HONEY, PLEASE HIT ME ONLY ONCE A WEEK.

[silent-sistah]

A simple slap is probably a good indication of what's to come. A pretty good warning too. I personally wouldn't wait around to see what happens in the future or to bring children into such a union.

i agree with all ma sisters, strong enuff & smart enuff to say they gone walk out if man ever raised his hands...

 

now, if we was playing, thats a different story...we can have pillow fights, slap the shit out of eachother..and he can prove he stronger than me, and i can test him --though we both know the end result----but this dont leave the bedroom!

[NGONGE]

Tell me now if the thought of instantly ending a marriage after one slap is so outragious.

Not in the context you describe, it’s not. The context you describe is of a newly married couple that have had their first argument and the man slapped his wife in anger (you didn’t say they’re newly married and you didn’t say it was their first argument but that’s what your words imply – all that stuff about bringing children into such a marriage).

 

We’re talking about the original issue though, the one where the sister said she’ll walk out after the first slap even if she had a hundred children by her husband, remember? Well, if we were talking about that one, a one slap and the marriage is over would be a very outrageous claim to make. Surely you realise that!

 

Lets move to your case instead, lets talk about the scenario you’ve chosen, Aeryn. You are saying that you would walk out after the first slap because you “suspect†that it will not be the last, right? So, the walking out will not be done out of anger and hurt pride. It would be done because you would have thought about it and reached the conclusion that if he hits you once, he’s likely to hit you again! Maybe I’m being slow or maybe it’s just because I’m not a woman, but, bear with me and try to help me understand. What I don’t understand is if this person is your husband (even if for one day) and you supposedly know what he’s like (might even mistakenly think that you love him), wouldn’t you think that all of this will come into play when making the decision to leave after the first slap? (The slap has taken place, it’s done already. Your face is crimson red. You’re crying (or in some cases, sitting on top of him and biting his nose off). )

 

 

Now, taking away all the feelings of anger that go through your mind as you think of what to do next, what, other than the suspicion that he’s going to offend again gives you the total conviction that he’ll do so? What other than anger (and rightly so) makes you completely adamant that you’ll never go back to him again?

I mean, lets look at all the other incentives to keep you with him: you love him, he’s never slapped you before in his life, he’s ashamed, dejected and begging for forgiveness, etc.

Don’t tell me that you wouldn’t at least give the situation some serious thought!

 

You’re probably wondering why have I chosen to give you an “emotional†scenario when I’ve already expressed my dislike of such forms of discussion. I finally succumbed my dear, if I can’t beat them, I might as well join them. Here is another worse scenario:

 

Lets assume that the couple have been married for a number of years with no “slaps†taking place. Lets say it does happen one day. They have children. The wife is shocked and distraught at being slapped for the first time in their marriage! She does not want to stay with this aggressive animal anymore. She makes up her mind to leave him. She suspects that now he “learned†how to use his hands, he might make a habit of it and that she does not want to live such a life – are you nodding your head in agreement wit her conclusions yet? – She moves out (or kicks him out). People gather round her, some tell her that she’s right and others tell her that even though she’s right in being angry she should give it another try, after all it’s only the first slap in a long and peaceful marriage! Eventually, she calms down and can think straight. She thinks of her future, her children’s future, etc...

 

Again, would you say that woman would not review the situation and see if she can’t make a go of it with a few conditions of her own?

 

Just in case these assumptions of ours get all messed up and confused, lets also assume that because we’re talking about the woman “leaving†after the first slap, the man still wants her to stay (I had to clarify that before some clever sod came up with the “clever†revelation that the man might not want her back, and ruin the discussion).

 

This is what I’m reading in your words. Your whole arguments tilts heavily towards the theory that every person who falls into the pit of domestic violence is someone with violent tendencies who will offend again! In isolation, that theory is not a bad one to have. But when you add up all the ingredients that make up a marriage, a simple theory like the one you staunchly defend makes no sense at all and hinders amicable solutions rather than encourage them. Surely there is a middle ground, one where domestic violence is loathed and discouraged while still attempting to reconcile marriages after the first slap?

 

If we get over this first slap fixation we might even agree on how awful and ghastly the second one is.

[Valenteenah.]

I was working from the premise that the couple were childless (they could have been married any number of years). I guess it's pretty straightforward if they are a new couple...less ties to sever.

 

Let's turn to your scenarios:

 

We’re talking about the original issue though, the one where the sister said she’ll walk out after the first slap even if she had a hundred children by her husband, remember? Well, if we were talking about that one, a one slap and the marriage is over would be a very outrageous claim to make. Surely you realise that!

I don't. I think it's a perfectly sensible course of action to take, more-so in this case because she has children to consider.

 

 

Now, taking away all the feelings of anger that go through your mind as you think of what to do next, what, other than the suspicion that he’s going to offend again gives you the total conviction that he’ll do so? What other than anger (and rightly so) makes you completely adamant that you’ll never go back to him again?

I mean, lets look at all the other incentives to keep you with him: you love him, he’s never slapped you before in his life, he’s ashamed, dejected and begging for forgiveness, etc.

Don’t tell me that you wouldn’t at least give the situation some serious thought!

Of course I would give the situation serious thought. It would be far easier to dismiss it as a 'one off', rather than to take it so seriously that you'ld try to get yourself out of that particular picture. It isnt an easy decision to make, and obviously most women don't often make such a decision or an average of two women wouldn't be killed every week by current and former partners just in the UK. The very same incentives you mention and a tendency to think 'it will never happen again' are what traps women into hellish marriages.

 

There are no guarantees that a man who hits his wife once will offend again, but at the same time there are no guarantees that he won't. In fact, research has shown that domestic violence perpetrators do offend again regularly. Also, shame, dejectedness and begging for forgiveness are part of the arsenal offenders use to keep their victims tied to themselves.

 

In your second scenario, it would seem logical to assume that she would review the situation and see if 'she can’t make a go of it with a few conditions of her own'. She might subsequently have a happy marriage too, or she might not. I would probably think it would be safer for her not to go back at all. Men come and go. She can find another husband. One who wont ever hit her, not even the once.

 

Maybe it isn't always doom and gloom, but there's a danger in such situations for any woman and I am not going to sit here and be flippant about it.

 

Surely there is a middle ground, one where domestic violence is loathed and discouraged while still attempting to reconcile marriages after the first slap?

You jest, surely? Last I knew, slapping your spouse was still considered domestic violence. Why would you assume a first slap is less malevolent than a regular one? Slap a stranger and you'll be charged with assault. PLease, tell me why slapping someone you supposedly care for should be taken lightly or ,worse, forgiven?

 

NGONGE, I honestly tried to look at it from your point of view, but there's no way on this earth I can justify, tolerate or accept that 'its ok' to be slapped (just the once, mind) which seems to be what your implying in your posts. There's every reason to end a marriage after the first slap, because if you don't leave after the first one, you surely won't be leaving after the second!

 

Any man who lifts a hand to his partner, doesn't deserve a partner.

 

[EDITED]

[Salafi_Online]

Ngonge & others what does Allah and his Messenger stipulate in such Circumstances? Surely we can all fling our opinions here and there and try to arrive at reasonable conclusion, however one can not assume Islam has Derelicted this ascept of Life?

 

Im sure there are few verses and Hadith one can find to sustain their contentions! you must always approach everything from an islamic perspective! NOT the western kafir Absurd ideology founded on whims! if you cant use Allah and his messenger, what good is your opinion?!? :confused:

[NGONGE]

NGONGE, I honestly tried to look at it from your point of view, but there's no way on this earth I can justify, tolerate or accept that 'its ok' to be slapped (just the once, mind) which seems to be what your implying in your posts. There's every reason to end a marriage after the first slap, because if you don't leave after the first one, you surely won't be leaving after the second!

I know you did sister. You also ended up agreeing with every point I made.

 

As I said, this is a very sensitive topic and I don’t blame you for digressing into the greater implications of domestic violence and stating your total hatred for such a disease. However, in doing so, you misunderstood me again and took my words out of context.

 

I don’t agree, condone, tolerate or accept domestic violence. I don’t defend it. I don’t encourage it. In short, I despise this whole vile concept.

 

I hope I was being very clear there in explaining my position in regards to domestic violence in general. These views are also the same ones I apply to other acts, such as murder, theft, rape and the like. This is the position I take whenever I’m asked about any of these “crimesâ€. However, when I’m given a situation and asked to pass judgment on it (even if that situation is a personal one) my views change. I can’t demand the execution of a murderer without fully investigating the case he’s accused of; I can’t cut off the hands of a thief without catching him “red handedâ€; I can’t punish someone accused of rape just because I hate rape!

 

This is why I picked on the one-dimensional comments of “ if my husband hits me; I’ll leave him even if we had a hundred childrenâ€. This is also why I persisted with this topic and tried to show my fellow posters how emotionally driven their “opinions†were. It’s not for my amusement, for my love of pointless arguments or out of some overt sexism. It was for fairness.

 

Someone being slapped is nothing short of assault. It’s unfair. What’s more unfair though is to pass “of the cuff “ judgments in isolation! This type of “conventional wisdom†is unhealthy in such debates. It spreads and becomes standard. It should not be encouraged. This is one of the reasons why I asked for the issue not to be personalised. I hope you understand me clearly now and know where I’m coming from (though I feel none of this “explaining†was necessary and that this way of viewing matters should be second nature to all).

 

Now, if you want to talk about the issue of domestic violence in general and its effects on families, victims and society we can do that and make as many assumptions and suppositions as we like. It would be a whole new topic that has nothing to do with my question to the original poster.

 

 

Salafi, there you go with another total certainty on an issue completely unrelated to the one on hand. I’m afraid I’m not going to engage you in an Islamic “argument†on this occasion. Emotions clouding logic on some human problems can be irritating and render the whole discussion pointless. However, when these same emotions are used to argue points of faith and the understanding of faith, things become a lot more convoluted! I have to confess to my cowardice here and decline the offer of accumulating more sins by attempting to apply our faulty logic to the words of the almighty or taking them out of context. You, my friend, are free to post a hadeeth or “fatwa†on the subject; though I beg you to resist the temptation and not get provoked into a subsequent contest over what you post.

[OG_Girl]

Slap aah :eek: :eek:

 

He loves me so much but once dares to Slap me, I love him enought to take him to mental hospital cause I know he lost his mind .

 

Salam

[- Femme -]

^^^ kkkkkkkkkkkk. Good one OG.