This Has to stopp!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Adna]

salaam to all of you

 

I haven't been around lately, but i check the web frequantly. This story makes me angery, yet sad and decided to share ir with you guy's. this brother of mine was married to a close cousin of us, and they were happy with three childre. however, lately they were having some issues wich let to divorce. i don't wanna take any sides, by the wife was the one created the whole problem. now that they are divorced, the wife is claming with government that he is an abuser, an she afraid for helf self and the children. my Question is why Hablihi somlaiyeed ugu bexeen sidan? maxaa keenay in Dumarki Noqdeen ku aanan fiirinayn wanaagooda, iyo ilmahooda mustaqbalkooda, by treating the husband badly? what you guy's think of this problem that faces us.?

[Janna]

Somali women surely are abusing the system and shaming themselves along with their families. Indeed this needs to stop, how can it be achieved? Obviously the woman you have mentioned is doing this out of revenge, since you said it was her fault.

 

Australian Somali's are also facing the same problem. Women threaten to call the police on their husbands. It's a huge dilemma. Also embarrassing. This problem is due to the West. Their so called freedom has landed many brothers in serious problem and facing criminal charges.

 

Can anything be done to stop these mad women? Sadly no and never.

[rudy-Diiriye]

its signs of the time! but time is the teacher!! dont ever forget that!!

[nemo]

this

brother

of mine was married to a close cousin of us, and they were happy with three children. however, lately they were having some issues wich let to divorce.

i don't wanna take sides, by the wife was the one created the whole problem.

ummm sister it friskily sounds that you are taking sides, I mean he is your brother after all. I am not defending this lady or your cousin but I don't beleive for one second that it was only her who created the WHOLE problems all my her self, which led to the divorce. He didn't even contributed to one little thing wrong.....I mean we are not perfect after all.

And yes women are abusing the system and its sad when it is family aswell.

[nemo]

Can anything be done to stop these mad women? Sadly no and never.

Yes, take them back to somalia and we will see the so call system they cry out to.

hehehe.....

[RendezVous]

This is the link that is NEVER seen by many

 

I think this is one nice topic to discuss on

 

Go on guyz...

 

Talk about the following:

 

What is marriage In the first place:

What it takes to marry

What qualities fo u look in marrying someone

What are the Islamic ethics concerning marraige

Can u feel HAPPY with each other...

Do u both love children?

Do u love the character of one another

Do u love one another...

Why should you cause an alarm...

What brings problem...

 

You will find that above all this...

 

This is the link that is NEVER seen by many

[Born Friday]

I haven't been around lately, but i check the web frequantly. This story makes me angery, yet sad and decided to share ir with you guy's. this brother of mine was married to a close cousin of us, and they were happy with three childre. however, lately they were having some issues wich let to divorce. i don't wanna take any sides, by the wife was the one created the whole problem. now that they are divorced, the wife is claming with government that he is an abuser, an she afraid for helf self and the children. my Question is why Hablihi somlaiyeed ugu bexeen sidan? maxaa keenay in Dumarki Noqdeen ku aanan fiirinayn wanaagooda, iyo ilmahooda mustaqbalkooda, by treating the husband badly? what you guy's think of this problem that faces us.?

It truly is sad when a family breaks down, but we should not be quick to judge all somali women. No one likes for their whole lives to be dragged through the mud. You have to ask yourself, what has she got to gain by claiming the husband was abusing her! Domestic violence is a serious issue and it should not be taken lightly. Intimidation, bullying etc all come under violence. But jumping to conclusions and labeling the parties involved "especially women" as bitter and bad women is not helpful. If she indeed is just being vendictive and he is innocent "xaq" will prevail and if not, it's up to the courts to investigate and decide.

[- Femme -]

i don't wanna take any sides, by the wife was the one created the whole problem. now that they are divorced, the wife is claming with government that he is an abuser, an she afraid for helf self and the children.

I understand that family matters can cloud ur judgement and demand ur loyalties at times but u have to know that ur not GOD, and therefore would not KNOW anything of what REALLY happened in THEIR marraige unless you were living with them and attached to them 24/7. How do you know ur brother didnt kick or punch her around? By his word only? Hmmmmm.

 

You don't know, so don't judge sister. She might be the one who caused the problems and she might have done him wrong by calling the cops or whatnot, but there is always the possibility that he WAS was knocking her around. The point is u weren't there, u don't know, and u shouldn't go around with rumours and such (not saying that u are now).

 

Domestic abuse is a serious business and not a cultural tradition to be swept under the rug. It's as serious as possibly imprisoning an innocent man. Look at both sides of the coin with an objective heart & eye and u can't go wrong.

 

P.S. Yeah. I got the cap lock disease. Sue me.

[Pucca]

sounds like the usual toronto issues, nothing new about it. I think i've heard more than 50 cases where the wife called the police on her husband and the guy ends up locked up behind bars and some are beaten by police.

 

the lies these women will say to get their way and how innocent they act. Shoot...they need to wake up and realize that they're only hurting themselves, she aint got no job and now with the husband locked up; who's gonna provide?

 

i can totally understand those women who actually are being abused and call the police (but really, just how many of them are really being abused?).

 

it is a serious problem in the community and the somali mothers need to get out of the "i'm a free women" box, cuz it aint real.

[makalajabti]

I agree with Scarlet,maybe he was violent afterwards. You know the saying: "there is what she says, there is what he says and there is the TRUTH".

My advice for you is to go and see her, have a chat with your ex-sister in law and ask her nicely why she is making these kind of ugly accusations. She will tell you her side of the story maybe your brother has a dark side you don't know.

Try to find a solution to their problems by convincing them to meet up and discuss the matter for their children's sake. She may stop the process after all, if she is lying she will never confess it to you but she may regret her previous actions and be reasonable.

[Khayr]

Don't we often assume that the the 'Husband' in these situations is Guilty until Proven Innocent.

 

I think that we live in a pro-fem culture and times which propagates these attitudes. These attitudes and prejudices have changed the defined roles of husband and wife. The Victim has to be Saved at ALL COSTS. No matter if the family is broken up, broken apart etc. The children's mental well being is never prioritized in these domestic situations. Domestic disputes are no longer mediated but rather litigated.

 

P.S. I am tired and severly lacking sleep, so excuse any mistakes in my writing.

[Reality Check]

Originally posted by Adna:

salaam to all of you

 

the wife is claming with government that he is an abuser, an she afraid for helf self and the children.

How do you know for sure that your brother doesn't beat her when they are alone?

[Reality Check]

Originally posted by Khayr:

a pro-fem culture and times

You seem a little disgruntled. Actually, we live at a time where there is such a thing as DOMESTIC ABUSE. The law isn't pro-fem, but to ensure that when a woman calls the police because her man is beating her upside her head, that they can actually protect her from this abuse.

[Guhaad]

let me take a middle course in this.

 

sister, i think many times we forget how precious marriage are, both partners believe in the sacredness of marriage and therefore tend to preserve it. i especially think there is more care on the part of the Somali sista because as many of you know the patriarchal system we are accustomed to tends to favor men not just during marriage and in many situations but also after marriage; you know he gets a new wife, is blamed less for the break up, and what have you while the sister is ignored and rediculed.

 

that is why i think no Xaliimo in her right mind would be the cause of a break, not to say it doesn't happen, but knowing the consequences, she rather not. No xaliimo would desire a life that is lonely, where she is both parents to her children, but sometimes shid pops in your face, and the best thing is just to whip it off, than to ask others to do it for you.

 

If i see xaliimo leaving a relationship she must have HAD it, and she is at a point where she rather be lonely than be stuck with an abuser, user, or just plain hitter.

 

i am speaking in general terms and am not familiar with this particular case.

[RendezVous]

I am fond of advises for people...

 

So let me add my cents here too..You know am a part time family counsellor..

 

While almost everything has been said, all the best judgement have been made, all elaborations and criticism discussed, I agree with Kafarxiiye about this..

 

Let us not assume that when you are marrying someone, you are actually "putting yourself in problems.."Infact you are coming together, loving each other, on a degree to uphold your respect for each other, make babies and treat your babies together, help each other in difficulties and prosper together.

 

I have lately seen a situation where our men constantly abuse our xaliimos as if they are NEVER human being. .

 

How do u mistreat your woman and u claim to love her

How do u feel if your woman begs some money from you,

How do u feel to flirt with another woman when your woman is right there and always supporting you raise children together and many other ways.

How do u expect your woman to take care of the family and children without support from you, How do u love your family to appear like a tattered colony of mistreated people including your lovely wife, your kids...

These are issues we need to solve in relation to marriages and especially to our Somali families.. Alhamdulillah young boys and girls are "more happier" with each other nowadays more than our older generations..Now you will see happy faces..They treat each other like freinds and are still married..

 

On the other hand,

How do u feel when your man only loves you and you tend to start chit-chat with other people who will never help you,

How do u feel you start calling the police immediately he starts asking for some favours between yourselves,

You call the police after he raises some pertinent issues with you,may that was related to you or the kids, or that you are not even following your religion properly, or that you don't help him in anyway..he asks where are you and you start arguing with him, he asks can u please prepare this and this for us, you argue..you become naughty..and listen to others who will only "laugh" at you when you divorce each other..That is just too childish..

You should love your families, the kheyr God gave you..Pray coz There are some without even wives and kids, there are some without husbands who support them and love them..They are some who are just single and lonely in their lives, there are some who are lost their husbands due to natural death.they are some who have never laid or laid upon..

 

So be content with yourself, pray to your God Allah sw and be nice people.Allah subhanahu watacaala says,

 

"Inallaha maca saabirin"..God is with the ones who are patient..

Take your time and try to discuss issues which are relevant to your life in this world and hereafter Yaumul Qiyaama..try to communicate to each other..express your views for each other, try correct each other..

 

Remember you sleep in the same bed and you are the most close people on earth..

 

Feel HAPPY, make sure you practice your DEEN..your children will practice deen also, teach them Quraan and Hadith and take them to school, I mean boys and girls, teach them their family language..I mean mother tongue,Teach them good morals, culture and make them modern.

 

After all, life is just too short..You may break with someone and only "die" the second moment..How does that help you anyway..???

 

You can read some items here which I feel are relevant to families..especially MAN/WOMAN and marriage..

How to make your wife HAPPY in islam

 

and

 

The first verse of Suratul Nisaa(WOMEN)in the Quraan sums up everything..

 

O Humankind! Be conscious of your Sustainer, who has created humanity out of one living entity, and out of it created its mate, and out of the two spread abroad a multitude of men and women. And remain conscious of God, in whose name you demand [your rights] from one another, and [reverence] the wombs [that bore you]. Verily, God is ever watchful over you! (4:1)

Take care all..