Older Women, Younger Men, A Terrific Marriage ?

[Nur]

Salaams Nomads

 

In search for the optimum relationship between Somali Men and Somali Women, our organization, e-Nuri Social Engineering Labs endlessly tries ways to obsorb the imbalance between the sexes and to provide practical solutions for the marriage bound crowd for a happy life.

 

e-Nuri Labs presents:

 

Older Women, Younger Men ( Dy No Mite!!!!) Marriage.

 

 

It is said somewhere that men's masculinity peaks at 18 while womens femininty peaks at 33, if that fact is true, than it has a lot of merit because most failed marriages are the reverse, so the discussion on this thread will focus on the age difference between men and women.

 

Our Prophet Muhammad SAS , the examle to emulate in life, his first love was Khadija, 15 years his sinior in age, she was 40 and the Prophet SAWS was 25, and he never married till she died. He loved her so much because she was mature and intelligent and a great lady, the mother of the believers, she consoled him when he was fearful of the responsibility of prophethood, and she provioded the best company any man can wish for, the year of her deat was known as the year of Sorrow.

 

 

Now, coming back to the present, how do we Somali men view the issue of marrying an older lady? and how do Somali women view the idea of marrying a younger man?

 

A young guy in his twenties who fell in love with an older Somali girl told him to get a life, she rediculed the guy, who honestly confided in me that he has a strong respect for her and that he finds her maturity to be the main attraction, besides, he thinks that she can pamper him and take good care of him.

 

e-Nuri Labs had observed that if this trend is accepted in our community, that it will be the best thing that happened to our Nation since the Independence.

 

 

Please share with us your thoughts on this issue.

 

For Somali Women:

 

Would you accept to marry a decent hardworking man 7 years younger than you for a husband? do you feel insecure trhat he may leave you for a younger women in the future?

 

 

For Somali men:

 

Have you ever considered an older (and wiser) woman for a wife? are you afraid that she may be more intelligent than you are, or has better education?

 

 

2004 e-Nuri Social Engineering Labs

We Attack Problems, Not People

[Instinct.Poet]

2004 e-Nuri Social Engineering Labs

We Attack Problems, Not People

lol..Ook..

 

Well very amusing subject,however the idea of marrying some one older has never been the problem

it was the idea of marrying some you can relate with.

It isn't really too bright to say i wana marry someone older but rather someone to understand.

To me in reallity it seems i can't find any relation with any female older than me in 5yrs

becouse lack of understanding one another.

Come'on be realistic, what i'm i gonna say to 40yr old women, "Hi can we hold hands". :eek:

anywho'so as long as you keep it in the range(5yr diffrence) you would be in safe box but anything

beyond or under, your on Ultimate adventurious Ride.

don't get ahead of your self, nor get behind

just keep it in the range...

[Qac Qaac]

Brother Nuur, great topic

 

if the woman is gonna be like Khadija prophet's wife... then yes i would say to your question, which was would u marry a woman older than u 7yrs or more.

 

but the reality says bro, nowadays our women are not like Khadija, and once they see they are older than the man, they might loose respect of their husband, because she sees him as young person, she will be the mother, the wife, the boss of the house, and the man would have no respect around her. so in this case i would say no to an older women in these times.

besides most of the somali women are too strong anyways even if they are younger than u, imagine when she actually has more exprience then u. GOOD LUCK.

[SomeAlien]

no offense or anything but men arent exactly filling mohamed's (peace and blessing from the heavens upon him)shoes, and probably wont anytime soon. im just saying, if youre nervous about being immasculated by a woman older htan you, (which is a justifialble complaint) maybe you should evaluate what you constitute as masculinity. i sincerely doubt the prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) would be constantly worrying about hes "role as a man", "putting his foot down to show whos boss"... i dont know all that seems like the worries of an insecure man. and perhaps some of that props goes ot khadija herself for being a supportive wife but... *trails off*

[LuCkY]

Seven Years :eek: !Um...NO!

[nervous-chic]

Seven years younger than me?

 

eh? not in this life-time...i mean, excuse me, i do love me some R.kelly, but not enough to do it like him? I can not see myself wit a dude younger than me. its hard enough relating to the one's who are my age 'n tryna have sum respect for them, but c'mon, u addin' a donkey's *** when you say someone younger..

I don't know, but i think most women don't feel the need to marry a guy younger because she thinks he is immature and maybe sum do, actually scratch da maybe, YES, some do feel insecure b/c homeboy may and can if the opportunity presents itself, leave her for a younger chicka...I mean why would they wanna be w/ a raggedy ann when they can have a sweet and tasty barbie? ehr...beats me

salaam

[Warrior of Light]

Well I beleive Age aint nothing but a number. Its the persons character, din,... which should matter really.

Its what the two people think and beleive in. Mentioning this topic, my own bro has decided to marry a lady 5 yrs older than him why coz he can relate to her.He needed someone older to understand him. She respects him as a man and the two Inshallah will try to solve their problems mutually.

 

Biologically we all know that men are still in shape till their 70s , us women we differ once menopause hits no children but that shouldnt be issue .Its the ladys wisdom, her character,love which wins the heart and not her age.There are alot of people who have taken the Prophets SAW example and are living happily.

 

Going back qn. to marry a younger guy. I beleive he has to be convincing enough to be mature to even think about.What women fear is the immaturity and the societies eyes n ears.While its a new chance to become young at heart and a mutual companion.

 

Well thats my opinion.

[Ilhaan M.]

Originally posted by sade:

Going back qn. to marry a younger guy. I beleive he has to be convincing enough to be mature to even think about.What women fear is the immaturity and the societies eyes n ears.While its a new chance to become young at heart and a mutual companion.

Assalamu caleykum wr. wb.

Waw Sade, I thought U were a man!!

 

I agree with U that the man has to be mature enough 4me to even think about geting to know him and give him a chance. It's known that girls develop earlier then boys and I suppose that stays with us, atleast 4me, thinking that a man younger is less mature.

 

When the question is asked & I thought about it, waaw 7-years!! I guess thinking back experiences, I have met some older men who were less mature then men younger then me. so I would say it depends on how mature he is, at the end of the day I want some1 I can develope with, some1 to stimulate me intelectually, not another child in the family.

 

Also humans, both men and women, want different things in different stages of life. if the younger man wants to settle down now, he might wake up one day and decide he wants different things in his life, so the best thing would be a man who is older then me, more mature and has a stable life and lots of life experiences.

 

peace

[7_steps_2_Heaven]

brother Nur, even though our prophet (saw) was married to khadiya but he still adviced his young asxaaba to marry some1 who's their age. this is a xadiith, i'm sure it's mentioned in bukhari.

 

anyways...I can't possibly see my-self marrying a guy who's 7yrs younger than me. reason being he could not in anyway satisfy me. every women now wants a man not a boy that needs a mother. right..so therefore the idea is a gross.

 

like underdog said, how can u relate to some1 who is not ur age? what can u do with them?

 

marriage to me it's not just living with some1, you do lot of things together and god knows what we nowdays prefer to do with our partners. but what can u do with a man who is nearly your son's age if u were single mother b4? :eek: :rolleyes: :confused:

 

the situation it's not that bad when a woman marries an older man or man marrying young woman.

[Vanquish_V12]

I think, the situation of the Prophet (pbuh) was a special case, he married for practical reasons including finanacial support. lets face it marrying older woman, is not very practical because if need to have all of children, it aint easy on da old breeds na imean. plus i dont think most females could ever put up with young males. fo me da younger da betta well there is a limit eventually.

 

peez

[Nur]

Nomad Crowd

 

Thank you all for taking time to air your points of view, answers you all echoed back were answers (in the box), I was looking for answers (outa box), because if you think the same way, all the time, you sure will have the same results, and if you are all happy of the state of affairs, marriage and divorce rates in our community, the imbalance of eligible bachelors and bacheloretts, the scattered Somali Community and the distance factor that separates our people (which is what made this site popular) , than the answers that i got reflect that we Somalis want to do the same thing we have done for ages, over and over, yet expect our problems to be go away, a futile excercise ineed.

 

The most convincing arguments favoring a woman marrying a younger husband I read from your responses was a condition of maturity, however, maturity is not defined as it has not international metric system. Is volunteering to share house work, cooking food, baby sitting kids seen as maturity, or a classical ( Qorqode) man?

 

Different strokes for different folks, it is true that we are all different in what we like, or dislike, however, neverthelss we may be wrong in our assesment in the criteria we set for our mate.

 

I know of young lady who refused a younger man for marriage on the pretext that it is not in our Somali culture to marry a younger man, I know the man, extremely intelligent, caring, very kind, jolly, with high moral fiber and character. The man felt humiliated when he was served the rejection notice, but Alhamdulillah, later he found another woman, but the lady is still looking for Mr. Right to this day without success.

 

In my opinion, age should not be a barrier and prejudice that blocks the very advances and steps a young man takes to talk to an older woman, because not all men are attracted to a woman for her looks, there are some men out there who want to live with a woman who can enrich them intellectually even if she is more intelligent and educated than them. Most marriages that fail are based on physical attraction, which is OK, but at the end of the day, you get for what you pay for, an attractive woman in her teens may not quench the intellectual discourse some males would like to have at home, a woman with substance with breadth in many fields that can tie the couple even after the the looks have waned,is what some men are looking for, because if looks alone are what men are looking in a woman, and are threatened to marry a more mature lady, and if women prefer an older (Adeer) man who is more mature than them, then, some Somali young men should consider to marry their college professors for an intellectual enrichmenmt. Imagine marrying your Chrystallography course Lecturer? but again, she is likely not to be a Muslima.

 

 

2004 e-Nuri Social Engineering Labs

Think Different, don't be a housefly!

[Warrior of Light]

Originally posted by Nur:

I read from your responses was a condition of maturity, however, maturity is not defined as it has not international metric system. Is volunteering to share house work, cooking food, baby sitting kids seen as maturity, or a classical ( Qorqode) man?

Bro Nur,

True, there isnt a universal defination to maturity.

Those household chores you listed down are every husbands responsibility if he follows the Prophets sunnah.

When i think of maturity in a younger guy is he has his ideals, reasonable and responsible by his actions. He isnt self absorbed, acts on his whims,arrogant and head strong in unreasonable situations.

[chubacka]

7 years is such a gap!!

I personally would feel so strange....anyway men mature later, so you'd be 60 before he can understand anything you wana say :rolleyes:

[OG_Girl]

Hmm, younger guy? hell no...

I want guy older than me atleast 10 years ...means looking sugar dady

 

salam

[Tuujiye]

LooL I like this..

 

Nur to be honest with you now a days younger guys are dating older sister here in Canada specialy in T.O..is the new thing going on.. this is happening because many young girls are becoming more and more western and some older guys are just plain reer badiyaal..so the young is being atracked to older in both ways from the male side or the female side.

 

I think as we get older we don't realy care more about age, we look more morality than age. there are young men who have everything that could make them a man..

 

To be a MAN doesn't come with age. Being a man means that you are ready to raise a family today and being able to take care of them makes you a man.

 

So there are some women that look for a MAN and some men that are looking for a woman who could take good care of them and could also take care of her house and if that woman happends to be older or younger it shouldn't matter as long as you could build and raise a family with.

 

But as time moves we change

 

take care y'all