Women who can't have children.....

[lulla]

Hi eveyone.I wanna how the Men here feel about somalia females who can't have children ever?Would u still marry the woman u love if she can never have her own children? This is big issue for many people.Ladies plz put ur 2 cent too.I know alot of woman who was divorced because they couldn't have children including my own sister.

[khadra]

hey lulla, it is a very interesting and important topic u have broughtout. Well since i am woman i really cannot give u a great input, but i think there is something that can be done in terms of avoiding that sitution of being divorced for not being able to bear children. Women before marriage should do a full physical check-up and also heredity tests to avoid complication later. If a couple would like to raise a child there are the option of adaption, there are a lot of somali children(orphanage) that needs homes and someone to love them, which could be provided by childless couples. well that's my 2cents in this issue

[Hibo]

lulla,

My sister and her husband are married for more than 20 years and do not have children.

Medically, they were borth given a clean bill of health. Many people tried to break them up so that they could marry other people and have children!!!!!!!!!!!

They never listened, because they truly love each other. I also know 2 other couples with enduring marriages despite being childless.

So sis, though children are very important to a marriage, there are always exceptions and options.

[Baydan]

I dont think children keep the marriege from the man's side of bargain...unless he is into populating his qabiil which in the old days was the case. There is this maahmaah (somali saying) I dont remember how it goes but the gumption of it is that..well uhm children are realy not what "keep" the man lol..I'll make it a point to ask my neighbor lady how it went.

 

On a serious note-

It is tough situation...realy there is nothing better off than taking refuge in your imam when something like that arises...if there is strong love between the couple. If not move on to the next..no reason why you should tie yourself up with a barren spouse..specially if the fault is his or her.

 

 

[Miskiin-Macruuf-Aqiyaar]

Salaan...

 

From man's side, it is easy. He can marry upto four. And this is one of the reasons polygamy was permitted. Under this condition or similar ones, that is why, really, polygamy is the solution. But, I don't know how would a sister deal with that. Ilaahey caadil waaye, calaf haduu jirin xoog ma'aha. If she can sacrifice a great deal of her pleasurable life and allow him marry a second or third, then it is all a happy family and happily end. But, I doubt that will ever happen. I know there is this love thing, but hey we are talking about the best possible way a one can have a child.

______________

 

Macsalaama!!

[Buubto]

This is a very sensitive issue. Allah said in the qur’aan, “some ppl we give them all boys, some ppl all girls, some ppl mix & some ppl non”. That is qadar Alle that we need to know. If Allah meant 2 couples to remain together forever with kids or without kids they will do so. If they not meant together then, they don’t. that is simple fact of life, we here to be examined & that is a part of our exam.

 

I know how this feels my anti is kid less, faced so many unbearable satiations Alhamdulilah she is strong & faithful. I know a very close relative of mine who is married for 20 something years with no kids, Alxamdulilah her husband is happy about it & faithful. So in my opinion no one can choose what he or she really want cuz whatever Allah is written for him or her to go through they will go through no matter how strong their love is.

 

one thing i want to change our society being harsh & enemy to 2 lovers with no kids. kuli fidnah iyaga ayee ka bilabataa

 

if i face that kind satiation as much as i hate & confence i would suggest to him to get wife #2 or divorce me. Is not worth hanging on to him, cuz sooner or later one of us will die. so why hang on to it when it is not forever?

 

To Nomads

Ilahay ha idinka yeelo kuwii ilmo & maal Ilahay ku maneesto oo ka yeela mu miniin saalix ah (Amin)

 

[This message has been edited by Buubto (edited 03-28-2002).]

[Hibo]

This is really a sad topic. I don't have children and i don't know if i'm able to have them. But if I ever discovered that i'm not able to bare children i would be devistated. The Somali community isn't very understanding when it comes to this issue, they encourage husbands to leave their wives if she isn't able to have kids. Since the whole point of marriage is to produce offsprings.peace-in Afghanistan.

[Hibo]

Its weird how Somalis assume Its Always the women's fault for not being able to concieve. (Wixi xunba Xaawaa leh)

I've witnessed so many heartbroken married women, putting up with the inlaws remarks on how (Ma Dhasho) she's and blah blah. When Actually its the Man's sperms who'r limping.

 

Women take the blame for no apparent reason, Somali Men live in Denial, even if the Wife suggestes him to go see a Doctor he'll slap her in the face. Believe me most of the Time its the Man's. He's MADHALE, and blames it on her.

[isii-sisinta]

Sayitasis, you know you're right.

OGEYSIIS

Message to all men:

Hey, if we can't conceive it is because of your "pee-wee herman" sperm okay, so don't blame us for your own disabilities aight!

 

[Hibo]

lol issiisinta!!! u funy.. it could be the case that the problem is from the man but not all the time..i know this family who was childless for such a long time and in the end they divorced and they married again. the woman got children but the man could not get any children and he broke out again and he went to get some medicine but still did not help.. but i also know this family of mine..they had one child for the first year but nothing for the last fifteen years and it is been discovered that the problem came from the lady side and the guy married again and he got children.. so u cant say the problem is the man or the woman ..it could be either side.. god bless and always read: rabahu rabi laatadarnii fardan wa,anta kheyrul waarithiin..i would advice anyone who encounters such things to explore themercy of allah and try manyways including happy divorce if the all the other ways cannot help..peace

[blue]

If we cannot have babies, we would adopt a child. I would never leave my wife for something like that. It may even make us much closer than we were before.

[Hibo]

Smart thinking blue.....but i wonder if you would stick with what you said if that indeed happens to you...cuz many times...we only see what we want (in this case children) and not others emotions

later nomads

[Jaber]

I presonally would prefer a woman who can't have children!!.This way u save alot on birth-control pills and condoms...And honestly speaking who wants to bring yet another innocent child to this god-forsaken,polluted& over-populated-planet of ours????

 

I sometimes ask myself if I really want to have children,why should I?.Some say because it's ALLAH's wish,then I'll demand they bring me the phrase in Al-Quran Al-Kariim that says it loud&clear we should have our own children,and on the other hand If it was ALLAH's wish for every one of us to have his/her child how come some of us can't have children??!

 

It's more of human greed and selfishness(the everyone else is doing it why not me mentality).

 

Even if she is so crazy about children,why not adopt one??.There're already millions of poor kids who need a helping hand,instead of making one take this one in and teach him or her as u wish.

 

Beside,can u imagine having sex without the stress generated from if she'll get pregnant oneday,just the thought itself is so sweet and unbelievable!

[Hibo]

jaber i dont agree with your naigh ideology that we dont need childeren coz the world is already overcrowded and with a lot of poor children. the quran has hinted the importance of children in numerous verses and i dont know why u should question Allah why he did not want to give children to childless families!!! it is like questioning Allah why he brought poor people on earth in the first place. if you have any grasp of the true religion Islam you will know that this world we are in is a trial for the eternal life hereafter. Allah made poor and rich to worship them and each of them is on trial whether the poor should be patient or if he is gona quetion why he is not rich. it applies to the rich person if he is gona be thankful to allah or if he is gona be in denial and commit kufr. we know the true happiness a child brings to his/her parents when is born and we cannot blind ourselves jaber that we dont need them and it is not good reason to say that it just spares those contraceptives. May be u will know some time in 60s when no one is there for ya to care and love. Those pple who cannot have children is not allah hates it just coz they are on trial and they have to be patient and thankful to allah what he has given them. them tahnks and i hope that is understood.

[Hibo]

Oh Jaber!.....that's such a hopeless way of looking at the world. Children r the best things Allah has given us in life. They offer hope....because u can always bring them up to be different, to value the important things in life, to make the world a better place.

 

Babies r so innocent, so beautiful....and u mean the world to them, because they rely on u 4 every single little thing imaginable. U hold their very life in your hands....isn't that gobsmacking?!

 

Jaber, I hope u experience wat it feels like to be a father, a real father....because it is the best thing that can happen to u.