Khalaf Posted May 30, 2007 At an engagement dinner of one of my boys a Pakistani, we had a discussion about marriage ect. He’s 24 she is 20, they are first cousin and its their choice with their parents blessings. My two other friends whom also are engaged but will marry after 2-3 years inshallah, one will marry his cousins daughter (he’s her uncle), and the other within the family also. Say whaaaaaaaat? My eedos have been trying to hook me up within the family its coool lakiin for da females not for me, i am man i hook my own flesh namean. be Muslim, Hindi, Christian Arab, or just secular family set-ups, recommendations, family involvement in the choice of marriage partner plays a big role in the Asian culture more then the somali culture. Somalis have a high divorce rate in Diaspora, I don’t know but that’s what here and also I hear women get the wrong end of the stick in marriages they get played namean, to the somali females who keep complaining and talking bout “bad marriages” “bad fathers”, I recommend when u marry it is in your best interest to follow your family’s shura which is the islamic Sunnah, ull be better off. Illustration: Case 1: Our sweet Aaliyah, a nice girl from a good family. Umm lets say she meets and kicks with Johnny Boy, he spits good game on her and she “falls for him” aiit. The family finds and knowing the background of Johnny and see that he aint compatible or worthy of their daughter’s marriage, he don’t pray his not of “good character” ect. The family advices against this union its called shura. I wonder what most females would do in this case after watching the hindi movies, and hollywood movies hmmmmm. Case 2: Good Aaliyah is at the age of marriage aiit, and many cats ask for her hand, but the family would want the best for their daughter, since she hasn’t brought anyone home they know a brother of good character, from a good family, who prays, ect and would be a match for their daughter therefore they introduce Aaliyah to good Ameen. It will be their choice, physical attraction, love ect ect but the family shura/blessing is there namean. Facts on marriage show Case 2 are better and longer lasting marriages in particular for the female and she is protected and will be in good hands. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Pujah Posted May 30, 2007 ...Facts on marriage show Case 2 are better and longer lasting marriages in particular for the female and she is protected and will be in good hands. ^^ Where is your prove Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Malika Posted May 30, 2007 Khalaf there are no guarantees with marriages,either be with someone your parents think is suitable or someone you brung home to them... As for the high divorce rates,lets blame the trauma sydrome.. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Aaliyyah Posted May 31, 2007 lol@Aaliyah to good Ameen Anyhow, I dont believe in arrange marriage.period. Everyone has to make their own choices in life. wa salaamu alaikum Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kool_Kat Posted June 1, 2007 Originally posted by Khalaf: Facts on marriage show Case 2 are better and longer lasting marriages in particular for the female and she is protected and will be in good hands. True, cuz both of them are busy trying to please the family, rather than live life happily ever after...This marriage is not about them, it is about their parents!!! Though it might work, most of the arranged marriages, one of them (if not both) is unhappy with hiséher life... Is it worth it, I mean worth it to please the parents!!! NOOOOOO...Parents lived their lives, now let their children live theirs!!!!!!!!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Pujah Posted June 1, 2007 I changed my mind about arranged marriages it does work for some people. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
chubacka Posted June 1, 2007 Arranged marriages are islamic, I am not talking about the way some asians do it, marrying their 20+ son to his 15 yr old cousin, it does not neccessarily have to be in the family. Ideal situation would be when the person reaches a suitable age, their family do the search for them and bring about appropriate matches. It saves the girl/guy looking and falling into haraam situations. Noone should feel under any pressure to agree to marry someone she does not want to. This is what i believe to be an ideal situation but little is ideal about what Somalis do and what some Asian ppl do to get their children to marry within the family. Salaam. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Khalaf Posted June 2, 2007 Originally posted by Puuja: Where is your prove Puuja lets use common sense aiiiiiit?........ as munira said no guarantees lakiin a marriage be it romantic/shunkaansi, mutual/friendship agreement, or family intros but is established by following the shariah ie you should marry most for character/deen/kindness a cat from good family instead of cat with big digits in his bank ect namean will be better/successful then one contrary to it hence why da many divorces in da states, Europe, and cultures that copy their styles. Aaliyah hahahahaha I knew u would say that............of course choice and the persons happiness is numero uno............tho there are many ways people reach that and it seems your idea of courtship/love is limited just picking it up from ur views......dilemma is when your choice goes against your families wishes and with good reason yaa ukhti......what cha u know bout dat? KoolKat, depends on da individual namean.....some ppl believe in honoring their parents while some don’t give a peace Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Aaliyyah Posted June 6, 2007 Khalaf walaal I don't think parents are in a position to forbid their daughters from marrying the man of their choice. Whether a parent think the brother is compatible or not, the daughter has every right to marry whoever she picks as long as he is muslim. Do we disagree on that?? Parents only have to raise their children in the best way possible while they are young, but once they become old enough they will have to pursue their own choices. Facts on marriage show Case 2 are better and longer lasting marriages in particular for the female and she is protected and will be in good hands. You mentioned that arrange marriage works better for the most part. Even if that is the case, you will have to know most arrange marriages are within the families, and therefore the couple only stay together for the sake of their families? Don’t u think it is time they live for their own happiness? Why make some one else happy? Is it really worth it to live your life in a way just to please your parents? we are all aware most somali families only judge factors such as the man's qabiil and wealth. which is not a valid reason if we are to speak from relegious perspective. Such things are not of importance as shown in the quran: In chapter 49, verse 13: "Oh mankind! We have created you from a male and a female, and then rendered you into nations and tribes so that you might know one another. Indeed the most honourable among you in the sight of Allah is he who is most pious." Hopefully, this would change your mind. NOOOOOO...Parents lived their lives, now let their children live theirs!!!!!!!!!! koolkat I agree with you , just would have to emphasize again that the person some one chooses must be muslim, any other factor is not significant. wa salaamu alaikum Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
