Somali marriage breakdowns: Interesting Article

[- Femme -]

Somali marriage breakdowns first became frequent in the early 1990s when thousands of Somalis fled the civil strife and political upheaval in their country. Back in Somalia, the commitment to marriage was so strong that divorce was practically unheard of. But migrants to Europe found that the new culture meant that they faced rigorous challenges. Marriage became less valuable.

 

In a survey conducted for this article, 78 Somalis of different sexes and ages, both married and single, were asked to give their views on the main causes of marriage breakdowns within the UK’s Somali community.

 

 

Family counselling for the Somali community in London [ enlarge ]

 

The new culture was not supportive of traditional marriage customs, the interviewees felt. External cultural influences were the main reason given for marriage break-ups (76%). The rest of the interviewees (34%) blamed the economic independence of the diaspora women.

 

28% blamed khat, a green narcotic leaf widely chewed by the Somalis. Khat was illegal in Somalia from 1983 until 1991 when the regime that banned it was overthrown. In the UK, where it can be purchased legally, it is widely believed that the substance causes financial hardship and sexual impotence.

 

Interestingly, nearly half (46%) said Somali marriages in the diaspora were simply not strongly rooted in a committed relationship. When asked what the most common reasons for getting married were, 53% considered love as the starting point, while a staggering 44% said that Somalis in the diaspora married for financial reasons.

 

As to who was to blame, women or men, interviewees split on gender lines: 70% of the women blamed men’s failure to adapt to the new environment; 74% of the men blamed either the host culture, or the women for adapting to it.

 

Women’s financial independence

 

‘This does not mean everybody is forgetting our history,’ insists Ahmed Mohamed Wasuge, a linguistics professor from the former Somali Faculty of Languages, who is now a refugee in London. But he admits that the situation is worrying. He has been trying to mediate between troubled Somali couples. ‘Of the twenty families I have intervened in, only nine are still married.’ He sees the root of the problem as lying in the fact that Somali women are refusing to respect their tradition and religion. ‘A man feels guilty when he cannot pay the bill, and our women see this as a victory over men.’ He himself is married for the fourth time, and has six children.

 

In his report on Somali refugees in London, Dr Anthony Olden, of London’s Thames Valley University, agrees that the balance of power between husbands and wives within Somali families of the diaspora has changed. ‘Women find that they now control the family finances because social welfare payments are channelled through them. This alters the relationship between them and their partners, particularly if the man is out of work,’ he concludes in his report.

 

But according to Professor Wasuge, the largest source of income in contention between spouses falls outside the welfare system. Most Somali women living in Europe benefit from an interest-free loan system. Shalongo, as it is known in Somali, involves large sums of money, managed centrally, which circulate within a fixed number of women. The Shalongo can raise between £5,000 and £12,000 annually for a woman who needs it – depending on how much is invested. This sum has to be repaid in instalments over an agreed period of no less than a year.

 

Women and children account for the highest number of Somalis who migrate to the UK. Men often opt to stay, either to look after properties left behind, or to fight along side their clansmen, politically or militarily. Many such women either divorce their husbands immediately on arrival, in order to start a new life, or do so a few years later, when their applications for family reunion are turned down.

 

Farayare admits that external influences played a part in the deterioration of the relationship. ‘Men should learn how to cook, do the laundry and change the nappies,’ she says with a chuckle. Back home, Somali men would never have been required to share in the housework.

 

Fellow single mother Shakur agrees with Farayare: Somali men should accept the European way of life. ‘This is a husband and wife meeting their family duties,’ she says. ‘Men should cook, wash the dishes, and do the ironing if the wife seems to be busy on something else. This is nothing to be ashamed of.’

 

Shakur does not accept that the effect of the move to a new culture has pushed Somali men to the wall. ‘Somali men are known to rate themselves very highly and are mentally robust,’ she says. ‘They are using religion as a scapegoat when they say that women are abandoning Islam. This is the way this country is, and we should adapt to it,’ she concludes.

 

‘Women should avoid marrying men for money and looks. What is important is his intelligence and his behaviour in the family,’ she says. ‘As to whether I will marry again…no comment! But of course I need a man.’

[QUANTUM LEAP]

Shaabs I like this article....it surely says alot about the causes of marriage failures. The changes that have taken place as a result of migration and different cultural environments have certainly taken their toll or marriages especially not so strong rooted relationships.

 

The following are points that I liked about the article.

 

The new culture was not supportive of traditional marriage customs, the interviewees felt. External cultural influences were the main reason given for marriage break-ups (76%). The rest of the interviewees (34%) blamed the economic independence of the diaspora women.

 

28% blamed khat, a green narcotic leaf widely chewed by the Somalis. Khat was illegal in Somalia from 1983 until 1991 when the regime that banned it was overthrown. In the UK, where it can be purchased legally, it is widely believed that the substance causes financial hardship and sexual impotence.

 

Interestingly, nearly half (46%) said Somali marriages in the diaspora were simply not strongly rooted in a committed relationship. When asked what the most common reasons for getting married were, 53% considered love as the starting point, while a staggering 44% said that Somalis in the diaspora married for financial reasons.

Thanks Shaabs