HONEY, PLEASE HIT ME ONLY ONCE A WEEK.

[- Femme -]

Cant we agree to disagree?

 

Ngonge: WHy dont you slip into something more comfortable....like a coma?

[Xarago]

^^Xasidsana...shuban kugu dhac oo xarka kugu dheg..hanaga habariin wiilka mar dambe

[NGONGE]

I thought you guys got the message and would come back with some stronger replies. That emotional monster is hard to tame, eh?

 

Well, let me talk to you one at a time, maybe the “personal†touch would help.

 

You have kidnapped the whole topic and killed the fun because you intentionally put yourself in the line of fire and manipulated everybody else into directing their anger, disappointment and frustrations at you because you are the most argumentative person of the lot and it would have been stimulating to read you arguing with yourself because most of the time you end up doing just that and we are cruel enough to leave you get on with it when we know we should offer some sort of help to save you from yourself.

What was that all about, saaxib? Are you still playing those violins? I kidnapped the whole topic and “killed†the fun?

 

Don't deny the fact that people are not programmed to think alike and not everybody including men like to see woman beaten up by a man so it is in everybody's best interest if you would accept that not all men think like you and not all men like to watch Indian movies and accept the fact that there are some men who would rather watch Cricket than Indian Movie.

People not agreeing is not a problem, saaxib. What’s a real problem is when people confess to having views on something yet are too lazy to substantiate those views. It gives the impression that they have not reached that view on their own but rather are recycling the thoughts and conclusions of others. The girl that set me off said that she would leave her husband the minute he dared to slap her. It’s a fair opinion to have but she never said why when I asked her. In fact, for all I know, for her, that was just a passing comment she posted in a hurry. She didn’t reply to my question yet. Others did though. They took it upon themselves to reply to this insolent woman beater (me). But, did they give any good arguments for the beliefs they hold? Sorry, I should not ask you such an unfair question, you were one of them after all (pay attention girls, this one is male so save me the sexism rubbish).

 

 

Now lets move to our resident private investigator. Again, she posted another emotional reply. It’s full of accusations and assertions but no substance whatsoever. I dare you to give one reply (long or short) that is not directed at me but at the topic itself and that is coherent and gives your full reasons why you think Domestic Violence is wrong. I’m daring you because I don’t think you can. I think you got all your opinions from TV or friends. Someone else did the thinking and you just added your own spices to it (emotions). Are you up to the challenge?

 

 

Come on, people, and raise your game a little. This is simple stuff really. If you’re going to say wife beating is wrong (which of course it is) you need to give good and valid reasons why you think it is. Do not assume that your readers will agree with you just because Jerry Springer thinks it’s wrong. Do not make the point that a slap will always be followed by a punch and that will always be followed by a good and through beating without “showing your workingsâ€. For if you decide to do so and call it a discussion, don’t be surprised if someone picks you up on it. Again, this is really simple stuff.

 

Now, I see that some of you got upset (see? Didn’t call you emotional this time) but you really shouldn’t. Come back at me, prove me wrong. Give me one sensible reply (Sheherazde and Ayrun are excused).

 

 

Damsel,

 

Thanks for the suggestion if this discussion carries in this dull vein your wish might yet come true.

As for agreeing to disagree, no can do my dear. I have not been presented with anything that I could agree or disagree to. Emotional posts are not classed as debates (not in my book anyway).

[x_quizit]

"If you’re going to say wife beating is wrong (which of course it is) you need to give good and valid reasons why you think it is."

 

Isnt that an oxymoron? wife beating is wrong but prove to me why its wrong? hello? sorry, i cannot debate with someone with faulty logic. if someone needs to tell u why its wrong to raise ur hand against someone else, then u need a lil' more education in proper etiquette and human interaction my dear. :rolleyes:

 

Domestic Violence 101: why is it wrong u ask?

 

1-emotional abuse (leaves scars that ur dear jerry springer u refered to won't heal)

2-physical abuse

3-may lead to fear of men in general

4-if ur kids see u doing it, they might think since daddy is doing it, it must be the right way in dealing with women

5-its a controlling issue

6-men who do it want to assert their dominance and superiority over the female..

 

need i go on? i could refer u to a few crisis hotlines and shelters, maybe u can go there and "dare" them in all ur righteousness why its wrong to beat em. I get it though, u wanna be right, and if sticking up for abusers is ur way, by all means, wear the proud gear and strut ur stuff!

[NGONGE]

Hey look! We're making progress!

See how easy it is when you put your mind to it?

Now, a little advice for future use, always try to accompany your posts with such information. Never assume that anyone reading your posts knows what you’re talking about or which prior assumptions you’ve made.

 

Of course, you slipped up at the end and undid all your good work by making another assumption about me sticking up for abusers. I stuck up for proper and correct ways of discussing serious issues. Be it Domestic Violence or anything else. The fact that you don’t “like†something does not make it right. You have to always try to give explanations and proofs to back up your contentions. Otherwise, people will accuse you of being emotional and impulsive. Still, we’re making progress, so I’ve got to give credit where credit is due.

 

Now, you’ve given the reasons why you despise domestic violence, good reasons they were too. However, do these apply across the board? Or are you too following Sheherazad’s example of emphasising the bad points to deter impressionable young boys? Remember, we were talking about the first “slap†ending a marriage, we were not talking about the first time a woman is put in hospital or anything of the sort. Would your list above apply to such things then? Or, like the sister above, are you going to skirt round the issue and say that you’ve been talking only about the “bad†guys all along?

(See? I’m making assumptions here but they’re done in the form of a question for you to reply to - I really should start getting paid for this free service).

[- Femme -]

^^Xasidsana...

shuban kugu dhac oo xarka kugu dheg

..hanaga habariin wiilka mar dambe

Does that qualify as a habaar? That sounds so familiar....I wonder why? Anyway i was just messing around.........it wasnt a habaar.

[x_quizit]

"Remember, we were talking about the first “slap†ending a marriage, we were not talking about the first time a woman is put in hospital or anything of the sort. Would your list above apply to such things then? Or, like the sister above, are you going to skirt round the issue and say that you’ve been talking only about the “bad†guys all along?"

 

Ok, let me see if i get ur murky points. Ur sayin that a slap won't always lead to the consequences i mentioned earlier, and i am saying, why wait around to see what else he can do? if someone slapped u, they are getting their message across to u that u can be controlled and subdued when the mood arises, so pray tell, why should i wait around to see when he just might think a slap isn't getting me to see the "light". I don't know how many languages to tell u that domestic abuse is wrong, and that even a lil slap constitutes as such in my book.

 

any other qs i can enlighten u on? Now I should get paid for this

[NGONGE]

I wouldn’t want to assume, so could you please confirm that what you’re saying is that in a marriage when a couple fall out and one of them slaps the other for the first time the marriage should end?

[x_quizit]

Its not for me to speak for them, but only for myself...if i were married and my husband did that, then i would ask for my papers cause thats a big no-no! if he's frustrated, or had a bad day at work or whatever, there are better ways of communicating than connecting ur palm to my soft cheeks, and need i also say, i hate imprints! imagine what it would look like, a rosy glow that i didnt ask for...

 

But for those on the lenient side,id say, do whats best for them, but if its more than once and /or escalates, then they should leave because its not a healthy environment for them or their kids. Also, if the husband is truly repentant, then he should seek some psychological help because its obvious that he cannot control or channel his anger in a proper way.

[Mutakalim]

NGONGE: I must own that you have relatively a finer fortitude. Your debators have not a shred of argument and they are not pretending of having one either. Perhaps you derive pleasure from indulging the commoners.

[sheherazade]

Mutakalim, walaal, there you go again! We commoners have opinions but what ever happened to yours? Perhaps you prefer cowering on the fence and never putting yourself in Ngonge's verbal firing line. Try it. You might like it. It'll certainly keep the both of you occupied in something more 'constructive'. I'm not surprised you're almost in agreement with Ngonge on this one- belittling other people's opinions is something you both do well. What was it you said, Mutakalim about all our words on SOL being recorded for our final judgement? Does that not apply to you too?

 

I have said what I had to say on this issue. This is not really about domestic violence but about the posters. This is how Ngonge wants it. It is far more entertaining to him and so he believes to us. He will keep talking so long as there are listeners. No need to excuse me bro, nothing to keep me posting here.

[IL CAPO]

In the Chinese written language the ideograph for "Possessed" represents a half naked skinny man standing on top of a building arguing with the wind, no wonder my Grandma's best friend Mrs Shokolokobangoshay warned me when she said to me "it's only intellectually lost who argue because we all know that talk is cheap because supply exceeds the demand" so you can understand why i am not fond of arguments especially when they don't do me any good.

 

 

Originally posted by IL CAPO:

 

the husband confessed to beating up his wife "every evening".

 

"I hit her because a wife should be afraid of her husband,

Any man out there who claim that he can see through women is missing a lot because woman was created from a crooked rib and if you try to straighten it up you are going to break it so we should be careful when we are dealing with them and in my opinion violence should never be part of the menu because it only makes things more complicated so sxb stop making mshamba out of yourself while you still can.

 

it was nice to read everybody's opinion. Good Bye everybody i am taking a break from SOL.

cheer up sxb and remember nothing personal.

KWAHERINI.

[LayZie G.]

I can see that some of you people are very stubborn individuals.(some of you don't know when to cut loose)

 

This all started with him asking a very simple question that needed simple answer(s).

 

Most of you here in SOL forums, have a tendency to turn other people's words against them, in this case Ngonge has fallen victim into that old SOL HABIT.

 

He wants to know why you would end a marriage, knowing that it was very typical loving family to begin with and one day, for whatever odd reason, the husband snaps and hits the wife for whatever reason(scenario)....would u immediately end that marriage..(Would divorce be the first thing in your list when it comes to such behaviors from spouses??).VERY SIMPLE QUESTION, THERE IS NO REASON TO TURN IT AGAINST HIM AND PRESUME THAT HE IS A WIFE BEATER. (either give your answer, or keep on moving)

 

I know it must look as if I'm coming into his rescue, but I am not, even if he asked for it, I wouldn't give it. The bottom line is, y'all shooting blank shots at the wrong person.

 

I just don't understand why this discussion has taken a sudden 360 turn, with cheap shots being fired back N forth for no apparent reason???

[NGONGE]

Xaragow, thanks

 

Mutakalim, it’s not often that my words meet your approval, saaxib. I’ll treasure this moment but cautiously sidestep the tricky twist at the end of your post.

 

Sheherazade, do you see now why I asked for the issue not to be personalised? I don’t think you do, but hope that, in due course, you’ll come to see things from my side of the fence and realise that nothing I posted was done as an attack on any persons here or an attempt to rile people for my personal pleasure (well, apart from the bit where I exchanged "theories" with the sister above).

 

 

LayZieGirl, wouldn’t you come to my rescue if I requested it? :eek:

[Valenteenah.]

^^LoL @ you! Dhib badanidaa adigu? Hadalka naga yaree, you big oaf.

 

The simple issue at the heart of this debate is:

 

Once someone loses control, to the extend where they lash out at you physically, what's to say they won't ever do it again? Marriage is messy and couples argue everday, but what's the likelihood of someone completely losing it one day and not doing it again sometime in the future? Not very high, I should think.

 

The ingredients are always there. Are you going to live in perpetual fear, in case an argument leads to another blow? Or will arguments be avoided from there onwards?

 

The fact of the matter is, not everyone is pre-disposed to lashing out physically when they're stressed, angry, etc...therefore anyone who does so has violent tendencies and a lack of control. I wouldn't think it would be too far-fetched to assume the next time that person loses control, they will react in the same way.

 

Another point to consider is, if your beloved is capable of hitting YOU (an adult), what of your children? Adigoo soo taagan ka ku dhirbaaxa miyuu ka waabanayaa inuu ciyaalkiisana dilo?

 

A simple slap is probably a good indication of what's to come. A pretty good warning too. I personally wouldn't wait around to see what happens in the future or to bring children into such a union.

 

Tell me now if the thought of instantly ending a marriage after one slap is so outrageous.

 

......

 

While carrying out research for a paper on domestic violence in Ethnic Minority communities in Uni, I volunteered for a Women's refuge. I manned the organisation's helpline for just one evening before I quit. You guys have no idea how many women could have saved themselves and their children a lifetime of terror and heartache had they had the foresight to leave their husbands after the first blow.