To the somali ladies: How can a brotha get to really know you

[Gentlemens]

I have a question from one of my bro's to all you somali sistah's out thier how can he get to really know you. He can see that your gorgeous, smart and funny, he can see that your serious, a family girl and devout, he can see that you like him back. Apart from the obvious run ins at school or work how can a brotha get to know her without dating, he doesnt want to just find a girl and just marry, cuz im sure evrybody's goes into a marriage contract planning on it being for life. If you have any answers simply hook a brotha up, my bro says much love to all the sisters out thier keep doin your thing us okay guys are still around dont fret he's probally going through the same thing as me. much love in advance

[lander_girl04]

Wa'alaikum salam!

 

I would to be the first to answer,..lol..silly me.

 

However walalo life is simple in islam, and things come and go, and things go up and down.rightttt!!

 

My point is take it easy, be yourself, and smile.

 

1. be yourself, "how you ask?" show yourself in good manners, always say "aslaamualaikum"

Don't act, or be fake and don't talk to much.

 

Let time take it's place.

Everything is time, remember walalo Allah knows best. Pray to allah to help me, cause to me you sound interested.

 

peace

[ElPunto]

^Cheesy topic. If you wanna get to know em - just tell your eedo and she will arrange a wedding - then you'll get to know all and I mean ALL .

[3d]

As-salaamu 'alaikum wb wb...

 

Brother, your question is one that many people wonder and ask questions about....

 

Hear is a similar question a brother already asked and it has been answerd by Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)

 

 

TOPIC:

He wants to talk to a woman before he proposes marriage to her

 

 

QUESTION:

I have never spoken to her, and generally do not speak to women. We sometimes exchange salams.

How do I propose to her and approach her for marriage, since I am a practising muslim, and do not talk to sisters what is the best way?

 

Should I go and speak to her and get to know her first, without stepping beyond the boundaries of Allah? or shall I propose straight away?

 

I am afraid that because she does not really know me, and that we are from different cultural backgrounds I will be rejected instantly if I propose straight away without getting to know her first.

 

Whilst on the other hand I fear that I am doing something Un-islamic If I talk to her and get to know her.

I am in a difficult situation what is the best thing to do?

 

 

ANSWER:

 

Praise be to Allaah.

 

Note that it is permissible for a man to speak to a non-mahram woman, subject to important guidelines and conditions, the purpose of which is to prevent fitnah and sin. These conditions include :

 

[1]That it is not possible to speak to her through one of her mahrams or through a woman who is his mahram.

 

[2]That should be done without being alone with her (khulwah).

 

 

[3]That should not go beyond permissible topics.

 

 

[4]There should be no fitnah (temptation). If his desire is stirred by talking to her or if he starts to enjoy it, then it is haraam.

 

 

[5]The woman should not speak in a soft manner,

 

 

[6]The woman should be wearing full hijaab and be modest, or he should speak to her from behind a door. It is better if they speak on the phone, and even better if they communicate via letters or e-mail, for example.

 

 

[7]That should not go beyond what is necessary.

 

....If these conditions are met and there is no fear of fitnah, then it is o.k. And Allaah knows best.

 

Shaykh Saalih al-Fawzaan said, in his answer on the ruling about young men speaking to young women on the telephone:

 

“It is not permissible for young men to speak to young women because of the fitnah involved, unless the girl is engaged to the man who is talking to her, and they talk only about matters pertaining to their engagement; but it is preferable and safer for him to speak to her guardian about that.â€

 

(al-Muntaqa min Fataawa al-Shaykh Saalih al-Fawzaan, 3/163, 164).

 

You have not proposed to this girl yet, so you have to be very careful and avoid exposing yourself to the causes of fitnah by taking all possible precautions to achieve your goal without approaching this girl.

 

The basis for this is two aayahs from the Book of Allaah:

 

1 – “O wives of the Prophet! You are not like any other women. If you keep your duty (to Allaah), then be not soft in speech, lest he in whose heart is a disease (of hypocrisy, or evil desire for adultery) should be moved with desire, but speak in an honourable mannerâ€

 

[al-Ahzaab 33:32 – interpretation of the meaning]

 

 

2 – “And when you ask (his wives) for anything you want, ask them from behind a screen, that is purer for your hearts and for their hearts†[al-Ahzaab 33:53 – interpretation of the meaning]

 

 

Finally I would like to remind you that the Muslim’s standards when choosing a wife should be the standards encouraged by the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) when he said: “Choose the one who is religiously-committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust [i.e., may you prosper].†(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5090; Muslim, 1466).

 

And I warn you against everything that may lead you into doing haraam things or bring you close to that, such as being alone with her, going out with her, etc. I ask Allaah to make it easy for you to find a woman who will help you to obey Him.

 

And Allah knows best

[Nephissa]

Originally posted by ThePoint:

^Cheesy topic. If you wanna get to know em - just tell your eedo and she will arrange a wedding - then you'll get to know all and I mean

ALL

.

That ^ is cheesy.

 

Everytime my Eedo has tried to set me up, the results have been terrifying. I dunno how she ended up a good guy like my Adeer, cause her taste in men really sucks!

[rudy-Diiriye]

i do advice homies to start with dating american gals! then try the xalimoos! cuz then u can hang with de xalimoos!

 

xalimoos r tuff stuff these days! u need the experince to hang with them! word! :eek:

[JUSTICE]

He can come to my house,and ask my father to mary me. That's how I would want to meet anyone.

[nemo]

Originally posted by rudy:

i do advice homies to start with dating american gals! then try the xalimoos! cuz then u can hang with de xalimoos!

I would NEVER go for a guy that went with white girls. Yuck. I mean a lot of haram involved because she is not going to stop as that's what they are custom to. I would rather have a guy that went for a lot of xalimo's than a guy went with few white chicks. As they are more likely to be religist and good mannered.

 

What 3D said is perfect, something that most teens are missing specially guys. This is how we should be going about it not dating. Wonder why these days’ people get married young and divorce right after, could be because the way they met was haram and no no.

[ScarFace]

I would rather have a guy that went for a lot of xalimo's than a guy went with few white chicks. As they are more likely to be religist and good mannered.

^^^^

come on now you kno that statement aint true...halimo's get upto a lot of things nowadays even if its behind closed dooors......

 

 

As for the brother go to her house on a regular...then you can really get to know her and her famalia....

[Resistance]

Originally posted by JUSTICE:

He can come to my house,and ask my father to mary me. That's how I would want to meet anyone.

^^ Justice wats ur address then.

[Gentlemens]

Thanks for the responses I'll pass it on btw

 

www.islam-qa.com was really helpful

[JUSTICE]

Justice wats ur address then.

I'll give it to you if you're serious.

[Pucca]

He can come to my house,and ask my father to mary me. That's how I would want to meet anyone.

that's cute.

[J.Lee]

No. That is scary. Rushing into marriage without truly knowing the person will have damaging effects on your children. (Think of the little people)

 

Try having a simple conversation for starters. See where her head is at then proceed from there.

People are usually different when you get to know them. Believe me.

[rudy-Diiriye]

Originally posted by JUSTICE:

He can come to my house,and ask my father to mary me. That's how I would want to meet anyone.

so u locked up in the basement & u want a rescue party!!

 

i can see u father saying to me ...take her plz, n he looking up thanking god!!

 

No way, i'm not coming there!! unless your pappa insures your azz then we might consider!! :confused: