Do You Believe in Polygamy?

[Salafi_Online]

Innalhamdulillah...wa salamu alaykum

 

Sis OG...U fail to realize the discussion at hand here... No one disputes Polygamy...

 

we are saying...if a men marries a women....then wishes to marry a second...does the first wife have the right to ask for divorce?...is this a legitimate reason for divorce...cause she doesnt want him to marry again...

 

thats what we are discussing! Not if Polygamy is from islam or not! or the conditions to polygamy...we are discussing divorce!

[OG_Girl]

Salafi, don't run now... read what u replied to me last time. plus sister Bulo did the job and more too...that issue i will leave to her.

 

But I am discussing with u that what ever Polygamy is with out regulation or not!!.. so stop making Islam look bad an unjustice coz Islam only Religion gave woman more rights than any law written plus. by the way since bulo doing the job I just add one thing since i am Share'a (Islamic Law) student In kuwait is allowed woman ask divorce if she doesn't want be to remind his wife after he marry another.

 

All I am saying provide logic reasons or stop making Islam look bad.

 

Salam

[bilan]

salam

when some women deny that their husband to take second wife, is not because they do not believe the ayah, and the example is fatima the daughter of the prophet refused ali(ra) to marry the daughter of abu-jahal, so ali never married another woman till fatima died, that is evidence that woman has the right to refuse their husband to marry second wife. also what will make woman to be unjust towards their husband, i do not think you need to be woman to know that, when prophet asked to marry um salma she said i'm very jelousy woman and you have other wives, i'm afraid i will do things that will make you angry, and Allah will punish me because of that, so prophet made du'a for her sake.for you to say that it is not neccessary for woman to ask divorce on the grounds that her husband took second wife, is beyond me, first you are not in that position to judge whether it causes her any harm emotionally, or it harms her religion,because everyone has a limit, and different people have different capacity.secondly where is your proof? i gave you the proof that women can buy their divorce if they feel they do not like their husband even if this husband does not mistreat her, and has both good character and religion, what is greater reason not to like one's husband than taking second wife?!!.

[OG_Girl]

Bulo, thanks sister . seems his manhood pride took over him and he doesn't want to admit.

 

Salafi, first and foremost I believe in the Quraan 100%. And I see at as a guideline from Allah (SWT) to his people, it is Universal and Islam is the ideal way of life. Allah (SWT) was, has and will ever BE kind and fair to his people, His decree does not favour one from the other whether difference in colour or sex or otherwise. Talking about Islam with out understanding doesn't take us any where ( u see how moslims r).

 

In the matter we are arguing now I see your interpratation as not the clear reflection, but as one which is commonly used by Men who want to manipulate the rights of the opposite sex. We could keep on arguing and never come to a mutual consent, cause for me though I see Pologamy as permisable in Islam it has and come with condition that safeguard the rights of women in Islam.

 

While you on the other hand have taken the point only where it is said that it is permitted and disregarded the conditions attached therefore denying the rights of the very people your are to be protecting.

 

What u saying as sister bulo already pointed where is justice for woman??!!If she doesn't want to be with him after he married other woman, so she have no other right?hmm some how doesn't click!!.

salam

 

salam

[Reality Check]

Hmmm..Polygomy..in my marriage? I think not!

 

 

Ladies, make sure that you have that in your contract!

[Valenteenah.]

Bulo n OG-girl...May Allah bless you!!!

[Qac Qaac]

ppl we shouldn't be arguing about islam. as i know 4 sure no one is a scholar here..

 

OG girl u don't agree with the bro, no need to attack him personally... with comments like, did u swallow your man pride.. that is un call for.

 

as for me in this topic i decided to shut my mouth. i am too exprienced now, and know who to debate and who not to debate with...

 

D.A. come on, i thought u were a lot smarter than this... don't u know contracts are meant to be broken... no offense, biyo qaboow cab b4 aad xanaaqin.

[Rahima]

QQ,

 

What are you talking about brother ? C'mon now, you know better than that for Rasuallah s.a.w said:

 

"Ahaqqu maa aufaitum min ash-shurooti maa istahlaltum bihi al-furooj."

"The conditions which you have the most duty to fulfill are those by which you have made marital relations lawful." Bukhari & Muslim

 

 

and don't forget the sign of the hypocrite is that he breaks his contracts.

 

Let's hope you retract from that statement there

[HONEY-D]

MIZZ-Unique

 

 

Honey D...He wont be with his kids 24/7 anywayz now that he is married to another female, they will be seeing less of him if they like it or not.

Question then becomes personal: meaning if I was to put myself through the torture or be happy with out him? one might suffer from a low self esteem and think less of themselves(thinking they would never find themselves another man)and live with him, unhappy and miserable. Or one might just leave.

I can understand you want to protect yourself from getting hurt But what about your children they too are the victims often left with so many unexplained questions shouldnt you be taking their feelings into consideration.

 

 

to answer ur question on kids missing out on their dad> Dont u think the other woman might actually bare children for him too, again he would be bound to be between houses unless u are willing to let Her share ur home too . Kids can have a father figure if u remarry(trust me most step fahter are good with step children)

Not all children get alone with their step fathers and vice versa you cant assume things will workout.

 

at the end it comes to personal choice ..and if he adored his kids so much why leave them?

Like i said B4 every human being has a weakness lets say this is one of his weaknesses.

 

I'm not saying you shouldnt act what you think is right for both parts but i'm more concern about the welfare of the children.

 

 

also 4 the sisters who only think, men marries another women because of desire, u guys are not quit right. he might marry her, 4 alot of other reasons, it could be 4 money, family member, his brother's wife after his brother passed away. he could marry her to help this women with her kids, so the kids don't feel with out father figure at home.

I totally disagree its all to do with pleasure period.

[HONEY-D]

Originally posted by Qac Qaac:

OG girl u don't agree with the bro, no need to attack him personally... with comments like, did u swallow your man pride.. that is un call for.

 

D.A. come on, i thought u were a lot smarter than this... don't u know contracts are meant to be broken... no offense, biyo qaboow cab b4 aad xanaaqin.

Practice what you preach you cant accuse one for being rude whilst you insult another.

[NGONGE]

I’m not going to get bogged down in the religious discussion because by the look of it, and having read most of this thread, you guys are too emotional and angry (both sides). If you think the person on the other side is wrong, try to reason with them, try to work on your articulation of your point of view. If you start belittling each other’s comments and use putdowns and insults about each other’s intellect, the topic will get nowhere. Furthermore, one of you will sooner or later fall into the realms of “thanb/sin”. Lets try to be calmer and give the other side the benefit of the doubt. If they refuse what you believe to be the absolute truth, then maybe they’re misguided, maybe you didn’t explain your view clearly, maybe just maybe, you’re wrong! We’re all adults, we’re all Muslim and we should start giving each other the benefit of the doubt here, people.

 

My only comment on this issue regards one of the sisters on here saying that having multiple wives is not right in THIS day and age! (Or something along these lines anyway).

 

Surely “This day and age” has nothing to do with it! People change, cultures change, fashions change but Islam is the only constant. What was Halal and accepted practice back then has no reason not to be Halal and an accepted practice now too.

 

I personally, at this point in time, would not consider marrying another wife but (and this is in reply to the points about wars and there being more women than men in the past), isn’t that also the case now for the Somali community?

 

There is huge numbers of single mothers around; there are large numbers of single girls who are getting older by the day with no husbands in sight! Then there are all those women back home with also no husbands other than the old age pensioners! Some would argue that those single mothers are that way because they’ve married useless guys who ran off and left them in the lurch, or who were so bad the women had no choice other than to get rid of them. This is probably true in many cases. However, what do you think the response of these single mothers would be if an already married man who is good for his current family, a great father and a great husband to his current wife, proposed to them? I wonder if some of them would not jump at the chance.

Some single mothers say their former husbands were useless and that if they were only half good they would have agreed to stay on with them! What if two women can share a 50% type of husband instead of one woman having a 10% one all to herself and moan about how bad he is?

 

Instinct might say no, but we should not let instincts rule our heads. Like I said earlier, I personally would not contemplate marrying another wife but that’s probably because of the way I’m conditioned. I however, see no reason why others can’t, nor can I see a strong reason why a first wife would disapprove. Of course I don’t know what the future holds and I might change my mind in a few years time and start my search for wife number two, only Allah knows.

I also like to add that I’m not a woman and cannot put myself in a woman’s shoes in this instance and work out why some women would refuse to share!

I’m working from the concept that Somali guys are hardly home anyway.

 

 

I apologise in advance if I offended any of you.

[Strawberry_Xu]

Edited because of double post

[Strawberry_Xu]

NGONGE: Since I said "I think it takes an incredibly tolerant woman in this day and age to concede to such a marriage.", I'll assume you were talking about my post.

 

Well I didn't say that it wasn't 'right', just that more and more women wouldn't accept such a marriage these days. Like you said, times change, and while Islam may remain constant, people however DO change, and may choose not to do things that permissable in Islam but that are also OPTIONAL.

I recognise that there lots of women out there who are more than happy with their husbands marrying another woman, and for whom it is more beneficial than a different kind of marriage.

 

I can understand you want to protect yourself from getting hurt But what about your children they too are the victims often left with so many unexplained questions shouldnt you be taking their feelings into consideration.

...

 

Not all children get alone with their step fathers and vice versa you cant assume things will workout.

First of all, a marriage in which one of the parents is miserable doesn't do the children any favours. A woman may have responsibilities as a mother, but she is not exclusively a mother. She is a person too. A person with desires and needs. The best thing a woman can do for her children, if there's no possibility of working things out satisfactorily, is getting a divorce. At least the children won't have to witness the fights, tension between the two wives and the husband, and stubborn silences every morning at breakfast

 

Also, I'd like to think that any sensible mother before she gets remarried, will ensure that her children like their prospective stepdad. Sure there's a real possibility it won't work out, but again, that's not a reason NOT to get a divorce if she's unhappy with sharing a man with another woman.

 

I think the question of whether the man is obliged to ask the first wife permission shouldn't even come up. Any man who even remotely cares about his wife will respect her feelings.

 

If a wife goes to her husband and says "every day I live in this house with you and another woman will be nothing short of HELL and torture to me".

 

And the man goes out and takes another wife anyway, because he believes like some men on this forum, that he doesn't need her permission. What does that say about the kind of man he is?

[Qac Qaac]

Practice what you preach you cant accuse one for being rude whilst you insult another

Honey D thanks 4 the reminder. i love how u got her back... true loyal.

 

Rahima jiq aa igaga dhigee hayye loool. xadiis biibaayana indhaha waad iga ga dhufatay. waayahay aan ku arko... munaafiq sign waa isiisay.