The Escape Sydrome

[Janna]

Marriage in means of escape

 

From my observation Somali girls ranging from 17 to 22 are marrying in means of escaping their terrible ordeals at home. However many are not necessarily facing major problems but feel the need to marry in order to gain freedom and avoid parents or siblings.

The many girls, from my opinion, are lacking the knowledge of their parenting wanting the best for them. Afterall, paradise is underneath the feet of your mother.

 

Many girls have explained how their lack of freedom has forced them to be involved in a loveless marriage allowing them to achieve control of their lives and future.

 

Such ideas are planted into young minds, who can achieve anything and everything, upon completion of high school. I have known many of these young rebels. My advice to them has always been; Stay with your parents, acquire their blessings before rushing to anything.

 

These misunderstood young ladies have always had me puzzled. At first I believed they were marrying because of pressure, later finding out otherwise.

 

Is this "Escape syndrome" becoming more popular? Or is it only the girls in Australia?

[BOB]

Originally posted by ALexus.:

Marriage in means of escape

 

My advice to them has always been;

Stay with your parents, acquire their blessings before rushing to anything.

That's Great advice Alexus because no man alive can love you whole-heartedly as much as your Mommy and Daddy can, no man will give up his life for you regardless how much he claims to love you but your beloved Mom & Dad would do it without a hesitation.

 

 

Don’t date because you’re desperate

don’t marry just because all your friends got married

don’t have kids just cause you think your genes are superior

don’t hurt your kids because loving them is harder

remember only fools Rush in.

 

 

Peace,Love & Unity.

[Alle-ubaahne]

This site has became a window of exposing our ills to the outside, like we are going to benefit the outcome of it. Sadly, I have seen many topics in SOL discussing issues that are not accompanied with any solutions. It seems a whole punch of people are competing on revealing our societies in the most despicable ways, with the least loyalty and passion to rectify them. :mad: :mad: :mad:

[Janna]

Originally posted by BOB:

Originally posted by ALexus.:

[qb]Marriage in means of escape

 

Don’t date because you’re desperate

don’t marry just because all your friends got married

don’t have kids just cause you think your genes are superior

don’t hurt your kids because loving them is harder

remember only fools Rush in.

[/b]

I will not marry because my friends are married.

I will not have kids just because I believe my genes are superior.

I will not hurt my future kids because loving them is harder.

 

Indeed, fools do rush in.

[Resistance]

Leave the youngesters alone .. i think they have every right to marry young ...

xaliimoz age is vital trust me ... 20 at your prime .. anything above tat u start losing points ..

[RendezVous]

Originally posted by Alle-ubaahne:

This site has became a window of exposing our ills to the outside, like we are going to benefit the outcome of it. Sadly, I have seen many topics in SOL discussing issues that are not accompanied with any solutions. It seems a whole punch of people are competing on revealing our societies in the most despicable ways, with the least loyalty and passion to rectify them. :mad: :mad: :mad:

Sure Alle..Everytime we raise a very serious issue like this one, we need to come up with a solution.We are the ones who gonna be Fathers and Mothers soon..So we should try to sort the mess that there is..My advise

 

For a Girl to run from her parent to join a man who claims to love her, who she seems a fine fiancee, She needs extra careful consideration coz this is life n anything can happen.The truth still stands..Many parents are supposed to bring up their kids in an islamic manner.. When a kid knows his religion, he has aqlaaq(good behaviours) and is a fine breed..most likely that kid whether a GIRL or A BOY modelled with proper character and from a nice islamic family, modern, educated, when grown up will be spotted by several people especially from close relatives and school mates and a suitable suitor will be arranged by his/her parents.In that case, the parents must give proper advise and communicate to to their children why they made the choice, to have so and so becoming part of the family.They should discuss among themselves and the child, what are the childs priorities, the priorities of the opposite fence and so on.If for reasons the lady can't accept the offer, then she must not be forced as our Prophet Mohamed saw advised. If forced, This will affect her life and may bring undue consequences to parties involved.When your parents give you a suitor, see the moral why they made that choice.

No parent will ever like you to feel heartened.

No parent will see his son or daughter frustrated and falling in a pitch..So assume things are alright and make your own judgement.Maybe the parents are overlooking some important aspects..tell them in a polite way why you are not planning to do this or that.

 

Communication is everything..

from parents to kids...The whole family..your wife or husband, brothers and sisters..Communication will always be there.People will understand your decisions.They will love to hear your argument.When you present a favourable argument..Then come up with a solution yourself.Tell them this is going to be sorted like this and that.In a polite way.Remember parents are always the KING.

 

Rasullulah saw once said

"

Happiness From God will be tied to Happiness from your parents.Unhappiness from God will always be unhappiness from your parents" .

So communicate wisely in and out of the family.If you do that, rest assured everything will be ok.There will be no pressure.No running away from your parents and family.Everything will be ok..

 

Last but not the least..My Two cents told me to say this..

 

If you waana be a player..A real player....Please play the best game, very far away and be a champion..No more no less.In the end, you will show you were once a champion and go to the Grave alone..

[Guhaad]

BOB:

Don’t date because you’re desperate

don’t marry just because all your friends got married

don’t have kids just cause you think your genes are superior

don’t hurt your kids because loving them is harder

remember only fools Rush in.

thanks for summarizing the topic. Again, this is my personal take, no rush, but no delay either.

 

remember the delimma that every Xaliimo faces, or at least some, that they can not party and date. within that context, their only choice is to be married rather at a young age <-- religious sisters.

 

--->cultural sisters wouldn't mind chillin. besides, we all know how big Age is to our sisters, the younger the better. so for many, the most important thing is beating the meter. every Xaliimo wants 3 girls, and 4 boyz. and sheeko after that :cool:

[Khalaf]

Asslaamu Alaykum,

 

Quote

"Leave the youngesters alone .. i think they have every right to marry young ...

xaliimoz age is vital trust me ... 20 at your prime .. anything above tat u start losing points .."

 

Come on brother, our woman are much more then points on a scale. Will the one you marry at her “prime†lose points from you at 30? Lets not discourage our sisters, and instill in their minds they lose “points†after their early twenties, you wouldn’t want your sister treated like that, don’t treat the sisters of others like that.

 

 

And for the question, I think its Australian thing, here in the states its not like that. Its unfortunate really, but its not a new phenomenon, children rebel against parents and these girls feel like they have no choice but to marry since they find no support at home. Is this happening often? And if so, what is the Somali community at Australia doing to help these girls find a better solution.

[juba]

i see the trend aswell Alexus, You have to understand, its hard living in a country were all your friends are doing things you can't do (go to college far away ext...). It feels like youre the only one who can't enjoy life because of a culture of a country thousands of miles away. So its really about influences of other cultures (ie western) that make somali girls frustrated and ready to escape.

[Janna]

Originally posted by AbdulNoor:

Is this happening often? And if so, what is the Somali community at Australia doing to help these girls find a better solution.

It's the new trend. Before it was running away.

Clearly the Australian Somali community cannot do anything. No one is willing to speak up. Before anyone can speak up, its impportant for the girls to identity their problem and acknowledge it. We have never been a culture that easily speaks about probleming issues. Its always hidden underneath the rag. Silence is the only solution for many.

[Janna]

Juba

 

I understand where you are coming from however I came here when I was a youngster, yet I'm still in place. I don't easily subject to the Western way of life nor can I be influenced.

 

Where in the states are you located?

How can these girls enjoy freedom when they belong to such countries? Maybe they might find freedom in Somalia. They might even feel complete in Somalia. The Western ideology certain has gone to their heads.

[Janna]

Originally posted by Kafaaxiye:

quote:

BOB:

Don’t date because you’re desperate

don’t marry just because all your friends got married

don’t have kids just cause you think your genes are superior

don’t hurt your kids because loving them is harder

remember only fools Rush in.

thanks for summarizing the topic.

[Rahima]

Lexus,

 

Down under the reason in my opinion is not difficult family situations, rather because they have nothing else (as they see it) to do once they complete high school.

 

When you spend your high school years flirting instead of working for your future, expect that you won’t get into that degree after high school. The problem sadly is is that our people are delusional. He/she hardly opens a book and expects to somehow miraculously be given entrance. It doesn’t work like that and once they realize they resort to what they feel like they can do- get hitched! For the boys, to the factory.

[RendezVous]

The problem sadly is is that our people are delusional.

I think That is why? you will find many E's and D+ in schools, still hoping to find a respectable Faarax to hook up..

 

However, There are some Xaliimos who do better with Faarax than school

[Janna]

Rahima,

 

Flirting and maintaining an education, nothing wrong with that. Obviously those sisters wish to reproduce and continue their studies, unlike others. Perhaps they wish to stay away from sinning, whatever the reason, my thumb goes up to those sisters for least they are continuing their education and establishing a career, unlike those who circle around 5/6 years in University only to accomplish nothing. No marriage and no degree. Disappointing their parents. Why haven't they completed their degrees? Because throughout those 4/5 years in University they only hum the words "I'm getting married; the end of this year", year goes by then another.