOSE SAME LIES END UP WITH THE BOTH OF THEM BEING IN BED, THEN ITS "DEAL WITH THE CONSEQUENCE"...

 

UNLESS A WOMAN IS A RAPE VICTIM, SHE SHOULDN'T GO AROUND CRYING BOUT HOW SHE WAS PLAYED FOR A FOOL FOR GETTING PREGNANT...ITS YOUR STUPIDITY THAT PUMPED YOUR BELLY UP, NOT THE MAN...

 

NO ONE TOLD U TO DISREGARD YOUR RELIGION, THEN BE STUPID ABOUT IT BY NOT USING PROTECTION...

 

MEN AREN'T CAPABLE OF BEING RESPONSIBLE FOR THEMSELVES, U CANT EXPECT A MAN TO HOLD HIS OWN GROWN AND STILL MAKE SURE HE WATCHES OUT FOR U AND TELL U, "HEY USE PROTECTION OK"...

 

A BIG NO.NO NO..AND THOSE OF U WHO ARE SEXUALLY ACTIVE, BE RESPONSIBLE AND DEAL WITH ALLAH.

 

 

IF YOU PPLE DECIDE TO HAVE PRE-MARITAL SEX, SMARTEN UP AND USE PROTECTION...HOW HARD IS IT FOR TWO PPLE TO GET CONDOMS AND GET ON THE PILL...

 

AND I KNOW SOME OF Y'ALL ARE THINKING, "PREGNANCY PILLS??" YES, IF A FEMALE DECIDES TO HAVE SEX AND SHE IS INFACT MUSLIM, SHE MIGHT AS WELL GET ON THE PILL SO HER CHANCES OF GETTING PREGNANT CAN BE REDUCED EVEN THOUGH PREGNANCY PILLS ARE SINFUL (NOT BULLET PROOF), BUT SO IS PRE-MARITAL SEX...IF SHE IS COMMITTING THE GREATEST SIN OF ALL, WHY WOULD SHE WANT TO BE REMINDED OF IT???

[Rising Phoenix]

LazieGirl, thank you for the compliment...much appreciated...

 

But there is one thing...

AND I KNOW SOME OF Y'ALL ARE THINKING, "PREGNANCY PILLS??" YES, IF A FEMALE DECIDES TO HAVE SEX AND SHE IS INFACT MUSLIM, SHE MIGHT AS WELL GET ON THE PILL SO HER CHANCES OF GETTING PREGNANT CAN BE REDUCED EVEN THOUGH PREGNANCY PILLS ARE SINFUL

Pregnancy Pills are NOT Sinful. In the Quran it clearly states that there must be a minumum of TWO years between the ages of your children. Consequently, you have a choice:(A) either the husband/wife leaves and reappears after two years, (B) you dont touch eachother for two years © use the pill

 

Its up to you, and I guess there are individual differences...but I know which one I would choose.

 

There is a lot of miss-information and general ignorance concerning the Quran. But the information is there; just pick up the Book and read...

 

~harmonyangel~

[finestsista2005]

Hi guys, You know what i do agree with most of the ladies. Any guy who expect his lady to be vargin should abstain from sex. If that brother is having sex telling lie to the ladies he is with and think he be getting vargin girl...think again. I heard the saying allah finds good people to marry good people and bad people marry bad people..... So u probably marry someone like you.

 

Ussr....so you saying you won't marry a girl unless you know how good she is. Well, how many relationships have great sex but doeeeeees that keep them together nooooooooo. How would you feel the girl who bought you amazing pleasur only in that sence but she is horrible in everything else even as a person. It's all about being mentally conected. Being fulfilled emotionally and physically follows it after marriage.

 

Ussr....if u want to be fulfilled....in ur marriage...don't try the sweet before hand...but teach her the your wayz....after "hallal". Aright.

 

Ladiiiiiiiiiies..pls.....i love ur knowledge and wisdom....keep ur legs tight...and all the smart brotherz....keep ur pants up!