finestsista2005 Posted June 8, 2003 Wasup Nomads, All of us nomads have one common things, atleast most of us. Our families expect us to finish higher education, then get married. That goes for the sisters especially, so when we sisters start to date....it's either let the brothers hug and kiss you which leads to seriouse consenquence "sex" sometimes. So how do u avoid that when your family doesn't alow you to get married. What do you all think of secretly getting married, and then you and hubby can do watever while no one knows. Is it good idea to stay away from sin,,,,then in the future ya can get big weddings and he can come ask for your family. Is it safe? holla back! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
silent-sistah Posted June 8, 2003 u can never get married without your parents knowing,,,coss it is plain haraam! i mean, u have to have your families permission to get married, if you dont get thier permission ayour marriage is invalid and should you have 'sex' you would b commiting a sin in the eyes of Allah! if you really wanna get married, get your parents permission, if they dont give it, ask them for the reason, take the reason to a shiekh and see if that is a valid reason for them to refuse! my daughter has to finish her studies is not a valid reason. if you are saying your parents will b disappointed,,,,wont they b more disappointed in a wedding that is haraam that you did not even bother to ask them about? please Allah, then yourself, then your parents, they might not b happy initially, but they will come round once you show your knowledge of the deen and you show that you value their opinion...pick up a view Ahadiths ,that support early marriage! and best luck! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Qac Qaac Posted June 8, 2003 first lady, sis with all do respect to our parents, if your parents come into your buisness, and tell you something stupid like u have to finish school b4.... well sis tell them, that is the way of the western they usually get married after bost-secondary, and they could do because they have boyfriend/girlfriend thingy, but as for muslims we not allowed to have either a girl/boyfriend. so is almost impossible to finish school and don't deal with opposite sex. so b4 u do anything tell them the reason what is going in the universities and in the collages. if they still say no, then leave and go to sheikh as silent sista said. coz is ur life, u the one who is comitting the big sin, so in that case u r ur own woman. plus the prophet said get married at young age, so tell them this is a western ideology. we muslims don't do things like this. i hope that helps u. and yeah getting married with out the parents knowing, yeah that happens, it used to happen, and is happening right know, all you have to do is go miles aways where ur parents are not there and get married there. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Infatua.5an Posted June 8, 2003 I would never consider “secretly getting married” I mean what’s the whole purpose of marriage in that case??? So u can keep it from ur loved ones?..that’s a void marriage abayoo..I think if ur parent’s completely understand the deeniyan aspect they wouldn’t wholly neglect its importance...if ur in love (and not lust) and can support urself (not live under ur mothers roof) and u will continue with ur endeavours...I don’t see a problem with it...after all Marriage is completing half of our faith... but in ur case sis...what am mentioning is probably easier said than done... Good luck gurl...and keep the faith Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
D.O.C Posted June 8, 2003 To first lady I guess, u should ask G W BUSH, am just kiddin miss but i think the reality is whe u meet the right guy who is really down with only u in proper futute settling then he wont touch u until the BIG day comes in active (DA wedding day) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wardi Posted June 8, 2003 assallamu aleykum, abaayo soomaali waxey tiri ( maxaa durbaanka habeenkii loo tumaa hadeysan wax jirin) (wixii la qariyo quran baa ku jira) marka marriage we talking about lifetime realationship ,what would secret marriage do without honoring your parent, believe me without our parent we are nothing , the person you are and who you are without them you nothing, they woke up in the middle of nigh to feed you, they worked hard to take care of you,they cleaned you body when you needed, 9 long months you stayed inside her , you mother have seen painfull labor when she had you, i advise you to go to hospital and see woman having baby,,,i advised to honor your parent and let them know what you want,tell them straight up you want to marry even if they refused stay with their side, believe me they want you success.... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
finestsista2005 Posted June 8, 2003 Hi nomads, I do agree with what you guys are saying, no i am not ready to elope with a brother and secretly get married. I was just thinking of the issue. Most parents want big wedding, i know mine do. Most brothers are just finishing there education so i know there wouldn't be alot of finances when but together,,,,so what happens..u are told not to get married because he can't provide me. We had this talks....they want a man who is straight, hard working,...with a job and can deffinatly take care of the BIG WEDDING. What if the man i want in the future...probably will take him almost five years to get the demands most parents..or my parents want...the big wedding cash expences....what if he can't waite..that long.....and ur parents wont have it anyway...can't ya still get married secretly....when u know ur parents definatly will disagree without big wedding and when u finish education. what do ya nomads think of this issue.... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wardi Posted June 8, 2003 assallmu aley kum,,,sister if the parent is demanding big to me they wrong. in that case seek advise from sheikh in the masjid, but in any case please don't dishonor parents........ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
finestsista2005 Posted June 8, 2003 Wairdi, I will not disrespect my parents...i love them dearly. Thanx for the advice though...no matter if he is mr.right or wrong......the rigtht time will come when i get married,.....allah written it.....if he is the one i meant to be with..he will waite....till the time my parents say yes.....if not.....that's okay....family alwayz is here.....they know what is right, hopefully. I am sure, i will be heartbroken though even if it means giving up love of my life for the sake of my parents....right! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ladiif Posted June 8, 2003 If your parents refuse you to get married to a muslim man just because he can't afford a "BIG WEDDING" they r absolute wrong. Remember, if your parents are saying this man won't be able to provide you Quutul-yom, they might have a case against you but to my understanding, this is not what they saying. I think you should have a real conversion with them on this note.Let them know you are serious about this issue. You can invite a imam/sheikh and some of ur Abtiyo at ur house and let them mediate you and ur parents and see both sides of the case. Remember, our prophet (S.A.W) encouraged marriage and we should follow his lead. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
king_450 Posted June 9, 2003 am i the only one who get lost in here, what is the real deal , :eek: Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Captivating_SouL Posted June 9, 2003 First lady....i' dont wanna sound redundunt but as a sisterly advice...i suggest you come to terms with yourself. With all do respect i had the vibe as thou "the thought of not gettin married" or "lust" might be a case here. Correct me if am wrong but majority of us dont really know the person we wanna be with the rest of our lives..of course you'll know the genereal but the truth comes out when and if you do get married..gloves off n nothin but realness not to give you a doubt or anythin but what makes you think he'll be as you expected? It's a chance..and if worst comes to shove...you're left alone ...and definetly family disappointment strikes in yah head if you were not to speak of your plans to em...sorry to be uneuthesitc but thats what i grabbed out of your piece.. But remmeber..if school is your ultimate goal..no reason why he or you can't wait until you/ both are done...do you plan on takin welfare..havin kids and so forth...not to say you 'll be too old for schoolin..which is false..its neva late to educate oneselve but think twice...n if you do wanna be with this person' go ahead and follow the steps and advices my fellow nomads have suggested... thats my share... 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
silent-sistah Posted June 9, 2003 SOUL....that soo well said,, and its true, if he is the right guy, and he is here to day, he will be here 2morrow. pray to Allah and b patient sis. parents might seem as though they make rules without reason, but trust me , they have your best interest at heart, they know what is best, so listen to them! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wardi Posted June 9, 2003 as a nomads we just want you have happy marraige/ happy parent....imagine if your parent not visiting your house or not living with you b/c they not happy your marrige , i hope it all work out for you Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Adna Posted June 10, 2003 Salaama calaykum To the sis, walaashiis i my self think a BIG WEDDING,shouldn't be the cse cuz we all know most of the ppl who had a big wedding didn't have a happy life cuz just think of one thing. the money you spent and the ppl you in vite that night what ever they do, sin,or any thing like that include your self that you will have 50% of that danbi,, subxaanalaah,cuz waxay ku yimaadeen madaxaada. Secondlly after big wedding you will have credit to bay with interst an other xaaraam, so walaashiis talk to your parents and i think if they are religious they will never want to have a big wedding. the fact you can have a tradition weddin forgot about what ppl would say or would think jus focus on your life and what you wanna do. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
